Category Archives: kindness

Frey Freyday- make a difference

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff..)

When you encourage others, you in the process are encouraged because you’re making a commitment and difference in that person’s life. Encouragement really does make a difference.-Zig Ziglar

Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.Barbara de Angelis

I think one of the best words in the English language is ‘compassion.’ I think it holds everything. It holds love, it holds care… and if everybody just did something. We all make a difference.-Michael Crawford

For a successful entrepreneur it can mean extreme wealth. But with extreme wealth comes extreme responsibility. And the responsibility for me is to invest in creating new businesses, create jobs, employ people, and to put money aside to tackle issues where we can make a difference.-Richard Branson

It’s easy to make a buck. It’s a lot tougher to make a difference.-Tom Brokaw

That’s the beauty of coaching. You get to touch lives, you get to make a difference. You get to do things for people who will never pay you back and they say you never have had a perfect day until you’ve done something for someone who will never pay you back.-Morgan Wootten

When your heart speaks to you about what you need to do to sustain life on this planet, listen to it, make a difference, and be an inspiration for generations to come. Be inspired by people like Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, Christopher Reeve, Albert Schweitzer, Helen Keller, and many others.-Bernie Siegel

No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world and make a difference.-Robin Williams

Choose How You Want to Feel

By Kare Anderson
Emmy-Winner | TEDx | Connective Behavior | Speaker | Columnist | Author | Strategist
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Breandan and Emma, the couple up the hill from me in Sausalito have been married 54 years, they proudly told me last year. They walked, hand-in-hand past my home each morning, usually laughing, smiling and pointing out things to each other along the way.

Originally from Ireland, they listened, in bed, to BBC News at dawn so they usually had a tidbit of news to share with me if they happened to pass my home when I was finishing my lame attempt at morning exercises in the back yard.

When Emma died suddenly, Breandan stopped walking. He stayed inside their home and ignored my knock on their door. Several times. Later, when he started walking again, he told me his son, a motivational speaker on leadership, suggested that he start saying positive self-affirmations every morning “to lift his mood.”

He retorted, “My mood doesn’t need lifting! It’s right where it’s supposed to be.” So his well-intentioned son then mailed him a card pack with cheery faces on one side and, on the other, a series of upbeat daily affirmations. The card pack was entitled ”Yes, I Can!” to which Breandan hotly responded (to me, but not his son, I gather) “No I won’t!”

Write Yourself Through Your Journey to a Better Emotional Place

That gift inspired Breandan to get out of the old chair he sat in most days, with a morose look on his face, and take action, but not in the way his son intended. He wrote his own collection of “realistic affirmations.” I figured that the sentiments reflected his way of responding to grief, his stubborn resistance to being told to feel better and his core attitude about living life as it happens. Some were darkly funny. Yet his basic resilience started to shine through as he finished writing his sayings by the end of the year. “Not every cloud has a silver lining so start liking the clouds.”

I thought of Breandan when I read that Norman Vincent Peale may have been wrong, at least for some people, when he advocated saying positive self-affirmations to lift one’s mood. That’s a startling revelation for many of us Americans who have been bombarded with self-help messages based on the belief that positive affirmations are entirely beneficial.

“Repeating positive self-statements may benefit certain people, such as those with high self-esteem, but backfire for the very people who need them the most,” concludes social psychology professor Dr. Joanne Wood. Even those with high self-esteem felt only slightly better after repeating a positive self-statement.

The news gets worse for those with a low self-image Wood and her colleagues found:

• People with high self-esteem are more likely than those with low self-esteem to try to improve their moods when they are sad, as well as to savor their moods when they are happy.

• Those with low self-esteem sometimes even try to dampen their happiness, and engaging with others on Facebook seems to reinforce that reaction.

Don’t Fight Those Feelings. Instead, Notice Them, Then Choose What to Feel

Like obsessing more about the elephant in the room after being told to ignore it, being told to repeat “get happy” sayings, when sad, can make us feel even more sad. As Ed Yong concluded, “Statements that contradict a person’s self-image, no matter how rallying in intention, are likely to boomerang.“ “Don’t believe everything you think. “Thoughts are just that – thoughts,” wrote Pocket Peace author Allan Lokos.

Instead, of trying to change your feelings (as cognitive therapy attempts to do) change how you choose to view your thoughts. That approach calls on us to be mindfully observing what we are thinking and feeling from a calm pool, so to speak, without getting repeatedly sucked into the downward swirl of them. As Thich Nhat Hanh wrote, “Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.”

Practicing this way we can notice what we are feeling in the moment without immediately reacting, thus becoming better at choosing how we want to act. This approach is called ACT:Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. To reinforce that practice, “think of yourself as a kind friend,” suggests Duke University psychology professor Mark Leary. That bolsters yourself-compassion and thus your happiness. “One is a great deal less anxious if one feels perfectly free to be anxious, and the same may be said of guilt,” Alan Watts wrote.

Breandan, by the way, has begun writing his memoir, describing some of the adventures he shared with Emma, the people they met and the joy of living with her “through thick and thin.” His writing enables him to take the ACT approach, to observing and accept his sadness at his wife’s passing and to choose to focus, instead, on the many of the happy times they enjoyed together. He showed me the quote he chose for the first page:

“In the end, just three things matter:

How well we have lived

How well we have loved

How well we have learned to let go” ~ Jack Kornfield

As Byron Katie would say, he is “loving what is.” See more ideas at my Quotable and Connected column at Forbes.

https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140716144633-7216756-choose-how-you-want-to-feel?_mSplash=1%5C&published=t

Feel Important !

i-am-important

When you’re with a group of people, how do you want to feel?
Think about it….whether it is at work or socially…..

….in most cases people want to feel important (among other things)!

When someone in your past has treated you as an important person, or someone listens to you and your thoughts, or you’re a client and they treat you like a VIP – you feel important and that feels good.

Maybe you have a friend, a teacher, a mentor – someone that truly thinks you are important and they treat you that way.

You feel pretty good right?

You feel like you’re special, like you can do things and you have more confidence.

Do you make or let others feel important?

I know a gentleman, I don’t get a chance to see him much anymore, but he always made me feel special. He listened to me and I could tell he valued what I said.

I know that he was much smarter than I was and I probably didn’t have much new to say or much to add to his knowledge on things, but he never acted that way.

I had the chance to see him out in public somewhere – a group of us had to go to the supermarket to buy food for an activity.

It was amazing, he asked a clerk where something was and he made that clerk feel special! The guy left smiling and had a spring in his step!

Later at the cashier, he made her feel special, too! She smiled to herself and looked happy doing her job.

I wish I noticed more what he said – it wasn’t much….it was a few passing words, a smile, a question or two perhaps – but the ‘special’ part was no more than 2 minutes – probably 1 minute.

Some people are born with the gift, like he was, but we all can develop it.

Think of ways that you can make others feel special each day.

At work – your boss, co-workers, your clients, your support team, etc.

At home – your spouse, your children, neighbors

In life – friends, mentors, protégés, community members

It doesn’t matter what your job or career is – whether you’re in sales, teaching, medicine, art – making others feel important will help you and help them – and help you accomplish your mission – whatever that is.

Here’s a set of good Questions of Power:

  1. How can I make others feel important each day?
  2. What things can I say or to make others feel important?
  3. What makes me feel important?
  4. Why do I feel important?

Everyone  has an invisible sign hanging from their neck saying, ‘Make me feel important.’  Never forget this message when working with people. – Mary Kay  Ash
Thanks!
www.onewebstrategy.com

Simple Stuff

SimpleStuff

(Simple Stuff are a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

As far as I can tell, Jim, worrying about anything at all is a pretty good indicator that one has begun thinking that their joy and prosperity will somehow hinge on pending physical events, other people, or angry green Martians. Can you imagine?!  Phone home,  The Universe (Mike Dooley)

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  • Quick Relationship Tip: Remember: you are repeatedly training your nervous systems (and your partner’s nervous system) about how you feel about each other, no matter what you do. If you keep looking at each other in stress, you will start to associate each other with stress. If you look and act with each other in anger you will associate each other with anger. So be playful, loving and forgiving with each other – then you will associate love and happiness with the relationship 🙂 – Tony Robbins

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6 questions successful, high-performing individuals ask themselves. http://youtu.be/02Bzjj1eeeo Summary:
1. Presence: What level am I in this moment in terms of my emotional and physical vibrancy and presence?
2. Psychology: Am I living my truth – am I being who I know I can be and interacting with others as my best self?
3. Physiology: Am I rested, fit and hydrated?
4. Productivity: What is my mission today – what must I accomplish today to progress my life?
5. Persuasion: Am I demonstrating bold enthusiasm when I seek to influence others?
6. Purpose: How can I serve greatly?

From Brendon Burchard

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“A man arrested for shooting at the White House says he was upset over U.S. marijuana laws. Man, if only there was some way to mellow that guy out.” — Stephen Colbert

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Everyone is lucky, few are prepared.– Michael Dooley

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“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” ~ John Quincy Adams

🙂

The Wizard Within….

outreach

I am reading a book by Deepak Chopra called “Twenty Spiritual Lessons for Creating the Life You Want”

It is quite good.

It is something that I have written about on occasion and sometimes try to put into practice in my own life, but often do not.

The Wizard can represent a number of things or beings – it could be our own Spirit, the Universe, the Source, God, the Universal Intelligence, the Higher Self….or whatever you might refer to the power, love, force, and spirit that runs through us all. The Wizard is a metaphor….

The Wizard is that force or spirit that we all have, the true self that never really changes, the person that remains the same as we grow, as we face challenges, as we worry about materialistic things – the Wizard knows what is really important, the Wizard helps us stay on the course when we’re worried, concerned, or chasing the “Joneses”.

The Wizard is that voice inside that helps you make a decision, that helps you stay on track, and that provides you a foundation of strength, serenity, and guidance. The Wizard in us sees the real world, the real person in others – not the beautiful or ugly skins and bones, but the spirit inside.

  • There are some great lessons in this book; some new and fresh, some are things we all probably already know but are definitely good to be reminded of…..
  • Spend time pondering not what you see but why you see it.
  • The Wizard exists in all of us. This wizard sees and knows everything.
  • The Wizard is beyond opposites of light and dark, good and evil, pleasure and pain.
  • Everything the wizard sees has its roots in the unseen world.
  • Nature reflects the moods of the wizard.
  • The body and mind may sleep but the wizard is always awake.

For someone like me who has a difficulty making time for meditation, I found the quote “Without silence, there is no room for the wizard.” very helpful and meaningful…”without silence ther cannot be any real appreciation of life, which is as delicate in its inner fabrics as a closed rosebud.”

…also, Wizards don’t live in fear…when asked “How do you manage this peace of mind?”, the Wizard says, “Look within where there is only peace.”

Lastly, Chopra writes this….”The mind may succeed in making you intelligent, but it is poorly equipped to make you happy, fulfilled, at peace with yourself.”….”the Wizard is inside you and only wants one thing: to be born.”

…..I’ll share more good thoughts from the book as I come across them….

Best wishes for some magic from your inner Wizard today…

..

🙂

Words To Live By : Giving – part 2

(This is one of a part of a series of WORDS TO LIVE BY. This series grew out of a workbook I first made for my young daughters and discussed at the dinner table. These Words include values, good ideas, and Words to aspire to….and learn from….enjoy!)

In the part one of this Giving, I talked about Giving in a different light than most people think of, perhaps. I spoke about in business and in life, that we should consider giving more value upfront without an expectation of receiving. I talked about how a business person can give all sorts of value up front before a client ‘buys’. Many new online, and established offline businesses do this with success. In relationships, sometimes we hold back and wait for the other person to give or open up. I profess that we should give, be open and reach out first. (We may get hurt but there is a much better chance we’ll connect)

In this post, I wish to address the main thoughts about giving – and the benefits…..

…. Giving Back is Good For You

Being altruistic, or reaching out to help others, not only benefits the person being helped, but practicing altruism also has many benefits for the person doing the helping. (university studies also show that if someone observes the act of giving between two others, they receive some of the same chemical and emotion benefits)

Altruism is an unselfish concern for the welfare of others. It is a generous way of expressing gratitude for all that you have been given.

Reaching out a hand to lift someone else up is one of the greatest gifts for the heart. The gifts that one receives from giving back and from reaching out to help others are immense and priceless.

There was an online article from OPRAH Magazine that says, “We have become very strange in this country about giving away our money. We only  seem to be able to do it unconsciously. Dropping the loose change into the  charity jar at the convenience store. Telling someone to keep the change because  the untoward jingling in your pocket may disrupt the afternoon staff meeting. As  soon as we start thinking about making a donation, we start thinking of reasons  not to do it. Money’s too tight at home. The person to whom we’ll give it will  spend it unwisely. The buck in the envelope is just a drop in the bucket. Oh,  Lord, the problem’s so big and my wallet is so small. The modern reflex seems to  be that the worst thing we can do for a problem is to “throw money at it,” even  though very few problems ever get solved for free. ”

Talking to friends and clients, and being aware of my own thoughts, I admit that this is true in many ways.

I read about an interesting event…. Over a recent holiday season, a  management group in Rhode Island gave its employees money on the express  condition that the employees then give it away to someone else in need. The  company then asked their employees to share the stories of their charity at a  company meeting.  There is a spark of the collective consciousness in that, which heartens  not only those people involved in the transaction but those who hear the story  and pass it along. There is something like art there.

Another article suggests, “When giving away  your money, it helps to think of it as more than bits of paper and scraps of  metal. That’s not a $20 bill you’re slipping into the envelope there. It’s a  bagful of flour. It’s soup or a blanket or a bottle of medicine. That handful of  quarters is a handful of rice.”

You can even make this art out of raw  self-interest. Giving away money can be the most selfish thing you do. With a  father and four of his siblings dead from the same disease, I can look at the  check I send to the Alzheimer’s Association and see something that is every bit  as therapeutic as any new therapy that money may help create. I see new drug  trials, and respite care, and a light against enveloping darkness. (reference: http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/The-Benefits-of-Giving-to-Charity#ixzz2S9C26DtP )

Volunteering has always been viewed as good for your soul. Now it turns out that it’s also good for your health and your career. Recent research conducted by Washington, D.C.-based Corporation for National & Community Service reveals that charitable work literally makes the heart grow stronger. Individuals with coronary artery disease who participate in volunteer activities after suffering a heart attack report a reduction in despair and depression, and that, in turn, rives down mortality and adds years to life. It’s also true that those who volunteer have fewer incidents of heart disease in the first place. (reference :Benefits of Giving Back, Sylvia Ann Hewlett, 12.22.09, http://www.forbes.com)

There is a children’s book that should be a must for all high school and college students to read and re-read. IT IS CALLED – Have You Filled a Bucket Today: A Guide to Daily Happiness for Kids by Carol McCloud

It speaks on the simplicity and greatness of giving and how it affects all those around us. I know that I constantly need to work on and improve my giving – both monetarily and volunteering.

At the very least !

Give someone a smile, a pleasant thought, prayer, blessing. If you see someone crabby, grouchy, rude, or whatever, instead of silently judging him or her, send some positive vibes, a prayer or a good wish their way. Give them a smile or a kind word.

🙂

A thought about – Paying it forward

 

From the FaceBook page – Jody Marie Lappierposted toPaying it Forward ~ One Day at a Time

“My daughter turned 5 years old 4/15 2013. She wanted to make people smile. We bought 18 long stem Roses at Safeway. Grace Randomly handed out these roses to who “she” felt could use a smile. The response was more profound than even I expected.
7 people’s day changed from horrible days to great ones 11 took pictures with her, 3 cried and came back for hugs, and told her how much it meant to them. One I swear held my daughter for 10 minutes sobbing (she was missing her children that day). One woman (at the coinstar) gave her a HUGE gummy toothless smile and told her she now has faith in our children of today. I gave her $10. She stated “I can now buy meat for dinner to feed my family”. I am so proud of her selflessness on her 5th birthday. We need to do this more often. Pay it forward, teach your children!”
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