Good stories, helpful strategies, fun stuff… (and Words To Live By, Frey Freyday)
How many of us have fought with a spouse or partner about money?
We all have in some way, right?
When financial issues come up, we handle things differently due to our gender, family, upbringing, current outlook, etc.
So how do we handle this?
I saw this good video about it from Noah St. John.
Thanks
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A short one for the weekend….
2009 was a tough year in my life. Maybe you heard me say that before. During that summer I was pretty low on myself and about a lot of things. Looking back, I am so grateful for the friends, family and various things that came into my life at that time.
Believe it or not, looking back, as tough as it was to go through all of those things and as unpleasant as it was then, these things did make me stronger and I gained wisdom and experiences that have helped me to help others. I appreciate life more. I simplified my life. I now enjoy things that I previously overlooked. I enjoy friends, family, and laughter more than I did before. I have less ‘stuff’ but I am happier.
But , at that time and when I was in that state of mind, I remember having some really tough days. I also remember making some bad decisions, which made life even more unpleasant.
It was summer and I was struggling. Again, looking back, I remember lots of little things that came into my life that year for the better.
Recently I came across this blog by Wayne Dyer that I had printed out in 2009 and stored away. I forgot about it until now. I initially read it a few days after it was written – just before the Fourth of July 2009. At first I blew it off. Then I thought about it. Then I started to do it.
I found that thoughts like this, as well as others by other authors, friends and mentors really helped. It is all about Focus. It is about Momentum – building small successes, then larger ones, then more and more. Looking at and recognizing the good things in life, the things that work, the things that we have and want.
Maybe this blog will mean something to you too. I hope it helps. I hope you have a great weekend……
From Wayne Dyer’s site
6/26/09 at 7:45 am | by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
If you could have any job in the world what would it be? Here’s how I have handled the getting of jobs and how I have advised others to go about it. First, get a really sharp, clear vision of what you would like to see yourself doing. Then go to a quiet place in meditation and make conscious contact with God. The beauty of meditation is that you begin to get answers. Instead of asking for something for yourself, put all of your energy and attention into visualizing yourself in a capacity of serving, offering, or creating. It’s then that doors begin to open for you.
Lao-tzu says that doors don’t open while we have attachment to physical things for ourselves. What he calls the angelic guides or Source energy doesn’t enter our lives until we take the focus off “what’s in it for me?” or “what kind of job am I going to get?” or “how much money am I going to make?” and instead focus on “how may I serve?” Get that inner picture of yourself serving in the capacity of your choice and then be at peace with it. Take the focus off scarcity and lack and visualize service. That’s how Spirit works—when we’re letting go, when we’re not trying, not chasing. “Let yourself be lived by it,” says Lao-tzu. Go within and trust Divine timing. That’s how it’s always worked for me and I’ve always had more work than I could handle.
Namaste, Wayne
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Here is a great article I came across – something we don’t hear enough.
Take a quick look…
Myth Of Decline: U.S. Is Stronger and Faster Than Anywhere Else
By Daniel Gross of http://www.thedailybeast.com
It starts…”
“Given the magnitude of the economic fall, it’s no surprise that declinism quickly emerged as the time’s chic intellectual pose. Left and right, highbrow and lowbrow, ideological and pragmatic, historians and futurists—all came to an agreement: the U.S. had a very slim hope of recovering from its self-inflicted blows. The lion was now a lamb, shorn of aggression and vitality, unable to compete with rivals like China. Much like Japan, which has endured two decades of stagnation and misery since its real-estate bubble popped in the late 1980s, the U.S. had fallen and couldn’t get up.
As is frequently the case, however, the conventional wisdom is wrong…….”
So did you ever have one of those situations when you thought things were bad and then they kept getting worse? I had a year (2009) when I was unemployed (after the banking crisis) and had a tough time finding a new job. My wife’s dear grandmother passed, then my dad passed away a few months later. That hurt big time. We took care of my mom, got her surgery, then found out she had cancer. She passed away just 5 weeks after my dad. That was tough. My wife’s uncle and other grandmother passed away later that year. The job situation wasn’t great.
I didn’t understand or fathom how things could get that bad. I felt like I couldn’t heal. But I did. I was able to land a nice job later, made connections with friends and new people. I connected myself to other good people out there. I find that almost everyone out there wants to help and work with a nice person.
Another time had to do with a situation I mentioned in other blogs. I was working for a small employer and it just wasn’t working on so many levels. I had to move on. I was told by many that my resume looked bad because I didn’t stay at each job long enough. A few employers told me I was skipped over because I had too much experience and they wanted to hire someone ‘cheaper’. Of course other positions required more experience. Then, I found a job that really wanted me and I wanted them but my credit report lost the job for me. It was my responsibility – I had an investment property that went south and I let some payments go late and was late on others until I finally sold it. But this stuff was still on the credit report and kept me from getting hired at several jobs.I needed to make a certain level of income so any old job would not do. I was ready and willing to do basically anything.
So I was concerned that my employer would fire me, cut my income, and plus I was unhappy. I was concerned ‘what if I lost my job tomorrow’. I had no reserves.
As I stated in earlier blogs, I was a nervous wreck. I’m not a nervous person. Some days I woke up and wanted to throw up. I wanted to give up. But like you, I didn’t.
I focused on better things. I focused on good things I had – basically being grateful for them. I focused on what worked rather than what didn’t work. I focused on my opportunities and other possible opportunities. I focused on other unlikely possibilities which helped me open my mind and brainstorm. I focused on taking action and sending resumes, connecting with others, etc. I focused on the great circle of friends and family I had and the great wife and two daughters.
I focused on answering the question; “how can things get any better?”. I had a list of Tony Robbins’ ‘Power Questions’ that helped me get started in the morning and adjust when I was in a bad state of mind.
More than anything, I think focusing on what I wanted helped. Many of us focus on what we don’t want. We say “I don’t like this situation/this action/this person.”
Guess what, we still focus on it. Instead we need to say “I want and invite this situation/person/action/outcome.” Then we work to make a plan and take action. We’ve all heard how our brains work on that which we focus- so give your brain the good stuff. Focus on what you want. (My advice is keep it more general and open so you keep open the possibilities. In other words if you say I want this specific job at $xx,0000 in this city – maybe its too specific? What if there is something so much better out there – and there is. Maybe ask “I want a job where I am happy, fulfilled, and I make a fabulous income well over $xx,000” – then think from the end and pretend it has already happened!)
Things got better. Even when there were hiccups, I didn’t feel the negativity as much if at all because I was looking at the good stuff. I improved my health, my marriage improved, I stabilized my income, I was happier. I found a role/job for me that I really enjoyed, I was contributing (important to me) and I was fulfilled. I was able to make a nice income.
Again, I saw a Mike Dooley posting from tut.com and I again wanted to share it – it relates to the above. Here’s to focusing on fun, happiness, abundance, love and good health.
From a Mike Dooley posting from tut.com
I have to admit, when we thought of adding the dimension of “time” to space, it was not wildly popular.
True, it would make possible evolution, reunions, and cute before-and-after photos. But it would add to the illusion of separation… “horror of horrors!” Spontaneous manifestations would spontaneously cease… “eee-gad!” And the only way anyone could get anything done, would be if they held onto and moved with their vision in thought, word, and deed, even when present circumstances appeared ABSOLUTELY unchanged for their efforts… yeah, “SIGN ME UP!!!!”
Thinking of you beaming with childlike joy -The Universe.
I wanted to start sharing some experiences and thoughts that I think many or all of us had – I have started sharing them with friends and people I meet in person and they seem to resonate. Most of us know or already understand this but we all need reminded. I am going to call this ‘series’ WORDS TO LIVE BY.
WORDS TO LIVE BY is actually a workbook I created for my daughters many years ago. I went into the dictionary and elsewhere and picked out words that I wanted them to know such as honesty, persistence, happiness, etc. etc. Each page has a word, a definition that my wife and I tweaked, and space below where they took notes and drew pictures. We often sat around the dining room table and did a word a week or so. We have gotten away from that and this reminds me to get back to it. What I found was that it was just as helpful to me, if not more, as it was for them.
Today’s (and the first) Word to Live By is Acceptance.
I was talking with a friend struggling with a situation and frankly he was fighting it. He’s in a jamb and it seemes like there are limited options. It reminded me of vivid memories of a time that I left a ‘safe’ job and started working for a small business. The owner brought me in and was excited by my addition and the new potential. Essentially I was to be a junior partner of sorts. Lots of expectations and things were said at the begining. We were all excited and started working hard.
(WATCH THE VIDEO HERE TOO http://youtu.be/oo_-4NDPync)
Then things changed. Those promises that were made suddenly were changed or simply left unfulfilled. The atmosphere became hostile and contentious. Payments weren’t made on time, he changed some of the rules. He was not the person I thought he was. I was not in a strong position in many ways and I had very little leverage. I felt personally hurt, I was angry, I felt victimized.
I had to continue to work for him because I needed the money for my family and I. I began sending out resumes and networking for Plan B. I spent most or all of my time thinking about either how he wronged me and what if I lost the job, how would I pay for my mortgage, what was the safest job that I could take so that I could provide for my family and avoid financial ruin. Yet I didn’t want to get into some other bad job. I often felt sick. My head and thoughts were constantly either worrying or trying to solve the problem. I was in the past or future, never the present. My heart and emotions were all negative. I was so tense and stressed. It was one of the worst times in my life. I was embarrassed.
Then one day I simply said that was enough. I was missing the present moments with my wife and daughters. I was making me sick. I simply had toaccept where I was and the situation that I was in. Right away I felt a little better. I didn’t solve my problems overnight but I was able to accept my situation and then many of the bad emotions left. Even the contentiousness between us went away to a large degree. I didn’t give up and I didn’t surrender, I accepted the situation, took responsibility for it, took action and moved ahead. Things did improve. I became less picky and concerned about the future. The opportunity that came to me was something I did not nor probably could not have ever considered. It was a surprise. It felt like the opportunity actually ‘started’ or came about around the same time I ‘accepted’ things. Overall I’m not a big “acceptance kind of guy”. I rarely talk about it. But it did help and is necessary. I was swimming against the current and just kept draining my energy and spirit. Acceptance took me with the current so I could finally get moving.
Deepak Chopra talked about Acceptance in his book “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success.” He says that Acceptance is a key item – necessary for what he calls the “Law of Least Effort”. Acceptance, to Chopra, means simply that you make a commitment “today I will accept people, situations, circumstances, and events as they occur.” Furthermore he says the we should know that “this moment is as it should be” and that it is a culmination of all the experiences and moments you had in the past. This moment is as it is because the entire universe is as it is. When you struggle against this moment, you’re actually struggling against the entire universe. Instead, you can make the decision that today you will not struggle against the whole universe by struggling against this moment. It is ok for you to wish or want things to be different in the future but you must first accept things as they are now.
Furthermore Chopra says, which I found to be a great reminder, when you feel frustrated or upset by a person or situation, remember that you are not reacting to the person or the situation, but to your feelings about the person or situation. These are YOUR feelings, and your feelings are not someone else’s fault.
I’ll leave you with a quote from a recent Mike Dooley tut.com post:
In a slightly different world, if dogs believed in “soul mates” when it came to choosing their owners… can you imagine how lonesome most would be?
Oh, there’s definitely room for “picky,” but there’s also room for “surprise me.”
Ok, we’ve all had the discussion with ourselves or with someone else at some point, right?
Here I am today at a point where I need to move on….I have begun the interview process….once again! It is exciting and good things are coming about but wow, what a process. I have friends that got out of college and worked for their families, which is totally cool (I was in a family business for a while) but my point is that they never experienced a job interview. Amazing to me.
So anyhow, I am trying to consider a job at (I have only one job offer so far) a few large firms worth billions of dollars, and the “safety” they propose, and the resources and support, and the salary you can generally expect, at least for a period of time. Then you have the nature of today’s economy and the general uncertainty in any job. The limitations, politics, and bureaucracy of a corporation.
On the other hand, I have an opportunity to take over a firm but things could be tight (cashflow) for the first months but I’d have total control and autonomy. Freedom. Unlimited potential and growth. But then again, its all on my shoulders, no backup, and no safety net.
What things would you think about? Both great opportunities, right? I’m grateful for both. Where do you go? I have a family and want that freedom. I’ve earned lots of money before and I want that too. I’ve been self-employed and I’ve worked for billion dollar firms too. Both have their advantages.
What do you think?
I want pondering this when someone forwarded me from a website by Mike Dooley ….FYI
Plan the celebration now. Sweep the floor. Clean the slate. Pick a date.
Window shop, buy a few things, go out on a limb.
Rearrange the furniture, pick some flowers, take some time off.
No, no,…. Not necessarily because the tipping point has been reached… but because this is how you reach it.
How’s today looking? The Universe (from tut.com)
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