Tag Archives: life lessons

Frey Freyday – Stop

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

WORD TO LIVE BY:

Stop-[stäp]-VERB-(of an event, action, or process) come to an end; cease to happen:

We are so unforgiving of ourselves. We don’t recognize our own beauty because we’re too busy comparing ourselves to other people. Wayne Dyer

Stop Comparing Yourself With Others – don’t compare yourself to others. There will always be someone better or worse. Run your own race. Do better than you did last time. You are unique. Do your thing. Comparing leads to envy, feelings of inadequacy, etc. If you’re grateful for what you have, and if you focus on what works and where you want to go/improve, then others won’t matter anyhow.

We can each define ambition and progress for ourselves. The goal is to work toward a world where expectations are not set by the stereotypes that hold us back, but by our personal passion, talents and interests. Sheryl Sandberg

Stop Being Trapped By Peoples’ Judgements, Expectations, and Assumptions Of You- It used to really bother me when people made a judgement or assumption about me, even if it was correct, but typically it was incorrect. “You don’t know me”, I thought. Even well-meaning and loving friends, relatives, colleagues place expectations upon us. We can easily ‘feel’ the expectations that society puts on us. There are all sorts of expectations about education; that you should obtain a degree, secure a good job, find a soulmate in your twenties, and then get married and raise a happy family. But it does not need to happen that way. Make up your own map, your own route. We are expected to maintain a lot of good friends, be good citizens, have a nice home, dress a certain way. Some people think that we should manage our emotions and keep our vulnerable side hidden. All these expectations can weigh heavily upon us. Again, block out the outside voices, be calm, get connected and listen to the ‘real you’, your inner voice. If you need to, pray, meditate, take a walk. Separate your desires from those imposed upon you by external forces. Take time to know yourself and shape a life that suits you rather than following the expectations of the crowd. Stop caring what others think. They don’t really know the real you anyhow. Also, others may be fearful and even though they love and care for you, their fears may cloud what they say or do for you.

To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one’s family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one’s own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him. Buddha

Stop Sacrificing Your Happiness For Someone Else- Sure, there are times in the short-term where you may have to do something, or not do something, in order to help a loved-one out, to get them through something. Any caring person may want to do that. But sometimes we may feel like we have to put our dreams on hold to cater to someone else’s desires or lifestyle preferences. Perhaps you move in order to support your mate’s career, or maybe you have taken on a less desirable job so you can spend more time caring for someone. Ask anyone who has done it for a period of time; sacrificing one’s own happiness may feel noble but in the long run it seldom works well. Self-sacrifice leads to bitterness and resentment, whereas chasing one’s dreams often results in contentment and fulfilment. Try to strike a compromise between supporting others and leading the kind of life you want. Remember, too, that there is no way to happiness, but you need to be happy along the way no matter where you are.

If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of. Bruce Lee

Stop Wasting Time On Meaningless Stuff- Time is the most precious commodity of all. You can always make more friends and earn more money, but time spent is time you will never see again. Some hobbies and pastimes are good, even healthy to a degree. It’s Ok to have a ‘guilty pleasure’ once in a while with an activity, TV show or good book. However, stop wasting time on frivolous pursuits and learn how to focus. It’s OK and important to relax and unwind once in a while, but if you want to lead your ideal life then you need to clarify your aims and devote the majority of your time to making sure they are realized.

Successful people, regardless of career or income, maintain a positive focus in life no matter what is going on around them. They stay focused on their past successes rather than their past failures, and on the next action steps they need to take to get them closer to the fulfillment of their goals rather than all the other distractions that life presents to them. Jack Canfield

Stop Focusing On The Negative –In any garden there are healthy, good plants and vegetables, and there are weeds. I don’t recommend ignoring the weeds, but are you focusing on just the weeds? Everyday we all face a mixture of we interpret as good, bad, and annoying things, perhaps. Remember that your experience of life will largely depend upon the perspective you choose to take. If you focus on the negatives in every situation, you are training yourself to view the world through a negative lens. Try to find the positive in every situation and life will feel much more bearable. Focus on what is working in your life. Focus on successful references in your past to build confidence. Focus on what you want from life and where you want to go. If you spend time with other positive people, this can help you develop this habit. We are the ‘average of the 5 people we spend time with’.

It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. Confucius

Stop Waiting To Get What You Want – It’s Ok to want things and to have goals. It’s Ok to want things to be better. However, waiting is not the answer. Life is too short. We must take action. Ask yourself what you have done lately to make progress towards your goals. What can you do today, even the smallest thing, to work towards a goal? Ultimately the initiative and energy must come from you. Make 2017 the year you stop waiting and start taking actions.

You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Henry David Thoreau

Stop And Smell the Roses – Again, life is too short. Be in the moment. Enjoy the world around you each day. Your best memories exist because you were present in that moment. You are creating new memories now – unless you’re not in the moment. Tell your loved ones how you feel. Take time to communicate and connect, that’s why we’re here. Enjoy life.

You see, in life, lots of people know what to do, but few people actually do what they know. Knowing is not enough! You must take action. Tony Robbins

Don’t Stop Taking Action.

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

 

Frey Freyday – Career

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

ca·reer-[kəˈrir] -an occupation undertaken for a significant period of a person’s life and with opportunities for progress.

I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. Michael Jordan

Communication – the human connection – is the key to personal and career success. Paul J. Meyer

You have to think of your career the way you look at the ocean, deciding which wave you’re gonna take and which waves you’re not gonna take. Some of the waves are going to be big, some are gonna be small, sometimes the sea is going to be calm. Your career is not going to be one steady march upward to glory. Alan Arkin

It’s like Forrest Gump said, ‘Life is like a box of chocolates.’ Your career is like a box of chocolates – you never know what you’re going to get. But everything you get is going to teach you something along the way and make you the person you are today. That’s the exciting part – it’s an adventure in itself. Nick Carter

I have frequently been questioned, especially by women, of how I could reconcile family life with a scientific career. Well, it has not been easy. Marie Curie

The secret to modern life is finding the measure in time management. I have two kids, career and I travel, and I don’t think my life is any different than most couples. The most valuable commodity now for many people is time and how to parcel that out. Hugh Jackman

WORD TO LIVE BY:

Career  – something that you try to plan out as a goal, perhaps, but often ends up as a wonderful, winding journey. A career is something over years and decades, a big-picture item. A job is a shorter-term role that you have, whereas you have multiple jobs in your overall career.

 

While there are some people that seem to be laser-focused on being one thing all their life, and actually achieving it, it seems more people, myself included, have some initial ideas and goals about their career but then life happens and their path changes, varies, and things don’t often end up as planned – and that is often for the better.

 

I’ve heard so many people say that they didn’t start out in their current field but life, choices, circumstances and opportunities took them on a road with different paths, curves and surprises – and that despite never imaging that they’d end up where they are, they’re happy where they are today, and they enjoyed the journey. I feel the same way, too.

 

Having faith in ourselves, in others, in our world, and in our future helps. Having a vision of what we want from life and what’s important helps and guides us. Being assertive, asking for what we want and being polite yet persistent helps us. Ask and you shall receive, seek and ye shall find, knock and the door shall be opened.

 

Careers have ups and downs and serious challenges. Those challenges offer such great life lessons and help us appreciate things more, and these events give us a better perspective on life. In the moment, these hurdles can overwhelm or frustrate us but given the right state of mind and perspective, often over time, good things can come of tough times.

 

I’ve seen it in my own career and with other’s, we’ll focus on job opportunity that we really, really want and go after it. Ultimately we don’t get that opportunity and we’re very disappointed. After time passes we look back and see that it probably wasn’t such a great opportunity for us in the first place – not in a ‘sour grapes’ manner – but in so far as things we didn’t see before….

One time I applied for and really wanted a business consulting job. After 5 or 6 interviews, I really desired it and thought I had a good chance of getting it. I learned that they ‘went in another direction’. It hurt for a while. Not long after, that consulting firm, in another city, was linked to some “improprieties” and the firm essentially closed-up shop all over the world and no longer exists today. I look back and I’m grateful that I didn’t have to go through those events.

 

Also, careers can a difficult balancing act for any parent. Personally I know that I’ve made choices where I could spend more time as a parent or spend more time working in many of my roles in my life. I’ve had many situations where I essentially had to choose to be a parent or to be career-focused. I know that I could probably be farther ahead in my field, in my company and better off with my compensation if I chose to work ‘harder’ but that’s OK. There is nothing wrong with choosing career over kids or vice versa, it is just a choice. I often choose to be a parent because I’ve seen others in my life that chose the career first and they’ve told me that they missed their children growing up and they regret it and they can’t get that back – you can always keep working after the kids leave home or work harder later in life. On one’s death bed, people typically don’t say that they wished that they worked more but I’m guessing that they may regret not spending more time with their children or living life.

 

I think that we all have to consider the types of roles, freedom, interactions that we want from our career. Do you want to work for a big corporation or have independence? Challenges or stability? How will your career affect you and your family in the long run? What are your priorities for your career, life, family, financials, health and quality of life? Priorities changes as we get older. Often we’re more focused on money early in our careers, then more focused on flexibility, freedom and quality of life as we age, for instance.

 

Note that the ‘rocking chair test’ is great for choosing career changes ( the rocking chair test is when you imagine yourself old and wise, sitting in your rocking chair years/decades from now looking back on your life – how will you evaluate your decision today when you’re older?)

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB).

Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes ntentionally,

sometimes accidentally….

…………….So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

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If I could have you read one post….!!!

If I could have you read one post….

If you read any of my other blog posts, you would know that 2009 was a tough year for me.

Like many, I became unemployed for the first time.

I also lost both my parents, and lost other relatives in our family.

However -I think things were starting to go from good to worse before that and mostly because of my attitude- my focus -my choice of vocabulary……..

 

…..I could put it this way – from about 2001 through 2008 things improved for me financially and otherwise. Things got better on the whole. However for whatever reason in late 2006, 2007, 2008, I start focusing on the wrong things.

I started using vocabulary and questions and words that were not good, not empowering.

For instance; I have a great wife – but at that time I really focused on what she was doing wrong -little things, big things. They weren’t anything out of the ordinary; she’s human, I’m human, we all make mistakes and do little things that irritate one another. That’s all these things were.

 

I was focusing on things around my house that didn’t work. I believe this probably was one of the major issues for me. In 2007 we bought a new house, we paid more than I really wanted to and found out later that there were lots of things that needed to be fixed and I got angry and bitter and focused on those bad things. I totally forgot the beautiful surrounding, the neighborhood, the value, and the simple fact that I could buy a home.

 

The other thing was my vocabulary. I would ask questions like “Can it get any worse? How can this get any worse? Why are these bad things happening to me? Why can’t I make more money? Why am I so unlucky? What other bad things are about to happen?” Etc. etc….. you get the idea. Everyone’s brain is like a computer – ask a question and it will search for answers. Ask a bad/disempowerint/negative question and you’ll get an answer “Why am I so unlucky?” …. your brain will search for things, true or not, to answer it.

Ask a positive question “Why am I so lucky?” and yes, your brain will search for things, true or not, to answer it.

 

You must already understand that I was making more money than I ever had before. I had a nicer house than I ever had before. I had (and still have) two beautiful daughters, a caring beautiful wife, friends, family, and lots of great things. My parents and many loved ones were alive with me then.

 

Then there were my poor choices with words and questions.

I would often use dis-empowering, negative words and apply them to everyday things. For instance I’d say that some basic thing in daily life was “horrific.” Meanwhile, it was something as simple as a busy day and I would be tied up until late…often with productive things or customer meetings (revenue generators).

 

I would often use words/phrases like “that’s crazy, that’s outrageous, that’s terrible,” in my vocabulary – which really blew things out of proportion. A day that’s busy with lots of opportunities is by no means horrific.

 

At work, I went from being someone who had a reputation of as a great communicator; diplomatic and able to get along with everyone – even ‘difficult people’, to someone that became known as being a little sharp, blunt and less forgiving. I wasn’t even sure how that happened. Almost overnight people seemed to not enjoy communicating with me as much as before.

 

My focus:

I would focus on the things that my coworkers and colleagues did wrong. This is Not good especially in a team environment. I didn’t often offer a solution. (I often say it’s good to offer a solution if you’re gonna complain-or just don’t complain) I would just complain without anything constructive to say. I got bitter I would focus on it at night in bed.

I would focus on those things that were not working.

 

Then 2008 came, the financial crisis hit, and we were told that we were losing our jobs. Of course I was angry and better about that, and I had a bad attitude about finding a job. Then, in retrospect, I think that my reputation of being a tough guy may have hurt me finding a job. It is hard for me to say that but it’s probably true.

 

In early 2009, my parents died and we lost three other relatives that my wife and I both loved from her family. I struggled for a long time.

It was very tough on me as a man as a father and as a provider.

 

I knew I was in a funk. I knew I needed some help. Even though we were very tight on money I hired a coach. I got myself some good books to read and just tried to work out of it.

 

It was and is really simple in concept but hard in practice:

  • Focus on what works.
  • Focus on what you want (not what you don’t want).
  • Focus on the present, the now, be aware.
  • Take action.
  • Picture, imagine, and visualize good things (instead of bad things, which is simply worrying.)

Ask good questions. Your brain will find good stuff no matter what, no matter how small and your focus will be on the good stuff.

 

Lastly, really make an effort to be happy. I don’t mean being selfish and focusing on what I want but being happy with simple things in life.

Being happy with what we have now. I have had so many good things and I lost many of them. I didn’t necessarily enjoy them then but I wish I had the back.

 

But I’m happy now with what I have and I enjoy them.

We all need to enjoy the moment, find joy right now. Time goes so fast.

 

I also avoid things that make me unhappy. I’m not talking about chores at home or things to do at work. I am talking about people with negative energy, the evening news, reality television, …..things that I know are low energy or negative energy and things that are not empowering.

 

We all know all of the above things, perhaps.

I agree, maybe none of these are ‘lightning strikes’ or Eurekas.

 

I have read them over and over through the years but it is really only after I’ve had those tragedies, the unemployment that I looked in the mirror and finally tried to put them into my life.

 

I certainly have bad days and I still focus on bad things and I slip but

I tell you from the bottom of my heart, over and over again, these things I’ve mentioned above; focus on good things, focus on what works, live in the present, be happy with what you have, be happy for the simple things, focus on what you can do now-take action, asking great questions – have all helped me immensely in the past five years. Try it.

 

I’m still not out of the woods but I’m certainly happier and I’m moving in the right direction now and I feel better about life and life is improving.

 

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