Tag Archives: life

Frey Freyday – Habits

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

Habit-noun-hab·it \ˈha-bət\ –a behavior pattern acquired by frequent repetition or physiologic exposure that shows itself in regularity or increased facility of performance

Your net worth to the world is usually determined by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted from your good ones. Benjamin Franklin

Young children need to develop good habits that will be useful to them the rest of their lives. It is important to keep the lessons age-appropriate. For example, when your children start earning allowances, that would be a good time to teach them how to put some money in the bank instead of spending it all. Bill Rancic

You leave old habits behind by starting out with the thought, ‘I release the need for this in my life’. Wayne Dyer

When we meet real tragedy in life, we can react in two ways – either by losing hope and falling into self-destructive habits, or by using the challenge to find our inner strength. Dalai Lama

Habits change into character. Ovid

The people you surround yourself with influence your behaviors, so choose friends who have healthy habits. Dan Buettner

WORD TO LIVE BY:

Habit – a seemingly small thing that can add up and either improve your life, or not.

Habits aren’t destiny. We can substitute, change and interrupt habits, we can transform our businesses, our communities, and our lives.

Habits occur every day whether we’re aware of it or not. Habits shape our beliefs, our daily accomplishments, our moods, our health, our success, our relationship – habits are like the bricks in a large building – each one builds upon the other. They may appear meaningless or small but each is part of the building. If a brick – or a habit – isn’t a good one, it can weaken the whole building.

Good habits breed good health, success, happiness, good relationships, creativity, abundance.

Habits can be changed, interrupted and replaced.

First we must be aware of the habit and identify it. We need to identify what the trigger is, the routine, the reward and the cue. Interrupt the pattern.

If you eat chips at 10pm each night, ask why you do it, what is the trigger or cue, what is the real reward?

Once you identify the habit and uncover the possible reward(s), experiment with replacing the reward(s). So next time when you go for chips at 10pm, try eating an apple, celery or something healthy. Or instead of eating, go for a late walk, exercise a little, read something interesting, or do something fun/creative – something that provides a reward to you – experiment.

Also, think about habits that you can add or change that will further your goals. Knowledge and goals are nice but without action, they are nothing. Habits are small steps in action.

What steps can you take today to move towards a goal or dream – even a little. What habits can you start that will help you reach your goal or dream?

What habits can you do each day that will help you be happier, healthier, more successful, creative? What is important to you and how can changing/building habits each day improve your life?

Take a moment to think about each little thing you do every minute or hour and think about if that improves your day and life, or if it holds you back in some way.

  • Can you exercise more? Can you spend time reading more? Can you take time to be creative in some way? Can you eat less/healthier/something else? Can you save more? Can you volunteer/contribute? Can I meditate?
  • Can I spend time asking better questions? Can I visualize my goals? Can I think of a solution to a challenge rather than just complaining? Can I be proactive? Can I reach out to a loved one in some meaningful way? Can I get up/go to bed at a better time?

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

 

BONUS Resource: TED Talk

http://www.ted.com/playlists/321/talks_to_form_better_habits

A Summary/Playlist of 8 talks to form better habits

 

Frey Freyday – Stop

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

WORD TO LIVE BY:

Stop-[stäp]-VERB-(of an event, action, or process) come to an end; cease to happen:

We are so unforgiving of ourselves. We don’t recognize our own beauty because we’re too busy comparing ourselves to other people. Wayne Dyer

Stop Comparing Yourself With Others – don’t compare yourself to others. There will always be someone better or worse. Run your own race. Do better than you did last time. You are unique. Do your thing. Comparing leads to envy, feelings of inadequacy, etc. If you’re grateful for what you have, and if you focus on what works and where you want to go/improve, then others won’t matter anyhow.

We can each define ambition and progress for ourselves. The goal is to work toward a world where expectations are not set by the stereotypes that hold us back, but by our personal passion, talents and interests. Sheryl Sandberg

Stop Being Trapped By Peoples’ Judgements, Expectations, and Assumptions Of You- It used to really bother me when people made a judgement or assumption about me, even if it was correct, but typically it was incorrect. “You don’t know me”, I thought. Even well-meaning and loving friends, relatives, colleagues place expectations upon us. We can easily ‘feel’ the expectations that society puts on us. There are all sorts of expectations about education; that you should obtain a degree, secure a good job, find a soulmate in your twenties, and then get married and raise a happy family. But it does not need to happen that way. Make up your own map, your own route. We are expected to maintain a lot of good friends, be good citizens, have a nice home, dress a certain way. Some people think that we should manage our emotions and keep our vulnerable side hidden. All these expectations can weigh heavily upon us. Again, block out the outside voices, be calm, get connected and listen to the ‘real you’, your inner voice. If you need to, pray, meditate, take a walk. Separate your desires from those imposed upon you by external forces. Take time to know yourself and shape a life that suits you rather than following the expectations of the crowd. Stop caring what others think. They don’t really know the real you anyhow. Also, others may be fearful and even though they love and care for you, their fears may cloud what they say or do for you.

To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one’s family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one’s own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him. Buddha

Stop Sacrificing Your Happiness For Someone Else- Sure, there are times in the short-term where you may have to do something, or not do something, in order to help a loved-one out, to get them through something. Any caring person may want to do that. But sometimes we may feel like we have to put our dreams on hold to cater to someone else’s desires or lifestyle preferences. Perhaps you move in order to support your mate’s career, or maybe you have taken on a less desirable job so you can spend more time caring for someone. Ask anyone who has done it for a period of time; sacrificing one’s own happiness may feel noble but in the long run it seldom works well. Self-sacrifice leads to bitterness and resentment, whereas chasing one’s dreams often results in contentment and fulfilment. Try to strike a compromise between supporting others and leading the kind of life you want. Remember, too, that there is no way to happiness, but you need to be happy along the way no matter where you are.

If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of. Bruce Lee

Stop Wasting Time On Meaningless Stuff- Time is the most precious commodity of all. You can always make more friends and earn more money, but time spent is time you will never see again. Some hobbies and pastimes are good, even healthy to a degree. It’s Ok to have a ‘guilty pleasure’ once in a while with an activity, TV show or good book. However, stop wasting time on frivolous pursuits and learn how to focus. It’s OK and important to relax and unwind once in a while, but if you want to lead your ideal life then you need to clarify your aims and devote the majority of your time to making sure they are realized.

Successful people, regardless of career or income, maintain a positive focus in life no matter what is going on around them. They stay focused on their past successes rather than their past failures, and on the next action steps they need to take to get them closer to the fulfillment of their goals rather than all the other distractions that life presents to them. Jack Canfield

Stop Focusing On The Negative –In any garden there are healthy, good plants and vegetables, and there are weeds. I don’t recommend ignoring the weeds, but are you focusing on just the weeds? Everyday we all face a mixture of we interpret as good, bad, and annoying things, perhaps. Remember that your experience of life will largely depend upon the perspective you choose to take. If you focus on the negatives in every situation, you are training yourself to view the world through a negative lens. Try to find the positive in every situation and life will feel much more bearable. Focus on what is working in your life. Focus on successful references in your past to build confidence. Focus on what you want from life and where you want to go. If you spend time with other positive people, this can help you develop this habit. We are the ‘average of the 5 people we spend time with’.

It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. Confucius

Stop Waiting To Get What You Want – It’s Ok to want things and to have goals. It’s Ok to want things to be better. However, waiting is not the answer. Life is too short. We must take action. Ask yourself what you have done lately to make progress towards your goals. What can you do today, even the smallest thing, to work towards a goal? Ultimately the initiative and energy must come from you. Make 2017 the year you stop waiting and start taking actions.

You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Henry David Thoreau

Stop And Smell the Roses – Again, life is too short. Be in the moment. Enjoy the world around you each day. Your best memories exist because you were present in that moment. You are creating new memories now – unless you’re not in the moment. Tell your loved ones how you feel. Take time to communicate and connect, that’s why we’re here. Enjoy life.

You see, in life, lots of people know what to do, but few people actually do what they know. Knowing is not enough! You must take action. Tony Robbins

Don’t Stop Taking Action.

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

 

Frey Freyday – Joy and Giving

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

Joy-[joi]-NOUN –a feeling of great pleasure and happiness:

Give-[ɡiv]-VERB-freely transfer the possession of (something) to (someone);

We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.-Buddha

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.-Richard Bach

Joy in looking and comprehending is nature’s most beautiful gift.-Albert Einstein

Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.-Mother Teresa

Joy is not in things; it is in us.-Richard Wagner

Let us not be satisfied with just giving money. Money is not enough, money can be got, but they need your hearts to love them. So, spread your love everywhere you go.-Mother Teresa

Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. –Kindness in giving creates love.-Lao Tzu

I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver.-Maya Angelou

Have you filled a bucket today? – Carol McCloud

For it is in giving that we receive.-Francis of Assisi

Love grows by giving. The love we give away is the only love we keep. The only way to retain love is to give it away.-Elbert Hubbard

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.-Jesus Christ

WORDS TO LIVE BY: Joy and Giving

We’ve all faced difficult days, weeks, and we’ve been in situations or jobs that perhaps weren’t to our liking. It would be easy, and even reasonable, if we were sad/mad/miserable during those times. It would be easy to argue that, because of circumstances (health, job, people, money, anything) that we can be angry or bitter. There is nothing wrong with feeling that way. These feelings are valid and human. It can be healthy to express these emotions, at least to some extent.

Yet, after a certain point, that doesn’t help and it is not useful in any way, so I suggest that you let it go. I suggest that you consider Joy and Giving.

I have been angry/sad/depressed in many cases, and it still happens, but there was a time period when things seemed bad, and I was depressed and angry, and it seemed reasonable to remain in that state of mind. But I quickly realized that being angry and upset just seems to attract more of that. I felt bad and I didn’t like it. Furthermore, I was trying to get out of that situation, and the only way to do that was to be happy, joyful, and giving.

So almost overnight, I decided to be happy no matter what. I started volunteering more, I became a part of some good non-profit organizations, and generally tried to change my thinking to more joy and giving.

It wasn’t overnight but I began to see changes. The people around me treated me differently. I thought differently. I physically felt better. And yes, I got a new job and got out of that ‘bad’ situation. I believe that this was only because I made an effort to be joyful and giving, rather than anger/sad and focused only on me and my problems.

There is no way to joy or happiness, joy or happiness is the way to live your life. Good things follow.

Giving seems like it is for the receiver. Actually the giver receives a lot out of it. Literally – studies show that when someone gives, the giver gets a punch of positive endorphins and emotions, just like the receiver. Also, any observers watching the ‘act of giving’ get a punch of positive endorphins and emotions. So giving to others will help you.

 

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

 

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

Frey Freyday – Decision

frey_freydays

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

de·ci·sion-[dəˈsiZHən]-NOUNa conclusion or resolution reached after consideration

Never cut a tree down in the wintertime. Never make a negative decision in the low time. Never make your most important decisions when you are in your worst moods. Wait. Be patient. The storm will pass. The spring will come. Robert H. Schuller

In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing. Theodore Roosevelt

The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward. Amelia Earhart

Never make a decision when you are upset, sad, jealous or in love. Mario Teguh

Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right. Phil McGraw

Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen. Ralph Waldo Emerson

WORD TO LIVE BY: Decision

Sometimes we can feel helpless, even hopeless. Maybe it’s just stagnant or even complacent. Maybe we think that we’re stuck in some way.

We have the ability and the power to change our lives with just one decision. The power of decision is the power to change.

If you study anyone ‘great’ whether it is a loved one you look up to or someone in the ‘public eye’ that has some sort of success…..they made a decision (or a series of decisions) to get where they are. Often when interviewed, successful people look back in their lives and can often referenced one or a few decisions where they simply said, “I’m going to change…”

If you look at people’s conditions, that is not a determining factor whether they become successful. In other words, there are people from all walks of life, races, housing conditions, income levels, economic levels…people with different intelligence and social skills…where the conditions of life are all different; some poor, physical challenges, dysfunctional families, etc. – yet they succeed. (and here success can be anything in life, not just wealth, fame, celebrity)

They succeed because they made a decision – and ultimately it is the decision- not the conditions of their lives- that determines success.

Decision means, in this case, ‘a real and conscious choice’ typically with specifics and emotions attached!

Important point: make decisions in the right frame of mind; not from scarcity, jealousy, fear, hate, etc. Make decisions from love, giving, abundance, boldness, courage.

Decide what you want. Be specific. Decide WHY you want it.

Attach emotions to drive you. Take action. Notice where your action works and where it does not, and adjust, be flexible. Be bold, be persistent.

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

 

 

Frey Freyday – Career

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

ca·reer-[kəˈrir] -an occupation undertaken for a significant period of a person’s life and with opportunities for progress.

I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. Michael Jordan

Communication – the human connection – is the key to personal and career success. Paul J. Meyer

You have to think of your career the way you look at the ocean, deciding which wave you’re gonna take and which waves you’re not gonna take. Some of the waves are going to be big, some are gonna be small, sometimes the sea is going to be calm. Your career is not going to be one steady march upward to glory. Alan Arkin

It’s like Forrest Gump said, ‘Life is like a box of chocolates.’ Your career is like a box of chocolates – you never know what you’re going to get. But everything you get is going to teach you something along the way and make you the person you are today. That’s the exciting part – it’s an adventure in itself. Nick Carter

I have frequently been questioned, especially by women, of how I could reconcile family life with a scientific career. Well, it has not been easy. Marie Curie

The secret to modern life is finding the measure in time management. I have two kids, career and I travel, and I don’t think my life is any different than most couples. The most valuable commodity now for many people is time and how to parcel that out. Hugh Jackman

WORD TO LIVE BY:

Career  – something that you try to plan out as a goal, perhaps, but often ends up as a wonderful, winding journey. A career is something over years and decades, a big-picture item. A job is a shorter-term role that you have, whereas you have multiple jobs in your overall career.

 

While there are some people that seem to be laser-focused on being one thing all their life, and actually achieving it, it seems more people, myself included, have some initial ideas and goals about their career but then life happens and their path changes, varies, and things don’t often end up as planned – and that is often for the better.

 

I’ve heard so many people say that they didn’t start out in their current field but life, choices, circumstances and opportunities took them on a road with different paths, curves and surprises – and that despite never imaging that they’d end up where they are, they’re happy where they are today, and they enjoyed the journey. I feel the same way, too.

 

Having faith in ourselves, in others, in our world, and in our future helps. Having a vision of what we want from life and what’s important helps and guides us. Being assertive, asking for what we want and being polite yet persistent helps us. Ask and you shall receive, seek and ye shall find, knock and the door shall be opened.

 

Careers have ups and downs and serious challenges. Those challenges offer such great life lessons and help us appreciate things more, and these events give us a better perspective on life. In the moment, these hurdles can overwhelm or frustrate us but given the right state of mind and perspective, often over time, good things can come of tough times.

 

I’ve seen it in my own career and with other’s, we’ll focus on job opportunity that we really, really want and go after it. Ultimately we don’t get that opportunity and we’re very disappointed. After time passes we look back and see that it probably wasn’t such a great opportunity for us in the first place – not in a ‘sour grapes’ manner – but in so far as things we didn’t see before….

One time I applied for and really wanted a business consulting job. After 5 or 6 interviews, I really desired it and thought I had a good chance of getting it. I learned that they ‘went in another direction’. It hurt for a while. Not long after, that consulting firm, in another city, was linked to some “improprieties” and the firm essentially closed-up shop all over the world and no longer exists today. I look back and I’m grateful that I didn’t have to go through those events.

 

Also, careers can a difficult balancing act for any parent. Personally I know that I’ve made choices where I could spend more time as a parent or spend more time working in many of my roles in my life. I’ve had many situations where I essentially had to choose to be a parent or to be career-focused. I know that I could probably be farther ahead in my field, in my company and better off with my compensation if I chose to work ‘harder’ but that’s OK. There is nothing wrong with choosing career over kids or vice versa, it is just a choice. I often choose to be a parent because I’ve seen others in my life that chose the career first and they’ve told me that they missed their children growing up and they regret it and they can’t get that back – you can always keep working after the kids leave home or work harder later in life. On one’s death bed, people typically don’t say that they wished that they worked more but I’m guessing that they may regret not spending more time with their children or living life.

 

I think that we all have to consider the types of roles, freedom, interactions that we want from our career. Do you want to work for a big corporation or have independence? Challenges or stability? How will your career affect you and your family in the long run? What are your priorities for your career, life, family, financials, health and quality of life? Priorities changes as we get older. Often we’re more focused on money early in our careers, then more focused on flexibility, freedom and quality of life as we age, for instance.

 

Note that the ‘rocking chair test’ is great for choosing career changes ( the rocking chair test is when you imagine yourself old and wise, sitting in your rocking chair years/decades from now looking back on your life – how will you evaluate your decision today when you’re older?)

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB).

Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes ntentionally,

sometimes accidentally….

…………….So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

To be removed from this mailing, just reply REMOVE

Frey Freyday – Forgive

 (Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

Forgive – [fer-giv] – to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.-Mahatma Gandhi

Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone’s face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of my anger and resentment? Did I forgive? Did I love? These are the real questions. I must trust that the little bit of love that I sow now will bear many fruits, here in this world and the life to come.-Henri Nouwen

We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.-Martin Luther King, Jr.

You can’t forgive without loving. And I don’t mean sentimentality. I don’t mean mush. I mean having enough courage to stand up and say, ‘I forgive. I’m finished with it.’-Maya Angelou

Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move on.-Les Brown

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. Mark Twain

WORD TO LIVE BY

Forgive – to forgive and grant peace to someone else, which will also bring peace to you

Forgiveness is necessary, it is a must. It is the right thing to do, for you and the person that you are forgiving. You, the person that is carrying a grudge, cannot move on or progress on that part of your life until you forgive. I advise that, as soon as possible and with sincerity, stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense and forgive them now.

Carrying around a grudge or anger is like carrying around a poison or toxin inside you. It burns you up and eats you alive. The more intense the emotion, the more damage that it can be done.

Example: I knew a relative that held a grudge against two others for 20 years. She didn’t talk to them and felt angry about something all of that time. The two never knew it, they didn’t know she was mad at all. So who lost here? The two who allegedly did something ‘bad’ never carried the guilt or remorse and just plain didn’t know. The other person carried around that anger, that weight, and that negative emotion for 20 years. She thought about it often and couldn’t move on. Had she forgiven them years ago, she could have moved on and probably enjoyed that large part of her life much more.

Want to live a long, happy life? Forgive the unforgivable. It really is the kindest thing you can do for yourself. Your enemy may not deserve to be forgiven for all the pain and sadness and suffering purposefully inflicted on your life, but you deserve to be free of this evil. As Ann Landers often said, “hate is like an acid. It damages the vessel in which it is stored, and destroys the vessel on which it is poured.”

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB).

Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also

a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would

raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other

children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education.

Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally,

sometimes accidentally….

…………….So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

To be removed from this mailing, just reply REMOVE

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BONUS

A great blog about forgiveness, apologizing, bitterness from Brendon Burchard

Nothing is served by being bitter. Nothing is served in a relationship by lording over someone else for a mistake or hurtful act. Nothing ever moves from that. There’s no positive movement in a broken relationship without first forgiveness. Forgive, not to approve of others bad behavior, but to unleash your soul from the hurt and bitterness. Let go of the ego and just forgive somebody, not to justify, not to rationalize, not to approve….just do it for your own mental and spiritual sanity, health and vibrancy. Just let it go. You need nothing more.

From the video AND blog post on how to say sorry: http://tmblr.co/ZTb1Dv1JKfK8o

https://www.facebook.com/brendonburchardfan

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The transcript of the blog:

I believe that one of the great marks of personal power and spiritual power is the ability to apologize and to forgive.

Often those things are seen, for some weird odd reason, as ‘weak’ things. “Oh well, I don’t want to apologize to her because that will make me look weak.” Or, “I’m not going to forgive him because if I forgive him then that gives him the power.”

People have been thinking about apology and forgiveness in the wrong ways for so long—that’s why we have so many people who are pent up, angry, frustrated, and bitter around the world.

Do you have any bitter critter friends? You know, these people that are just bitter and angry all the time? They’re mad at other people, the injustices of the world, but then when they screw up they can’t even say, “I’m sorry.” Doesn’t that drive you nuts? It’s a lack of congruence, and I think the challenge is that so many people have never really been taught how to think about these things.

Should we apologize to people? Absolutely. If we do something that causes harm or hurts someone’s feelings, even if it wasn’t our intention, even if we think it wasn’t a big deal? Yes. Because guess what?

Apologizing has nothing to do with what we think is a big deal, no matter how smart we are about justifying why someone should not feel that way. “Well she shouldn’t feel that way, so I’m not going to apologize.” It doesn’t matter if you think she should feel that way, if she feels that way, she feels that way.

Because, whatever action you did, whether it deserved to cause that emotion, if she’s having that interaction and feeling, then we ought to say, “I’m really sorry that you’re having that experience, I didn’t intend for that, but I apologize. I want to let you know I want you to be happy. I want you to feel good. I want us to have a good relationship.”

It’s turning that apology into a direct intention, a direct statement that we want things to be better.

You say, “I’m not going to apologize because when I apologize then they really hold me to the ground.” Have you ever apologized to someone and they just won’t accept the apology? They just keep getting meaner and meaner and meaner to you, making you defend yourself, defend yourself, defend yourself?

Don’t play that game. Just say, “You know what, I don’t know what else to say. I’ve totally apologized. I have really nothing else to say about the matter other than I just feel bad. I feel bad that you feel bad. None of us wants to feel bad.”

Don’t let anyone drag you into their emotional drama either. Apologize with sincerity and strength, but do not allow yourself to be drawn into everyone else’s negative emotions. To allow yourself to apologize from a place of knowing you’re doing it with integrity, because you don’t want to cause harm or make anyone feel bad. To do that, but not allow yourself to give over your integrity, to allow someone now to brow beat you into submission, into beating you into a place where you’re emotionally and spiritually completely taxed, where you say I’m not going to apologize anymore.

See, when we apologize we don’t have to give away our power.

It’s coming from a place of real power that allows us to apologize, because when we’re coming from a place of real, raw, emotional and spiritual power, we can apologize because there’s no ego attached to it.

Whatever dance is going to happen after we apologize, we’re not going to be drawn into that dance of drama.

See, part of the reason we don’t want to apologize is because we fear it makes us look wrong, even if we wouldn’t say that or conceptualize that. We feel like, “If I apologize then that means I was wrong.”

What if it has nothing to do with whether or not you were wrong or right, deserved or justified? What if it’s so simple to apologize because it has nothing to do with your ego?

I’ll apologize all day long because me apologizing or pointing out any flaws that I have or any mistakes I’ve made does not diminish me as a person. It grows me as a person. It makes me stronger, more aware and more capable. I want to learn when I mess up, so when someone says you should apologize for that I say, “Okay, I apologize. “ There’s no hook to it for me. I don’t get angry about other people.

“Well, I don’t need to apologize to you, who do you think you are?” Nothing is served from that. I have no ego about these things and it’s so much easier to apologize, because it’s not about you. It’s not about protecting your own mental turf. It’s not about being right.

Most of the frustrations and the anger and bitterness we have to other people is because we feel that we have to be so right and we feel so powerful when we’re right.

It’s like, really?

Just be a spiritual person and be open and allow warmth and love to flow through to you, especially to the people you have hurt.

Let it go. Let go of that need to feel right or justified and your life really does transform. You can literally feel thousands of pounds of baggage releasing from your shoulders the moment you’re spiritually free enough to apologize whenever someone around you has been negatively impacted or took something negative and they felt bad.

Some people just are going to feel bad all the time, so they’ll be asking you for apologies all the time. Your job? Limit your exposure to that person.

You’re like, Brendon, “What if I marry that person.” Don’t blame me I didn’t marry them you married them!

I think you have to have a greater sense of connection with others to realize that if they’re continually offended and continually hurt, to sit them down and say,

“I sense that you were always continually hurt and there is always this thing: I can’t do anything right. So what dialogue would I have to have or what behavior change would I have to have or we have to have in this relationship so that you’re not always hurt? If you’re always going to be hurt, I’m always going to feel bad. And if I’m always going to feel bad and you’re always going to feel bad, where could this relationship ever really go? Let’s have an intentional conversation about what kind of relationship do we really want? Do you and I both want to continue drowning in our drama or do we want to find out a new way we can live and interact together? If we can’t figure out a new way to live and interact together, in which we have true joy, openness, care and compassion and love and fun with each other, then we aren’t doing a good enough job together. Then we have to explore that too.”

And sometimes there are people who just aren’t at the same conscious plain you are—and you don’t say that from a place of ego, you just say it in recognition that they’re still on that plain of hurt and they aren’t ever going to release that plain of hurt.

Maybe you have to be honest with them and have a conversation, maybe they need true therapy. They need true help. Some people truly, cannot resolve their own internal dramas, as much as they try, and you are not a therapist… (maybe you are, I don’t know).

But your job isn’t to be a therapist to your loved ones. Your job is to facilitate that if they need to go get some help, then let them go get some help, and champion that. Don’t create a stigma around it. Let them get some help to resolve their internal dramas that are creating all this negative energy that’s constantly creating bitterness and feuds between the two of you.

That’s your job: “How can I guide this so there’s not as much hurt here.” If you do that well in your relationships you find it so much easier to apologize when you do something.

When someone feels bad around me, I immediately apologize, because I know apology has nothing to do with me. It has to do with their ability and their need to release their bitterness. They’re upset, and if all the need is a simple switch of an apology to release that upset-ness in their life, I want to let them switch that thing all day long.

It’s not about you. It’s about a need they have psychologically to release from something and the apology is the lever for that release.

I’m like, I’ll hand somebody a lever all day long it doesn’t bother me, because it has nothing to do with me. Does that make sense?

If your intentions are pure and your actions are done with true compassion and faith and love in other people, than you’ll find suddenly you don’t have to apologize that much, because your actions are pure and who you are is pure.

You’re doing good things for yourself, first and foremost to have integrity, and then for others, and because you do that, suddenly you don’t make as many mistakes. You don’t hurt people as often, and you just find yourself acting, not in noble ways, but in ways that are true to your real spirit, which is coming from a place of love and compassion anyway.

I think the second part of this in demonstrating real strength is also the ability on your side to forgive.

If someone says, “I’m sorry,” you’re like I get it.

You don’t have to say, “You’re not really sorry,” and until they bleed, you won’t forgive them. You know these people don’t you?

Forgiveness should be as simple as apology for you. Simple.

Forgiveness has nothing to do with you, just like apology might not have anything to do with you. It’s not about ego.

Forgiveness is not something mental that you need to construct in your head, it’s a spiritual discipline.

You know what, there are so many things going on at any given time that could be judged as wrong, as harsh, as terrible, as mean and as vindictive, and what we have to realize is that we could interpret everything that way, everything. If someone cuts you off in traffic you freak out and now you’re going to chase them down and run them off the road, and you won’t forgive them for five days, you’re mad about that guy who cut you off.

You know what you’re carrying? Bitterness and anger. Over a period of years that starts to wear on your face. It starts showing up in your body. It starts to slow you down in your progress in life, because you start thinking people are bad, so you divide yourself from other people. And, because you see other people are as bad then you don’t collaborate as much. You don’t ask for help. You don’t believe in the power of a team to accomplish something, and suddenly you find yourself alone, bitter and alone, because you didn’t have the spiritual wherewithal to forgive.

Forgiving is so simple. It literally is a decision. No justification or cause has to happen, and forgiving does not have to do anything with accepting the other person’s behavior, approving of it, justifying it, rationalizing it or understanding it.

Forgiveness is a personal power saying, I’m not going to be upset. You don’t even have to forgive them. You don’t even have to forgive their actions.. it has nothing to do with them.

Forgiveness has to do with a decision that you’re just going to forgive the weight that you’re carrying around about something that impacted you.

That’s the way to look at it.

It is a spiritual power in just dropping weight of negativity, of negative emotion and energy around you.

I can forgive so fast in my life, not because I’m so wow spiritual, it’s just because I’ve practiced it so many times. I’m constantly like,

“Wow, I’m kind of upset about that. Let me let that go, because it’s not going to serve my life. Let me let that go because if I don’t I can’t sleep tonight. Let me let that go because if I don’t I feel heavy and angry. Let me let that go because when I’m upset or bitter I don’t have a good vision for my future. Let me let that go, because if I carry it I’m going to walk that into my next relationship with someone I love, adore or care. Let me let that go, because nothing is served by being angry.”

Nothing is served by being bitter. Nothing is served in a relationship by Lording over something over someone else’s head. Nothing ever moves from that. There’s no positive movement that comes in a relationship that has been broken without first forgiveness. It has to happen and it has to happen in a place where it’s not about you. Do it just for your spirit.

Let go of the ego and just forgive somebody, not to approve of them, not to justify, not to rationalize. Like I said, just do it for your own mental and spiritual sanity, health and vibrancy. Just let it go. You need nothing more.

Make a decision today that whatever’s bothering you just let it go. Let that challenge of that relationship for now, just let it go and see how that feels. It will lighten the load and will allow you to soar again. It will give you spirit back. It will allow an openness in the life again that never can happen when you’re tugging at all this baggage on your shoulders that you chose to carry. Maybe they threw a piece of baggage at you and you caught it. You caught it and now you’re angry. You simply need to let it go.

I’m not going to carry your stuff anymore. I forgive the situation. I forgive you, only for my own mental sanity. That’s personal power.

That’s how you feel free in life again: From apologizing and allowing forgiveness into your life, you feel free again, and when you feel free again, now life is unbounded. It’s beautiful. The colors return to the sky. The whistle comes back to the work. Any metaphor you need to justify doing this, find it and let it go today.

Apologize when you need to.

Let it go every time, and suddenly you’ll find yourself fully charged.

 

Frey Freyday – Raise Your Standards

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

STANDARDS – [ˈstandərd]- a level of quality or attainment:

The quality of a leader is reflected in the standards they set for themselves. Ray Kroc

Our heritage and ideals, our code and standards – the things we live by and teach our children – are preserved or diminished by how freely we exchange ideas and feelings. Walt Disney

Let’s not be afraid to speak the common sense truth: you can’t have high standards without good discipline. William Hague

Any time you sincerely want to make a change, the first thing you must do is to raise your standards. Tony Robbins

You have competition every day because you set such high standards for yourself that you have to go out every day and live up to that. Michael Jordan

Set high standards and few limitations for yourself. Anthony J. D’Angelo

Let us be about setting high standards for life, love, creativity, and wisdom. If our expectations in these areas are low, we are not likely to experience wellness. Setting high standards makes every day and every decade worth looking forward to. Greg Anderson

WORDS TO LIVE BY:

RAISE YOUR STANDARDS-

We all become a little complacent one time or another. Sometimes we get satisfied where we are. Maybe improving seems like a little too much pain and staying where we are now is comfortable.

Once in a while we may even drift back a bit. I believe that either you’re growing/improving or you’re wilting/regressing.

We need to first be aware of ourselves – our current role, position in life, actions, and be realistic and honest. We need to also have some sort of goal, vision, or something to work towards….

All of this falls under the category of ‘what are our standards’? For a homeless person, they may have low standards of what is acceptable for a good night’s rest than what we do. We may have a different standard for relationships, health, wealth than our friends and co-workers.

From time to time, I think it is necessary to raise our own standards in order that we can change and improve. In other words, if you want to make a change, the first thing you need to do is to raise your standards.

When I look at my own struggles and challenges through the years (being downsized, loss of my parents, unemployment, changing jobs), and my own growth, I believe that the most important thing was changing what I demanded of myself. I wrote down all the things I would no longer accept in my life, all the things I would no longer tolerate, and all the things that I aspired to becoming.

Raise your standards, change your life.

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

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