Frey Freyday – Rejection

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

rejection -[rəˈjekSH(ə)n] –NOUN the dismissing or refusing of a proposal, idea,

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We all learn lessons in life. Some stick, some don’t. I have always learned more from rejection and failure than from acceptance and success. Henry Rollins

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The biggest hurdle is rejection. Any business you start, be ready for it. The difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is the successful people do all the things the unsuccessful people don’t want to do. When 10 doors are slammed in your face, go to door number 11 enthusiastically, with a smile on your face. John Paul DeJoria

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I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat. Sylvester Stallone
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Most fears of rejection rest on the desire for approval from other people. Don’t base your self-esteem on their opinions. Harvey Mackay
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 WORD TO LIVE BY:
Rejection – a necessary thing that we all go through, it’s how you frame it that matters.

Some of us may think rejection is this thing that happens all the time, so what happens is that so many people guide their life based on this fear that they’re going to be rejected, so they don’t take action and don’t start new things or chase their dreams because they’re worried about what other people are going to think. It may be love, sports, business, education, whatever….

They’re going to be rejected and deemed unworthy, unlovable or not adequate in some way or another and you think, that’s so sad, because rejection, the actual form of rejection that shapes people’s identity and hurts them, happens so rarely. If you don’t believe it then that’s an internal fear, not the reality of the universe.

According to Brendon Burchard, there is some real, basic data. Brendon has traveled around the globe, well over most of the globe now, and here’s what he found out over and over again.

He always do this little simple activity where he says, ‘if you’ve ever been rejected in a way where it hurt, it actually hurt and formed and shaped your identity in a way, it was a significant hurt that you felt and it changed how you felt about yourself and what you might want to accomplish in the world. If you’ve ever felt that before would you raise your hand?’ Everyone raises their hand.

Then Brendon says, ‘if you’ve ever been rejected by, let’s say, three people, who really rejected you in that way that you were shot down, hurt and it changed who you are and what you wanted to accomplish in life. How many times has that ever happened with three people?’.. A bunch of people raise their hands again and he starts escalating that number from three, to five to seven, to ten, fifteen, twenty. and thirty.

Here’s what’s amazing. Brendon states that he has done this all over the world with audiences with thousands of people in them and here’s the average across all those audiences, all around the world, it doesn’t matter the culture. The average number is about seven.

So anywhere between five and seven, meaning, people say between five and seven people hurt their feelings enough with a real rejection, not one of those, “Well I’m sorry I can’t go out with you I’m washing my hair” stuff. I mean someone who really criticized you and rejected you in a way that it hurt. The average person says five to seven people rejected them like that.

There are some people who have more than that. I’m saying the average is five to seven and yet so many people when this is asked, how many of you are so scared of rejection that almost everyone raises their hand.

It’s like wait a second, we’re scared of something that barely ever happens?

 

If you think about it, we get rejected all the time – from when we were a baby. Rejection is a necessary way of learning, improving, making our approach better. Too often we get scared of the simple idea that we may get rejected and overlook the benefits of the experience, what we’ll learn from the rejection, the efforts, the new relationships, the new steps we’re taking, etc. – and we often lose sight that we may not get rejected at all and we may succeed. It is worth the risk.

 

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

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You can read more at www.onewebstrategy.com

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BONUS  :

TED Talks to help you shake off rejection

Everyone faces rejection, sometimes on repeat. These speakers experienced a barrage of ‘no’s, but were able to push past the disappointment and keep on going. May their resilience inspire you.

https://www.ted.com/playlists/234/talks_to_help_you_shake_off_re

Rejected! 5 Lessons

We all get rejected in different parts of our lives, and I find that many people just plain don’t take action because they fear that they will be rejected (they don’t even try).

Either way, here is a very good video and blog link about Rejection, persistence, and strategies for life.

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FROM Brendon Burchard’s blog

http://brendonburchard.tumblr.com/post/102898496063/rejected-5-lessons-from-getting-dumped-by-my-publisher

Summary:

Brendon’s latest New York Times bestselling book, The Motivation Manifesto, was at first rejected by Simon & Schuster. He had a near-million-dollar deal with them, but when he turned his book in they said it was unpublishable. Brendon was stunned. Basically, they said they didn’t like it, and threatened to cancel the contract and demand their money back if he didn’t change the voice and add more stories.

What did Brendon do? What would you do?

Change your art to meet the desires of people who are uninformed about your expertise and passion?

Or fight for your voice and give the money back?

Brendon chose to fight for his vision. He agreed to give the money back and then released the book via a distribution deal with Hay House. The book immediately debuted as a bestseller on the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, USA Today, Amazon, and Barnes and Noble bestseller lists.

This is his story and 5 lessons learned fighting for his voice and dreams.

Brendon says, “Never let someone tell you that you or your dreams are impossible, improbable, or not ‘good enough’ for their liking, especially when they have no experience or knowledge of your true heart and powers.”

In this video he shares these 5 lessons:

1. Have vision for your life and art. And stick to it through your doubts and fears, through all the petty judgements and social oppressions.
2. Believe in your ability to figure things out. With enough time, effort, and discipline you will learn and grow and achieve.
3. Have fun chasing your dreams – no matter what. Bring joy to each experience and realize the journey is something to be cherished and grateful for.
4. Be patient but always persistent. Go easy on yourself but hard each day toward your dreams.
5. Respect and love others also playing this same game of life. Everyone is struggling to express themselves and achieve their dreams – so give them the same respect, patience, appreciation and love you desire for yourself.

 

My Story, Chapter 8

(This is a quick overview “MY STORY” of my life, mostly to highlight the victories, challenges, and roller coasters we all ride in life. I offer some lessons that I learned at some points, and hopefully my perspective and experiences can help at least one person. Plus, some of you have just simply asked to learn more about me…)

….in Chapter 7, I mentioned how I was finally focusing on the right things and doing well. That’s when I got a call out of the blue to try something new and different, and to leave the world of self-employment. It was a little risky, too, because I entered the world of banking and SBA lending for the first time and I knew nothing about it….

Before I jump into new info, I wanted to reflect on what I consider to be guidance by our inner Self, or the Source, or God or the Universe – whatever you want to call it. To me, it is much the same. I believe we’re connected, so if you’re true to your Self and in the right state of mind and heart, your Self should equal = God.

Anyhow, I find it interesting, now looking back, at the ways I have guided myself, or been guided, along the way in life. While I was in the moments, it wasn’t much fun and wasn’t “interesting”. It was just plain rough. Now looking back, I’m glad and sort of relieved things didn’t always work out like I hoped. I think that I was being led by my ego during many of those moments into a job I thought I wanted, a job that paid a lot or looked cool, or both. Luckily my Self led me another way.

I can think of a few times where I wanted a job, even Needed a job. I applied for a position and did everything right. Then I got to the interview and blew it or just didn’t get a position that I felt I was definitely qualified for…..while I was in the MBA program I made contacts that got me an interview with Arthur Andersen Consulting. At that time, Arthur Andersen was doing very well nationwide and locally. They were in the news in good ways often. I had 4 interviews with them and they seemed to all go well. I loved the culture, the age groups, the compensation packages, etc. I wanted the job!

I was scheduled for a 5th interview. I was pretty happy that things were moving along well. Then I heard Arthur Andersen’s name in the news again. It seemed this time Negative! They were identified closely with ENRON and some of the ‘creative accounting’ there. Soon all new hires were put on hold. Soon after that a few people started to leave the local Arthur Andersen office. Soon after that more things came out and things got worse for them.

I had worked for the federal government, as I mentioned, and in one case later in my life, I tried to go back into the government and get re-hired by the same agency. The economy was shaky and I thought the government would offer some security while I got back on my feet. I had applied and many people and old friends thought it would be a slam dunk hire. Then, I got a form letter that I was declined. I had accidentally filled out the form wrong in one spot, I erroneously put a wrong grade number for the application and they denied my application. Even after I called and explained I was told that they could not modify an application and I’d have to wait until next year. It really was depressing and disappointing. However, not long after, it was announced that this agency was going to close. 300 people, many of my friends, would now need to look for new jobs. Had I been accepted, I would have been there only a short time and then required to go out and look anew. It would have been worse.

I’ve had many other instances when I wanted to work for a company, been passed over in some way, and then found out that there was an issue, it closed, or the job was not a good one. In some way or another I was lucky and it seemed like someone was watching out for me. What appeared to be bad luck seemed like good luck.

More recently I considered a career move and was again denied. I took it to heart and felt pretty down for a while. Then I recalled these past experiences in my life…I’m still “too close” to see big picture so far but I tell myself that this too shall pass and that something better is coming, this opportunity wasn’t right for my path and some Intelligence is helping me…..

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…I think that it helps to have a Vision where or what you want. Have a clear idea, picture, thought, feelings – where you want to go, how you want it to be, and why. Don’t worry about the How. You need to stay focused on that vision – what you can do today, how you can take action – and avoid focusing on what doesn’t work, avoid focusing on the negative. Setting goals is great. Having faith in yourself and faith in others, and faith in the world helps a lot. Giving, being open-minded, being happy, and being persistent are other lessons that I’d have to pass along too…..

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…..to jump back into my Chapter 8 timeline and get back to the story – I was going to start telling you about how I was hired to a large bank for the first time and how well things went for some time……had I not had the previous denials, challenges and even failures, I would not have had this new job at the bank. Those doors that were closed may or may not have been good for me, we will never know, but certainly when I started this new job at the bank, I was very happy to be there……to be continued.

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Is there Perfection in our life events?

Did you ever really, really want something and not get it, and later when you look back on it, it all makes sense?

I’ve heard people say that there is perfection in our lives – that where we are and what happens is in some ways perfect. For many things I accept this – but when we lose a loved one, especially a child – or something similar, it is hard to see any kind of perfection in those tragic events.

But, just for this conversation, let’s just discuss events around our careers?

I look back when I was working full time and going to the evening MBA program. It was over 10 years ago. Arthur Andersen Consulting was big, at least it seemed to be from my perspective. They were worldwide, visible, and seemed to have a great reputation. Through the university’s MBA program, I got to meet many of the local Arthur Andersen’s (AA) staff. They were about my age and seemed like really interesting people. I researched AA more and it seemed really interesting.

So I started the interview process. I was intrigued and excited. I loved it. I seemed to be doing well in the process – although it was a long process. They had 5-6 interviews. I felt things were going well and got invited back to my 5th interview. I was pumped. That interview was tough, and I eventually was told that they ‘passed me over’ this time.

I was crushed. I was so excited, felt connected to the people, the mission, the pay, the aura. It really bothered me.

A few weeks went by and through the MBA program, we heard that AA was no longer going to pursue ANY candidates. What? None of us? There were about 7 people in the last stages. We heard two might be hired.

Then we found out that Arthur Andersen was somehow involved with ENRON. There was a big backlash and other problems. Suddenly no hiring. Soon after layoffs came to AA.Then I was told the Pittsburgh office was downsized. That opportunity had looked SOOOOOO good. I would have almost paid for it. I wanted it so bad.

Now I was somewhat relieved that I didn’t get hired. I later found out that some former Arthur Andersen staff had a tough time getting hired elsewhere, at least for a while, due to the Enron stigma. In reality many had nothing to do with it but the PR was bad.

I’ve had other times in my life where I started a partnership with another guy and it seemed to be a great thing. Then in 2 months he decided to end our contract. I was shocked. There was really no reason, all parties were performing and doing well. I was mad, upset, hurt, confused……but it didn’t take long to realize that he was so incredibly anal, controlling, etc. – that we probably would not have gotten along. Years later I talked to someone in the industry that had worked for him and he didn’t have anything good to say. He felt that the years with him were lost years.  A bad breakup turned out to be good?

I remember attending a football banquet with my father. A local organization put it on for charity – some of the Pittsburgh Steelers attended and spoke, took pictures, etc. Two of the Steelers spoke about how they progressed – even how they were guided through their careers and through life. The kicker, Gary Anderson, spoke about being on the football team before the Steelers. Before the NFL, he was a very accurate kicker and was drafted. After being drafted to the NFL, he spoke about how his kicking in practice and in games was far below his potential. As he said it, “I could kick better with my left foot than I was with my right during that period.” He soon got cut. He went through all the bad emotions and worry. How could he ever work again? Would he be able to kick well ever again? Etc.

Then he was picked up by the Steelers. For whatever reasons, when he arrived on the Steelers, he kicked well again. It seemed much easier and things went well for a number of years. He was happier, he contributed to the team, the community, his family was happy, etc. Looking back, that previous experience and failure almost seemed necessary – it seemed perfect.

I’ve heard many other stories of people in sports, life, love where a crushing blow seemed to be the worst loss, failure, dead end, or bad moment in their lives. Something that seemed to be so good, so desirable, such a must was suddenly taken away or shut off. How could they ever recover? Maybe it was a relationship, a career change, a move, whatever.

Then, a short period after, they looked back and they were glad it happened. One thing led to another and something better showed up. Something unexpected came about and now they were happy.

This has happened in my own life many times in many ways. More recently there has been a career event that seemed to be so good, then suddenly changed and it hurt. I’m still too close to look back on it clearly but for once I’m kind of excited to see the perfection in the new life and options I now have. I feel calm, confident, and faithful that whatever comes next will be better and that event is part of the perfection.

I’ve read different stories about people getting hurt and now have to use a wheelchair all their lives but they now feel grateful for the new role. How many people have you heard say they went for a certain job and found it miserable, and now they have a better, simpler life doing something else, something that they could not have dreamed of on their own? An injury? A loved one being challenged by something? Any of the hurdles each of us face….

Some people say it is Destiny. Others say God is guiding us. Some say that it is our Inner Self guiding us. There is no right or wrong answer. For me, I feel it is a little bit of all the above.

I feel that Destiny/God/Inner Self is all the same thing. When we calm down and listen to ourselves, we often feel/see/hear the ‘right’ decisions. I believe that this guides us. I also believe that our Inner Self is connected to the outside world – the Source, God, the Universe whatever you call it. Are we being guided or guiding ourselves? Does it really matter?

There is an old Chinese proverb that helps us have a perspective on events….is something ‘good’ or ‘bad’

Sāi Wēng Lost his Horse –Sāi Wēng lived on the border and he raised horses for a living. One day he lost a horse and his neighbor felt sorry for him, but Sāi Wēng didn’t care about the horse, because he thought it wasn’t a bad thing to lose a horse. After a while the horse returned with another beautiful horse, and the neighbor congratulated him on his good luck. But Sāi Wēng thought that maybe it wasn’t a good thing to have this new horse.

His son liked the new horse a lot and often took it riding. One day his son fell off the horse and broke his leg. Because of his broken leg, he couldn’t go off to the war, as was expected of all the young men in the area. Most of them died.

This proverb is said when bad luck turns to good, or when good luck turns to bad.

Related to this, we should avoid labeling anything as good or bad.

I suggest taking words like bad, good, negative, positive out of your self talk by simply stating what it is without labeling it. For example: you may feel emotional inside where your energy is low in a situation, ask yourself if that feeling is serving you and if it is, ok…if not, choose to change to another feeling state. Realize that you may not know if this event today is really ‘bad’ or ‘good’ yet.

Be excited to find how the failure, disappointment, rejection is just going to lead to something better. Be relaxed and at ease that you’ll be guided – by yourself or by something else – to the right spot, to the state of perfection. Have faith, have patience, and let it happen.