Tag Archives: new job

Words To Live By – Visualization – part 3

OK, you’ve read other blog postings of mine, can I ask you to listen to a quick story?
Would you picture something for a moment?

Imagine This:

See a father of two beautiful daughters, great loving wife, who used to make a bunch of money, in his house. See that guy in his 40’s as a caring, dynamic person who was successful. The economy changed, he made choices and suddenly, it seemed, he made a lot less money. He is sitting on the couch peering into the distance, blankly staring. His daughter asks him something but he misses it first, she asks again and he gives her a terse response, and later feels bad about it. NO reason to do that, he thinks.
Now the mortgage was a little too high, the tuition was a little too high. The ‘gap’ between the income coming in and the expenses going out was very, very small. Sometimes it was negative. Debt became a huge factor and fear.
In the mornings he would wake early, lie in bed and get a tight feeling in his chest.

He sometimes got an upset stomach, and sometimes even felt like throwing up. This guy, who typically was happy, confident, easy going, fun to be with, was now an anxious guy, lacking confidence, lacking his patience and humor.
He felt bad. He felt like he let his family down. He felt like he got to where he was in life and had nothing to show for it. He was scared, uncertain, nervous.
Picture him in the morning eating breakfast while his kids ate breakfast and got ready for school. Since he sometimes felt sick, he had difficulty eating breakfast. Sometimes he’d try to swallow his breakfast and had to pause so he didn’t get sick. Imagine his daughters sitting there looking at him and asking, “Daddy are you OK? You’re not eating your breakfast very fast. ”

Picture our dad at a party with other families. Everyone is having fun, our guy is somewhat withdrawn. Typically he is engaged and joking, meeting new people, reconnecting with old friends. See our guy hanging back at the party. Notice his posture.

Notice his face. When you shake his hand and say hello, notice how he speaks, how he looks at you and looks away. How does he interact with you?
Imagine seeing our guy at a party. Notice his posture. Notice his face. When you shake his hand and say hello, notice how he speaks, how he looks at you and looks away. How does he interact with you? How is he dressed?

STOP

Would you take a moment and imagine one other brief story?

This one is better!
Imagine This

Picture our good father and husband again. All the above is true. It happened, and it is in the past.Hear him humming an upbeat song from the radio that his daughters love to dance to….he gets a little smirk on his facing thinking about it.
Our guy has some good friends and family around him. Imagine him sitting with some friends and getting some good support, some ideas, some connections. He is having a good time talking and laughing a bit. See our guy in front of his computer getting emails about networking, about a place to send a resume, about a new opportunity.

See our trusty dad and good guy talking with connections on the phone. One quick, casual conversation uncovers a business opportunity. It seems like a great fit.
See our guy excited. He sits up a little straighter. He has more confidence. He is thinking about the future and the future is brighter. Instead of negative worrying, he is thinking of ideas how to solve problems, improve things, improve his finances.
His face seems different. He is more focused and driven. He does smile more often. He has a purpose. He reflects that he put himself where he is and accepts where he is, he also accepts responsibility and doesn’t blame the economy or others like he sometimes did before.
He spends a little more time eating right, exercising, and even tries to dress a little better. Picture a toned dad, trim, in some stylish yet casual clothes. See him and his wife talking about the budget, working in front of a spreadsheet. They’re excited about paying off a credit card that has been around for too long.

Now that couple hundred dollars is available to pay off something else, for reserves, for a fun fund, or whatever. Notice the relief and calm that has returned to his face.

There is another summer party with the families again. Many of the same people are there and new people attend. It is a nice night, a great party with twinkle lights in the background. People are interacting, talking, laughing while the kids play. There is some corn, chicken and beef on the grill. You catch a whiff of the food and it smells great. You hear some music in the background softly playing. Maybe it is a Bob Marley song?

Our dad is there at the party. Life still isn’t perfect but his attitude seems to have changed.You walk over and greet him again. Notice how he stands differently. His posture. His smile? Notice how his handshake, eye contact, and confidence seem this time. He throws in some humor. He has a good smile. What is he wearing? Does he have a different “feel” about him? His voice has a strong tone to it. He sounds confident.
He asks more about your life this time. He is more engaged and listens to what you say. Our guy shares an idea about something in your life; it is a helpful idea, something he recently read and it could actually be something you could really consider. You’re happy to hear about it. You talk more and there is a good feeling going on.
You ask him about his life and he comes across as being very grateful for things. He is happy with what he has in life; friends, family, home, work, income. He feels like celebrating, he says. He is upbeat about the future.
Stop imagining.
Were you able to read that OK? Maybe these weren’t great stories but you were interested for a little while right?
You were able to imagine these things weren’t you?
You had a story, a movie playing in your mind. You now have an image of “our guy”. You probably have an image of his daughters, his wife, the party, etc.
Notice how, especially in the second story, there were details all around, senses, feelings, images, sounds, smells. Emotions are key. I probably should have included more and bigger emotions in the second one.
That is visualizing! That is mental imagery. Easy!
You don’t need a huge Vision Book, some complex outline, and you don’t need to spend 20-30 minutes a day.

The Vision Book will help, outlines help, and you can spend more time but 5 minutes a day is fine.

Create a story of you already “there”, as if you’ve arrived. Imagine that you got a DVD of you from the future – but this DVD has more features..you can also feel and smell what the future you feels and smells. What are the feelings having accomplished things?

How do you feel/look now that you have more income (or whatever)? What is life like? What kind of music is in the background? What kinds of food do you smell? How much are you laughing? Who are you talking with and what does that conversation look like.
Write a story about you and have fun.

Myth Of Decline: U.S.

Here is a great article I came across – something we don’t hear enough.

Take a quick look…

Myth Of Decline: U.S. Is Stronger and Faster Than Anywhere Else

By Daniel Gross of http://www.thedailybeast.com

It starts…”

Given the magnitude of the economic fall, it’s no surprise that declinism quickly emerged as the time’s chic intellectual pose. Left and right, highbrow and lowbrow, ideological and pragmatic, historians and futurists—all came to an agreement: the U.S. had a very slim hope of recovering from its self-inflicted blows. The lion was now a lamb, shorn of aggression and vitality, unable to compete with rivals like China. Much like Japan, which has endured two decades of stagnation and misery since its real-estate bubble popped in the late 1980s, the U.S. had fallen and couldn’t get up.

As is frequently the case, however, the conventional wisdom is wrong…….”

http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2012/04/29/myth-of-decline-u-s-is-stronger-and-faster-than-anywhere-else.html

What are you looking at?

Someone was asking me about a situation that I have discussed before, he said it was helpful to hear and suggested that I put it up here on the blog to share with you….

Not long ago I was working for a business owner that was very competent at his job, he knew his stuff, he was knowledgeable and educated. He could give good advice. His bedside manner and his style was something that I did not enjoy, however. I joined up with him with one expectation only to find out what he was like in the day to day job. He was a micromanager, generally unpleasant, changed his mind frequently, and was not a good boss, in my opinion.

I began to really focus on his mannerisms, his slightly hostile reactions, his general short nature. I was really getting unhappy. At the same time I was looking for a Plan B, for a way out. I was getting frustrated, depressed, even scared. I wanted to get out, get another job- any job- even if a step back.

Over time this attitude of mine created problems, as you can guess. I got stressed, even physically ill especially in the mornings before work. I blamed myself for misreading the owner, the situation. I blamed myself for putting my family and I in a bad position. I even felt sorry for myself.

Around that time I remember talking to someone and she were telling me about her job. She was a nurse and had a boss that had some of the same traits as the above mentioned items. She focused on her boss’s negative attitude and comments.

From an objective viewpoint, I was able to see that she was focusing on what didn’t work, she was paying attention only to the weaknesses. I suggested that she focus on what did work, and pay attention to what her boss did right, her boss’s strengths. (It was easy for me to see a solution when it was removed from my own personal life) She was miserable until she chose to focus on her boss’s good traits. Her day to day life became better.

I laughed and realized that her situation was essentially the same as mine. I was paying attention only to my boss’s weaknesses and traits that were problematic. So I began to list things he did well. He was good at X, Y, Z, and did certain things well. I wrote down that I had a job, a salary, benefits, and I would do this several times a week. I practiced gratitude. Since I was being hard on myself about the situation, I also wrote things that I did right in this situation and other times in my past – accomplishments, good ideas, good choices, etc. Frankly it was hard at first to list good things about him or I. Then it became easier.

Life wasn’t perfect. I still knew that I wanted to move on from that job but paying attention to the good stuff definitely helped my stress level, my health, my marriage, and it helped the relationship with my boss. I even did better at work, which improved the situation.  I also made a list of what I wanted – before I knew that I didn’t want this position because of A, B, and C but I wasn’t clear on what I wanted. So I wrote down things I wanted in a new role. All of this made me calmer, more relaxed, happier. It seems simple, even a little silly but I am here to tell you that it helped a lot.

Eventually I did move on to another position where I was happier and I had more freedom, choices, and that was a better fit. I was even able to earn more money and put more into my own pocket. I had more control. I believe that my switch to focusing on what worked, instead of what didn’t work, helped me tremendously. Focusing on what I wanted, instead of what I didn’t want definitely clarified my actions, steps, and helped my future move ahead.

“Focus on where you want to go, not on what you fear.”
Anthony Robbins

So….ask yourself from time to time…”What are you looking at?”

It is more than simply positive thinking….it is looking at the things that are working in life, things that you have done well, things that others do well, positive personality traits. Looking at what we want instead of what we don’t want can really make a difference, too.

A thought on want….

A quote from Mike Dooley/www.tut.com


For all things and non-things that you may ever want, understand that sometimes the fastest way to get them is to forget them, and to focus instead on just being the most amazing human being you can be. At which point all of your heart’s desires, spoken or unspoken, will be drawn to you more powerfully than a magnet is drawn to steel.

Have an amazing day,
The Universe

Questions of Power

A quick break from the Words to Live By to talk about Questions of Power. First, let me recognize Tony Robbins as really first bringing it to mind for me. There is another blogger out there that offers some coaching and some books under the title “Afformations” that also helped keep the power of questions in mind. His name is Noah St. John. I give them both credit and Kudos.

 

I am often guilty, as we all are, of asking myself questions that are not empowering. In fact they are often downright destructive.

 

If you’ve read my other blogs and posts you’ve learned that, probably like you, I’ve had some really tough spots. I mentioned the year 2009 was pretty tough for me. I lost several loved ones that year, lost my job, and had a tough time financially, personally.

 

Things actually started going quite bad for me financially in 2008. An investment property took longer to get ready, because I wanted to do it all on my own. I missed a window of opportunity, and it sat vacant for 15 months. Ouch. I started asking, “can it get any worse?” I sold it for a big loss. Investment property #2 rented quickly and looked OK for a while, but then many, many things went wrong. I often asked “how can it get worse?” Guess what? I found out.

 

2009 came, I lost too many people that I cared about. I lost my income. I lost some of my confidence and pride. I asked again “what else can go wrong?”

 

Well, I’m not going to go on and on about what else did go wrong today, but things definitely did. It seemed that I was practicing the Law of Unattraction. I’d fix one thing, another would come up. I’d get $1500 coming in and I’d have to spend $1600. I was asking things like “Why Me?” “Why am I so unlucky?” “Why can’t I find a job?” “why do I feel so bad?”….you get the idea. I hate to even list the questions now. There were more.

 

I wish that I could say that I changed my questions one week and it all turned around overnight. Instead I can tell you that little by little I started asking better questions. I read some things here and there and it gained momentum in my cranium.

 

I started asking myself things like “What am I excited about…. What am I grateful for….What do I enjoy…..What am I happy about…. And then I started even using things …what Could I be happy about, etc.”

 

I had index cards and recordings of questions like “Why am I so happy?” “How am I paying off my debt so quickly?” I even was asking myself questions like “How can I find a job that pays over $XX,000 that is fulfilling and that I enjoy?”

 

I began to get specific on some subjects. I can’t say that when I asked about a better paying job that I got a call the next week. But I eventually found something and even if I had not, it kept my mind on the right thing and I felt better – I was searching for what was working and what might work in my life, rather than what didn’t.

 

In Pscyho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz MD, they say that the mind is like a computer. Ask a question and the mind will try to answer it – especially if you ask it over and over. If you ask – even in a kidding, joking manner – “how could I be so dumb?” Eventually, if not immediately, the mind will search for answers and will find them, at least on an unconscious level. It’s about focus. You’ve heard about a self-fulfilling prophecy, right?

 

Why not throw some better questions into your life. “What can I learn from this?” “Is there a way that I can make money from this situation?” “Is there a way that I can be healthier?” Or maybe switch some of those old, bad questions around to something like “how can things get any better?” —notice that it acts as a pattern interrupt. It stops you and ends the bad thought for a moment.

 

Then, actually take a moment and try to answer the question. How can things get better? First start off with some realistic things: I could find a quarter on the sidewalk, a $10 in my old jacket, I could be on-time, etc. Then throw in some cool things: I could accidentally run into a talent scout looking for my style, I could get a great idea to improve something on the way home, I could win money, I could find gold/jewelry/Babe Ruth’s rookie card, I could run into a billionaire who wants to pay me to help others.

 

Why not ask crazy good things? If nothing else, this exercise re-focuses you and now you’re thinking big time cool stuff right? I also read somewhere that an author asks himself “Wouldn’t it be cool if…..” then go crazy. That’s a lot better than saying, “why don’t I ever win things?” (or whatever).

 

Instead of “why is my boss a jerk?” or “I don’t like my boss.” Ask “How can I work better with my boss?” or “How can I find a job that I enjoy and that brings fulfillment?”

Can you create some questions for work? The family? Your health? Your dreams?

 

Try to be aware of your daily questions. Then stop the bad questions and create questions of power that get your thinking of opportunities, of possibilities, of good emotions, good situations, and good times. (Remember, like anything else, you must also take action.)

 

I’d like to ask you (really try to answer it), “What possibility excites you right now? Why? What can you do to move a step closer?

 

My best…..

WORDS TO LIVE BY: Acceptance

I wanted to start sharing some experiences and thoughts that I think many or all of us had – I have started sharing them with friends and people I meet in person and they seem to resonate. Most of us know or already understand this but we all need reminded. I am going to call this ‘series’ WORDS TO LIVE BY.

WORDS TO LIVE BY is actually a workbook I created for my daughters many years ago. I went into the dictionary and elsewhere and picked out words that I wanted them to know such as honesty, persistence, happiness, etc. etc. Each page has a word, a definition that my wife and I tweaked, and space below where they took notes and drew pictures. We often sat around the dining room table and did a word a week or so. We have gotten away from that and this reminds me to get back to it. What I found was that it was just as helpful to me, if not more, as it was for them.

Today’s (and the first) Word to Live By is Acceptance.

I was talking with a friend struggling with a situation and frankly he was fighting it. He’s in a jamb and it seemes like there are limited options. It reminded me of vivid memories of a time that I left a ‘safe’ job and started working for a small business. The owner brought me in and was excited by my addition and the new potential. Essentially I was to be a junior partner of sorts. Lots of expectations and things were said at the begining. We were all excited and started working hard.

(WATCH THE VIDEO HERE TOO http://youtu.be/oo_-4NDPync)

Then things changed. Those promises that were made suddenly were changed or simply left unfulfilled. The atmosphere became hostile and contentious. Payments weren’t made on time, he changed some of the rules. He was not the person I thought he was. I was not in a strong position in many ways and I had very little leverage. I felt personally hurt, I was angry, I felt victimized.

I had to continue to work for him because I needed the money for my family and I. I began sending out resumes and networking for Plan B. I spent most or all of my time thinking about either how he wronged me and what if I lost the job, how would I pay for my mortgage, what was the safest job that I could take so that I could provide for my family and avoid financial ruin. Yet I didn’t want to get into some other bad job. I often felt sick. My head and thoughts were constantly either worrying or trying to solve the problem. I was in the past or future, never the present. My heart and emotions were all negative. I was so tense and stressed. It was one of the worst times in my life. I was embarrassed.

Then one day I simply said that was enough. I was missing the present moments with my wife and daughters. I was making me sick. I simply had toaccept where I was and the situation that I was in. Right away I felt a little better. I didn’t solve my problems overnight but I was able to accept my situation and then many of the bad emotions left. Even the contentiousness between us went away to a large degree. I didn’t give up and I didn’t surrender, I accepted the situation, took responsibility for it, took action and moved ahead. Things did improve. I became less picky and concerned about the future. The opportunity that came to me was something I did not nor probably could not have ever considered. It was a surprise. It felt like the opportunity actually ‘started’ or came about around the same time I ‘accepted’ things. Overall I’m not a big “acceptance kind of guy”. I rarely talk about it. But it did help and is necessary. I was swimming against the current and just kept draining my energy and spirit. Acceptance took me with the current so I could finally get moving.

Deepak Chopra talked about Acceptance in his book “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success.” He says that Acceptance is a key item – necessary for what he calls the “Law of Least Effort”. Acceptance, to Chopra, means simply that you make a commitment “today I will accept people, situations, circumstances, and events as they occur.” Furthermore he says the we should know that “this moment is as it should be” and that it is a culmination of all the experiences and moments you had in the past. This moment is as it is because the entire universe is as it is. When you struggle against this moment, you’re actually struggling against the entire universe. Instead, you can make the decision that today you will not struggle against the whole universe by struggling against this moment. It is ok for you to wish or want things to be different in the future but you must first accept things as they are now.

Furthermore Chopra says, which I found to be a great reminder, when you feel frustrated or upset by a person or situation, remember that you are not reacting to the person or the situation, but to your feelings about the person or situation. These are YOUR feelings, and your feelings are not someone else’s fault.

I’ll leave you with a quote from a recent Mike Dooley tut.com post:

In a slightly different world, if dogs believed in “soul mates” when it came to choosing their owners… can you imagine how lonesome most would be?

Oh, there’s definitely room for “picky,” but there’s also room for “surprise me.”

Safe corporate job or go solo?

Ok, we’ve all had the discussion with ourselves or with someone else at some point, right?

Here I am today at a point where I need to move on….I have begun the interview process….once again! It is exciting and good things are coming about but wow, what a process. I have friends that got out of college and worked for their families, which is totally cool (I was in a family business for a while) but my point is that they never experienced a job interview. Amazing to me.

So anyhow, I am trying to consider a job at (I have only one job offer so far) a few large firms worth billions of dollars, and the “safety” they propose, and the resources and support, and the salary you can generally expect, at least for a period of time. Then you have the nature of today’s economy and the general uncertainty in any job. The limitations, politics, and bureaucracy of a corporation.

On the other hand, I have an opportunity to take over a firm but things could be tight (cashflow) for the first months but I’d have total control and autonomy. Freedom. Unlimited potential and growth. But then again, its all on my shoulders, no backup, and no safety net.

What things would you think about? Both great opportunities, right? I’m grateful for both. Where do you go? I have a family and want that freedom. I’ve earned lots of money before and I want that too. I’ve been self-employed and I’ve worked for billion dollar firms too. Both have their advantages.

What do you think?

I want pondering this when someone forwarded me from a website by Mike Dooley ….FYI

Plan the celebration now. Sweep the floor. Clean the slate. Pick a date.
Window shop, buy a few things, go out on a limb.
Rearrange the furniture, pick some flowers, take some time off.
No, no,…. Not necessarily because the tipping point has been reached… but because this is how you reach it.
How’s today looking?     The Universe (from tut.com)

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