Tag Archives: rejection

Frey Freyday – Rejection

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

rejection -[rəˈjekSH(ə)n] –NOUN the dismissing or refusing of a proposal, idea,

We all learn lessons in life. Some stick, some don’t. I have always learned more from rejection and failure than from acceptance and success. Henry Rollins

The biggest hurdle is rejection. Any business you start, be ready for it. The difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is the successful people do all the things the unsuccessful people don’t want to do. When 10 doors are slammed in your face, go to door number 11 enthusiastically, with a smile on your face. John Paul DeJoria

I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat. Sylvester Stallone

Most fears of rejection rest on the desire for approval from other people. Don’t base your self-esteem on their opinions. Harvey Mackay

 WORD TO LIVE BY:
Rejection – a necessary thing that we all go through, it’s how you frame it that matters.

Some of us may think rejection is this thing that happens all the time, so what happens is that so many people guide their life based on this fear that they’re going to be rejected, so they don’t take action and don’t start new things or chase their dreams because they’re worried about what other people are going to think. It may be love, sports, business, education, whatever….

They’re going to be rejected and deemed unworthy, unlovable or not adequate in some way or another and you think, that’s so sad, because rejection, the actual form of rejection that shapes people’s identity and hurts them, happens so rarely. If you don’t believe it then that’s an internal fear, not the reality of the universe.

According to Brendon Burchard, there is some real, basic data. Brendon has traveled around the globe, well over most of the globe now, and here’s what he found out over and over again.

He always do this little simple activity where he says, ‘if you’ve ever been rejected in a way where it hurt, it actually hurt and formed and shaped your identity in a way, it was a significant hurt that you felt and it changed how you felt about yourself and what you might want to accomplish in the world. If you’ve ever felt that before would you raise your hand?’ Everyone raises their hand.

Then Brendon says, ‘if you’ve ever been rejected by, let’s say, three people, who really rejected you in that way that you were shot down, hurt and it changed who you are and what you wanted to accomplish in life. How many times has that ever happened with three people?’.. A bunch of people raise their hands again and he starts escalating that number from three, to five to seven, to ten, fifteen, twenty. and thirty.

Here’s what’s amazing. Brendon states that he has done this all over the world with audiences with thousands of people in them and here’s the average across all those audiences, all around the world, it doesn’t matter the culture. The average number is about seven.

So anywhere between five and seven, meaning, people say between five and seven people hurt their feelings enough with a real rejection, not one of those, “Well I’m sorry I can’t go out with you I’m washing my hair” stuff. I mean someone who really criticized you and rejected you in a way that it hurt. The average person says five to seven people rejected them like that.

There are some people who have more than that. I’m saying the average is five to seven and yet so many people when this is asked, how many of you are so scared of rejection that almost everyone raises their hand.

It’s like wait a second, we’re scared of something that barely ever happens?

 

If you think about it, we get rejected all the time – from when we were a baby. Rejection is a necessary way of learning, improving, making our approach better. Too often we get scared of the simple idea that we may get rejected and overlook the benefits of the experience, what we’ll learn from the rejection, the efforts, the new relationships, the new steps we’re taking, etc. – and we often lose sight that we may not get rejected at all and we may succeed. It is worth the risk.

 

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

You can read more at www.onewebstrategy.com

BONUS  :

TED Talks to help you shake off rejection

Everyone faces rejection, sometimes on repeat. These speakers experienced a barrage of ‘no’s, but were able to push past the disappointment and keep on going. May their resilience inspire you.

https://www.ted.com/playlists/234/talks_to_help_you_shake_off_re

Frey Freyday – Fear

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

Fear is an emotion induced by a threat perceived by living entities, which causes a change in brain and organ function and ultimately a change in behavior, such as running away, hiding or freezing from traumatic events.

frey_freydays

 Sometimes, understanding their fears helps you to understand their actions and their pain. Plus, understanding their fears sometimes helps you to understand your own. Te amo,  The Universe www.tut.com

I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.-Rosa Parks


Courage is never to let your actions be influenced by your fears.-Arthur Koestler


Everyone gets scared, everyone has fear. It’s what you do next that counts. It’s how you overcome the fear, or use it, that sets you apart. –L. James Frey

Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.-Marianne Williamson


Fear is static that prevents me from hearing myself.-Samuel Butler


To him who is in fear everything rustles.-Sophocles


Fear is excitement without breath.-Robert Heller


No good work is ever done while the heart is hot and anxious and fretted.-Olive Schreiner


If you can change your state of mind, then the fear will disappear. You need to change from a state of fear or uncertainty, to a state of certainty.-Tony Robbins


We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.-Eleanor Roosevelt


Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.-Mark Twain


I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.-Nelson Mandela

WORD TO LIVE BY:

Fear – a feeling that is natural, even valid emotion. However, we can’t let fear stop us, hold us back, or allow it to affect our decisions. Fear is a perception, not a reality.

How do these interrelate? ….Fear, hunger and passion:

I read somewhere that passion is like getting into first gear; it will get you going. Hunger is the vehicle that will take you there. It’s human nature to get excited about out dreams; it’s easy to spark the fires of passion, especially when you’re young. But sooner or later, when it comes time to get the job done, suddenly, our level of excitement wanes because we’re all afraid of one thing: failure. We fear making mistakes, looking silly, embarrassing ourselves….Here’s what’s great: Hunger will destroy that fear of failure.

Also, many people say that you shouldn’t fear, or that you should ignore your fears. I disagree. Fear means that you’re feeling life and you’re alive. Fear – any emotion – is an alert to you to pay attention, that there is change coming, or that you need to make a change. While I do like to approach life without focusing on fear, sometimes I disagree with the concept of fearlessness. If you have fear, it’s OK….just don’t stop. To say you’re fearless when you’re not may be silly, and it may be a silly battle to say others should be fearless. You don’t necessarily want to get rid of your fear; you need it to keep you alive. We’re all here because we had fear that preserved us. You could even say that there is a little bit of a lack of appreciation for fear when we say that we want to be fearless.

Fear is Boring: In her TED Talk, author Elizabeth Gilbert said; “But then, fear is the oldest, deepest and least subtle part of our emotional life, and so therefore it’s boring. It’s dull. It doesn’t have any nuance. So have a little conversation with your fear when it starts to get riled up when you’re trying to do something creative. Let it know, “I’m just trying to write a poem, no one’s going to die.” But don’t try to go to war against it, that’s such a waste of energy. Just converse with it and then move on…..”

Lastly, remember or consider that everyone is here to learn, and to learn a lesson we need to make mistakes, experience pain, failure, and other things – you can choose not to fear or label these things as good or bad. They’re just a lesson. The good or bad part is just our perception.

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

BONUS  

Tim Ferriss’ fun, encouraging anecdotes show how one simple question — “What’s the worst that could happen?” — is all you need to learn to do anything.

https://www.ted.com/talks/tim_ferriss_smash_fear_learn_anything

Frey Freyday – Disappointment

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

dis·ap·point·ment-disəˈpointmənt]-the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations:

We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment. Jim Rohn

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope. Martin Luther King, Jr.

There’s always failure. And there’s always disappointment. And there’s always loss. But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums. Michael J. Fox

If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment. Henry David Thoreau

Living is strife and torment, disappointment and love and sacrifice, golden sunsets and black storms. I said that some time ago, and today I do not think I would add one word. Laurence Olivier

The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality. Conan O’Brien

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.  H. Jackson Brown Jr.

WORD TO LIVE BY:

Disappointment –  Every disappointment brings an opportunity to learn. It also means that you’re closer to your goal.

If you look at the definition at the very top, disappointment can be about expectations. Did you set correct or accurate expectations? Did you really put in the time/effort to meet your expectations? Did you communicate your expectations to the other person in the scenario? These and all sorts of other questions might help us avoid expectations.

But sometimes we can’t avoid it. That’s OK, that’s part of life. Feel the emotion – accept the feeling as valid.

I remember not getting a job where it seemed many people liked me and believed in me. I was really interested in the job and I wanted it. I painted a vision in my mind. I had great expectations.

Then it didn’t happen. I felt it, and that’s OK. But then I put it in perspective. People still thought good things about me and now I actually knew a lot more good things because of the experience, I met knew people. I still had a job and I liked it, it was a good job. I still have the same great family, friends and life.

I also remembered one time when I was unemployed, and I thought of the many people that don’t have a job, or at least a good one, and would love my job or life.

In an article on the Chopra Center’s website, Tamara Lechner says, “Many people choose disappointment as a way of motivating themselves to do something different next time. The power of this negative emotional charge might be the push you need to dig deeper, work harder, or try again.” She also states that “Avoid thinking limiting thoughts like, “things never work out” or “this always happens to me.” So true. Nothing lasts forever. This too shall pass.

Disappointment can motivate us and help move us to make life better.

Disappointment is simply a ‘not now’, not a ‘never’. When you get a rejection, you don’t stop, you keep going. A ‘no’ means that you are one step closer to a ‘yes’.

Having the feeling of disappointment is a good thing, it shows that you know what your goal is, shows that you know what you want. Sometimes it can even wake you up and either remind you – or show you for the first time what you want.

Lastly, if you practice gratitude – if you’re really being grateful for life, or something or someone, you can’t feel disappointment. So next time you feel disappointed, take a moment and start with all the people, things-big and small, in your life that you are grateful for – and really get into it. The disappointment fades.

Likewise, if you’re feeling disappointed, go volunteer at a charity. Go do something for someone else. When you give, when you put your focus on other’s needs and when you see other’s needs, disappointment fades.

Remember that disappointment can drive us forward, or it can defeat us.

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

 

BONUS

10 TED Talks to help you shake off disappointment and rejection

http://www.ted.com/playlists/234/talks_to_help_you_shake_off_re

To Conquer Fear, A Man Turns Rejection Into A Game

Daniel Horowitz for NPR

Daniel Horowitz for NPR

Editor’s note: This story first ran on Jan. 16, 2015, as part of NPR’s Invisibilia podcast. It’s about a man who decided he no longer wanted to be ruled by fear. Without realizing it, he used a standard tool of psychotherapy to help him stop dreading rejection.

And if you’ve been dreading a future without Invisibilia, fear not — we’re hard at work on Season Two! We can’t reveal what we’re working on right now, but rest assured that this season won’t include any snakes. Just a lion.

The evolution of Jason Comely, a freelance IT guy from Cambridge, Ontario, began one sad night several years ago.

“That Friday evening that I was in my one-bedroom apartment trying to be busy,” Comely says. “But really, I knew that I was avoiding things.”

See, nine months earlier, Jason’s wife had left him.

“She … found someone that was taller than I was — had more money than I had. … So, yeah.”

And since then, Jason had really withdrawn from life. He didn’t go out, and he avoided talking to people, especially women.

But that Friday, he realized that this approach was taking a toll.

“I had nowhere to go, and no one to hang out with,” Comely says. “And so I just broke down and started crying.” He realized that he was afraid. “I asked myself, afraid of what?

“I thought, I’m afraid of rejection.”

Which got him thinking about the Spetsnaz, an elite Russian military unit with a really intense training regime.

“You know, I heard of one situation where they were, like, locked in a room, a windowless room, with a very angry dog, and they’d only be armed with a spade, and only one person is going to get out — the dog or the Spetsnaz.”

And that gave him an idea. Maybe he could somehow use the rigorous approach of the Spetsnaz against his fear.

So if you’re a freelance IT guy, living in a one-bedroom apartment in Cambridge, Ontario, what is the modern equivalent of being trapped in a windowless room with a rabid dog and nothing to protect you but a single handheld spade?

“I had to get rejected at least once every single day by someone.”

Cards from the Rejection Therapy game.

Cards from the Rejection Therapy game.

Courtesy of Jason Comely

He started in the parking lot of his local grocery store. Went up to a total stranger and asked for a ride across town.

“And he looked at me, like, and just said, ‘I’m not going that way, buddy.’ And I was like, ‘Thank you!’

“It was like, ‘Got it! I got my rejection.’ ”

Jason had totally inverted the rules of life. He took rejection and made it something he wanted — so he would feel good when he got it.

“And it was sort of like walking on my hands or living on my hands or living underwater or something. It was just a different reality. The rules of life had changed.”

Without knowing it, Jason had used a standard tool of psychotherapy called exposure therapy. You force yourself to be exposed to exactly the thing you fear, and eventually you recognize that the thing you fear isn’t hurting you. You become desensitized. It’s used in treating phobias like fear of flying.

Jason kept on seeking out rejection. And as he did, he found that people were actually more receptive to him, and he was more receptive to people, too. “I was able to approach people, because what are you gonna do, reject me? Great!”

That was when Jason got another idea.

He wrote down all of his real-life rejection attempts, things like, “Ask for a ride from stranger, even if you don’t need one.” “Before purchasing something, ask for a discount.” “Ask a stranger for a breath mint.”

Cards from the Rejection Therapy game.

Cards from the Rejection Therapy game.

Courtesy of Jason Comely

He had them printed on a deck of cards and started selling them online.

Slowly, the Rejection Therapy game became kind of a small cult phenomenon, with people playing all over the world.

Jason has heard from a teacher in Colorado, a massage therapist in Budapest, a computer programmer in Japan, even a widowed Russian grandmother. She’s using rejection therapy to pick up men.

“That’s really cool — so, there’s an 80-year-old babushka playing Rejection Therapy,” he says.

So what has Jason learned from all this?

That most fears aren’t real in the way you think they are. They’re just a story you tell yourself, and you can choose to stop repeating it. Choose to stop listening.

“Don’t even bother trying to be cool,” Jason says. “Just get out there and get rejected, and sometimes it’s going to get dirty. But that’s OK, ’cause you’re going to feel great after, you’re going to feel like, ‘Wow. I disobeyed fear.’ ”

Rejected! 5 Lessons

We all get rejected in different parts of our lives, and I find that many people just plain don’t take action because they fear that they will be rejected (they don’t even try).

Either way, here is a very good video and blog link about Rejection, persistence, and strategies for life.

——————————-

FROM Brendon Burchard’s blog

http://brendonburchard.tumblr.com/post/102898496063/rejected-5-lessons-from-getting-dumped-by-my-publisher

Summary:

Brendon’s latest New York Times bestselling book, The Motivation Manifesto, was at first rejected by Simon & Schuster. He had a near-million-dollar deal with them, but when he turned his book in they said it was unpublishable. Brendon was stunned. Basically, they said they didn’t like it, and threatened to cancel the contract and demand their money back if he didn’t change the voice and add more stories.

Change your art to meet the desires of people who are uninformed about your expertise and passion?

Or fight for your voice and give the money back?

Brendon chose to fight for his vision. He agreed to give the money back and then released the book via a distribution deal with Hay House. The book immediately debuted as a bestseller on the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, USA Today, Amazon, and Barnes and Noble bestseller lists.

This is his story and 5 lessons learned fighting for his voice and dreams.

Brendon says, “Never let someone tell you that you or your dreams are impossible, improbable, or not ‘good enough’ for their liking, especially when they have no experience or knowledge of your true heart and powers.”

In this video he shares these 5 lessons:

  1. Have vision for your life and art. And stick to it through your doubts and fears, through all the petty judgements and social oppressions.
  2. Believe in your ability to figure things out. With enough time, effort, and discipline you will learn and grow and achieve.
  3. Have fun chasing your dreams – no matter what. Bring joy to each experience and realize the journey is something to be cherished and grateful for.
  4. Be patient but always persistent. Go easy on yourself but hard each day toward your dreams.
  5. Respect and love others also playing this same game of life. Everyone is struggling to express themselves and achieve their dreams – so give them the same respect, patience, appreciation and love you desire for yourself.

 

The fear of rejection

The fear of rejection is often more an inside job than truly about other people; it is a maturity and consciousness issue we must finally come to grips with, a decision to stand on our own, accept ourselves, be free. We don’t fear judgement, we fear our own inadequacy or power.

From Brendon Burchard


— Begin Transcript —

I spend all this time teaching people how to share their voice with the world, market their story out about who they are and what they want to accomplish in life. One of the things that really surprised me when I started doing this, almost 10 years ago now, was how many people would come up to me and say:

Brendon, how do you deal with rejection?

These were often adults, which really blew my mind because I was a young man back then. It would be 45, 55 and 65 year old folks saying, Brendon, how do you deal with the rejection? I thought, what do you mean? There would be this insecurity in their voice as they asked that question.

I thought, you’re an adult and still struggling with ideas about rejection?

I think that’s unfortunate and it shows that sometimes people live an unexamined life, that they’re willing to not question themselves. Shouldn’t we have all gotten over and dealt rejection pretty young? High school, college level stuff?

I’m not saying we won’t ever be self-conscious.

Don’t worry you don’t have to give me hate…

emails and comments below, I mean, you can make fun of my shirt, but other than that… I’m not trying to be insensitive I just think that sometimes they don’t understand math and odds.

We think rejection is this thing that happens all the time, so what happens is that so many people guide their life based on this fear that they’re going to be rejected, so they don’t take action and don’t start new things or chase their dreams because they’re worried about what other people are going to think.

They’re going to be rejected and deemed unworthy, unlovable or not adequate in some way or another and you think, that’s so sad, because rejection, the actual form of rejection that shapes people’s identity and hurts them, happens so rarely. If you don’t believe it then that’s an internal fear, not the reality of the universe.

Let me prove this to you with some basic data. I’ve traveled around the globe, well over most of the globe now, and here’s what I find out over and over again when I speak to audiences.

I always do this little simple activity where I say, if you’ve ever been rejected in a way where it hurt, it actually hurt and formed and shaped your identity in a way, it was a significant hurt that you felt and it changed how you felt about yourself and what you might want to accomplish in the world. If you’ve ever felt that before would you raise your hand? Everyone raises their hand.

Then I say if you’ve ever been rejected by, let’s say, three people, who really rejected you in that way that you were shot down, hurt and it changed who you are and what you wanted to accomplish in life. How many times has that ever happened with three people? A bunch of people raise their hands again and I start escalating that number from three, to five to seven, to ten, fifteen, twenty. and thirty.

Here’s what’s amazing. I’ve done this all over the world with audiences with thousands of people in them and here’s the average across all those audiences, all around the world, it doesn’t matter the culture. The average number is about seven.

So anywhere between five and seven, meaning, people say between five and seven people hurt their feelings enough with a real rejection, not one of those, “Well I’m sorry I can’t go out with you I’m washing my hair” stuff. I mean someone who really criticized you and rejected you in a way that it hurt. The average person says five to seven people rejected them like that.

There are some people who have more than that. I’m saying the average is five to seven and yet so many people when I ask, how many of you are so scared of rejection that almost everyone raises their hand.

It’s like wait a second, you’re scared of something that barely ever happens?

The second question I get asked is, how many of you have ever interacted with let’s say, 10 people and when you interacted with those 10 people it went just fine. They were nice to you. They were polite. They were patient or they just didn’t care one way or another. Have you ever met 10 people like that? Everyone raised their hand.

Then I say, how many of you have ever interacted with, met, known or associated with 100 people in your life and those 100 people were fine with you? Everyone raised their hand.

I take that number up to thousands and everyone is still raising their hands, because we’ve all met with, interacted with, known or associated with thousands of people in our lives and most of them could care less, didn’t criticize, were generally supportive.

And so it’s like wait a second.

You’re basing your life and directing yourself based on this fear of rejection that maybes happen on average, for people between five and seven times? But, thousands of people you’ve interacted with are cool with you or at least, let you do your own thing and didn’t criticize it.

It’s like wait, if you realize those numbers and you did the math, like five people versus a thousand. Five people aren’t supportive of you but a thousand were and were fine with you. Think about that math and automatically, statistically, mathematically — five out of a thousand, these are the freaks!They’re the oddities and weirdo’s. They don’t make computational sense over here.

You’re worried about what the tragic minority in that sense, five out of a thousand. You have a thousand people who have your back you could storm these five people.

You have to realize that rejection actually barely ever happens. We fear it because when we were young and it happened, it felt so real and so big, but come on. As we get older we have to gain that greater sense of awareness and maturity that says, “I am my own person. I’m going to be myself regardless.”

Some people say, Brendon, you can’t expect that from people because they have so much fear. It’s like, why does fear get so much credit? People also have so much power. People have so much strength.

People have so much in themselves that it can actually be heroic tendencies if they focus on that as much as they focused on their inadequacies.

So why are we giving everyone a by card and saying it’s okay that you’re still scared of rejection. I don’t think it’s okay.

I think it’s rather, we should say, let’s have a higher ambition for ourselves as human beings to allow ourselves the freedom to be who we are, to genuinely express ourselves.

Yes, will some people criticize it? Absolutely. Some people will criticize this video and go “Oh man, I hate your shirt. Your hair looks bad. You’re really white and what’s your deal?” Everyone is going to say something. So what!

I’m not going to limit my service or message to the world, based on what other people think.

By the way, who are we fearing the most anyway?

Usually the people we fear are the harsh critics. Let’s talk about the harsh critics, who are they?

Most harsh critics, unless they’re paid to be critics, are just jerks, and we really don’t need to listen to them.

But, why are people critical?

Most people are critical for maybe four reasons:

1. Self boasting.
Most critics are braggarts. They like to say, “You’re not good enough. I do a much better job.” Fantastic. Good for you. Go do a better job, out of my vision please.

It’s like, don’t worry about the self boasters and the narcissists, you don’t need to be concerned about them they have nothing to add to the direction in which you’re going in your life.

Focus on your own thing. Don’t worry about the couch critics or apathetic advisors on the sidelines of life. They really have nothing to contribute to you.  Unless you’ve asked for constructive feedback, don’t worry about it.

2. Self-Protection.
I think the second reason become critics often is because it’s self protection.

They’re critical of you because they see something outstanding, remarkable or different in you and they’re scared of different, because they’re comfortable in their own thing or it challenges their own beliefs and behaviors seeing you excel.

Seeing you have the boldness, the freedom, the joy, the ambition, the guts, the integrity and the courage to put yourself out there, they’re like, “Oh yeah, who do you think you are?”

They try to knock you down to their level.

Do you need to be concerned about those people? No.

3. Ignorance.
I think the third reason people do it is because sometimes they’re just critical, but they’re critical out of ignorance.

They actually don’t know you. They don’t know what you’re talking about. They don’t know what you’re doing. They don’t know anything about your area of expertise or the thing that you’re trying to share in the world.

So, why be concerned about what somebody who has no knowledge about you or what you’re doing has to say?

4. Protecting You.
The fourth reason people do it is because they actually do want to provide value. They want to give you some direction to protect you and care for you, and they don’t realize that sometimes the way they do that, their tone might be condescending. Maybe the way they do it does hurt you or limit you, but they weren’t trying to be a tyrant to you, they’re just maybe a little unconscious or lack some emotional or social intelligence.

For those people, pity them and ignore the rest of them.

Give some of those people who are trying patience and pity, the other ones, don’t give them patience or the time and attention.

That sounds harsh to say and I’ll be criticized for it, of course, but that’s what I believe so I’m going to say it.

I want you to go say what you feel like with the world.

Go give yourself to the world without concern about what the world thinks about you so much, because if you don’t, if you limit the expression of who you are and what you have to give in the world, based on a couple people who might criticize you, what have you done? You’ve sunken below the lowest common denominator of mankind.

If we all shrunk in our ability to serve because of what some people might think where would we be as humans?

Go out and be great and never apologize for it.

http://brendonburchard.tumblr.com/post/83219110378/fear-of-rejection

Is there Perfection in our life events?

petswithdisabilities03Did you ever really, really want something and not get it, and later when you look back on it, it all makes sense?

I’ve heard people say that there is perfection in our lives – that where we are and what happens is in some ways perfect. For many things I accept this – but when we lose a loved one, especially a child – or something similar, it is hard to see any kind of perfection in those tragic events.

But, just for this conversation, let’s just discuss events around our careers?

I look back when I was working full time and going to the evening MBA program. It was over 10 years ago. Arthur Andersen Consulting was big, at least it seemed to be from my perspective. They were worldwide, visible, and seemed to have a great reputation. Through the university’s MBA program, I got to meet many of the local Arthur Andersen’s (AA) staff. They were about my age and seemed like really interesting people. I researched AA more and it seemed really interesting.

So I started the interview process. I was intrigued and excited. I loved it. I seemed to be doing well in the process – although it was a long process. They had 5-6 interviews. I felt things were going well and got invited back to my 5th interview. I was pumped. That interview was tough, and I eventually was told that they ‘passed me over’ this time.

I was crushed. I was so excited, felt connected to the people, the mission, the pay, the aura. It really bothered me.

A few weeks went by and through the MBA program, we heard that AA was no longer going to pursue ANY candidates. What? None of us? There were about 7 people in the last stages. We heard two might be hired.

Then we found out that Arthur Andersen was somehow involved with ENRON. There was a big backlash and other problems. Suddenly no hiring. Soon after layoffs came to AA.Then I was told the Pittsburgh office was downsized. That opportunity had looked SOOOOOO good. I would have almost paid for it. I wanted it so bad.

Now I was somewhat relieved that I didn’t get hired. I later found out that some former Arthur Andersen staff had a tough time getting hired elsewhere, at least for a while, due to the Enron stigma. In reality many had nothing to do with it but the PR was bad.

I’ve had other times in my life where I started a partnership with another guy and it seemed to be a great thing. Then in 2 months he decided to end our contract. I was shocked. There was really no reason, all parties were performing and doing well. I was mad, upset, hurt, confused……but it didn’t take long to realize that he was so incredibly anal, controlling, etc. – that we probably would not have gotten along. Years later I talked to someone in the industry that had worked for him and he didn’t have anything good to say. He felt that the years with him were lost years.  A bad breakup turned out to be good?

I remember attending a football banquet with my father. A local organization put it on for charity – some of the Pittsburgh Steelers attended and spoke, took pictures, etc. Two of the Steelers spoke about how they progressed – even how they were guided through their careers and through life. The kicker, Gary Anderson, spoke about being on the football team before the Steelers. Before the NFL, he was a very accurate kicker and was drafted. After being drafted to the NFL, he spoke about how his kicking in practice and in games was far below his potential. As he said it, “I could kick better with my left foot than I was with my right during that period.” He soon got cut. He went through all the bad emotions and worry. How could he ever work again? Would he be able to kick well ever again? Etc.

Then he was picked up by the Steelers. For whatever reasons, when he arrived on the Steelers, he kicked well again. It seemed much easier and things went well for a number of years. He was happier, he contributed to the team, the community, his family was happy, etc. Looking back, that previous experience and failure almost seemed necessary – it seemed perfect.

I’ve heard many other stories of people in sports, life, love where a crushing blow seemed to be the worst loss, failure, dead end, or bad moment in their lives. Something that seemed to be so good, so desirable, such a must was suddenly taken away or shut off. How could they ever recover? Maybe it was a relationship, a career change, a move, whatever.

Then, a short period after, they looked back and they were glad it happened. One thing led to another and something better showed up. Something unexpected came about and now they were happy.

This has happened in my own life many times in many ways. More recently there has been a career event that seemed to be so good, then suddenly changed and it hurt. I’m still too close to look back on it clearly but for once I’m kind of excited to see the perfection in the new life and options I now have. I feel calm, confident, and faithful that whatever comes next will be better and that event is part of the perfection.

I’ve read different stories about people getting hurt and now have to use a wheelchair all their lives but they now feel grateful for the new role. How many people have you heard say they went for a certain job and found it miserable, and now they have a better, simpler life doing something else, something that they could not have dreamed of on their own? An injury? A loved one being challenged by something? Any of the hurdles each of us face….

Some people say it is Destiny. Others say God is guiding us. Some say that it is our Inner Self guiding us. There is no right or wrong answer. For me, I feel it is a little bit of all the above.

I feel that Destiny/God/Inner Self is all the same thing. When we calm down and listen to ourselves, we often feel/see/hear the ‘right’ decisions. I believe that this guides us. I also believe that our Inner Self is connected to the outside world – the Source, God, the Universe whatever you call it. Are we being guided or guiding ourselves? Does it really matter?

There is an old Chinese proverb that helps us have a perspective on events….is something ‘good’ or ‘bad’

Sāi Wēng Lost his Horse Sāi Wēng lived on the border and he raised horses for a living. One day he lost a horse and his neighbor felt sorry for him, but Sāi Wēng didn’t care about the horse, because he thought it wasn’t a bad thing to lose a horse. After a while the horse returned with another beautiful horse, and the neighbor congratulated him on his good luck. But Sāi Wēng thought that maybe it wasn’t a good thing to have this new horse.

His son liked the new horse a lot and often took it riding. One day his son fell off the horse and broke his leg. Because of his broken leg, he couldn’t go off to the war, as was expected of all the young men in the area. Most of them died.

This proverb is said when bad luck turns to good, or when good luck turns to bad.

Related to this, we should avoid labeling anything as good or bad.

I suggest taking words like bad, good, negative, positive out of your self talk by simply stating what it is without labeling it. For example: you may feel emotional inside where your energy is low in a situation, ask yourself if that feeling is serving you and if it is, ok…if not, choose to change to another feeling state. Realize that you may not know if this event today is really ‘bad’ or ‘good’ yet.

Be excited to find how the failure, disappointment, rejection is just going to lead to something better. Be relaxed and at ease that you’ll be guided – by yourself or by something else – to the right spot, to the state of perfection. Have faith, have patience, and let it happen.

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