Tag Archives: history

Ask your parents or older loved ones questions……now!

I lost my parents both in 2009.

I wish I had asked them so many things before they died. Simple things like what they were doing when JFK was shot. What they thought about the Civil Rights Movement. What was their first Pirate game like? Steeler game?

Also deeper questions like; advice for facing challenges in life, in business, in relationships. How did they keep going when finances were hard? Did they have a mentor? What did the mentor do or say that helped? Helpful books they read?

Certainly I wanted to hear more about their childhood, life, and family. They told me many stories but I didn’t always listen like I should have…..I would ask them more about my grandparents and relatives…..

I suggest that YOU take time, in the next 30 days, and ask your parents, grandparents, or older loved ones in your life – ask them about life! Do it now!

I didn’t know my parents would die that soon, certainly not within 5 weeks of one another. I also know of other families that ‘lose’ loved ones to Alzheimer’s and other mental challenges where the body is here but the memories are gone.

I hope your loved ones live long and healthy lives.

But I Challenge you to ask them some questions now.

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Credit: Brendon Burchard created his own list and that list inspired this list. This list below was created by Mark Evans. Want to give credit to Brendan for the inspiration.

TIP: I recommend that you hire a professional videographer to help you create a high-quality video that will be cherished and watched over and over. If too expensive, maybe get a friend that won’t be as emotional.

You can record this in any of the following ways:

  • Be there in person (I would love to do this but I’d start crying on the first questions. Truthfully not everyone is like this of course.)
  • If you’re far away from this person, call in on a speaker phone and ask the questions while they are being interviewed.
  • Or, have the videographer ask the questions and when they finish recording the answers, they can edit you asking the questions. (This is what I did)

Also, you should always have the person you’re interviewing re ask the question. Example:

YOU: “Where were you born and where did you grow up?”
THEM: “Where was I born and where did I grow up? [and then the answer]

Questions
1. State your name.
2. Tell me the date and year you were born.
3. Where were you born and where did you grow up?
4. Describe what your life was like growing up.
5. Tell me about your parents.
6.What do you remember most about your mother?
7. What do you remember most about your father?
8. How did your parents meet?
9. If they had a message to share with their grandchildren, what would it be?
10. What are your fondest memories of your childhood?
11. What are your fondest memories of your teenage years?
12. Tell me about how you met your spouse. (Where did you meet? How did you meet? How did you know they were the one you wanted to marry?)
13. How would you describe your spouse?
14. Tell me about your career. (How did you choose that career? What made you successful at it?)
15. Tell me about some of the best times in your life.
16. Tell me about some of the most difficult times in your life.
17. What helped you get through the difficult times?
18. What events in your life do you think most shaped your life?
19. How did having children change your life?
20. Tell me about what life was like when you had each child. (Repeat this question for every child the person had.)
21. How would you describe the life you lived?
22. What do you want to be remembered for?
23. What are your fondest memories in life, overall?
24. What are you most proud of in life?
25. If you could go back and do it all over again, what would you do differently?
26. If you could make any change to the world, what would it be?
27. What message would you like to share with your family?
28. What things do you want me to pursue in the future on your behalf to keep your legacy living?

Editing Your Life’s Stories Can Create Happier Endings

If you have any kind of ‘story’ in your life from yesterday to way back in childhood, this stuff can help.

I have also heard, read about and used some other techniques that can help. NLP, Tony Robbins have some.

One was taking the image you have of the bad memory. First muffle the sound so you can hardly hear it. Then make the image black and white like an old TV. Then shrink the image in your mind’s eye so it seems about one inch. Then push it down and to the left. That’s your memory. Not so bad when shrunk, muffled, B/W and off to the side. Sometimes you need to repeat it a few times but it helps a lot…

Editing Your Life’s Stories Can Create Happier Endings

by LULU MILLER

January 01, 2014 2:00 PM

http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2014/01/01/258674011/editing-your-lifes-stories-can-create-happier-endings

It was a rainy night in October when my nephew Lewis passed the Frankenstein statue standing in front of a toy store. The 2 1/2 year-old boy didn’t see the monster at first, and when he turned around, he was only inches from Frankenstein’s green face, bloodshot eyes, and stitches-covered skin.

The 4-foot-tall monster terrified my nephew so much that he ran deep into the toy store. And on the way back out, he simply couldn’t face the statue. He jumped into his mother’s arms and had to bury his head in her shoulder.

For hours after the incident, Lewis was stuck. He kept replaying the image of Frankenstein’s face in his mind. “Mom, remember Frankenstein?” he asked over and over again. He and his mom talked about how scary the statue was, how Lewis had to jump into her arms. It was “like a record loop,” my sister said.

But then, suddenly, Lewis’ story completely changed. My sister was recounting the tale to the family: how they left the store, how they had to walk by Frankenstein. And then — “I peed on him!!” Lewis blurted out triumphantly, with a glint in his eyes.

In that instant, Lewis had overpowered Frankenstein — if only in his mind.

“Well, your nephew is a brilliant story editor,'” says psychologist Tim Wilson of the University of Virginia.

Wilson has been studying how small changes in a person’s own stories and memories can help with emotional health. He calls the process “story editing.” And he says that small tweaks in the interpretation of life events can reap huge benefits.

This process is essentially what happens during months, or years, of therapy. But Wilson has discovered ways you can change your story in only about 45 minutes.

Wilson first stumbled on the technique back in the early 1980s, when he found that a revised story helped college students who were struggling academically. “I’m bad at school” was the old story many of them were telling themselves. That story leads to a self-defeating cycle that keeps them struggling, Wilson says.

The new story Wilson gave them was: “Everyone fails at first.” He introduced the students to this idea by having them read accounts from other students who had struggled with grades at first and then improved. It was a 40-minute intervention that had effects three years later.

“The ones who got our little story-editing nudge improved their grades, whereas the others didn’t,” Wilson says. “And to our surprise … those who got our story-editing intervention were more likely to stay in college. The people in the control group were more likely to drop out.”

Similar interventions have also helped students feel like they fit in socially at college and have helped parents to stop abusing their kids.

The idea is that if you believe you are something else — perhaps smarter, more socially at ease — you can allow for profound changes to occur.

You can even try story-editing yourself at home with these writing exercises. Simply pick a troubling event. And write about it for 15 minutes each day for four days. That’s it.

These exercises have been shown to help relieve mental anguish, improve health and increase attendance at work.

No one is sure why the approach works. But Wilson’s theory is that trying to understand why a painful event happened is mentally consuming. People get stuck in thinking, “Why did he leave me?” or “Why was she so disappointed in me?” Or for Lewis, “Where did that scary Frankenstein face come from?”

As you write about the troubling, confusing event again and again, eventually you begin to make sense of it. You can put those consuming thoughts to rest.

So as you look forward to changing yourself this year, consider looking back on whatever your Frankensteins may be. And if you squint your eyes a little and turn your head just a bit, you may see that your leg was lifted. That maybe you did pee on him after all.

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