Tag Archives: life

Frey Freyday – Living

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff..)

-LIVING-

I feel alive today because today is a blessing. In this moment, I can find misery or meaning, boredom or motivation. I can expand the hatred in the world, or I can amplify love. In all the chaos, I can find stillness and joy within. All is well, and nothing has to happen to “give” me more happiness in life. I simply choose to be happy now, to be grateful now, to be a source of love and light for others. I am whole. I am ready. This is my day. – Brendon Burchard

When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love. –Marcus Aurelius

I don’t believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive. –Joseph Campbell

Passion rebuilds the world for the youth. It makes all things alive and significant. –Ralph Waldo Emerson

Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you’re alive, it isn’t. –Richard Bach

Look, I don’t want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you’re alive you’ve got to flap your arms and legs, you’ve got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you’re not alive. –Mel Brooks

I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive. –Joan Rivers

You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That’s how you know you’re still alive. –Jerry Seinfeld

Life must be lived and curiosity kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life. –Eleanor Roosevelt

It is not the end of the physical body that should worry us. Rather, our concern must be to live while we’re alive – to release our inner selves from the spiritual death that comes with living behind a facade designed to conform to external definitions of who and what we are. –Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact. –William James

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give. –Winston Churchill

Open your eyes, look within. Are you satisfied with the life you’re living? –Bob Marley

WORD TO LIVE BY:

Living – Once in a while, at least, we can benefit from taking a moment of gratitude for just being alive. We can also benefit from just plain old living – living life, being, listening, loving, laughing, doing, caring, communicating and whatever it means to you to really ‘live life’.

We can enjoy the present, enjoy the moment by just pausing and feeling the breeze, listening to our breath, observing things in the now (rather than worrying about tomorrow or fretting about yesterday). We can be mindful in our daily activities, rather than going through them like a mindless drone.

Just think of every great memory that you have. You were in that moment, you were ‘present’ at that time and that’s why you have that memory. You can create new memories but only if you are again in the moment.

We can, in our own ways, touch other people’s lives. We can progress in our own lives by doing what is important, taking action towards a dream, helping, caring, growing.

Living life. Being alive. Enjoying the time that we have.

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

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Frey Freyday – Stress

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

STRESS- [stres] -physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension

If you don’t think your anxiety, depression, sadness and stress impact your physical health, think again. All of these emotions trigger chemical reactions in your body, which can lead to inflammation and a weakened immune system. Learn how to cope, sweet friend. There will always be dark days. Kris Carr

Putting in slightly less effort in times of high stress doesn’t mean you don’t care about your job; it means you care about yourself more. Kelly O’Laughlin

In times of great stress or adversity, it’s always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive. Lee Iacocca

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. William James

Its not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it. Hans Selye

Your mindset matters. It affects everything – from the business and investment decisions you make, to the way you raise your children, to your stress levels and overall well-being. Peter Diamandis

Research shows you get multiple tasks done faster if you do them one at a time. It also decreases stress and raises happiness. Shawn Achor

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it. George Burns

Word to Live By:

Stress – strain, tension – often perceived or self-imposed – about a situation or thought

For achievers, stress is the word for fear. Typically fear of failure, fear of not meeting expectations, fear of not completing the task.

Sometimes when people ‘get stressed’, they prefer not to think, they avoid the situation, even escape in some manner. However, it is at that time when they need to focus and think.

Many people, and myself included, sometimes let ‘life run them’. Sometimes we left life happen to us, instead of having a plan or strategy and going out there and making things happen and taking some control over what we can control. Being in control of your life and having realistic expectations about your day-to-day challenges are the keys to stress management.

Sometimes we also get stressed about things that we can’t change. We get stressed by the weather, for instance. It is something we all have to deal with but we can’t change – so really why bother?

Also, being prepared helps reduce stress. If you have to do something without practice or preparation, you’re stressed. If you prepare and practice, you’ll feel more comfortable, confident and have less stress. (All things that we already know but it’s good to remind ourselves, from time to time.)
I think that it is helpful to distinguish between stress and stimulation. Having deadlines, setting goals, and pushing yourself to perform at capacity are stimulating. Stress is when you’re anxious, upset, or frustrated, and these things dramatically reduce your ability to perform.
Letting go helps us to to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible and allows us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress.
Decades ago, most workers faced all sorts of stress – what I refer to as ‘real stress’ – physical labor, long hours, lack of safe conditions, more trying times. Today, many of us really don’t experience this same stress – we have time stresses, self-imposed stress, achiever’s stress, and more perceived stress. I think it is important to be aware of when you’re stress; be aware, accept it, and then ask what you can do to improve the situation or handle it differently.

Exercise, meditation, being aware and interrupting the stressful thoughts are easy ways to release stress. Next time you get stressed about something, catch yourself. It’s OK. Now interrupt that thought, take some deep breaths and think about something else.

To put things into perspective; think about something that you stressed about several years ago. Was it really that bad or important? Tony Robbins said something like, “Ten years from now you’ll laugh at whatever’s stressing you out today. So why not laugh now?”

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

You can read more at www.onewebstrategy.com

BONUS  : How to make stress your friend

 

Stress. It makes your heart pound, your breathing quicken and your forehead sweat. But while stress has been made into a public health enemy, new research suggests that stress may only be bad for you if you believe that to be the case. Psychologist Kelly McGonigal urges us to see stress as a positive, and introduces us to an unsung mechanism for stress reduction: reaching out to others.

https://www.ted.com/talks/kelly_mcgonigal_how_to_make_stress_your_friend

Frey Freyday – leader series-Bruce Lee

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

This ‘leader-series’ is a sub-set of Frey Freydays – celebrities, influencers, icons and other people that are well-known that, although not perfect, have led an inspirational life in some way or have made some contribution to society, etc. and people from which we can learn. In no order and certainly the list is un-ending.

-BRUCE LEE

If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done.

I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.

Absorb what is useful, discard what is useless and add what is specifically your own.

To hell with circumstances; I create opportunities.

Real living is living for others.

The more we value things, the less we value ourselves.

Life’s battles don’t always go to the stronger or faster man. But sooner or later the man who wins, is the man who thinks he can.

If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of.

Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do.

Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow, or it can crash. Be water, my friend.

WORDS TO LIVE BY:

“Be like water….” – Be flexible, resilient, learn, adapt, be open-minded, do not concern yourself with labels.

July 2017 marked the 44th anniversary of Bruce Lee’s death. Bruce Lee lived a short but very impactful life. He is remembered today as the figure who popularized Kung Fu and Jeet Kune Do around the world.

Most people think of Bruce as just a movie star and/or someone ‘who did kung fu’. I found out that he was more than that….

As a young adult I learned about Bruce Lee from “karate movies”. One day I bought a book that he wrote. I was surprised to find that it was quite good and contained content about philosophy, life, and principles for living life. Bruce was a philosophy major in college and spent a lot of time thinking about this sort of thing.

Some people may know that the form of “Kung Fu” he developed, called Jeet Kune Do has been referred to as  “Using no way as way” and “Having no limitation as limitation”.

He was often asked if he formed a new form of martial arts.  Bruce said, “On the contrary, I hope to free my followers from clinging to styles, patterns, or molds.”

So in other words, Bruce learned many different types of karate, fighting, wrestling, grappling, even American-style boxing, etc. Bruce then tried to ‘combine’ and pick the best traits out of each of those for his style, to put it very simply. So his fighting style did not have the rigid, formal limitations and they were not bound by certain guidelines. His point: in one situation you may need traits of one style, another situation will require different traits.

Similarly, in life, Bruce formed a great philosophy with this in mind. He studied many philosophies and religions and learned from each of them. He tried to incorporate the best of each into his life without getting caught up in the limitations of each.

If you reference the quote above “Absorb what is useful, ….” It implies that one should study and learn, and use the best of each to make oneself better.

As he stated it, “The extraordinary part of it lies in its simplicity.” This applied to his fighting style and to his philosophy in life. Again in life or fighting, Bruce Lee emphasized that every situation is different. To obtain victory in life or in a fight it is essential not to be rigid, but to be fluid and able to adapt to any situation.

In reference to the famous quote above, “Be like water…”,  Bruce’s theory behind this was that one must be able to function in any scenario one is thrown into. As he said it, ‘One should know when to speed up or slow down, when to expand and when to contract, and when to remain flowing and when to crash. It is the awareness that both life and fighting can be shapeless and ever changing that allows one to be able to adapt to those changes instantaneously and bring forth the appropriate solution.’

Lee did not believe in “styles” and felt that every person and every situation is different and not everyone fits into a mold; one must remain flexible in order to obtain new knowledge and victory in both life and combat. One must never become stagnant in the mind or method, always evolving and moving towards improving oneself.( Little, John (1973). Bruce Lee: In His Own Words (DVD). Warner Brothers.)

 

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

You can read more at www.onewebstrategy.com

Frey Freyday – Preconceived / Priming

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

Preconceived notion – an opinion formed beforehand without adequate evidence;

Priming is an implicit memory effect in which exposure to one stimulus (i.e., perceptual pattern) influences the response to another stimulus.

I think if you let go of preconceived ideas, you’ll find everything in this life. Jon Anderson

I think most of us are raised with preconceived notions of the choices we’re supposed to make. We waste so much time making decisions based on someone else’s idea of our happiness – what will make you a good citizen or a good wife or daughter or actress. Sandra Bullock

Synergy is what happens when one plus one equals ten or a hundred or even a thousand! It’s the profound result when two or more respectful human beings determine to go beyond their preconceived ideas to meet a great challenge. Stephen Covey

It’s not really about the competition. Your biggest challenge in a race is yourself. You’re often racing against time. You’re frequently running everything through your mind. You’re always competing against preconceived ideas. It’s not really the person next to you that you worry about. Summer Sanders

 Preconceived notions are the locks on the door to wisdom. Mary Browne

WORD TO LIVE BY:

Preconceived Notions and Priming – We all have preconceived notions. Some are evident, some are hidden. Some are learned. Some are old, some are new. Priming has and can influence these notions and how we perceive emotions, people, experiences, and circumstances each day.

The bad news: We’re not wired for happiness; we are wired for anxiety.  As Tony Robbins once explained, “We are wired for what’s wrong. We are wired for survival, which means our brain is constantly looking for anything that could hurt us. This serves us well when we’re crossing a busy intersection, but it does not serve us if we permanently live in that emotional state, always fearing what danger might lurk around the corner.

In other words, your brain is not designed to make you happy. It’s your job to make you happy. 

The good news is that you can prime your own thoughts. If you are aware of your notions, bias, and situation, you can control and frame your world.

It is true that you get to choose which emotions you want to experience the most. Because your unconscious beliefs drive your emotions, you first need to address the beliefs you have about money, love, work, etc. You can influence these situations with priming. In this instance, priming can also refer to a technique in psychology used to train a person’s memory in both positive and negative ways..

What is priming? Priming is thought to play a large part in the systems of stereotyping. We can be primed to discriminate against people by being exposed to subtle, but negative, cues. Priming literally can affect how we act, move, think.

For example, a person who sees the word “yellow” will be slightly faster to recognize the word “banana.” This happens because yellow and banana are closely associated in memory.

Try it yourself – As a friend to look around the room and try to find all of the red things in the room.

Now, tell your friend to close their eyes and think about all of the things that are Yellow. Yes, yellow. When they open their eyes, the yellow things will seem more brilliant.

An example of this was done by Bargh et al. in 1996. Subjects were implicitly primed with words related to the stereotype of elderly people (example: Florida, forgetful, wrinkle). While the words did not explicitly mention speed or slowness, those who were primed with these words walked more slowly upon exiting the testing booth than those who were primed with neutral stimuli.[42] Similar effects were found with rude and polite stimuli: those primed with rude words were more likely to interrupt an investigator than those primed with neutral words, and those primed with polite words were the least likely to interrupt.[42]

What if you primed your day with compassion, love, abundance, giving, goals, and positive things?

Question: do you think that the news primes us well to do anything other than be negative?

Remember, your brain is naturally looking for what’s wrong, concerned about survival, and your brain is constantly looking for anything that could hurt you. Again, that’s OK to a point but that won’t help you invest for your retirement, be loving with a mate, achieve goals, be compassionate, or be happy or fulfilled.

You have to take control and prime your state of mind, your physiology and focus.

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

 

 

BONUS

A priming exercise you can use everyday

https://www.tonyrobbins.com/priming-exercise/

 

Footnote

42 -“Automaticity of Social Behavior: Direct Effects of Trait Construct and Stereotype Activation on Action”. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

Frey Freyday – Certainty

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

cer·tain·ty-[ˈsərtntē]-NOUN-firm conviction that something is the case:

The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning. Uncertainty is the very condition to impel man to unfold his powers.-Erich Fromm

The demand for certainty is one which is natural to man, but is nevertheless an intellectual vice.-Bertrand Russell

One must verify or expel his doubts, and convert them into the certainty of Yes or No.-Thomas Carlyle

Although our intellect always longs for clarity and certainty, our nature often finds uncertainty fascinating.-Carl von Clausewitz

In order to accomplish anything, we need a sense of certainty. Our references help us to build this important emotional state. However, if we have no experience in doing something, how can we be certain about it? Realize you’re not limited to your actual experience: your imagination has unlimited references to support you. – Tony Robbins

– 

There is no certainty; there is only adventure.-Roberto Assagioli

Certainty is the mother of quiet and repose, and uncertainty the cause of variance and contentions.-Edward Coke

You should have certainty in what you do. ‘Faith’ and ‘trust’ are words that put the power in the hands of an outside force that we are meant to rely on – whether it is God or a person or the universe. Certainty puts the power back in our hands.-Yehuda Berg

If you develop the absolute sense of certainty that powerful beliefs provide, then you can get yourself to accomplish virtually anything, including those things that other people are certain are impossible.-William Lyon Phelps

Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything. It’s certainty.-Stephen Colbert

WORD TO LIVE BY:

Certainty. Do you recall the last time that you were certain about something….and you knew it was right, and you were right? Maybe it was at work, maybe it was with your family or a relationship – for different people it is different – it may have come from your head, or maybe your heart…..but you felt Certain.

When you meet someone that has ‘certainty’, you can tell right? Often the person that is most certain is most influential in the situation. Certainty is much like confidence. It comes across in someone’s way of acting, their attitude and words.

Think about a situation where you felt certain. Picture it in your mind. How did you feel? Feel now how you were when you were certain. Stand up. Go ahead and stand up…….feel certain. ….really certain. There is a calmness, coolness about it perhaps? You feel confident. You probably feel relaxed – although energized too. What is your posture and physiology like?

Stand as if you were certain! Are your shoulders sagging or are you standing tall? How is your breathing?

Now stand as if you are Absolutely Certain! How would you stand? Breathe? What is your posture, your physiology? What is your appearance? How are you talking? How are you holding your head?

Certainty is achieved from our posture, physiology, and attitude.- your state of mind, your state of your body. You own the situation, right? You own the moment.

Tony Robbins has a list of what he calls the SIX HUMAN NEEDS. Certainty/Comfort, Variety, Significance, Connection/Love, Growth, and Contribution.

Tony discusses Certainty this way – We all want comfort, right? And much of this comfort comes from certainty. Of course there is no ABSOLUTE certainty, but we want certainty the car will start, the water will flow from the tap when we turn it on and the currency we use will hold its value. We search for certainty in other parts of our life. At one time there appeared to be certainty in some industries and jobs.

Sometimes I find certainty in other ways…..I don’t know who told me once but they told me ‘Nothing in life is permanent, no problem is permanent, it is passing; your Soul is permanent. You are permanent.  Nothing is so inescapable that you can’t move on….”

Knowing that ‘this too shall pass’ helps me ‘shake off’ something bad and I feel a little relieved, calmer, and more certain. Look at the big picture. Look at other – other people have recovered from this and worse. I also think about the good things in my life. I focus on what is working and I feel more certain. I look back in my life and recall how I overcame other challenges, I look at my successes, I look at my loved ones and support network. We are not alone. I personally believe in a Creator that is benevolent. I don’t pretend to understand or label but I believe in something.

We all have this power, this source, this strength inside of each of us. We’ve all felt it from time to time in our lives. It often feels like the ‘real person’, the person at the core of ourselves. When we access this part of us, we operate from a foundation of certainty, don’t we? But it does take a moment for each of us to access it  – being calm, focused, even meditation….. but the point is that YOU can access the certainty inside. You can reach in and grab it – you don’t have to look outside.

Extraordinary people bring certainty into uncertain environments. Whether it be in sports, business, or even being a great parent, in times of uncertainty people are drawn to those who’ve somehow found a way to find an internal certainty that can guide them. That certainty is not that you have all the answers, but rather that there’s certainty inside you that, together with your loved ones, you can find the answer and move forward.

Lastly, having a Vision in mind is also key. If you have that END IN MIND – the dream, the vision of what you want, if you spend time visualizing it and really feeling it – feeling as if it is already happening NOW, then you will be able to access certainty. If you know where you’re going and you know that you’re not going to give up until you get there, then it’s OK when you encounter big and little challenges in life. You’re certain that you’ll reach the end and you’re certain things are working out. The path may be not as you expected but no path it.

Focus on asking the right questions to yourself and focus on what you say to yourself. Are your words and self-talk building up or breaking down certainty in you?

Like you, I’ve had successes and also been in tough jambs. There were times when I thought my life was over financially and I was embarrassed, stressed, whatever. But as I look back, in the big picture, that was just part of the journey. Those things passed. Other things will pass, I am certain of it! My real friends are still around. That ‘real Jim’ is still inside me. Struggles bring strength. Strength brings certainty.

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

frey_freydays

BONUS

TED Talk-Why we do what we do

https://www.ted.com/talks/tony_robbins_asks_why_we_do_what_we_do

Frey Freyday – Disappointment

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

dis·ap·point·ment-disəˈpointmənt]-the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations:

We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment. Jim Rohn

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope. Martin Luther King, Jr.

There’s always failure. And there’s always disappointment. And there’s always loss. But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums. Michael J. Fox

If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment. Henry David Thoreau

Living is strife and torment, disappointment and love and sacrifice, golden sunsets and black storms. I said that some time ago, and today I do not think I would add one word. Laurence Olivier

The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality. Conan O’Brien

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.  H. Jackson Brown Jr.

WORD TO LIVE BY:

Disappointment –  Every disappointment brings an opportunity to learn. It also means that you’re closer to your goal.

If you look at the definition at the very top, disappointment can be about expectations. Did you set correct or accurate expectations? Did you really put in the time/effort to meet your expectations? Did you communicate your expectations to the other person in the scenario? These and all sorts of other questions might help us avoid expectations.

But sometimes we can’t avoid it. That’s OK, that’s part of life. Feel the emotion – accept the feeling as valid.

I remember not getting a job where it seemed many people liked me and believed in me. I was really interested in the job and I wanted it. I painted a vision in my mind. I had great expectations.

Then it didn’t happen. I felt it, and that’s OK. But then I put it in perspective. People still thought good things about me and now I actually knew a lot more good things because of the experience, I met knew people. I still had a job and I liked it, it was a good job. I still have the same great family, friends and life.

I also remembered one time when I was unemployed, and I thought of the many people that don’t have a job, or at least a good one, and would love my job or life.

In an article on the Chopra Center’s website, Tamara Lechner says, “Many people choose disappointment as a way of motivating themselves to do something different next time. The power of this negative emotional charge might be the push you need to dig deeper, work harder, or try again.” She also states that “Avoid thinking limiting thoughts like, “things never work out” or “this always happens to me.” So true. Nothing lasts forever. This too shall pass.

Disappointment can motivate us and help move us to make life better.

Disappointment is simply a ‘not now’, not a ‘never’. When you get a rejection, you don’t stop, you keep going. A ‘no’ means that you are one step closer to a ‘yes’.

Having the feeling of disappointment is a good thing, it shows that you know what your goal is, shows that you know what you want. Sometimes it can even wake you up and either remind you – or show you for the first time what you want.

Lastly, if you practice gratitude – if you’re really being grateful for life, or something or someone, you can’t feel disappointment. So next time you feel disappointed, take a moment and start with all the people, things-big and small, in your life that you are grateful for – and really get into it. The disappointment fades.

Likewise, if you’re feeling disappointed, go volunteer at a charity. Go do something for someone else. When you give, when you put your focus on other’s needs and when you see other’s needs, disappointment fades.

Remember that disappointment can drive us forward, or it can defeat us.

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

 

BONUS

10 TED Talks to help you shake off disappointment and rejection

http://www.ted.com/playlists/234/talks_to_help_you_shake_off_re

Frey Freyday – the Past

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

Past-[past]- gone by in time and no longer existing:

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. Buddha

Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future. John F. Kennedy

I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past. Thomas Jefferson

We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future. George Bernard Shaw

I’ve come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy. Tony Robbins

You are always free to change your mind and choose a different future, or a different past. Richard Bach

WORD TO LIVE BY:

PAST – the past does not equal the future.

Did you ever listen to someone that has a story about the past? Specifically a story with sadness, anger, loss, rejection, or failure? Maybe they keep talking about something that happened in the past and the emotions and turmoil tied to that past. Did you ever notice how the anger, resentment, sadness, hurt, or other emotions are really present when they talk about the past?

We all do it from time to time.

I certainly talked about one challenging year in that way for a long time. I lost both parents, lost other relatives, lost a job all in a short time frame. It was painful, sad, and there was anger, and other emotions. There is nothing wrong with feeling any of these emotions. There is nothing wrong with grief, sadness, anger, etc. – we must feel. There are lessons from our past. Our feelings are valid.

However, we can get stuck in the past. I know that I did for quite some time. I kept referencing that story. I stayed in the sad/angry emotions. I couldn’t see ahead because I was looking backwards. I couldn’t feel good stuff because I was feeling bad stuff. Quite frankly, after some point, it was not useful or helpful in any way to feel that way or linger on the past.

I had not been able to move ahead, grow, progress until I let go of some of the emotions and feelings about the past. I had to. In some ways, although unintentionally, I was using the past as an excuse. In so many words, I was essentially saying, ‘I can’t move on because of my past.’

I also beat myself up in some ways. I could have/should have/would have done things differently. I failed here, I didn’t do that, I did that in a wrong way – this definitely never helps. I had to be a friend to myself.

So I literally tried to release and let go. I re-framed the past. I thought of my past as something that strengthened me.

By asking myself better questions and thinking of ways to ‘use my past experiences to benefit me’, I came to believe that all my past losses, challenges, lost opportunities, rejections  and frustration were actually helping me and giving me new and better understandings that gave me a maturity, wisdom and ability that I did not have before. I made it through. I was stronger, I am stronger. I now have the ability to create a new level of life. Without the challenges of the past, I would not grow as fast as I have.

I also had a vision for the future and I tried to define it clearly and with emotion. I thought of that vision as already having happened  – in other words, I thought of how I wanted my life to be like in the short term future, and then thought of it as if it had already happened – like I was looking back on my new better life in the past. Then I looked at what can I do today to work towards that, even if a little thing. It worked.

The past is still there. I no longer get hung up on it. I don’t fight the sadness or grief but I certainly don’t linger there. While I wish my loved ones were still here and I definitely miss them, in some ways I am grateful for all that has happened in my past in some way.

I can tell you from my own experiences, more than once, that the only thing that’s necessary for this to work is to begin to believe that it is possible to move on, grow, change, and improve despite your past. The past doesn’t matter. So many people have overcome similar things and more. Whatever happened in the past, or whatever didn’t work out for you in the past has nothing to do with what you can or will do today or tomorrow. The choice and action that you take now will determine your future, it is that simple. It may not always be simple or without apprehension but growth is like that.

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

BONUS:

Bible Verses for letting go of the past – http://www.bible-knowledge.com/scripture-verses-letting-go-past/

Multiple articles about letting go of the past- http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/letting-go-of-the-past/

 

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