Category Archives: kindness

Frey Freyday – Agape Love

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

Agape, the love of each one of us for the other, from the closest to the furthest, is in fact the only way that Jesus has given us to find the way of salvation and of the Beatitudes. Pope Francis

WORD TO LIVE BY:

Agape Love – a universal, unconditional love that transcends and persists regardless of circumstance. It goes beyond just the emotions to the extent of seeking the best for others.

A few years ago my oldest daughter went to be a mentor at a camp. She came back with some great experiences and lessons – some of which I benefited. While I heard the term before, my daughter was excited to tell us about and discuss ‘Agape love’.

She learned about how Agape love is different from romantic love, even slightly different from brotherly love. It is an altruistic form of love, “the highest form of love, charity”

Again, did I learn that before? Yes. Do I think about that or apply that to my life? Not nearly often enough.

At camp she mentored a younger person and helped her overcome some fears. Their goals and tasks at the camp were to help, support and show Agape love to their mentees. It was a great experience for them all. Consequently, when she helped the younger mentee with her fears, it helped my daughter work through some of her own fears.

In the media and world today, it is easy to get bombarded with many thoughts that are contrary to Agape love. We need more Agape love in this world. The first step is to be aware, then share it, then introduce it into daily life, use it and set an example.

Some examples include:

  • Chiaune Sugihara-the Japanese envoy to Germany during WW2, who helped thousands of Jews escape Nazi Germany.
  • The Ten Boom Family of “The Hiding Place” fame.
  • The gym teacher in the recent Florida school massacre, who shielded his students with his own body (and was killed for his trouble).
  • The male passenger in a jet/river crash in the 1990′s, who passed the rescue harness to 3 other victims
  • But it doesn’t have to be a big, dramatic act. Many people tirelessly give and love each and everyday in small incremental ways, which we all can do.
  • The below link for a TED talk goes deeper into this and other types of love.

 

Today is Valentine’s Day – mostly associated with romantic love – which is important and also much needed. But I think the world can benefit from a reminder about Agape Love.

 

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

You can read more at www.onewebstrategy.com

BONUS  :   TED TALK

the seven types of love?
philia (deep friendship)
ludus (playful love)
agape (selfless love)
eros (physical love)
storge (familial love)
pragma (long-standing love)
philautia (love of oneself)

https://www.ted.com/tedx/events/11217

Frey Freyday – Compassion

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

 –com·pas·sion \kəm-ˈpa-shən\ – a feeling of wanting to help some other person or being

The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others.-Albert Schweitzer


Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive. If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.-Dalai Lama


Enlightened leadership is spiritual if we understand spirituality not as some kind of religious dogma or ideology but as the domain of awareness where we experience values like truth, goodness, beauty, love and compassion, and also intuition, creativity, insight and focused attention.-Deepak Chopra

Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty.-Albert Einstein

God wants us to know that life is a series of beginnings, not endings. Just as graduations are not terminations, but commencements. Creation is an ongoing process, and when we create a perfect world where love and compassion are shared by all, suffering will cease.-Bernie Siegel

God’s dream is that you and I and all of us will realize that we are family, that we are made for togetherness, for goodness, and for compassion.-Desmond Tutu


I have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures.-Lao Tzu


WORD TO LIVE BY:

com·pas·sion –

First, all great religions talk about compassion. The more we mature individually and/or as a species, the more compassionate we become.

There is another definition out there that states “Compassion motivates people to go out of their way to help physical, spiritual, or emotional hurts or pains of another. Compassion is often regarded as having an emotional aspect to it, though when based on cerebral notions such as fairness, justice and interdependence, it may be considered rational in nature and its application understood as an activity based on sound judgment.” This is true. Even though compassion and the act of it often makes us feel better and involved emotion, the benefits can truly be rational and pragmatic.

Compassion is part of altruism – loving and giving unconditionally. As we strive to become better people we must take steps to become more altruistic, which of course means we can act more compassionate.

There are scientific, medical, and psychological studies that show how compassion actually benefits the given and the receiver. Studies have shown that when I am compassionate to another, I benefit; the receiver benefits, and even those people that observe the act benefit. Compassion may have the ability to induce feelings of kindness and forgiveness, which could give people the ability to stop situations that occasionally lead to violence.

Identifying with another person is an essential process for human beings. It is commonly seen throughout the world as people adapt and change with new styles of clothing, language, behavior, etc., which is illustrated by infants who begin to mirror the facial expressions and body movements of their mother as early as the first days of their lives. This process is highly related to compassion because sympathizing with others is possible with people from other countries, cultures, locations, etc

Compassion is a number of things – helping others in need, relieving stress/strife/pain/hurt. Compassion is a process of connecting by identifying with another person.

 

Today I was reminded again of compassion in an article. The article did cite a quote from author Kari Kampakis. It beautifully describes the concept of using people’s hurtful actions as opportunities for self-growth and compassion. She writes:

“Regardless of how anyone treats you, you stand to benefit. While some people teach you who you do want to be, others teach you who you don’t want to be. And it’s the people who teach you who you don’t want to be that provide some of the most lasting and memorable lessons on social graces, human dignity, and the importance of acting with integrity.”

Sometimes when we experience unkind treatment from others in the world, we can choose to withdraw, feel hurt, feel angry, etc. Or we can use it as a reminder or opportunity, and it can become a means to gain awareness, compassion, and connection.

 

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

You can read more at www.onewebstrategy.com

Frey Freyday – Tolerance

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

Tolerance – [ˈtäl(ə)rəns]- the ability or willingness to tolerate something, in particular the existence of opinions or behavior that one does not necessarily agree with.

The highest result of education is tolerance. Helen Keller

The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority. Ralph W. Sockman –

I think more tolerance, more people having more access to a chance to be literate, and a chance to stay healthy makes for a more peaceful planet. Henry Rollins –

What is tolerance? It is the consequence of humanity. We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other’s folly – that is the first law of nature. Voltaire –

I’ve lived the American Dream and had a great life. Immigration and religion and racial tolerance are the foundation of this country. Shahid Khan –

When you feel peaceful and successful, you want to extend and export that peace and love. The violence, hatred, prejudice, and judgment in our world suggest that we have miles to go to reach a world of inner and outer peace. Wayne Dyer

We must practice universal toleration or the right of every man to abide by his own faith and beliefs without interference or fearing retaliation or to the right to hold views that are not judged unjustly simple because they differ from another. Tolerance could be defined as reason and understanding tempered by kindness and respect.

Word to Live By:

Tolerance – something our world needs a little more of…

There are lots of strong opinions today….on both sides and on many issues. It is easy for us all to get emotional, defensive, angry, etc. We need to take a breath. We can benefit from understanding our brothers and sisters out there.

Sometimes I see that we aren’t listening to each other much. We can use more compassion, kindness, respect, civility and tolerance.

I believe each of us can be more open and respectful to each other’s ideas, beliefs and thoughts. We would get along better and accomplish more if we did.

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

You can read more at www.onewebstrategy.com

 

BONUS: TED TALK-For more tolerance, we need more … tourism?

https://www.ted.com/talks/aziz_abu_sarah_for_more_tolerance_we_need_more_tourism

Aziz Abu Sarah is a Palestinian activist with an unusual approach to peace-keeping: Be a tourist. The TED Fellow shows how simple interactions with people in different cultures can erode decades of hate. He starts with Palestinians visiting Israelis and moves beyond …

Frey Freyday- make a difference

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff..)

When you encourage others, you in the process are encouraged because you’re making a commitment and difference in that person’s life. Encouragement really does make a difference.-Zig Ziglar

Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.Barbara de Angelis

I think one of the best words in the English language is ‘compassion.’ I think it holds everything. It holds love, it holds care… and if everybody just did something. We all make a difference.-Michael Crawford

For a successful entrepreneur it can mean extreme wealth. But with extreme wealth comes extreme responsibility. And the responsibility for me is to invest in creating new businesses, create jobs, employ people, and to put money aside to tackle issues where we can make a difference.-Richard Branson

It’s easy to make a buck. It’s a lot tougher to make a difference.-Tom Brokaw

That’s the beauty of coaching. You get to touch lives, you get to make a difference. You get to do things for people who will never pay you back and they say you never have had a perfect day until you’ve done something for someone who will never pay you back.-Morgan Wootten

When your heart speaks to you about what you need to do to sustain life on this planet, listen to it, make a difference, and be an inspiration for generations to come. Be inspired by people like Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, Christopher Reeve, Albert Schweitzer, Helen Keller, and many others.-Bernie Siegel

No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world and make a difference.-Robin Williams

Choose How You Want to Feel

By Kare Anderson
Emmy-Winner | TEDx | Connective Behavior | Speaker | Columnist | Author | Strategist
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Breandan and Emma, the couple up the hill from me in Sausalito have been married 54 years, they proudly told me last year. They walked, hand-in-hand past my home each morning, usually laughing, smiling and pointing out things to each other along the way.

Originally from Ireland, they listened, in bed, to BBC News at dawn so they usually had a tidbit of news to share with me if they happened to pass my home when I was finishing my lame attempt at morning exercises in the back yard.

When Emma died suddenly, Breandan stopped walking. He stayed inside their home and ignored my knock on their door. Several times. Later, when he started walking again, he told me his son, a motivational speaker on leadership, suggested that he start saying positive self-affirmations every morning “to lift his mood.”

He retorted, “My mood doesn’t need lifting! It’s right where it’s supposed to be.” So his well-intentioned son then mailed him a card pack with cheery faces on one side and, on the other, a series of upbeat daily affirmations. The card pack was entitled ”Yes, I Can!” to which Breandan hotly responded (to me, but not his son, I gather) “No I won’t!”

Write Yourself Through Your Journey to a Better Emotional Place

That gift inspired Breandan to get out of the old chair he sat in most days, with a morose look on his face, and take action, but not in the way his son intended. He wrote his own collection of “realistic affirmations.” I figured that the sentiments reflected his way of responding to grief, his stubborn resistance to being told to feel better and his core attitude about living life as it happens. Some were darkly funny. Yet his basic resilience started to shine through as he finished writing his sayings by the end of the year. “Not every cloud has a silver lining so start liking the clouds.”

I thought of Breandan when I read that Norman Vincent Peale may have been wrong, at least for some people, when he advocated saying positive self-affirmations to lift one’s mood. That’s a startling revelation for many of us Americans who have been bombarded with self-help messages based on the belief that positive affirmations are entirely beneficial.

“Repeating positive self-statements may benefit certain people, such as those with high self-esteem, but backfire for the very people who need them the most,” concludes social psychology professor Dr. Joanne Wood. Even those with high self-esteem felt only slightly better after repeating a positive self-statement.

The news gets worse for those with a low self-image Wood and her colleagues found:

• People with high self-esteem are more likely than those with low self-esteem to try to improve their moods when they are sad, as well as to savor their moods when they are happy.

• Those with low self-esteem sometimes even try to dampen their happiness, and engaging with others on Facebook seems to reinforce that reaction.

Don’t Fight Those Feelings. Instead, Notice Them, Then Choose What to Feel

Like obsessing more about the elephant in the room after being told to ignore it, being told to repeat “get happy” sayings, when sad, can make us feel even more sad. As Ed Yong concluded, “Statements that contradict a person’s self-image, no matter how rallying in intention, are likely to boomerang.“ “Don’t believe everything you think. “Thoughts are just that – thoughts,” wrote Pocket Peace author Allan Lokos.

Instead, of trying to change your feelings (as cognitive therapy attempts to do) change how you choose to view your thoughts. That approach calls on us to be mindfully observing what we are thinking and feeling from a calm pool, so to speak, without getting repeatedly sucked into the downward swirl of them. As Thich Nhat Hanh wrote, “Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.”

Practicing this way we can notice what we are feeling in the moment without immediately reacting, thus becoming better at choosing how we want to act. This approach is called ACT:Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. To reinforce that practice, “think of yourself as a kind friend,” suggests Duke University psychology professor Mark Leary. That bolsters yourself-compassion and thus your happiness. “One is a great deal less anxious if one feels perfectly free to be anxious, and the same may be said of guilt,” Alan Watts wrote.

Breandan, by the way, has begun writing his memoir, describing some of the adventures he shared with Emma, the people they met and the joy of living with her “through thick and thin.” His writing enables him to take the ACT approach, to observing and accept his sadness at his wife’s passing and to choose to focus, instead, on the many of the happy times they enjoyed together. He showed me the quote he chose for the first page:

“In the end, just three things matter:

How well we have lived

How well we have loved

How well we have learned to let go” ~ Jack Kornfield

As Byron Katie would say, he is “loving what is.” See more ideas at my Quotable and Connected column at Forbes.

https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140716144633-7216756-choose-how-you-want-to-feel?_mSplash=1%5C&published=t

Feel Important !

i-am-important

When you’re with a group of people, how do you want to feel?
Think about it….whether it is at work or socially…..

….in most cases people want to feel important (among other things)!

When someone in your past has treated you as an important person, or someone listens to you and your thoughts, or you’re a client and they treat you like a VIP – you feel important and that feels good.

Maybe you have a friend, a teacher, a mentor – someone that truly thinks you are important and they treat you that way.

You feel pretty good right?

You feel like you’re special, like you can do things and you have more confidence.

Do you make or let others feel important?

I know a gentleman, I don’t get a chance to see him much anymore, but he always made me feel special. He listened to me and I could tell he valued what I said.

I know that he was much smarter than I was and I probably didn’t have much new to say or much to add to his knowledge on things, but he never acted that way.

I had the chance to see him out in public somewhere – a group of us had to go to the supermarket to buy food for an activity.

It was amazing, he asked a clerk where something was and he made that clerk feel special! The guy left smiling and had a spring in his step!

Later at the cashier, he made her feel special, too! She smiled to herself and looked happy doing her job.

I wish I noticed more what he said – it wasn’t much….it was a few passing words, a smile, a question or two perhaps – but the ‘special’ part was no more than 2 minutes – probably 1 minute.

Some people are born with the gift, like he was, but we all can develop it.

Think of ways that you can make others feel special each day.

At work – your boss, co-workers, your clients, your support team, etc.

At home – your spouse, your children, neighbors

In life – friends, mentors, protégés, community members

It doesn’t matter what your job or career is – whether you’re in sales, teaching, medicine, art – making others feel important will help you and help them – and help you accomplish your mission – whatever that is.

Here’s a set of good Questions of Power:

  1. How can I make others feel important each day?
  2. What things can I say or to make others feel important?
  3. What makes me feel important?
  4. Why do I feel important?

Everyone  has an invisible sign hanging from their neck saying, ‘Make me feel important.’  Never forget this message when working with people. – Mary Kay  Ash
Thanks!
www.onewebstrategy.com

Simple Stuff

SimpleStuff

(Simple Stuff are a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

As far as I can tell, Jim, worrying about anything at all is a pretty good indicator that one has begun thinking that their joy and prosperity will somehow hinge on pending physical events, other people, or angry green Martians. Can you imagine?!  Phone home,  The Universe (Mike Dooley)

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  • Quick Relationship Tip: Remember: you are repeatedly training your nervous systems (and your partner’s nervous system) about how you feel about each other, no matter what you do. If you keep looking at each other in stress, you will start to associate each other with stress. If you look and act with each other in anger you will associate each other with anger. So be playful, loving and forgiving with each other – then you will associate love and happiness with the relationship 🙂 – Tony Robbins

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6 questions successful, high-performing individuals ask themselves. http://youtu.be/02Bzjj1eeeo Summary:
1. Presence: What level am I in this moment in terms of my emotional and physical vibrancy and presence?
2. Psychology: Am I living my truth – am I being who I know I can be and interacting with others as my best self?
3. Physiology: Am I rested, fit and hydrated?
4. Productivity: What is my mission today – what must I accomplish today to progress my life?
5. Persuasion: Am I demonstrating bold enthusiasm when I seek to influence others?
6. Purpose: How can I serve greatly?

From Brendon Burchard

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“A man arrested for shooting at the White House says he was upset over U.S. marijuana laws. Man, if only there was some way to mellow that guy out.” — Stephen Colbert

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Everyone is lucky, few are prepared.– Michael Dooley

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“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” ~ John Quincy Adams

🙂

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