Category Archives: life stories

Frey Freyday – Risk

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

RISK – exposure to the chance of injury or loss;

Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. T. S. Eliot

The biggest risk is not taking any risk… In a world that changing really quickly, the only strategy that is guaranteed to fail is not taking risks. Mark Zuckerberg

The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision. Maimonides

If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary. Jim Rohn

There are 30,000 days in your life. When I was 24, I realized I’m almost 9,000 days down. There are no warm-ups, no practice rounds, no reset buttons. Your biggest risk isn’t failing, it’s getting too comfortable. Every day, we’re writing a few more words of a story. I wanted my story to be an adventure and that’s made all the difference. Drew Houston

We must have courage to bet on our ideas, to take the calculated risk, and to act. Everyday living requires courage if life is to be effective and bring happiness. Maxwell Maltz

WORD TO LIVE BY:

Risk – we all face risks each day, some perceived, some not.

Each day many of us risk our lives hurtling ourselves and our loved ones in a potentially deadly situation, where only a thin line of paint separates us from strangers who could cause us death or severe bodily injury. We face this every day and almost never think about it, and we casually, confidently overcome it. Yes, this is driving on the road.

Think about it, we’ll trust hundreds or thousands of total strangers with our lives – we trust that they will obey the rules and lines of the road and not run into us. Yet, many times we don’t trust loved ones in our lives – or we don’t trust ourselves to take a risk.

Risk is about how you frame it, how you perceive it.

Risk started the day you took your first breath out of the womb. Risk brings both failure and success, and certainly brings education and experience.

To change, to grow, we must take risks.

Noah St. John, author and owner of http://noahstjohn.com/writes:

Here are 3 main benefits of risk-taking:

  1. You face your fear.

And once you face that fear, that fear can’t run your life any more.

  1. You become stronger.

Once you realize that you are stronger than your fear, you often discover that you’re stronger than you thought you were.

  1. Your life changes in ways you couldn’t have predicted or imagined.

(More on this in the Bonus link below)

 

Let’s not get confused with a careless or reckless risk – in this case we’re talking about calculated and thoughtful risks.

What are we waiting for anyhow? This is not a rehearsal, this is the final performance. Go for it.

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

BONUS  

The Benefits of Taking Risks

https://onewebstrategy.wordpress.com/2015/12/17/the-benefits-of-taking-risks/

Frey Freyday – Metaphor

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

Metaphor-noun  met·a·phor \ˈme-tə-ˌfȯr also -fər\ –  a figure of speech in which a word or phrase literally denoting one kind of object or idea is used in place of another to suggest a likeness or analogy between them

My goal is to create a metaphor that changes our reality by charming people into considering their world in a different way. Chuck Palahniuk

Sometimes I think that creativity is a matter of seeing, or stumbling over, unobvious similarities between things – like composing a fresh metaphor, but on a more complex scale. David Mitchell

What draws me in is that a trip is a leap in the dark. It’s like a metaphor for life. You set off from home, and in the classic travel book, you go to an unknown place. You discover a different world, and you discover yourself. Paul Theroux

What you look for in a picture is a metaphor, something that means something more, that makes you think about things you’ve seen or thought about. Mary Ellen Mark

Metaphors allow you to make the complex simple and the controversial palatable. Conversely, metaphors allow you to create extraordinary meaning out of the seemingly mundane.  Brian Clark

WORD TO LIVE BY:

Metaphor – Metaphors are powerful figures of speech that can influence and persuade, for good or bad. They can influence our behavior and beliefs. They can change how we look at our lives.

Metaphors are often said to help explain complex topics.

Metaphors create vivid images in your head. Metaphors make it easier to understand and remember your focus, goal, values, priorities, etc.

Just like a story, a metaphor engages your brain – the right brain. Metaphors can by-pass rationality and lower defenses to concepts, ideas, beliefs. Metaphors can make you more persuasive, to yourself and others.

So – in life we all use metaphors whether we realize it or not. Did you ever hear “I’m at the end of my rope.” Or “I’m carrying the world on my shoulders.”? We’ve all said something like these perhaps, but they aren’t empowering.

Or maybe “Life is a battle”, “Business is war” – people who use these metaphors may have a different experience than people who say, “Life is a beach” or “Business is a game”. How do you refer to the world – “The masses are asses” or that humanity is “One big family”?

Behind metaphors are beliefs. When you choose a metaphor to describe your life or circumstances, you are choosing the beliefs that it supports.

So if you’re “Feeling fenced in”, then go open the gate and get moving. If you “Can’t see the answer”, then put on some glasses – or a VR visor? – and find the answer that will make things better. If you’re “swimming in a sea of problems”, just reach down and pull out the drain, so you can walk ahead.

Think about what you say; “Life is ___”, “I feel like ____”,   Is it a test, struggle, game, battle? Is it a mystery, dance, garden full of wildflowers?

Do you see what I mean? Change your metaphors. Be aware of them. Ask yourself if they’re empowering. Do the metaphors that you use help you or hold you back?

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

 

BONUS

http://www.ted.com/talks/james_geary_metaphorically_speaking

Aphorism enthusiast and author James Geary waxes on a fascinating fixture of human language: the metaphor. Friend of scribes from Aristotle to Elvis, metaphor can subtly influence the decisions we make, Geary says.

Frey Freyday – Stop

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

WORD TO LIVE BY:

Stop-[stäp]-VERB-(of an event, action, or process) come to an end; cease to happen:

We are so unforgiving of ourselves. We don’t recognize our own beauty because we’re too busy comparing ourselves to other people. Wayne Dyer

Stop Comparing Yourself With Others – don’t compare yourself to others. There will always be someone better or worse. Run your own race. Do better than you did last time. You are unique. Do your thing. Comparing leads to envy, feelings of inadequacy, etc. If you’re grateful for what you have, and if you focus on what works and where you want to go/improve, then others won’t matter anyhow.

We can each define ambition and progress for ourselves. The goal is to work toward a world where expectations are not set by the stereotypes that hold us back, but by our personal passion, talents and interests. Sheryl Sandberg

Stop Being Trapped By Peoples’ Judgements, Expectations, and Assumptions Of You- It used to really bother me when people made a judgement or assumption about me, even if it was correct, but typically it was incorrect. “You don’t know me”, I thought. Even well-meaning and loving friends, relatives, colleagues place expectations upon us. We can easily ‘feel’ the expectations that society puts on us. There are all sorts of expectations about education; that you should obtain a degree, secure a good job, find a soulmate in your twenties, and then get married and raise a happy family. But it does not need to happen that way. Make up your own map, your own route. We are expected to maintain a lot of good friends, be good citizens, have a nice home, dress a certain way. Some people think that we should manage our emotions and keep our vulnerable side hidden. All these expectations can weigh heavily upon us. Again, block out the outside voices, be calm, get connected and listen to the ‘real you’, your inner voice. If you need to, pray, meditate, take a walk. Separate your desires from those imposed upon you by external forces. Take time to know yourself and shape a life that suits you rather than following the expectations of the crowd. Stop caring what others think. They don’t really know the real you anyhow. Also, others may be fearful and even though they love and care for you, their fears may cloud what they say or do for you.

To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one’s family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one’s own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him. Buddha

Stop Sacrificing Your Happiness For Someone Else- Sure, there are times in the short-term where you may have to do something, or not do something, in order to help a loved-one out, to get them through something. Any caring person may want to do that. But sometimes we may feel like we have to put our dreams on hold to cater to someone else’s desires or lifestyle preferences. Perhaps you move in order to support your mate’s career, or maybe you have taken on a less desirable job so you can spend more time caring for someone. Ask anyone who has done it for a period of time; sacrificing one’s own happiness may feel noble but in the long run it seldom works well. Self-sacrifice leads to bitterness and resentment, whereas chasing one’s dreams often results in contentment and fulfilment. Try to strike a compromise between supporting others and leading the kind of life you want. Remember, too, that there is no way to happiness, but you need to be happy along the way no matter where you are.

If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of. Bruce Lee

Stop Wasting Time On Meaningless Stuff- Time is the most precious commodity of all. You can always make more friends and earn more money, but time spent is time you will never see again. Some hobbies and pastimes are good, even healthy to a degree. It’s Ok to have a ‘guilty pleasure’ once in a while with an activity, TV show or good book. However, stop wasting time on frivolous pursuits and learn how to focus. It’s OK and important to relax and unwind once in a while, but if you want to lead your ideal life then you need to clarify your aims and devote the majority of your time to making sure they are realized.

Successful people, regardless of career or income, maintain a positive focus in life no matter what is going on around them. They stay focused on their past successes rather than their past failures, and on the next action steps they need to take to get them closer to the fulfillment of their goals rather than all the other distractions that life presents to them. Jack Canfield

Stop Focusing On The Negative –In any garden there are healthy, good plants and vegetables, and there are weeds. I don’t recommend ignoring the weeds, but are you focusing on just the weeds? Everyday we all face a mixture of we interpret as good, bad, and annoying things, perhaps. Remember that your experience of life will largely depend upon the perspective you choose to take. If you focus on the negatives in every situation, you are training yourself to view the world through a negative lens. Try to find the positive in every situation and life will feel much more bearable. Focus on what is working in your life. Focus on successful references in your past to build confidence. Focus on what you want from life and where you want to go. If you spend time with other positive people, this can help you develop this habit. We are the ‘average of the 5 people we spend time with’.

It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. Confucius

Stop Waiting To Get What You Want – It’s Ok to want things and to have goals. It’s Ok to want things to be better. However, waiting is not the answer. Life is too short. We must take action. Ask yourself what you have done lately to make progress towards your goals. What can you do today, even the smallest thing, to work towards a goal? Ultimately the initiative and energy must come from you. Make 2017 the year you stop waiting and start taking actions.

You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Henry David Thoreau

Stop And Smell the Roses – Again, life is too short. Be in the moment. Enjoy the world around you each day. Your best memories exist because you were present in that moment. You are creating new memories now – unless you’re not in the moment. Tell your loved ones how you feel. Take time to communicate and connect, that’s why we’re here. Enjoy life.

You see, in life, lots of people know what to do, but few people actually do what they know. Knowing is not enough! You must take action. Tony Robbins

Don’t Stop Taking Action.

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

 

Frey Freyday – LUCK

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

LUCK – [lək] – success or failure apparently brought by chance rather than through one’s own actions:

People often remark that I’m pretty lucky. Luck is only important in so far as getting the chance to sell yourself at the right moment. After that, you’ve got to have talent and know how to use it. Frank Sinatra

Inspiration is one thing and you can’t control it, but hard work is what keeps the ship moving. Good luck means, work hard. Keep up the good work. Kevin Eubanks

The best luck of all is the luck you make for yourself. Douglas MacArthur

I’ve found that luck is quite predictable. If you want more luck, take more chances. Be more active. Show up more often. Brian Tracy

Luck is where opportunity meets preparation. Seneca

My success was due to good luck, hard work, and support and advice from friends and mentors. But most importantly, it depended on me to keep trying after I had failed. Mark Warner

Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get. Ray Kroc

Luck has nothing to do with it, because I have spent many, many hours, countless hours, on the court working for my one moment in time, not knowing when it would come. Serena Williams

A career path is rarely a path at all. A more interesting life is usual a more crooked, winding path of missteps, luck and vigorous work. It is almost always a clumsy balance between the things you try to make happen and the things that happen to you. Tom Freston

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. Steven Wright

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. Rodney Dangerfield

WORD TO LIVE BY:

LUCK –

Did you ever notice that when something good happens, some people say something like, “Hey, You’re lucky.”  Often it doesn’t really sound like a compliment, in fact it sounds much like they are either dismissing your success to something that came from any other than you or your efforts.

Many times when someone is jealous, envious or just plain doesn’t understand how hard you’ve worked, they might say this…..

Imagine the situation: You may have practiced, worked hard, called, walked, trained, or taken some action for a long period of time with plans and consideration – all things they don’t necessarily see or know about in the moment. They see the moment of your success and for whatever reason, the word “lucky” can discount our efforts.

There may be moments or situations of luck, true – but it is then what you do with those opportunities that matter. We’ve all had opportunities come and go and we did nothing. Maybe it was luck that brought the moment to us but we didn’t act in time. Or perhaps we tried to act but we weren’t prepared to do enough. There are also other times when we had a chance, we were prepared enough, and we took it and used our talents to move ahead, to take advantage of the situation for the better.

Luck doesn’t come to those who wait around. One must go out and take action, “Keep Swinging” as they say – by honing one’s skills, keeping a good attitude and focus, and simply by taking consistent action, Luck finds us.

Luck is also very much about our focus and how we frame things – how we assign meaning to events in life. I know people who complain when they are busy, when they are not. They are unhappy by a variety of circumstances. These types of people never feel lucky even though “good things” do come their way. They’re often not much fun to be around either.

Similarly, I know people who have gone through tough times, who face adversity but they feel lucky for it, and they are grateful. I am confident that those people see more luck in the world and they probably create more of it too. Frankly, most of us like to be around people like this.

Like the Chinese proverb below about luck and fortune, two people can see the same event differently. We can choose to see our own lives as lucky if we choose to do so.

CHINESE PROVERB: Sāi Wēng lived on the border and he raised horses for a living. One day, he lost one of his prized horses. After hearing of the misfortune, his neighbor felt sorry for him and came to comfort him. But Sāi Wēng simply asked, “How could we know it is not a good thing for me?”

After a while, the lost horse returned and with another beautiful horse. The neighbor came over again and congratulated  Sāi Wēng on his good fortune. But Sāi Wēng simply asked, “How could we know it is not a bad thing for me?”

One day, his son went out for a ride with the new horse. He was violently thrown from the horse and broke his leg. The neighbors once again expressed their condolences to Sāi Wēng, but Sāi Wēng simply said, “How could we know it is not a good thing for me?” One year later, the Emperor’s army arrived at the village to recruit all able-bodied men to fight in the war. Because of his injury, Sāi Wēng’s son could not go off to war, and was spared from certain death.

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

Frey Freyday-Stories

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

The story of life is quicker than the blink of an eye, the story of love is hello, goodbye.-Jimi Hendrix

Technology can be our best friend, and technology can also be the biggest party pooper of our lives. It interrupts our own story, interrupts our ability to have a thought or a daydream, to imagine something wonderful, because we’re too busy bridging the walk from the cafeteria back to the office on the cell phone.-Steven Spielberg

The story of the human race is the story of men and women selling themselves short.-Abraham Maslow

You write your life story by the choices you make. You never know if they have been a mistake. Those moments of decision are so difficult.-Helen Mirren

You don’t just have a story – you’re a story in the making, and you never know what the next chapter’s going to be. That’s what makes it exciting.-Dan Millman

WORD TO LIVE BY:

STORY – [stawr-ee, stohr-ee]

  1. Story – everybody loves a story. Use storytelling when you can in education, business, whatever. Instead of just spouting facts or info, tell them a story. We understand, visualize and relate better with stories.
  2. We are defined by the stories that we tell ourselves. That story may limit you. The story may give you an excuse or be an excuse. Everyone has a story or a set of stories that define who he or she is. The question is: Is your story empowering you to maximize what life has given you, or is your story causing you to fall short? …….Your history isn’t your destiny—your decisions are. You see, it’s never the environment; it’s never the events of our lives, but the meaning we attach to the events – how we interpret them – that shapes who we are today and who we’ll become tomorrow. It is the new story that we follow that counts. All of us have the awesome ability to take any experience of our lives and create a story that disempowers us or one that can literally save our lives. What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs and the story about who we are. + What is a goal that you have always wanted to achieve and haven’t? Why haven’t you? Whatever your reason, there’s always a limiting belief, a limiting story. The first step in replacing old, disempowering Stories with new, empowering stories and beliefs.

 

An old story might be something like:

“You’re too young.” “You’re too old.” “You’re uneducated.” “You’re over-educated.” “You don’t have enough experience.” “You don’t have the right experience.”—This could be literally anything. Listen carefully and write it down word-for-word.

Evaluate whether this story is empowering. Is it enabling you to accomplish the outcomes you want or is it preventing you from doing so? Be honest. (Sometimes, people are addicted to their problems and the stories that create them.)

Write down a different story. I’m not talking about a bunch of positive thinking mumbo jumbo. I am talking about telling yourself the truth. And often, this is simply a matter of shifting your perspective.

-Start telling yourself the new story. Every time your inner narrator begins telling the old yarn, stop him. Say, “No! That’s baloney. Here’s the truth.” Then repeat your new story.

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB).

Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also

a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would

raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other

children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education.

Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally,

sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc.

with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one

word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and

they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images

with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and

references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

Bonus Book suggestion

Change Your Story, Change Your Life: A Path to Success -by Jen Grisanti

.

Choose How You Want to Feel

By Kare Anderson
Emmy-Winner | TEDx | Connective Behavior | Speaker | Columnist | Author | Strategist
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Breandan and Emma, the couple up the hill from me in Sausalito have been married 54 years, they proudly told me last year. They walked, hand-in-hand past my home each morning, usually laughing, smiling and pointing out things to each other along the way.

Originally from Ireland, they listened, in bed, to BBC News at dawn so they usually had a tidbit of news to share with me if they happened to pass my home when I was finishing my lame attempt at morning exercises in the back yard.

When Emma died suddenly, Breandan stopped walking. He stayed inside their home and ignored my knock on their door. Several times. Later, when he started walking again, he told me his son, a motivational speaker on leadership, suggested that he start saying positive self-affirmations every morning “to lift his mood.”

He retorted, “My mood doesn’t need lifting! It’s right where it’s supposed to be.” So his well-intentioned son then mailed him a card pack with cheery faces on one side and, on the other, a series of upbeat daily affirmations. The card pack was entitled ”Yes, I Can!” to which Breandan hotly responded (to me, but not his son, I gather) “No I won’t!”

Write Yourself Through Your Journey to a Better Emotional Place

That gift inspired Breandan to get out of the old chair he sat in most days, with a morose look on his face, and take action, but not in the way his son intended. He wrote his own collection of “realistic affirmations.” I figured that the sentiments reflected his way of responding to grief, his stubborn resistance to being told to feel better and his core attitude about living life as it happens. Some were darkly funny. Yet his basic resilience started to shine through as he finished writing his sayings by the end of the year. “Not every cloud has a silver lining so start liking the clouds.”

I thought of Breandan when I read that Norman Vincent Peale may have been wrong, at least for some people, when he advocated saying positive self-affirmations to lift one’s mood. That’s a startling revelation for many of us Americans who have been bombarded with self-help messages based on the belief that positive affirmations are entirely beneficial.

“Repeating positive self-statements may benefit certain people, such as those with high self-esteem, but backfire for the very people who need them the most,” concludes social psychology professor Dr. Joanne Wood. Even those with high self-esteem felt only slightly better after repeating a positive self-statement.

The news gets worse for those with a low self-image Wood and her colleagues found:

• People with high self-esteem are more likely than those with low self-esteem to try to improve their moods when they are sad, as well as to savor their moods when they are happy.

• Those with low self-esteem sometimes even try to dampen their happiness, and engaging with others on Facebook seems to reinforce that reaction.

Don’t Fight Those Feelings. Instead, Notice Them, Then Choose What to Feel

Like obsessing more about the elephant in the room after being told to ignore it, being told to repeat “get happy” sayings, when sad, can make us feel even more sad. As Ed Yong concluded, “Statements that contradict a person’s self-image, no matter how rallying in intention, are likely to boomerang.“ “Don’t believe everything you think. “Thoughts are just that – thoughts,” wrote Pocket Peace author Allan Lokos.

Instead, of trying to change your feelings (as cognitive therapy attempts to do) change how you choose to view your thoughts. That approach calls on us to be mindfully observing what we are thinking and feeling from a calm pool, so to speak, without getting repeatedly sucked into the downward swirl of them. As Thich Nhat Hanh wrote, “Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.”

Practicing this way we can notice what we are feeling in the moment without immediately reacting, thus becoming better at choosing how we want to act. This approach is called ACT:Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. To reinforce that practice, “think of yourself as a kind friend,” suggests Duke University psychology professor Mark Leary. That bolsters yourself-compassion and thus your happiness. “One is a great deal less anxious if one feels perfectly free to be anxious, and the same may be said of guilt,” Alan Watts wrote.

Breandan, by the way, has begun writing his memoir, describing some of the adventures he shared with Emma, the people they met and the joy of living with her “through thick and thin.” His writing enables him to take the ACT approach, to observing and accept his sadness at his wife’s passing and to choose to focus, instead, on the many of the happy times they enjoyed together. He showed me the quote he chose for the first page:

“In the end, just three things matter:

How well we have lived

How well we have loved

How well we have learned to let go” ~ Jack Kornfield

As Byron Katie would say, he is “loving what is.” See more ideas at my Quotable and Connected column at Forbes.

https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140716144633-7216756-choose-how-you-want-to-feel?_mSplash=1%5C&published=t

Make THE decision in the right state of mind

Here is a great video that can help anyone with a tough decision, a tough situation, facing a situation or challenge that brings fear.

We all have to go outside a comfort level, we need to handle things without fear.

Our story can empower us or limit us.

http://getrmt.com/v1.php

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