Category Archives: Words To Live By

Frey Freyday -Control/Connection

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

Control – [kuh n-trohl] – to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate;

Connect – [kuhnekt] – to associate mentally or emotionally

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou

The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you’re in control of your life. If you don’t, life controls you. Tony Robbins

I’m very happy with my life. I am what I am. I don’t worry about anything that I can’t control. That’s a really good lesson in life. Tom Watson

The world is so unpredictable. Things happen suddenly, unexpectedly. We want to feel we are in control of our own existence. In some ways we are, in some ways we’re not. We are ruled by the forces of chance and coincidence. Paul Auster

Communication – the human connection – is the key to personal and career success. Paul J. Meyer

The business of business is relationships; the business of life is human connection. Robin S. Sharma

Live-tweeting your bikini wax is not vulnerability. Nor is posting a blow-by-blow of your divorce . That’s an attempt to hot-wire connection. But you can’t cheat real connection. It’s built up slowly. It’s about trust and time. Brene Brown

People are so fearful about opening themselves up. All you want to do is to be able to connect with other people. When you connect with other people, you connect with something in yourself. It makes you feel happy. And yet it’s so scary – it makes people feel vulnerable and unsafe. Toni Collette

I think any new technology that helps connect and create social cohesion is great. But at the end of the day, you and I are analog creatures. We have to take ‘oohs and aahs’ and convert them to 0s and 1s and then convert them back to ‘oohs and aahs.’ Narratives that work in social networks are the exchange of stories that are told well. Peter Guber

A great attitude does much more than turn on the lights in our worlds; it seems to magically connect us to all sorts of serendipitous opportunities and people that were somehow absent before the change. Earl Nightingale

I like to control everything, and you cannot control everything. You have to at some point say, ‘I let go and I’m going to let the cards fall where they fall… For a control freak, it’s hard. Naomi Campbell

WORDS TO LIVE BY:

CONTROL and CONNECT

We humans like to control things – our ego believes that we can and should control anything. When we are fearful or when we come from a place of scarcity, we like to control. Control gives us a false sense of security.

Connection is what humans are really about when we’re in our best state of mind. We connect to others, we connect to nature, we connect to our creative self. We can connect with work, happiness, grief, struggle, triumph and loss. For those that believe, we can be inspired and connected to God, the Universe or the Source. We connect better when we come from a place of certainty, calm, and abundance. (In this case abundance isn’t referring to monetary or materialistic abundance – here abundance means an abundance of love, creativity, family, friends, and the connection to all of these.)

Often parents take the role of controlling their children or their child’s life. At first, when they are you, this is often needed. But as they get older, all parties might do better if the parent tried to connect more with the child and control less. A worried parent will try to control their child or the situation, which can stifle the child, hamper the opportunity to grow, and even hinder the parent/child relationship. By taking time to connect with a child (at any age) instead of trying to control, more intimacy is built, more insight, trust, and understanding comes about.
Men and women both have male and female archetypes. For instance, when a father is nurturing to his child, he may be coming more from the female archetype, more from connection. When a mother tries to control the child or the child’s situation, she is coming more from the male archetype and less from connection.

Control in any relationship; parent/child, husband/wife, etc. typically leads to less intimacy and the relationship growth slows.One human shouldn’t and really can’t control another in a healthy relationship. There may be situations where a mother is being more controlling and she isn’t connecting enough. This is typically a male archetype which can also make her less attractive to the opposite sex. Her attempt to control can push others away. Likewise, a male without any control can have the same result. There has to be a balance of sorts for each sex, there has to be the appropriate amount of control and connection.
As I stated before, our egos give us a sense that we can control life. We rarely do. Planning certainly helps and planning can feed creativity and opportunity, but control cannot. Planning a life or a situation or planning together for a strong relationship is wise but ultimately after the planning is done, we must let go and have faith.

Similarly, planning and giving gentle guidance to a child is helpful and nurturing yet we also must trust in our child and trust in the world and we must let go. Knees will get skinned. Bones may even break. Hearts will break. Mistakes will happen. Yet our guidance along the way will kick in and the child will learn and succeed.

Similarly, in our own lives, we may skin our proverbial knees and make mistakes – and we should all realize by now that we really can’t control much. The ego is wrong. Judgement is wrong. Let’s let go of the fear and have faith. Let’s connect with our world, our loved ones and ourselves and let good things come our way.

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

Frey Freyday-Stories

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

The story of life is quicker than the blink of an eye, the story of love is hello, goodbye.-Jimi Hendrix

Technology can be our best friend, and technology can also be the biggest party pooper of our lives. It interrupts our own story, interrupts our ability to have a thought or a daydream, to imagine something wonderful, because we’re too busy bridging the walk from the cafeteria back to the office on the cell phone.-Steven Spielberg

The story of the human race is the story of men and women selling themselves short.-Abraham Maslow

You write your life story by the choices you make. You never know if they have been a mistake. Those moments of decision are so difficult.-Helen Mirren

You don’t just have a story – you’re a story in the making, and you never know what the next chapter’s going to be. That’s what makes it exciting.-Dan Millman

WORD TO LIVE BY:

STORY – [stawr-ee, stohr-ee]

  1. Story – everybody loves a story. Use storytelling when you can in education, business, whatever. Instead of just spouting facts or info, tell them a story. We understand, visualize and relate better with stories.
  2. We are defined by the stories that we tell ourselves. That story may limit you. The story may give you an excuse or be an excuse. Everyone has a story or a set of stories that define who he or she is. The question is: Is your story empowering you to maximize what life has given you, or is your story causing you to fall short? …….Your history isn’t your destiny—your decisions are. You see, it’s never the environment; it’s never the events of our lives, but the meaning we attach to the events – how we interpret them – that shapes who we are today and who we’ll become tomorrow. It is the new story that we follow that counts. All of us have the awesome ability to take any experience of our lives and create a story that disempowers us or one that can literally save our lives. What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs and the story about who we are. + What is a goal that you have always wanted to achieve and haven’t? Why haven’t you? Whatever your reason, there’s always a limiting belief, a limiting story. The first step in replacing old, disempowering Stories with new, empowering stories and beliefs.

 

An old story might be something like:

“You’re too young.” “You’re too old.” “You’re uneducated.” “You’re over-educated.” “You don’t have enough experience.” “You don’t have the right experience.”—This could be literally anything. Listen carefully and write it down word-for-word.

Evaluate whether this story is empowering. Is it enabling you to accomplish the outcomes you want or is it preventing you from doing so? Be honest. (Sometimes, people are addicted to their problems and the stories that create them.)

Write down a different story. I’m not talking about a bunch of positive thinking mumbo jumbo. I am talking about telling yourself the truth. And often, this is simply a matter of shifting your perspective.

-Start telling yourself the new story. Every time your inner narrator begins telling the old yarn, stop him. Say, “No! That’s baloney. Here’s the truth.” Then repeat your new story.

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB).

Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also

a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would

raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other

children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education.

Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally,

sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc.

with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one

word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and

they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images

with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and

references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

Bonus Book suggestion

Change Your Story, Change Your Life: A Path to Success -by Jen Grisanti

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Frey Freyday- Action

( Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think,

reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is

over and gone. The future is not guaranteed. – Dr. Wayne Dyer


Do you want to know who you are? Don’t ask. Act! Action will delineate and define

you.-Thomas Jefferson


When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the

action steps. –Confucius

I never worry about action, but only inaction.-Winston Churchill

Action expresses priorities.-Mahatma Gandhi

Infuse your life with action. Don’t wait for it to happen. Make it happen. Make your own

future. Make your own hope. Make your own love. And whatever your beliefs, honor your

creator, not by passively waiting for grace to come down from upon high, but by doing what

you can to make grace happen… yourself, right now, right down here on Earth.-Bradley Whitford

Action is the foundational key to all success.-Pablo Picasso

A real decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken a new action. If there’s no

action, you haven’t truly decided.-Tony Robbins

An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.-Ralph Waldo Emerson

There are risks and costs to action. But they are far less than the long range risks of

comfortable inaction.-John F. Kennedy

Never confuse motion with action.-Benjamin Franklin
———-

WORD TO LIVE BY

Action[ak-shuh n] – the process or state of acting or of being active

I believe that action is everything. Dumb or smart. Evil or well-meaning. Good ideas are all fine

and good but without action, they are nothing. Lots of people know what to do, but few people

actually do what they know. Knowing is not enough. You must take action.

Success in any field comes from taking the initiative and following up… and then persisting and

taking action on a consistent basis. To be successful, we must take control of our consistent actions.

It’s not what we do once in a while that makes us who we are, but what we do consistently.

Ask yourself, “What simple action could I take today to move toward a dream or towards

success in your life?

(to be removed from this list, take action and reply “REMOVE”)

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB).

Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also

a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would

raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other

children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education.

Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally,

sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc.

with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one

word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and

they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images

with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and

references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….


BONUS-15 Ted Talks for procrastination

http://blog.ted.com/15-ted-talks-for-procrastination/

Choose How You Want to Feel

By Kare Anderson
Emmy-Winner | TEDx | Connective Behavior | Speaker | Columnist | Author | Strategist
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Breandan and Emma, the couple up the hill from me in Sausalito have been married 54 years, they proudly told me last year. They walked, hand-in-hand past my home each morning, usually laughing, smiling and pointing out things to each other along the way.

Originally from Ireland, they listened, in bed, to BBC News at dawn so they usually had a tidbit of news to share with me if they happened to pass my home when I was finishing my lame attempt at morning exercises in the back yard.

When Emma died suddenly, Breandan stopped walking. He stayed inside their home and ignored my knock on their door. Several times. Later, when he started walking again, he told me his son, a motivational speaker on leadership, suggested that he start saying positive self-affirmations every morning “to lift his mood.”

He retorted, “My mood doesn’t need lifting! It’s right where it’s supposed to be.” So his well-intentioned son then mailed him a card pack with cheery faces on one side and, on the other, a series of upbeat daily affirmations. The card pack was entitled ”Yes, I Can!” to which Breandan hotly responded (to me, but not his son, I gather) “No I won’t!”

Write Yourself Through Your Journey to a Better Emotional Place

That gift inspired Breandan to get out of the old chair he sat in most days, with a morose look on his face, and take action, but not in the way his son intended. He wrote his own collection of “realistic affirmations.” I figured that the sentiments reflected his way of responding to grief, his stubborn resistance to being told to feel better and his core attitude about living life as it happens. Some were darkly funny. Yet his basic resilience started to shine through as he finished writing his sayings by the end of the year. “Not every cloud has a silver lining so start liking the clouds.”

I thought of Breandan when I read that Norman Vincent Peale may have been wrong, at least for some people, when he advocated saying positive self-affirmations to lift one’s mood. That’s a startling revelation for many of us Americans who have been bombarded with self-help messages based on the belief that positive affirmations are entirely beneficial.

“Repeating positive self-statements may benefit certain people, such as those with high self-esteem, but backfire for the very people who need them the most,” concludes social psychology professor Dr. Joanne Wood. Even those with high self-esteem felt only slightly better after repeating a positive self-statement.

The news gets worse for those with a low self-image Wood and her colleagues found:

• People with high self-esteem are more likely than those with low self-esteem to try to improve their moods when they are sad, as well as to savor their moods when they are happy.

• Those with low self-esteem sometimes even try to dampen their happiness, and engaging with others on Facebook seems to reinforce that reaction.

Don’t Fight Those Feelings. Instead, Notice Them, Then Choose What to Feel

Like obsessing more about the elephant in the room after being told to ignore it, being told to repeat “get happy” sayings, when sad, can make us feel even more sad. As Ed Yong concluded, “Statements that contradict a person’s self-image, no matter how rallying in intention, are likely to boomerang.“ “Don’t believe everything you think. “Thoughts are just that – thoughts,” wrote Pocket Peace author Allan Lokos.

Instead, of trying to change your feelings (as cognitive therapy attempts to do) change how you choose to view your thoughts. That approach calls on us to be mindfully observing what we are thinking and feeling from a calm pool, so to speak, without getting repeatedly sucked into the downward swirl of them. As Thich Nhat Hanh wrote, “Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.”

Practicing this way we can notice what we are feeling in the moment without immediately reacting, thus becoming better at choosing how we want to act. This approach is called ACT:Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. To reinforce that practice, “think of yourself as a kind friend,” suggests Duke University psychology professor Mark Leary. That bolsters yourself-compassion and thus your happiness. “One is a great deal less anxious if one feels perfectly free to be anxious, and the same may be said of guilt,” Alan Watts wrote.

Breandan, by the way, has begun writing his memoir, describing some of the adventures he shared with Emma, the people they met and the joy of living with her “through thick and thin.” His writing enables him to take the ACT approach, to observing and accept his sadness at his wife’s passing and to choose to focus, instead, on the many of the happy times they enjoyed together. He showed me the quote he chose for the first page:

“In the end, just three things matter:

How well we have lived

How well we have loved

How well we have learned to let go” ~ Jack Kornfield

As Byron Katie would say, he is “loving what is.” See more ideas at my Quotable and Connected column at Forbes.

https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140716144633-7216756-choose-how-you-want-to-feel?_mSplash=1%5C&published=t

Words To Live By: Focus, part 2

(This is one of a part of a series of WORDS TO LIVE BY. This series grew out of a workbook I first made for my young daughters and discussed at the dinner table. These Words include values, good ideas, and Words to aspire to….and learn from….enjoy!)

focus-22 

Focus , Focus , Focus

Focus (cognitive process), selectively concentrating on one aspect of the environment while ignoring other things (Wikipedia)

I’ve written about and blogged about FOCUS before.

Yet it is still important for all of us to remember and practice!

Here are some quick yet key thoughts to ‘focus on’….

“Focus On What You Do Have — Not On What You Don’t Have” 
 Whenever we are trying to accomplish something, there will always be things that we don’t have. Maybe we don’t have enough time to pursue our dreams. Perhaps we don’t have the funding that we need. Maybe we don’t have the expertise or experience that we need to be successful. I am here to tell you that there are always answers that you can find to each of these issues. 

When we focus on what we don’t have, we fall into a negative spiral and we limit ourselves. If you’re not sure that you have everything to achieve your purpose, just ask your spouse, a friend, a relative, or a boyfriend or girlfriend. Before you know it, you’ll have a long list of assets that you can use to achieve your end goals. – Bob Stearns www.perpetualpotential.net 

Remember, it’s not the events of your life that determine how you feel and act but, rather, the meaning you create from your life’s experiences. Learning to ask empowering questions – especially in moments of crisis – is a critical skill that will ultimately shape the meanings you create, and therefore the quality of your life. It is what you focus on that matters. – Tony Robbins

Don’t  dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies  on moving forward toward finding the answer. -Denis  Waitley

That’s  been one of my mantras – focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than  complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But  it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move  mountains. –Steve  Jobs

Focus  90% of your time on solutions and only 10% of your time on  problems. -Anthony  J. D’Angelo

Live  life to the fullest, and focus on the positive. –Matt  Cameron

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🙂

Words To Live By: Certainty

(This is one of a part of a series of WORDS TO LIVE BY. This series grew out of a workbook I first made for my young daughters and discussed at the dinner table. These Words include values, good ideas, and Words to aspire to….and learn from….enjoy!)

certainty

Certainty. Do you recall the last time that you were certain about something….and you knew it was right, and you were right? Maybe it was at work, maybe it was with your family or a relationship – for different people it is different – it may have come from your head, or maybe your heart…..but you felt Certain.

When you meet someone that is certain, you can tell right? Often the person that is most certain is most influential in the situation. Certainty is much like confidence. It comes across in someone’s way of acting, their attitude and words.

Think about a situation where you felt certain. Picture it in your mind. How did you feel? Feel now how you were when you were certain. Stand up. Go ahead and stand up…….feel certain. ….really certain. There is a calmness, coolness about it perhaps? You feel confident. You probably feel relaxed – although energized too. What is your posture and physiology like?

Stand as if you were certain! Are your shoulders sagging or are you standing tall? How is your breathing?

Now stand as if you are Absolutely Certain! How would you stand? Breathe? What is your posture, your physiology? What is your appearance? How are you talking? How are you holding your head?

Certainty is achieved from our posture, physiology, and attitude.- your state of mind, your state of your body. You own the situation, right? You own the moment.

Tony Robbins has a list of what he calls the SIX HUMAN NEEDS. Certainty/Comfort, Variety, Significance, Connection/Love, Growth, and Contribution.

Tony discusses Certainty this way – We all want comfort, right? And much of this comfort comes from certainty. Of course there is no ABSOLUTE certainty, but we want certainty the car will start, the water will flow from the tap when we turn it on and the currency we use will hold its value. We search for certainty in other parts of our life. At one time there appeared to be certainty in some industries and jobs.

Sometimes I find certainty in other ways…..I don’t know who told me once but they told me ‘Nothing in life is permanent, no problem is permanent, it is passing; your Soul is permanent. You are permanent.  Nothing is so inescapable that you can’t move on….”

Knowing that ‘this too shall pass’ helps me ‘shake off’ something bad and I feel a little relieved, calmer, and more certain. Look at the big picture. Look at other – other people have recovered from this and worse. I also think about the good things in my life. I focus on what is working and I feel more certain. I look back in my life and recall how I overcame other challenges, I look at my successes, I look at my loved ones and support network. We are not alone. I personally believe in a Creator that is benevolent. I don’t pretend to understand or label but I believe in something.

We all have this power, this source, this strength inside of each of us. We’ve all felt it from time to time in our lives. It often feels like the ‘real person’, the person at the core of ourselves. When we access this part of us, we operate from a foundation of certainty, don’t we? But it does take a moment for each of us to access it  – being calm, focused, even meditation….. but the point is that YOU can access the certainty inside. You can reach in and grab it – you don’t have to look outside.

Extraordinary people bring certainty into uncertain environments. Whether it be in sports, business, or even being a great parent, in times of uncertainty people are drawn to those who’ve somehow found a way to find an internal certainty that can guide them. That certainty is not that you have all the answers, but rather that there’s certainty inside you that, together with your loved ones, you can find the answer and move forward.

Lastly, having a Vision in mind is also key. If you have that END IN MIND – the dream, the vision of what you want, if you spend time visualizing it and really feeling it – feeling as if it is already happening NOW, then you will be able to access certainty. If you know where you’re going and you know that you’re not going to give up until you get there, then it’s OK when you encounter big and little challenges in life. You’re certain that you’ll reach the end and you’re certain things are working out. The path may be not as you expected but no path it.

Focus on asking the right questions to yourself and focus on what you say to yourself. Are your words and self-talk building up or breaking down certainty in you?

Like you, I’ve had successes and also been in tough jambs. There were times when I thought my life was over financially and I was embarrassed, stressed, whatever. But as I look back, in the big picture, that was just part of the journey. Those things passed. Other things will pass, I am certain of it! My real friends are still around. That ‘real Jim’ is still inside me. Struggles bring strength. Strength brings certainty.

Words To Live By: Confidence

(This is one of a part of a series of WORDS TO LIVE BY. This series grew out of a workbook I first made for my young daughters and discussed at the dinner table. These Words include values, good ideas, and Words to aspire to….and learn from….enjoy!)

According to Wikipedia; Confidence is generally described as a state of being certain either that a hypothesis or prediction is correct or that a chosen course of action is the best or most effective. Self-confidence is having confidence in oneself. Arrogance or hubris in this comparison, is having unmerited confidence—believing something or someone is capable or correct when they are not. Overconfidence or presumptuousness is excessive belief in someone (or something) succeeding, without any regard for failure. Confidence can be a self-fulfilling prophecy as those without it may fail or not try because they lack it and those with it may succeed because they have it rather than because of an innate ability.

Self-confidence does not necessarily imply ‘self-belief’ or a belief in one’s ability to succeed. For instance, one may be inept at a particular sport or activity, but remain ‘confident’ in one’s demeanor, simply because one does not place a great deal of emphasis on the outcome of the activity. When one does not dwell on negative consequences one can be more ‘self-confident’ because one is worrying far less about failure or the disapproval of others following potential failure. One is then more likely to focus on the actual situation which means that enjoyment and success in that situation is also more probable. Belief in one’s abilities to perform an activity comes through successful experience and may add to, or consolidate, a general sense of self-confidence.[original research?] Studies have also found a link between high levels of confidence and wages. Seemingly, those who self-report they were confident earlier in schooling, earned better wages and were promoted more quickly over the life course.[1]

———————-

I was in my senior year of college. I decided to take an extra class just to give back a bit, to contribute. Much of my college life was pretty self-centered, immature, and mediocre. But when my father had a heart attack during my junior year, it woke me up. We had a family business that I had worked in before, to some degree, but like many things, I wasn’t giving 100%. Now I actually had to “run” the business. I made some mistakes, probably ruffled some feathers, and I started out rough. Many called it ‘baptism by fire’. In retrospect, it was the best thing that happened to me, since my father recoverd and actually seemed better after (a bypass gave him a new start).

So I had a new appreciation for things, gratitude, and I wanted to finally work a bit harder and start giving back, acting more like a man. So I signed up for a class on literacy – where we were to learn how to teach adults, illiterate adults, how to read. Pretty cool.

I hadn’t needed the credits to graduate so I signed up for a pass-fail class. I went to the classes and I was the only one from my graduating class that actually went to someone’s house and taught them how to read. My other senior classmates didn’t for whatever reason. I remember that the end of school came for grades and I got the report card, the transcript. As I mentioned, I signed up for a pass-fail. I just signed up for the class to do it, to contribute. But someone in the Registrar’s office must have hit the wrong button because I got a grade. I got a C.

To  walk around with an ego is a bad thing. To have confidence in yourself is a  great thing. Fred Durst

How was that possible? I attended all but one class, there were no tests, I participated in class, and I actually visited a home, assessed an adult and began to teach him to read. It was pretty cool. My senior classmates did none of this and they got B’s and A’s. I was furious. Why? How?

I tried to reach the professor but he went on a cruise. I went to the Dean, she said it was up to the professor. I wrote letters, got angry, and made noise.

But then I realized, I was a 21 year old who could run a small business, help a family recover from a pretty big family crisis, I could fix a water system, act as a general contractor, logistics manager, personnel manager and many other things due to my trials. And yes, now I could teach adults to read. It’s amazing how much self-assurance you can suddenly have when you remove your ego and emotions and look at the big picture. When I got back to contributing I felt confident. I felt happy.

We  gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really  stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we  cannot. Eleanor Roosevelt

One time I tried stand-up during an open mike night. I was terrified that people wouldn’t laugh at my jokes. My fears, it turns out, were well-founded. I bombed.

Shortly thereafter, I began doing presentations for business. I was so confident from the stand up, even though it was a failure, it didn’t matter that I was talking to some older, more successful people.

When I first learned to ski, a friend told me to fall properly. Falling was actually an option if I was going too fast or out of control. Falling was part of the process. So I felt more confident skiing because I knew that falling was OK and that I knew how to fall properly.

Health  is the greatest possession. Contentment is the greatest treasure. Confidence is  the greatest friend. Non-being is the greatest joy. Lao Tzu

Learning how to fall in skiing, comedy, and business gave me massive courage where I had once been apprehensive. And this confidence-building technique applies in almost any challenging situation. I call it “The Antidote Strategy.” What’s the worst that can happen? What if you remove your negative emotions and your ego? Haven’t you done something before that was just as hard? Something that you never did before?

Being self-confident can help you get a job, win a new client, or get other people on your side. It can help you try a new hobby, lose weight, or even get a date. By developing an “Antidote Strategy,” you can guarantee that you’ll be at your best when attempting to succeed at just about anything.

What I’ve finally learned in life, and I’m still working on actually putting into action, is that self-confidence mostly has to do with how or what I focus on, and how I manage my own emotions! It sounds simple but it is true.

Think about it. If you focus on past successes and strengths, you have references and you’ll feel confident. If you look at this fall as another failure, you won’t have confidence.

If you let panic, desparation, or fear come into your mind and heart – and allow it to stay – your choices, communications and actions will reflect that state of mind – and you will not be confident. If you relax, focus on what is working, focus on what you want, focus on action steps and build momentum, even small baby steps, you’ll be more confident in whatever it is.

Here are some other ideas….

Self-confidence brings one a sense of power and certainty in the moment.  It  seems to produce a certain “knowing” that one has the capacity to handle whatever is being thrown at them.

Eliminating self-sabotage and building self-confidence will provide the breakthroughs so you CAN begin to put this cycle into effect while you build momentum.  Being able to control your emotions will enable you to operate more efficiently.

There are 3 primary ways to create any emotion.

1). Physiology plays a huge role affecting our emotional state. How we move, our breathing patterns, our facial expressions, etc. actually cause chemical cascades in our brains that cause specific emotions based on what chemicals are released.

So, the quickest way to instill the feeling of self-confidence is to radically change your breathing, gestures, movement and facial expressions.

Here’s some fun you can try: Get up and walk around your room as though you have all the self confidence in the world! Strut, swagger, play with it. Keep it up for a few minutes. Really.

How does that make you feel? When I did it, I took a kitchen apron, slung it around my neck so the apron part was like a super-hero’s cape. I felt fantastic! (I was also still in my pink fluffy robe and pajamas.) What a picture I must have made!

2).   Second, Control your mental focus. By asking questions like, “What’s the best way to complete this project now?” or “What’s the best way to get this done and have a blast doing it?” You will find better answers by asking better questions.

Consciously choosing what questions to ask has also worked wonders.  We’re already asking questions in our heads all day long, so we might as well ask GOOD ones!

3).   Finally, pay attention to what you believe and whether or not your beliefs are empowering. Have the courage to change any core beliefs that do not serve you to improve your life. Change from “I’ve never done that before, so I can’t do it now,” to “If I can imagine it, then I can achieve it.”

You can add these questions as well;

If I am committed, there’s a way to do it.

If I need help, I can get help.

If it doesn’t work out, I can learn something and try again.

Your Assignment:

Recall five of your greatest successes and write a paragraph describing each one.

Use these examples to remind yourself that there are always options and that knowledge can help to strengthen your self-confidence.

Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.” – Unknown

“When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun. And when you have fun, you can do amazing things.” – Unknown

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