Category Archives: patience

Frey Freyday- Patience

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff..)

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.-Carl Jung

Patience is not simply the ability to wait – it’s how we behave while we’re waiting.-Joyce Meyer

Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.-Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Good character is not formed in a week or a month. It is created little by little, day by day. Protracted and patient effort is needed to develop good character.-Heraclitus

Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.-Napoleon Hill

All we need is just a little patience.- Axl Rose

With love and patience, nothing is impossible.-Daisaku Ikeda

We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world.-Helen Keller

Have patience with all things, But, first of all with yourself.-Saint Francis de Sales

Choose How You Want to Feel

By Kare Anderson
Emmy-Winner | TEDx | Connective Behavior | Speaker | Columnist | Author | Strategist
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Breandan and Emma, the couple up the hill from me in Sausalito have been married 54 years, they proudly told me last year. They walked, hand-in-hand past my home each morning, usually laughing, smiling and pointing out things to each other along the way.

Originally from Ireland, they listened, in bed, to BBC News at dawn so they usually had a tidbit of news to share with me if they happened to pass my home when I was finishing my lame attempt at morning exercises in the back yard.

When Emma died suddenly, Breandan stopped walking. He stayed inside their home and ignored my knock on their door. Several times. Later, when he started walking again, he told me his son, a motivational speaker on leadership, suggested that he start saying positive self-affirmations every morning “to lift his mood.”

He retorted, “My mood doesn’t need lifting! It’s right where it’s supposed to be.” So his well-intentioned son then mailed him a card pack with cheery faces on one side and, on the other, a series of upbeat daily affirmations. The card pack was entitled ”Yes, I Can!” to which Breandan hotly responded (to me, but not his son, I gather) “No I won’t!”

Write Yourself Through Your Journey to a Better Emotional Place

That gift inspired Breandan to get out of the old chair he sat in most days, with a morose look on his face, and take action, but not in the way his son intended. He wrote his own collection of “realistic affirmations.” I figured that the sentiments reflected his way of responding to grief, his stubborn resistance to being told to feel better and his core attitude about living life as it happens. Some were darkly funny. Yet his basic resilience started to shine through as he finished writing his sayings by the end of the year. “Not every cloud has a silver lining so start liking the clouds.”

I thought of Breandan when I read that Norman Vincent Peale may have been wrong, at least for some people, when he advocated saying positive self-affirmations to lift one’s mood. That’s a startling revelation for many of us Americans who have been bombarded with self-help messages based on the belief that positive affirmations are entirely beneficial.

“Repeating positive self-statements may benefit certain people, such as those with high self-esteem, but backfire for the very people who need them the most,” concludes social psychology professor Dr. Joanne Wood. Even those with high self-esteem felt only slightly better after repeating a positive self-statement.

The news gets worse for those with a low self-image Wood and her colleagues found:

• People with high self-esteem are more likely than those with low self-esteem to try to improve their moods when they are sad, as well as to savor their moods when they are happy.

• Those with low self-esteem sometimes even try to dampen their happiness, and engaging with others on Facebook seems to reinforce that reaction.

Don’t Fight Those Feelings. Instead, Notice Them, Then Choose What to Feel

Like obsessing more about the elephant in the room after being told to ignore it, being told to repeat “get happy” sayings, when sad, can make us feel even more sad. As Ed Yong concluded, “Statements that contradict a person’s self-image, no matter how rallying in intention, are likely to boomerang.“ “Don’t believe everything you think. “Thoughts are just that – thoughts,” wrote Pocket Peace author Allan Lokos.

Instead, of trying to change your feelings (as cognitive therapy attempts to do) change how you choose to view your thoughts. That approach calls on us to be mindfully observing what we are thinking and feeling from a calm pool, so to speak, without getting repeatedly sucked into the downward swirl of them. As Thich Nhat Hanh wrote, “Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.”

Practicing this way we can notice what we are feeling in the moment without immediately reacting, thus becoming better at choosing how we want to act. This approach is called ACT:Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. To reinforce that practice, “think of yourself as a kind friend,” suggests Duke University psychology professor Mark Leary. That bolsters yourself-compassion and thus your happiness. “One is a great deal less anxious if one feels perfectly free to be anxious, and the same may be said of guilt,” Alan Watts wrote.

Breandan, by the way, has begun writing his memoir, describing some of the adventures he shared with Emma, the people they met and the joy of living with her “through thick and thin.” His writing enables him to take the ACT approach, to observing and accept his sadness at his wife’s passing and to choose to focus, instead, on the many of the happy times they enjoyed together. He showed me the quote he chose for the first page:

“In the end, just three things matter:

How well we have lived

How well we have loved

How well we have learned to let go” ~ Jack Kornfield

As Byron Katie would say, he is “loving what is.” See more ideas at my Quotable and Connected column at Forbes.

https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140716144633-7216756-choose-how-you-want-to-feel?_mSplash=1%5C&published=t

My Story, Chapter 8

(This is a quick overview “MY STORY” of my life, mostly to highlight the victories, challenges, and roller coasters we all ride in life. I offer some lessons that I learned at some points, and hopefully my perspective and experiences can help at least one person. Plus, some of you have just simply asked to learn more about me…)

….in Chapter 7, I mentioned how I was finally focusing on the right things and doing well. That’s when I got a call out of the blue to try something new and different, and to leave the world of self-employment. It was a little risky, too, because I entered the world of banking and SBA lending for the first time and I knew nothing about it….

Before I jump into new info, I wanted to reflect on what I consider to be guidance by our inner Self, or the Source, or God or the Universe – whatever you want to call it. To me, it is much the same. I believe we’re connected, so if you’re true to your Self and in the right state of mind and heart, your Self should equal = God.

Anyhow, I find it interesting, now looking back, at the ways I have guided myself, or been guided, along the way in life. While I was in the moments, it wasn’t much fun and wasn’t “interesting”. It was just plain rough. Now looking back, I’m glad and sort of relieved things didn’t always work out like I hoped. I think that I was being led by my ego during many of those moments into a job I thought I wanted, a job that paid a lot or looked cool, or both. Luckily my Self led me another way.

I can think of a few times where I wanted a job, even Needed a job. I applied for a position and did everything right. Then I got to the interview and blew it or just didn’t get a position that I felt I was definitely qualified for…..while I was in the MBA program I made contacts that got me an interview with Arthur Andersen Consulting. At that time, Arthur Andersen was doing very well nationwide and locally. They were in the news in good ways often. I had 4 interviews with them and they seemed to all go well. I loved the culture, the age groups, the compensation packages, etc. I wanted the job!

I was scheduled for a 5th interview. I was pretty happy that things were moving along well. Then I heard Arthur Andersen’s name in the news again. It seemed this time Negative! They were identified closely with ENRON and some of the ‘creative accounting’ there. Soon all new hires were put on hold. Soon after that a few people started to leave the local Arthur Andersen office. Soon after that more things came out and things got worse for them.

I had worked for the federal government, as I mentioned, and in one case later in my life, I tried to go back into the government and get re-hired by the same agency. The economy was shaky and I thought the government would offer some security while I got back on my feet. I had applied and many people and old friends thought it would be a slam dunk hire. Then, I got a form letter that I was declined. I had accidentally filled out the form wrong in one spot, I erroneously put a wrong grade number for the application and they denied my application. Even after I called and explained I was told that they could not modify an application and I’d have to wait until next year. It really was depressing and disappointing. However, not long after, it was announced that this agency was going to close. 300 people, many of my friends, would now need to look for new jobs. Had I been accepted, I would have been there only a short time and then required to go out and look anew. It would have been worse.

I’ve had many other instances when I wanted to work for a company, been passed over in some way, and then found out that there was an issue, it closed, or the job was not a good one. In some way or another I was lucky and it seemed like someone was watching out for me. What appeared to be bad luck seemed like good luck.

More recently I considered a career move and was again denied. I took it to heart and felt pretty down for a while. Then I recalled these past experiences in my life…I’m still “too close” to see big picture so far but I tell myself that this too shall pass and that something better is coming, this opportunity wasn’t right for my path and some Intelligence is helping me…..

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…I think that it helps to have a Vision where or what you want. Have a clear idea, picture, thought, feelings – where you want to go, how you want it to be, and why. Don’t worry about the How. You need to stay focused on that vision – what you can do today, how you can take action – and avoid focusing on what doesn’t work, avoid focusing on the negative. Setting goals is great. Having faith in yourself and faith in others, and faith in the world helps a lot. Giving, being open-minded, being happy, and being persistent are other lessons that I’d have to pass along too…..

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…..to jump back into my Chapter 8 timeline and get back to the story – I was going to start telling you about how I was hired to a large bank for the first time and how well things went for some time……had I not had the previous denials, challenges and even failures, I would not have had this new job at the bank. Those doors that were closed may or may not have been good for me, we will never know, but certainly when I started this new job at the bank, I was very happy to be there……to be continued.

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Simple Stuff

SimpleStuff

(Simple Stuff are a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

As far as I can tell, Jim, worrying about anything at all is a pretty good indicator that one has begun thinking that their joy and prosperity will somehow hinge on pending physical events, other people, or angry green Martians. Can you imagine?!  Phone home,  The Universe (Mike Dooley)

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  • Quick Relationship Tip: Remember: you are repeatedly training your nervous systems (and your partner’s nervous system) about how you feel about each other, no matter what you do. If you keep looking at each other in stress, you will start to associate each other with stress. If you look and act with each other in anger you will associate each other with anger. So be playful, loving and forgiving with each other – then you will associate love and happiness with the relationship 🙂 – Tony Robbins

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6 questions successful, high-performing individuals ask themselves. http://youtu.be/02Bzjj1eeeo Summary:
1. Presence: What level am I in this moment in terms of my emotional and physical vibrancy and presence?
2. Psychology: Am I living my truth – am I being who I know I can be and interacting with others as my best self?
3. Physiology: Am I rested, fit and hydrated?
4. Productivity: What is my mission today – what must I accomplish today to progress my life?
5. Persuasion: Am I demonstrating bold enthusiasm when I seek to influence others?
6. Purpose: How can I serve greatly?

From Brendon Burchard

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“A man arrested for shooting at the White House says he was upset over U.S. marijuana laws. Man, if only there was some way to mellow that guy out.” — Stephen Colbert

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Everyone is lucky, few are prepared.– Michael Dooley

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“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” ~ John Quincy Adams

🙂

The Relationship Between Habits and Success?

Here is a great article I recently came across….

What Is The Relationship Between Habits and Success?

What is the relationship between habits and success?

Putting together our Scales of Success and Iceberg of Consciousness, the answer becomes stunningly simple…

Your Why-To’s of Success are held in your Conscious Mind.

Everyone wants to succeed, on the Conscious level. We all know that it’s better to succeed than the alternative!

Why do you think we’re spending all this time, money and effort trying to be more successful?

So your Why-To’s of Success are held in your Conscious mind.

But have you ever stopped to think about the Cost of Success?

I’ve asked this question to thousands of people around the world in my seminars and mastermind programs, and the response I get is…dead silence.

I can practically hear people’s minds whirring as they ask themselves this unexpected question…

“Wow, I’ve never thought about that before. What could possibly be a COST of Success?”

Have you ever thought about the fact that, if your Why-To’s of Success are held in your Conscious Mind, your Why-Not-To’s of Success must be held in your Subconscious Mind?

What does that mean?

It means: no one wakes up in the morning, looks out the window and says, “Ahhh, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and it looks like a great day. I think I’ll hold myself back from success today!”

Nor has anyone ever said, “I think I’ll invest in this personal development program (or book, or seminar, or coaching program) so I can sabotage myself better!”

Every human being wants to succeed; on the Conscious level.

But, because your Why-Not-To’s of Success are hidden in your Subconscious mind, it’s like you’re driving down the road of life…

With one foot on the brake.

PS. Leave a comment and share around if you Like articles like this

I believe in you!

If you enjoyed today’s article, please comment and share if you want more content like this…

The Future You !

Here’s something I’ve done for myself and asked my daughters to do for themselves…..

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If you are really honest, in a good state of mind, and really try to get into it, you’ll benefit.

I’d recommend that you revisit these often and save it for years to come…..

  • Picture YOU, five years from now….
  • Picture YOU, five years older, wiser, happier, better….
  • What do you look like?
    What are you wearing?
    What does your body look like?
    What is your life like?
  • Your career?
  • Your social life?
  • Your relationships?
  • See yourself smiling a bright, sincere smile….what are you smiling about?
    See yourself being excited…..what are you excited about?
  • See how confident, relieved and relaxed you are….
  • OK, what does your Perfect Day look like five years in the future? Be specific.
  • What things are you grateful for?
  • What things are you happy about?
  • Now the future you is going to talk to you….what would Future YOU say to the present you?
  • The Future YOU is going to tell you a secret, something wise and important about your life until then….what is it?
  • The Future You tells you about one great choice you made between today and that 5 year point – what was that choice?
  • What thing(s) can you do today to become the future you?

Write it down. Review it. Save it.

Take care!

How Couples Can Stop Fighting About Money

How many of us have fought with a spouse or partner about money?
We all have in some way, right?

When financial issues come up, we handle things differently due to our gender, family, upbringing, current outlook, etc.

So how do we handle this?

I saw this good video about it from Noah St. John.

Thanks

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STOP that argument in its tracks

From time to time I like to pass along other good websites or blogs, etc. that are really good stuff.

This is from Robbins-Madanes Training (Tony Robbins and Chloe Madanes) http://robbinsmadanescoachtraining.com/?p=1464

I highly recommend that you take time to read it and watch the video(s)…….

It starts here…..

Have you ever been in an argument with someone where you realize, “Wow. This might be the end of our relationship!” It could be a tough conversation with a friend about hurt feelings that could end the friendship and make you enemies. It might be a business negotiation where instead becoming partners you become competitors. It could be a conversation with your spouse that could lead to a decision that you regret forever. These are dangerous minutes, right? Well, conversations like this we call “high stakes conversations.” If you win, you win it all. If you lose, you lose it all. The stakes are high. So how do you turn it around?

Today let’s explore one simple strategy called the Outcome Strategy.

You see, the problem with high stakes conversations is that two speakers tend to get stuck in an emotional opposition to each other. In other words: the more you take your position, the more I disagree with you and take the opposite position, and vica versa. When you get opposed to each other like this, you start reacting to me and the emotional dynamics of our conversation rather than the actual outcome you want. Instead of being proactive – and thinking creatively about what’s best for everyone, the conversation plays out as if only one of you can win this game. Now, what’s wrong with getting stuck in an opposition is that any two people having a high-stakes conversation are likely to have a lot in common: a relationship, a history, and shared objectives. When you get stuck in an opposition, you stop reacting to what’s good and only react to what you see as bad – the other person’s disagreements, opposition, disrespect. That’s what’s so dangerous – you’re likely to throw out the baby with the bathwater. The Outcome Strategy is there to stop that pattern, see past the opposition, align with each other, and find creative solutions for your outcomes. The strategy has three basic parts:

1. ASK TO UNDERSTAND. Simply tell the person, “I really want to understand you,  your experience, and what you want. Please tell me what is most important to you right now.” In other words, you’re asking to understand their outcome. Most conflicts are triggered by a specific emotion -when the other person doesn’t feel you will look after their interests. When you become a great listener, this changes fast. The thing they’re upset about could be a policy decision, it could be that they want to feel respected, it could mean they sick of deadlines not being met. At bottom, what is upsetting them is the feeling that you are not willing to help them. Listen, listen, listen. Align with them so that you’re helping them get what they need.

2. ASK HOW IT’S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN – AND OFFER HELP. Pretty common-sense, right? When we rally for something, when we push for something to happen, we usually have a vision – an expectation, an idea, a preconception, a bias – on how it should happen or will happen. You need to understand the other person’s vision in very concrete terms. So just say, “What’s important to you is important to me, and I want you (and us) to have this outcome. How are you thinking it’s going to take place? What has to happen? What do you need? What’s the sequence of steps we need to take?” Don’t ask this in a challenging way. Instead, think of yourself as rolling up your sleeves, going side-by-side with the other person, saying, “OK, where do we start?” If you can, take notes and get the sequence of action steps to get to the outcome. Remember: if this is a high-stakes conversation, the upset was caused by the feeling that you’re not looking after your friend… so counter that by committing now to some steps and turn that around. Write your commitments down on paper. This sends a strong signal that you are cooperating and that the argument is over. Once the person understands that you are on their side and that you will help, you also have an opportunity to offer solutions that get you to the outcome more quickly.

3. RAISE THE COMMON INTENT. Now, once the person feels you understand their outcome and how they want to get it, once they feel you are no longer opposed to them, raise the intent. Here’s how this works. When we get into a high stakes argument, it usually devolves to you vs. me. Now that’s a restricted kind of “survival mode” thinking that kicks in when we get into a personal conflict. Now that you’ve aligned with the other person, share a broader intention – of helping you, helping me, of helping those around us, and helping in the long term. When you raise the common intent and widening the circle of people who will get benefits, you have the opportunity also to introduce action steps that may help more people or bring the outcome on more quickly and effectively.

SOUND SIMPLE? The Outcome Strategy sounds simple because it makes a lot of sense intellectually. It’s actually a fundamental skill of problem solving that is useful in just about every high-stakes conversation you’ll encounter. So let’s take a real-world example. The day is September 11, 2001, the day of the terrorist attacks in New York. Tony Robbins had been giving a workshop in Hawaii for 2,000 people from over 30 countries, 50 of whom had just lost friends, family, or businesses in the World Trade Center attacks. The group was incredibly upset, and there had already been outbreaks of arguments and fights. Tony stepped onstage and was guiding the group through a process of emotional mastery to deal with the fact of the event… when a young Pakistani man stood up to exclaim that he felt sympathy with the terrorists. So there you have it: a high-stakes conversation. One man with a minority point of view in the group, speaking in a highly charged, raw way about something that has upset everyone, while others in the room were having to be restrained from attacking him. How does Tony deal with this intelligently? The Outcome Conversation. It’s only 15 minutes long – but it transformed everything.

(there is a video at http://robbinsmadanescoachtraining.com/?p=1464 that I can’t copy here)

How did the Outcome Conversation work with Asad? Let’s review.

1. Tony asked Asad to share how he feels and why, so that Tony can grasp is point of view. Understanding Asad is Tony’s path to mastering the situation. He listens non-judgmentally, thanks Asad for explaining himself, and acknowledges his point of view completely. He also says over and over: “I haven’t had your experience, so I have zero judgment. This is just my opinion. If you want to tell me I’m full of it, I’m totally OK with that, because I’m not you.” This tells Asad that he’s justified in his emotions and that he has been heard and understood.

2. Tony asks Asad “How do you expect this will happen?” In this case, how is the terrorist attack supposed to further the Muslim cause? At this point, the conversation shifted. Asad realized that his position doesn’t make sense… violence would not lead the west to understand, it would just lead to more violence in the cycle. Tony gives Asad a non-judgmental space to figure this out himself. Once Asad realizes that it doesn’t make sense, he’s open to help.

3. Tony raises Asad’s intent. Asad is thinking big – he’s thinking about the Muslim cause and the plight of Iraqis torn by the war, so Tony meets him there and raises his intent even higher: how can we impact the people Asad loves in the most effective way? By condoning violence, or by making violence unacceptable? When Asad accepts this higher intent, he also accepts the responsibilities of being a leader – of seeing how his behavior will impact hundreds and/or thousands.

As a result, a conversation that could have been dangerous or disappointing ended up bringing everyone in the room to a higher level of intent, understanding, compassion, and intelligent action. Asad clarified his outcome and achieved it on that day – and as a result, he became a crusader for tolerance and greater understanding.

After this conversation, Tony invited Asad onstage, along with Bernie, a Jewish man from New York who had stood up to challenge Asad. Tony guided the two through a process of Indirect Negotiation. By the end of the evening, the two men had each had breakthroughs, embraced, and started an organization for religious tolerance. Today Asad continues to work as a crusader for peace. Here is his talk at a TED conference in Karachi, Pakistan.

Simple Stuff, Special Edition

I continue to run into people who face many of the same situations that I faced not long ago. Perhaps some were more serious, some less serious than my own – the point is that I feel that I have some experiences and ideas about what helped me through those times.

In other words, I have had some challenges, like many others, in my life/work/relationships/health/finances. It brought me down in many ways. But I do feel that I was able to recover and regroup – I feel much better about my life and I believe, at least for me, these simple things made a difference. I hope it can help someone else.

Focus on what works, not what doesn’t.

  • We all have stuff in life/work/relationships/health/finances that isn’t working right now. “My boss is incompetent.”I don’t have enough money to take a nice vacation.”She doesn’t listen to me about the kids.” It may be true but focusing on it doesn’t empower us.
  • Focus on what works – keep looking at what is improving in life/work/relationships/health/finances instead. “My boss cares about me.” “I improved my finances and paid off that Visa, I have just enough to buy an ice cream.” “She is so supportive about my work, hobbies, and friends.”
  • Trust me, this small switch, done each week or each day, makes a difference! For me, I need to write it down on paper to have the full effect. Looking for good stuff is tough at first but gets easier.
  • This will empower you, you’ll focus on the good, and you’ll feel a little better, at least.

Focus on what you want, instead of what you don’t.

  • We all have a habit of saying what we don’t want.
  • “I don’t want to work at this job.” “I don’t like this person.” “I don’t want this.”
  • Again true, but not empowering.
  • Instead, flip each one to something you do want.
  • “I want a job where I can be creative, work as a team, travel, and earn $50K.” (or whatever)
  • “I want a person who listens, enjoys comedy, and likes dogs.”
  • “I want ________” (be specific).
  • That way you (and your subconscious) focus on something positive, on a goal of sorts, and on an end result. Thinking about what you don’t want actually reinforces your thoughts about that.

Focus on your feelings.

  • It sounds touchie-feelie and odd, I realize, but even for those of us that appear to be logical, cool and calm, our emotions are part of our daily lives.
  • Managing your emotions can make a world of difference. Attach positive emotions to everyday things. Focus on things that make you smile, laugh, or feel good. There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
  • What if you approached your life – each moment – with enthusiasm? With excitement and concentration? With courage? (instead of fear, regret, disappointment, hesitation)
  • What if you approached each relationship with love, kindness, compassion, excitement, openness, trust? (instead of distrust, hate, selfishness, etc.)

Lastly – this time of year most of us have already done the summer vacation and we’re full speed into fall. Maybe some are thinking about the next vacation, the next ‘get-away’. Here’s a good quote…..

“Instead of wondering where your next vacation is, maybe you ought to set up a life you don’t need to escape from.”
-Seth Godin

Tough discussions and decisions….

I mentioned in previous blog postings that a few years ago I was making a nice living at my job. I made six figures. My wife also had a job and we stepped up our lifestyle and our house. I took some investment risks and we spent money as if I was going to continue to earn the money for a long time. When the Lehman Bros and banking crisis hit, I lost my job.

For a few years I made a lot less money. We did cut back on our expenses but I think that we were in denial to some degree. We still had a large mortgage payment and some debt. We were able to pay it each month but then we had little left over. I was earning a pretty good salary but not the six figure salary and we felt very poor after the bills were paid each month.

We almost had to make a hard decision– Very hard. We seriously considered selling our house and downsize the mortgage payment. It was emotional. It brought failure into my mind. It was embarrassing. Yet we knew it was something we really needed to consider.

It was a low part in my personal and professional life. I really got upset and mad at myself. I sometimes think about what would have happened to me if I hadn’t finally become disgusted with myself. I look back at the discussion to sell the house, pay off debts and free up monthly cashflow. We made changes in our lifestyle and bit the bullet trying to pay off things. It was painful and took a long time.

If we had not gone through those tough times, discussions, and decisions, it’s highly likely we would be still struggling month to month, not able to buy an ‘extras’ in life, not being able to spend money on simple things like landscaping, new shoes, fun stuff for the kids, etc. My credit report was also in need of repair and the poor credit actually kept me from getting a few jobs. It is true, when I needed a new job the most to repair my credit, I was unable to get the job due to my credit. I had a few offers for a new job but the credit was a problem. It was a vicious cycle.

If we didn’t decide to ‘hit the reset button’ I may be still working a job I didn’t like, struggling to pay my bills and making futile attempts – knowing I’d live out my life as a habitual underachiever.

The difference for me was the simple realization that if I didn’t change myself and our situation, our life wouldn’t change – not then or ever. Essentially my wife and I were making promises to ourselves and our kids that we never truly meant or were able to keep, unless we changed. But I was tired of doing that.

I read an article weeks ago by author Michael Masterson and here is an excerpt below from his blog that is very similar to my situation above.

He says “Thinking back, I can see that there were several factors that allowed me to change in a serious and committed way:

– First, I had bottomed out emotionally. I had finally reached a point where I truly detested myself for not achieving what I felt was my potential.

– Second, I made a decision to change completely

– Third, I recognized that I would have to change not just my work habits but the way I thought about myself. I would have to “become” the person I wanted to be.

– And last, but not least, I took action immediately. I didn’t wait.

I’m here to say that luck had nothing to do with the change in my life. And it needn’t have anything to do with whatever changes you would like to make in yours. Had I waited for luck to come to me, I might be waiting still. My life changed when I got fed up and started planning my success.

You, too, can change your life if you are: (a) dissatisfied with the lack of success you’ve had so far; (b) willing to make a big change – and not just a minor adjustment; (c) prepared to start working differently and thinking about yourself as a different kind of person; and (d) willing to start now by preparing yourself to succeed.”

The above quote was posted one earlytorise.com the week of June 11, 2012.

I’m here to bare the hard truth;  almost putting our home up for sale to downgrade spending was tough and not something we wanted to do. As I said, it was embarrassing.

But, I knew that if it had happened (it didn’t) our real friends still were friends. Our kids wouldn’t mind much after the initial shock. Life wouldn’t end. People still would talk to us. We actually realized how little the house and other possessions meant. We realized that being together and being happy was the most important thing. Whether we lived in a smaller house suddenly seemed OK. It was an emotional, bad thing to go through. We almost had to sell and it affected us for a while. But looking back, we learned a lot – a lot about what really mattered in life.

I am here to tell you that after some change, some discipline, some faith and hard work, some real effort and cooperation, we were able to set aside money to retirement, savings, college. We were able to have spending money for fun things like the little stuff -ice cream and dinners out – and big stuff – weekend vacations and trips. My wife and I were able to upgrade our tired clothes that had become several years old. More than anything, it was a state of mind – we felt relieved, we felt that we had breathing room – we felt that we finally had some reserves and protection in case that incident we all have in our lives comes up – the appliance that needs replaced, a car accident, an unexpected expense.

I had to accept the situation, focus on good stuff, set goals, create a vision, and have faith. I had to be happy with what I had, where I was, and the present. I struggled. It worked.

I look back at that discussion and turmoil as a time when my wife and I realized that we didn’t really care about the big house and the materialistic things – we really cared about each other and our daughters – and the ability to be with close friends.

Is there something that you’re ignoring or denying? Is there a step that you can take – even if it is a hard one – that can improve your life a little – or a lot?

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