Category Archives: wayne dyer

Simple Stuff

SimpleStuff

(Simple Stuff is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

Being in the right place at the right time, isn’t something you can force. It just happens when you keep busy. Effortlessly.  Imagine that,      The Universe (www.tut.com)

“Everything that happens in your life— both what you’re thrilled with and what you’re challenged by— began with a decision. I believe that it’s in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped. The decisions that you’re making right now, every day, will shape how you feel today as well as who you’re going to become in the nineties and beyond.” —Anthony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within, p. 32-33

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. Buddha

“A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination.” – Nelson Mandela

“If someone isn’t what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea how other people should lead their lives but none about his or her own.” – The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

It’s not the dazzling voice that makes a singer. Or clever stories that make a writer. And it’s not piles of money that make a tycoon.
It’s having a dream and wanting to live it so greatly that one would rather move with it and “fail” than succeed in another realm.  Michael Dooley

Thinking about Imagination

Imagination was so much fun for me when I was a kid. I recall growing up in the 1970’s and very early 1980’s and pretending to be superheroes like Spiderman and Batman. I imagined that I was Luke Skywalker or Han Solo from Star Wars. I even pretended to be a guy called Ultraman – Ultraman was a TV show on cable – it was from Japan and often the dialogue was dubbed. Ultraman sometimes fought Godzilla, so that may draw a picture for you what the show was like.

I’ve never really liked to go to sleep. Even today I don’t want to go to bed, many nights. I’d rather do something else. When I was young, I of course had to go to bed at a certain time. So I would lay in bed and pretend to be one of the above superheroes. I’d go through scenarios while laying in bed, probably for hours. I recall my dad walking in on me once and I must have been pretending to be fighting a villain while saving the world. He wasn’t too upset but said it was late.

I also used to imagine myself as a pilot and business man. I wanted to be a fighter pilot for so many years – long before “TOP GUN” came around. I went to airshows, read books and magazines about planes and talked to pilots. I actually later soloed in a plane before I had my driver’s license. I had about 40 hours in flight when it came time to go get a flight physical so I could proceed toward a private pilot’s license. I found out that my severe color-blindness and astigmatism was pretty bad, according to the flight doctor, and even though I could easily get a private pilot license, it would be very unlikely that I could be a fighter pilot, corporate pilot, or even a commercial pilot. I was pretty devastated. I took a few more lessons but decided that I was just wasting money and gave up on that dream.

So I focused more on business – working in an office, running a business, being my own boss, much like my father. I imagined traveling and talking to people, helping them, making money. Later in life some of my imaginations came true. I really believe that I set up these ideas in my mind and looked for them as life went on……

As I have gotten older, I have imagined other things – a career, things about my marriage, things about my daughters and our relationship, my golf game, remodeling homes, etc. We had a totally unfinished upstairs at our first house – my wife and I used to imagine how we’d finish it. Finally we drew some sketches and then went ahead and did it. Like so many people, we visualized the outcome long before it was done.

….Imagination is so powerful. It is pretty fun too. Just think about it – basically everything in our world; homes, buildings, books, movies, amusement parks, hospitals, songs, art – everything happening in some way or another in someone’s imagination first….then it became real. Think about Disney World and that great empire….even if you aren’t a fan of going there it is a wonder of achievement and making dreams happen.

Imagination can be our friend or foe. Worrying is a form of negative imagination. If you sit around and worry, you are imagining bad things. Just as you can create an idea about remodeling, then make it happen, you can create a situation that involves stress, anxiety, fear, anger – and it too can happen.

Imagination; paired with the right emotions and a strategy, can help you achieve anything! When was the last time you had some fun and imagined a bit. Take a moment and imagine – almost like you were a kid. Maybe you want to think about your golf game, a relationship, your career, or just something crazy and fun. Take time and do it.

Below is from Wayne Dyer at www.waynedyer.com. He shares his thoughts about imagination…….

Your imagination is your own fertile field for growing any seedlings that you choose to plant for a future harvest.

You may have been told that you have always been a dreamer, as if this were a fault. I can speak here from experience. Family, friends, teachers, and even advisors frequently disparaged ideas that burned brightly in my imagination. I often heard comments such as, “Wayne, you’re such a dreamer. Get real. You are never going to make it as a writer, or a television performer, or a movie personality. Be realistic—we know what’s best for you.”

When I was being discharged from the Navy at the age of 22, my superiors warned me that starting college at my “advanced age” was loaded with uncertainty, particularly since I had no higher education experience, and I would be competing with younger recent high school graduates. Since I already had a skill as a cryptographer in the Navy, they advised me to pursue what they felt was best for me. But I had a dream—an imagination filled with the idea of teaching, writing, and speaking to large audiences. I saw myself onstage. I saw myself as a prominent author. And this vision could not and would not be sabotaged by someone else’s vision of what I should or could become.

As a young boy in a foster home, I almost always ignored other people’s ideas about what I should be thinking or doing—I simply was indifferent to their opinions regarding what I could imagine for myself. I have carried this kind of inner discipline regarding my own imagination with clarity, refusing to allow external opinions to cancel or diminish what for me was hallowed ground.

Not long ago, others advised me that acting in a movie was not sensible for me as a 68-year-old man with no acting experience. I once again remembered to hang the DO NOT DISTURB sign at the entrance to my imagination, and proceeded to take acting lessons and adopt the self-enforced regimen that allowed me to create a movie. It is a product that fills me with pride today—all because I have diligently practiced the following rule:

Never, and I mean never, allow anyone else’s ideas of who you can or can’t become sully your dream or pollute your imagination. This is your territory, and a KEEP OUT sign is a great thing to erect at all entrances to your imagination.

Stay in a state of grace and gratitude for this resplendent gift that is always yours to do with as you choose.

Simple Stuff

It’s part of nature’s built-in checks and balances, that while there may be times when you think you can’t even help yourself, precisely in such moments there will always be someone else nearby… you can help, instead.
Which, I think you know, is actually one of the fastest ways to help yourself. I hope that helps, The Universe (Mike Dooley http://www.tut.com)

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Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love. Lao Tzu

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Let us not be satisfied with just giving money. Money is not enough, money can be got, but they need your hearts to love them. So, spread your love everywhere you go. Mother Teresa

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I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver. Maya Angelou

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When I chased after money, I never had enough. When I got my life on purpose and focused on giving of myself and everything that arrived into my life, then I was prosperous. Wayne Dyer

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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. Erma Bombeck

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http://www.onewebstrategy.com

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Sharing a reflective thought…

A short one for the weekend….

2009 was a tough year in my life. Maybe you heard me say that before. During that summer I was pretty low on myself and about a lot of things. Looking back, I am so grateful for the friends, family and various things that came into my life at that time.

Believe it or not, looking back, as tough as it was to go through all of those things and as unpleasant as it was then, these things did make me stronger and I gained wisdom and experiences that have helped me to help others. I appreciate life more. I simplified my life. I now enjoy things that I previously overlooked. I enjoy friends, family, and laughter more than I did before. I have less ‘stuff’ but I am happier.

But , at that time and when I was in that state of mind, I remember having some really tough days. I also remember making some bad decisions, which made life even more unpleasant.

It was summer and I was struggling. Again, looking back, I remember lots of little things that came into my life that year for the better.

Recently I came across this blog by Wayne Dyer that I had printed out in 2009 and stored away. I forgot about it until now. I initially read it a few days after it was written – just before the Fourth of July 2009. At first I blew it off. Then I thought about it. Then I started to do it.

I found that thoughts like this, as well as others by other authors, friends and mentors really helped. It is all about Focus. It is about Momentum – building small successes, then larger ones, then more and more. Looking at and recognizing the good things in life, the things that work, the things that we have and want.

Maybe this blog will mean something to you too. I hope it helps. I hope you have a great weekend……

From Wayne Dyer’s site

How May I Serve? http://www.drwaynedyer.com/blog/archive/2009/6

6/26/09 at 7:45 am |   by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

If you could have any job in the world what would it be? Here’s how I have handled the getting of jobs and how I have advised others to go about it. First, get a really sharp, clear vision of what you would like to see yourself doing. Then go to a quiet place in meditation and make conscious contact with God. The beauty of meditation is that you begin to get answers. Instead of asking for something for yourself, put all of your energy and attention into visualizing yourself in a capacity of serving, offering, or creating. It’s then that doors begin to open for you.

Lao-tzu says that doors don’t open while we have attachment to physical things for ourselves. What he calls the angelic guides or Source energy doesn’t enter our lives until we take the focus off “what’s in it for me?” or “what kind of job am I going to get?” or “how much money am I going to make?” and instead focus on “how may I serve?” Get that inner picture of yourself serving in the capacity of your choice and then be at peace with it. Take the focus off scarcity and lack and visualize service. That’s how Spirit works—when we’re letting go, when we’re not trying, not chasing. “Let yourself be lived by it,” says Lao-tzu. Go within and trust Divine timing. That’s how it’s always worked for me and I’ve always had more work than I could handle.

Namaste, Wayne

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Simple Stuff

(SIMPLE STUFF is a short bit of ideas, quotes, phrases, and ‘stuff’ to help you stay focused, stay loose, ask better questions, and laugh a bit.)

“For it’s not light that is needed, but fire; it’s not the gentle shower, but thunder. We need the storm, the whirlwind and the earthquake in our hearts.” ~ Frederick Douglass

If we focus on what we fear, we feel it today and experience it as if it has already happened. Living in fear does not equate to a proactive life—it will guarantee drama, stress, and reactivity instead of fulfillment. Tony Robbinschild_hand

When confronted by mean-spiritedness, and hateful gossip, respond to it from your position of love: “I don’t want to make any judgments.” Rather than criticizing the mean-spirited person, silently project love. Wayne Dyer

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great. Mark Twain

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. – Steven Wright

The bravest thing you can do when you are not brave is to profess courage and act accordingly. Corra Harris

Few things are impossible to diligence and skill. Great works are performed not by strength but perserverance. Samuel Johnson

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Words to Live By: Reactions/Questions

(This is one of a part of a series of WORDS TO LIVE BY. This series grew out of a workbook I first made for my young daughters and discussed at the dinner table. These Words include values, good ideas, and Words to aspire to….and learn from….enjoy!)

A few years ago I had a nice job and got an offer to move to another employer. I would receive an increase in my salary, a signing bonus, and I’d be able to work from home. It was a no-brainer. I made the move and it was a great opportunity.

But for different reasons that I’m still not totally sure about, I began to focus on the wrong things, react poorly to ‘typical’ challenges, and ask myself poor, dis-empowering questions.

I began to really complain about work and some of the management’s decisions. I began to complain about business and the economy. I even began to focus on and complain more about my wife and our relationship.

Basically, when I was making lots of money, almost at my peak, when I had a great house that we just bought, when I had a nice job and great opportunity, and when I had a great, caring, beautiful wife, I was almost at the least happy point of my life – and I’ll tell you now that it was self-inflicted.

“When something disappointing happened, my mother would remind me not to let that become my focus. There’s still so much to be grateful for.” Katherine Heigl
 
I was unhappy because I focused on what didn’t work and because I asked poor questions. I would focus on how management made bad decisions or how my wife didn’t do this or that. Meanwhile management did do good things and my wife did many great things, but I chose to ignore them.

Then, the Lehman Bros. crisis hit, the economy tanked. I asked another poor question, how can it get any worse? I lost my job along with many others. I asked again ‘ how can it get any worse?’ I struggled for many, many months to find a job.

I kept asking, in different ways, ‘why are bad things happening to me’, ‘what else bad can happen’, ‘why do bad things happen to me’, ‘why aren’t things working’, and ‘how much worse can things get’. I’m serious. I asked all of this.

Guess what? Tenants in my investment property moved out without telling me. They owed me lots of rent. They trashed the place and I had to pay thousands to repair it. My parents both died within 5 weeks of each other. My wife lost 3 other relatives that same year. Unemployment continued. My confidence disappeared and I really found out what it meant to be unhappy.

Before I had so many good things in my life, yet I failed to recognize them.

After months of reflection, I began to appreciate the simple things. I began to appreciate what I had. My wife had been consistently strong and supportive throughout our whole marriage and I was just being negative. I now longed for that job about which I complained so much. I longed for any job.

Soon I did find another good job. Things began to improve. I do believe that, at least in part, things got better because I began to think better, focus on things that were going well for me, asking better questions, and being grateful for what I had. I lived more in the present.

You see, my reactions, my responses, my questions to everyday things – the challenges that any of us might face – were very poor. Then when things really got bad, I almost fell apart.

I had lots of good things in life yet I chose to respond that way, I chose to ask myself these questions. Now I feel much happier and I don’t have many of those materialistic things that I once did have. I don’t feel that I need them to be happy either.

How do you respond to everyday things? Some people love to complain. They can also ‘explain’ why things aren’t going their way. They can tell you 10 reasons why they aren’t in a better place in life and 11 reasons that they aren’t happy. Can they tell you one thing for which they are happy? Probably not. Many of these people really react or respond poorly to things. Can you say ‘overreact’? Everyone knows that person who flips out over small things you or I would simply shrug over….

Don’t dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer. Denis Waitley
 
They probably (like I once did) ask bad questions – things like “why me?” , ‘why am I so unlucky”, ‘why do bad things always happen to me?” Your brain is like a computer – it will search out the reasons why. If you believe in things like the Law of Attraction, etc. these questions will also draw to you poor results.

What questions do you ask yourself? What do you focus on each day? How do you respond to things? We all face some kind of challenge, how do you handle it? Wayne Dyer once said “When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out – because that’s what’s inside. When you are squeezed, what comes out is what is inside.”

We all experience challenges, tragedies, loss, difficultis and surprises. We ach have less than perfect days. It is how we react that makes all the difference over time. It is also key how we talk to ourselves – the questions we ask ourselves.

When you focus on being a blessing, God makes sure that you are always blessed in abundance. Joel Osteen
 
In other blog posts I talk about the Questions of Power. In other words, asking yourself the right, empowering question. Check that blog out here :

 

Here is a great article that relates to what we just talked about above.
A Question that Changes Everything. By Michael Hyatt

In 2003, I was named President of Thomas Nelson. It was an extremely busy time. I made some major changes to my executive team and had two vacant positions. As a result, I essentially had three jobs.

One morning on my way to work, I grabbed my computer case in my right hand, a fresh cup of coffee in my left, and headed downstairs to the garage to leave to work.Four steps from the bottom, I slipped on the carpet. Without a free hand to grab the stair-rail, I tumbled forward. The next thing I knew, I was flat on my fanny on the landing.

I wasn’t immediately aware of any pain. However, my dress shirt and tie were soaked in coffee. I remember thinking, Shoot! I’m going to have to completely change my clothes. This was particularly frustrating, because I was already running late, and I had a very busy day ahead of me.

My wife Gail heard me fall and came running. “Are you okay?” she asked as she raced down the stairs to help me up.

“I’m fine,” I assured her. “However, I’m afraid I’ve made a mess.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she offered as she helped me up. “I can clean this up while you get changed.”

When I put my weight down on my right foot, I let out a yelp. “Oh my gosh! I think my ankle is sprained.” As it turned out, it was more than sprained. It was broken.

My day was, of course, scuttled. In fact, the next ten days were scuttled. I had to have surgery, including a plate and six screws to repair the damage. In addition, for three months I had to wear a therapeutic boot (in lieu of a cast). This couldn’t have happened at a worse time.

At this point, I could have asked myself several questions:

  • Why am I so clumsy?
  • Why did I have both hands full?
  • Why does this have to happen now?
  • Why did I have to be in such a hurry?
  • What did I do to deserve this?

The problem with these questions is that they are completely unproductive and disempowering.

They are natural, of course, and probably even necessary. It’s all part of the process of grieving a loss. But ultimately there are better questions.

One of the best questions you can ask when something negative happens is this:

“What does this experience make possible?”

Do you see the subtle shift? Suddenly, your attention moves from the past—which you can’t do a thing about—to the future.

It is also an acknowledgment that nothing happens by chance. Everything has a purpose. Even the bad things can have a positive impact, when we open our hearts and accept them as “part of the plan.”

In my particular case, a broken ankle had several positive benefits:

  • I couldn’t go to work for a week, so I got some much-needed rest.
  • I had time to set up a new blog and start writing on a regular basis.
  • I got to board first when flying and usually got to upgrade to first-class—for free.
  • I learned first-hand about the challenges you face when you are in a wheel-chair or on crutches.
  • I was forced to slow down and “smell the roses.”
  • I saw my colleagues take more initiative and gained a new appreciation for them.
  • I got to meet several people I would have otherwise never met, including an amazing surgeon who gave me a whole new perspective on what it means to integrate your faith with your profession.
  • I had a ready-made conversation starter, when I met people I didn’t know.

The bottom line is this: you can’t always choose what happens to you. Accidents and tragedies happen. But you can choose how you respond to those situations. One of the best ways to begin is to ask yourself the right question.

Question: Consider a negative situation in your life. Ask yourself, “What does this experience make possible?“

Letting Go, Detachment, Faith

I’ve written about having faith in others, in yourself, in a Higher Power, etc. before. I’ve talked about letting go in similar ways related to our desires and intentions, and even a little about letting go in relationships and with the loss of a loved ones. I’ve discussed detachment a bit too.

I must be honest, these are some of the harder things for me. In particular, I had difficulty for quite a while with letting go of a desire – or what some call the law of detachment.

The essence of the Way is detachment. – Bodhidharma
 
Like many of you reading this, I’ve had challenges and uncertainty in my life and in today’s economy. We often consider that uncertainty is always bad.
 
But it is important to realize that there are good things related to uncertainty. With uncertainty there is a break or freedom from what has happened – from the past. The past does not equal the future. We have the opportunity to escape our own past habits, conditioning, from what we now know. It is an opportunity.
 
He who would be serene and pure needs but one thing, detachment.  –Meister Eckhart
 
If we are willing to step into the unknown, to have faith, and to detach ourselves from the outcome, we surrender ourselves to our own creative subconscious, to other people’s love and support, and to the creative powers that exist in this universe.

Deepak Chopra says, in relation to the Law of Detachment, “in order to acquire anything in the physical universe, you have to relinquish you attachment to it.”

This doesn’t mean that you give up the intention or the desire, but you give up the attachment to the result.

That’s sometimes a little esoteric for me and difficult for me to do. I do know that it can also be very powerful.

I think about times in the past when I felt that I ‘needed’ a chunk of money to pay something. There are times when I needed a few hundred, other times when I needed tens of thousands of dollars for something.

Maybe for you it was a relationship that you wanted. Or maybe you wanted a new client, more sales, a new car, a house, that gadget, whatever.

We focus on it and we think about it and really just hang on it, right? We have a burning desire, we make a strategy and we really, really want it.

This is typically attachment. Typically this is not helpful. It can be based on insecurity, fear, scarcity. We think that we don’t have it, that it is separate from us and that we have a void and we want it to fill the void.  If you think about creation and abundance, those things are opposites. It can also show a lack of faith in ourselves and Creation.

Abundance, Creation, wealth, can fulfill every need. But are these things that we are chasing, really a need? Are they really necessary?

When we ‘chase things’ we create anxiety, tension, stress, don’t we? As Chopra says, “Attachment comes from poverty consciousness, because attachment is always to symbols. Detachment is synonymous with wealth consciousness, because with detachment there is freedom to create. Only from detached involvement can one have joy and laughter.”

When Chopra speaks of symbols, he means the materialistic, physical things that we desire in life; cars, money, homes, clothes, etc. Often these things can leave us feeling hollow.

Attachment leads us more towards a world of helplessness, hopelessness, desparation and seriousness, doesn’t it? Think of those times when you felt that you needed something ASAP. You probably worried more, thought about the problem, thought about something related to it from the past or future and you weren’t in the present moment. You probably weren’t as creative or joyful, right?

So How do we DETACH?:  Essentially let go or hand over things to your Creator/God/Higher Power. Let go of all the persons, places and things which you would like to see changed but which you cannot change on your own. 

Realize and take responsibility for your own actions and accept that there is only one person you can change and that is yourself. Let go of the “need” to fix, change, rescue or heal other persons, places and things.

Real detachment means inner strength, and the ability to function calmly and with full inner control under all circumstances. A detached person is not harassed and hurried, and can do everything with concentration and attention, thus insuring a successful outcome of his actions.

There is wisdom in uncertainty. There is freedom and creativity in uncertainty, detachment.

To be consistently effective, you must put a certain distance between yourself and what happens to you on the golf course. This is not indifference, it’s detachment.  -Sam SneadWhen we are attached to something, we are in some way trying to control things. Controlling such is this is typically because we’re afraid. Our fear and our ego leads us to believe that somehow if we control things, everything will be OK. Instead, letting go will open us up to other possibilities.

We all seek security in one way or another. Again, I cite Chopra’s example when we might  desire money and expect security from it. “When I have X million dollares, then I’ll be secure.” But it never happens.

Seeking security in this manner can lead us to chase it for a lifetime without ever finding it.” Deepak Chopra. http://www.chopra.com/laws/detachment

Let’s talk more about uncertainty. Here you step into the unknown. This world is wide open. It is yet to be defined. It is the drop in the water of life that starts the ripples, that start the waves. All things are now possible. You will also experience excitement, adventure, mystery, magic, celebration, exhilaration.

It is ok not to have a complete, firm idea what you’re doing in the future. If you get too specific, to rigid, you can shut out the possibilities that may be available to you.

You can still have a goal but when you consider uncertainty, your goal could change or other possibilities and opportunities can come up. It isn’t about forcing an idea or solution. It is more about being open to what comes along and being alert and prepared in the present moment.

As they say, good luck is opportunity and being prepared.

Softly and kindly remind yourself, “I cannot own anything.””It is a valuable thought to keep in mind as you struggle to improve your financial picture, worry about investments, and plan how to acquire more and more. It is a universal principle which you are part of. You must release everything when you truly awaken. Are you letting your life go by in frustration and worry over not having enough? If so, relax and remember that you only get what you have for a short period of time. When you awaken you will see the folly of being attached to anything. ~Wayne Dyer”

It is also true that we all can sometimes get attached to “Our Story” – our past, our challenges, our history. This story of our life can limit us greatly if we get emotional and/or attached to it. Instead, we can have a healthy detachment to our past. This allows us to more easily identify the lessons and the benefit that comes from the experience.

Are you stuck in life because you are living out of a story you told yourself long ago? Are you reliving the same story over and over, placing your attention on the story rather than where you want to go? We all do it.

LIVESTRONG.COM HAS SOME EXCELLENT POINTS ABOUT DETACHMENT

They discuss things more in terms of relationships, but it is still relevant. http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/

What is detachment?
Detachment is the:
* Ability to allow people, places or things the freedom to be themselves.
* Holding back from the need to rescue, save or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional or irrational.
* Giving another person “the space” to be herself.
* Disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people.
* Willingness to accept that you cannot change or control a person, place or thing.
* Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life.
* Establishing of emotional boundaries between you and those people you have become overly enmeshed or dependent with in order that all of you might be able to develop your own sense of autonomy and independence.
* Process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering.
* Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing or controlling.
* Placing of all things in life into a healthy, rational perspective and recognizing that there is a need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life.
* Ability to exercise emotional self-protection and prevention so as not to experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on beyond a reasonable and rational point.
* Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them.
* Ability to allow people to be who they “really are” rather than who you “want them to be.”
* Ability to avoid being hurt, abused, taken advantage of by people who in the past have been overly dependent or enmeshed with you.

What are the negative effects not detaching?
If you are unable to detach from people, places or things, then you:
* Will have people, places or things which become over-dependent on you.
* Run the risk of being manipulated to do things for people, at places or with things which you do not really want to do.
* Can become an obsessive “fix it” who needs to fix everything you perceive to be imperfect.
* Run the risk of performing tasks because of the intimidation you experience from people, places or things.
* Will most probably become powerless in the face of the demands of the people, places or things whom you have given the power to control you.
* Will be blind to the reality that the people, places or things which control you are the uncontrollables and unchangeables you need to let go of if you are to become a fully healthy, coping individual.
* Will be easily influenced by the perception of helplessness which these people, places or things project.
* Might become caught up with your idealistic need to make everything perfect for people, places or things important to you even if it means your own life becomes unhealthy.
* Run the risk of becoming out of control of yourself and experience greater low self-esteem as a result.
* Will most probably put off making a decision and following through on it, if you rationally recognize your relationship with a person, place or thing is unhealthy and the only recourse left is to get out of the relationship.
* Will be so driven by guilt and emotional dependence that the sickness in the relationship will worsen.
* Run the risk of losing your autonomy and independence and derive your value or worth solely from the unhealthy relationship you continue in with the unhealthy person, place or thing.

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