Category Archives: habit

Want to form better habits?

Good for new years’ resolutions!

Talks to form better habits
http://www.ted.com/playlists/321/

A Neuroscientist And A Psychologist On How Our Ancient Brains Work In A High-Tech World

GUEST HOST: DEREK MCGINTY

A woman uses her smart phone as she walks on 47th Street November 13, 2014 in New York.   AFP PHOTO/Don Emmert        (Photo credit should read DON EMMERT/AFP/Getty Images)

A woman uses her smart phone as she walks on 47th Street November 13, 2014 in New York. AFP PHOTO/Don Emmert (Photo credit should read DON EMMERT/AFP/Getty Images)

We all do it. Walking down the street–a quick check of the phone to see who emailed. Watching television–why not send out a tweet, too. Sitting at dinner with family–it will take only a second to read that text. Even when we know we should resist the temptation, it’s so hard to ignore technology. We pay for it in half-completed tasks, near accidents, and disjointed conversations. Why is this? It turns out our brains are not very good at driving away distraction, and technology has only aggravated it.

Did you know the blue light from your phones ‘fight’ or stop melatonin (Melatonin is a hormone that helps you fall asleep.) So when you look at your phone before or while in bed, you may be resetting your melatonin for ‘awake mode’, making it harder to sleep properly. Suggestion: stop looking at your phone 30 minutes or more before bed and don’t look at it until you wake up in the morning!

Guest host Derek McGinty talks to neuroscientist Dr. Adam Gazzaley and psychologist Dr. Larry Rosen about our ancient brains in a high-tech world.

Guests

  • Dr. Adam Gazzaley professor of neurology, physiology, and psychiatry at UC San Francisco; founding director, the Neuroscience Imaging Center; director, the Gazzaley Lab, a cognitive neuroscience laboratory.
  • Dr. Larry Rosen professor and past chair of the psychology department, California State University, Dominguez Hills

http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2016-10-19/a-neuroscientist-and-a-psychologist-on-how-our-ancient-brains-work-in-a-high-tech-world

Frey Freyday – Focus

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

Focus – [foh-kuh s] – to concentrate: to focus one’s thoughts. a central point, as of attraction, attention, or activity:

It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.-Aristotle Onassis

Successful people maintain a positive focus in life no matter what is going on around them. They stay focused on their past successes rather than their past failures, and on the next action steps they need to take to get them closer to the fulfillment of their goals rather than all the other distractions that life presents to them.-Jack Canfield

Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work at hand. The sun’s rays do not burn until brought to a focus.-Alexander Graham Bell

Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have. Make the Now the primary focus of your life.-Eckhart Tolle

One reason so few of us achieve what we truly want is that we never direct our focus; we never concentrate our power. Most people dabble their way through life, never deciding to master anything in particular.-Tony Robbins

You’ve just got to focus on excellence and try not to be distracted by the news and the rumors and the absurdities of the stories that were coming out.-James Daly

Enlightened leadership is spiritual if we understand spirituality not as some kind of religious dogma or ideology but as the domain of awareness where we experience values like truth, goodness, beauty, love and compassion, and also intuition, creativity, insight and focused attention.-Deepak Chopra

Accidents, coincidences, and serendipities are the disguises I use to sneak magic and miracles into your life without arousing suspicion that the game is rigged, the dragons are fake, and you’re about to hit the biggest “home run” of your life. Just keep focusing on what you want and move ahead. Now, please don’t ruin this for anyone – The Universe http://www.tut.com

The key to success is to focus our conscious mind on things we desire not things we fear.-Brian Tracy

Word to Live By:

Focus – Where focus goes, energy flows. And where energy flows, whatever you’re focusing on grows.

I think that most of us “know” that our life is controlled by what we focus on. However, most of us don’t often consciously try to change our patterns about our daily focus. Most of us probably aren’t aware of where we put our focus.

All the time, we have negativity, conflict, hostility, resistance, loss and scarcity around us. The news and media seems to spend their time and focus on this, and much of society gets swept away in this bundle of nervous energy, stress, and worry.

I know a few people in my life that are loving, caring, bright people but they get swept up in this worry and negativity. When I see them the conversation often leads to, “Did you see the sad news about…..”, and they remind me of something in the news about crime, downtrends, or something negative. I think we all do this from time to time. Is that useful?

But that’s not the whole picture.

Everyday there are good people, improvements, good events, uptrends, kindness, success, celebrations, laughter, and opportunity. Because humans are wired the way we are, this sort of thing doesn’t make the headlines. We don’t hear about these things nearly as much.

First, don’t watch the news. I’m not saying don’t skim headlines and be aware of current events – a quick scroll over headlines is often necessary. However there is very little benefit from sitting and watching local or national news, in my opinion. How is it useful that you sit and get bombarded by the telecast that includes the latest political conflict, crime sprees, fires, natural disasters and such? Gee, let’s watch that and then try to go tackle the day in a positive, upbeat manner. Do you feel empowered after the news? Likely not.

In our personal lives it’s the same thing. Our jobs have points of resistance and conflict. Management may ‘pressure’ the workers. There may be hostility. Some people highlight the negative no matter how well things are going. Some of your friends may only care about putting in a day’s work with the most basic, minimum effort just to get by.

What if you want to improve yourself? What if you have goals? What if you want to contribute, help others, succeed or otherwise accomplish something? Does the negativity of the media help? Do those naysayers and negative friends help?

Race car driving coaches teach drivers to focus on the desire path ahead, not the wall. When we drive on the roads, we don’t focus on the telephone poles, we look to where we want to go. Similarly in life we need to focus on the path, the mindset, the energy that we want in our future. Both choices area available to us each day.

I believe for happiness, success, peace of mind, fulfillment – each day we need to focus on where we want to go, our goals, our values, what we have (loved ones, accomplishments, memories) not on what we fear or what we lack. When we are in a state of uncertainty next time, let’s try to interrupt the pattern of scarcity or fear, then shift our focus toward where we want to go, what we have, and what we can do and furthermore consider what actions we can take in that direction.

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

13 Surprising Ways to Make Happiness a Habit

13 Surprising Ways to Make Happiness a Habit COMMUNICATION MOTIVATION BY IBRAHIM HUSAIN

You know how some people seem to be happy no matter what happens to them?  They always have a positive outlook on life. They seem to enjoy things more than you and me, and their relationships with people thrive in a way that we only imagine.  You’ve probably wondered what it is about them that makes happiness so easy for them.  Well it turns out there is no special trick to happiness.  Just like anything else, it’s just something that we have to learn to make a habit.  Incorporate the following 14 behaviors into your daily life and you’ll find that happiness habits surround you.

  1. Change Your Perspective

There are plenty of reasons to not be happy.  Someone cut you off on the way to work.  You got a ticket.  You made a bad grade or got a less than stellar performance review, etc.  The interesting thing about not feeling happy when these things happen is that you aren’t in control.  You have chosen to let external forces dictate how you feel about life.  When you learn that you have control over these things, simply by changing your perspective, the whole world changes.  For example, take the “someone cut you off on the way to work” scenario.  By making an excuse for that person, such as that they are rushing to get their pregnant wife to the hospital (or some other emergency), you excuse their wrongdoing and are not negatively affected by it.  Hopefully they make it to the hospital in time and bring a beautiful child into the world.  It turns out Your Perception IS Your Reality.

  1. Get Some Sunlight

Sunlight makes us happy.  UV rays hit the skin and the body begins to produce vitamin D ( vitamin D deficiency is associated with depression, among other things).  When the sunlight hits your eyes it signals to your brain to slow down secretion of melatonin (a hormone that helps you sleep), and increases secretion of serotonin (a hormone associated with happiness and wakefulness).  What does all of this mean?  Getting more sun will make you happier.  If you aren’t getting at least 15 minutes of sun exposure on your skin per day, it’s a good idea to try and get out more.  Take a walk during lunch, sit outside for a few minutes instead of watching TV.  Make time for it.

  1. Make a Life List

Life lists are awesome.  They are the theme park of life planning.  Think about the things you want to experience and accomplish before you die.  While it may sound like a morbid pursuit, it’s actually pretty life changing and inspirational.  Especially when you make plans to start checking things off your life list.

  1. Learn a New Hobby

Hobbies are fun ways to experience happiness.  Whether you love to cook, play games, paint, or anything else, the joy of learning a new hobby is one of the most enjoyable endeavors you can embark upon.  When starting a new hobby, focus on the joy of just experiencing something new. There is something magical about being a “newbie,” because with every experience there is something to be gained.

  1. Focus on Appreciation and Gratefulness

Learning to show appreciation and to be grateful for what you have is, in itself, a reward.  People who express appreciation and take time be grateful are happier and have more positive outlooks on life. Start with a simple experiment.  Every night before you go to bed, write down something that happened throughout the day that you are grateful for.  It won’t take long before that habit changes your entire perspective.

  1. Meditate Regularly

While meditation often gets the reputation of being spiritual and strange to those who don’t partake, it has benefits for practically everyone who gives it a real chance.  I don’t see meditation as spiritual. I see it as therapeutic.  I sit quietly for 5-10 minutes per day (I don’t time it‒I just do it), and focus on me.  Sometimes I close my eyes; sometimes I don’t.  But I focus on my breathing, I take stock on how I feel (physically and mentally), and I visualize what my day is going to look like.  It’s almost like a pre-game ritual.  Try it.  You wont be disappointed.

  1.  Embrace Your Fears

Fear is one of the big zappers of happiness.  Fear leads us to worry, causing stress and a focus on negativity.  One way to stop fear is to begin welcoming it into your life.  Obviously you don’t want to jump into the deep end on this one, but start small and start tackling your fears.  You’ll find yourself stronger, more confident, and happier with every fear tackled.

  1. Smile More

Where I live, it’s a common occurrence to exchange smiles with anyone you come into contact with. I’ve traveled enough to know this isn’t a common practice everywhere, but I think it should be. Smiling is easy to do, feels good, tells your brain you’re happy, and can be the one happy thing the receiver of your smile sees that day.  You can brighten up the lives of people around you with just a flash of your pearly whites.  With that kind of power comes great responsibility.  Use it, and use it often!

  1. Exercise Regularly

There are numerous benefits to exercise.  I’m sure I don’t have to convince you of that.  Stress relief, health benefits, etc.  But my personal favorite benefit is the release of endorphins.  They are natural pain and stress relievers, and they make you feel great.  I didn’t believe in the endorphin rush, or Runner’s High, as it’s commonly referred, until I started running.  Now I can’t get enough.

  1. Embrace Your Negativity

Some people swallow and repress the negative thoughts and feelings they have, thinking this will somehow make them happier.  Unfortunately, it always seems to come back, manifesting in stress, physical pain, or otherwise.  The truth about the negativity is that it’s necessary to understand and accept that sometimes bad things happen.  Sometimes you will be stressed.  Sometimes things will happen that you have no control over.  Understanding and accepting this will reduce the stress you feel from repression, allowing you to get back to the things that make you happy.

  1. Challenge Yourself

One of the greatest things you can do in life is to set the bar high and then achieve.  By challenging yourself in ways that are achievable, but require work, you continue to work hard and improve yourself, often times leading to the outcome of being satisfied not with the accomplishment, but with the progress that you’ve made simply by having the goal.  Set challenging goals, and then create realistic plans to achieve them.  Every achievement becomes another step on the staircase towards your greatest, happiest self.

  1. Volunteer Your Time

There is no quicker way to feel happy than to help someone else, especially someone in need of help.  Volunteering your time is addicting, not just because you’re helping people in need, but because you feel good doing it.  It’s a humbling way to honor humanity and be grateful for the blessings that you’ve received.  There’s tons of reasons for the good feelings associated with volunteering, but suffice it to say it’s a no-brainer for both quick and long-term happiness.

  1. Posture and Breathing

Sit up straight, pull your shoulders back, and take a deep breath.  Do it a few more times.  Feel that? Posture and breathing have a profound affect on your outlook on life.  In just a few moments, hunching and taking weak, shallow breaths can sap the life right out of you.  Focus on sitting up with your shoulder back and taking deep breaths as often as possible, and you’ll be happier throughout the day.

What did we miss?  What steps have you taken towards making happiness a habit? Tell us your habit in the comments below.

When you correct your posture, especially if you work at a desk all day, you’ll be rewarding yourself later in life. Back pain, stress etc. It all gets sorted.

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/13-surprising-ways-make-happiness-habit.html

Frey Freyday – Persistence, Tenacity

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

Permanence, perseverance and persistence in spite of all obstacles, discouragements, and impossibilities: It is this, that in all things distinguishes the strong soul from the weak.-Thomas Carlyle

– Success is the result of perfection, hard work, learning from failure, loyalty, and persistence.-Colin Powell

– Persistence and resilience only come from having been given the chance to work though difficult problems.-Gever Tulley

– When I meet successful people I ask 100 questions as to what they attribute their success to. It is usually the same: persistence, hard work and hiring good people.-Kiana Tom

Paralyze resistance with persistence.-Woody Hayes

Never let your persistence and passion turn into stubbornness and ignorance.-Anthony J. D’Angelo

– Persistence is incredibly important. Persistence proves to the person you’re trying to reach that you’re passionate about something, that you really want something.-Norah O’Donnell

Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.-John Quincy Adams

Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.-Marie Curie

Perseverance is failing 19 times and succeeding the 20th.-Julie Andrews

Perseverance, secret of all triumphs.-Victor Hugo

Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal. My strength lies solely in my tenacity.-Louis Pasteur

The path to success is to take massive, persistent, determined action.-Tony Robbins

Heroes are never perfect, but they’re brave, they’re authentic, they’re courageous, determined, discreet, and they’ve got grit.-Wade Davis

WORDS TO LIVE BY:

Persistence – [per-sis-tuh ns, –zis-]- the continuance of an effect or effort.

 

Persistence is often everything. Often talent is nothing. There are so many smart, talented people in the world that may not reach their potential because they are less persistent, because the don’t preserve as much as others. There are many people that may not have been successful in the school system and may even lack certain talents that succeed in life, love and other fields simply because they did not give up.

 

Call it persistence, perseverance, tenacity, grit, whatever – you gotta keep swinging.

 

Here’s what most people forget or don’t know – the action of persisting is part of your education and growth. When you go out, make a mistake, get rejected, fail, whatever – then go back and try again, you are a better, stronger, smarter person. Tenacity will make you better not only because of the fact that much of life is numbers game, the probabilities get better with more attempts – but tenacity creates a wiser, smarter, resilience YOU.

 

If you want something – a relationship, a dream, an accomplishment in any field – you commit to it. That means you try, maybe you temporarily fail, learn from it, try again, adjust, adapt, and grow. Committing to something simply means persisting over and over until you do it.

 

So many people try a few times and then quit. They often then define themselves or their lives by that experience, or that failure. They limit themselves.

 

Including myself, I have seen so many people succeed in things even though they aren’t the ‘ideal’ or ‘best’ candidate – simply because they kept going after the result.

 

No matter what the challenge or what the goal, keep your eye on the donut and not the hole. When you reach the goal, you’ll feel great about things, you’ll have new confidence and respect for yourself, and by the way, you’ll enjoy the journey there too.

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

 

BONUS TED TALK:

http://www.ted.com/talks/richard_st_john_s_8_secrets_of_success

Why do people succeed? Is it because they’re smart? Or are they just lucky? Neither. Analyst Richard St. John condenses years of interviews into an unmissable 3-minute slideshow on the real secrets of success.

Frey Freyday-Beliefs

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact. Belief creates the actual fact.-William James

– It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.-Muhammad Ali

One person with a belief is equal to ninety-nine who have only interests.-John Stuart Mill

– Envy comes from people’s ignorance of, or lack of belief in, their own gifts.-Jean Vanier

Nothing great has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside them was superior to circumstances. – Bruce Barton –

Realizing that our actions, feelings and behaviour are the result of our own images and beliefs gives us the level that psychology has always needed for changing personality.-Maxwell Maltz

It’s not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean.-Tony Robbins

– Live your beliefs and you can turn the world around.-Henry David Thoreau

– Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.-George Carlin

Words to Live By:

Beliefs – [ biˈlēf ] – Your beliefs are everything. Beliefs make up your personality, they create habits which lead to your lifestyle, your relationships, your career, etc. Beliefs can limit you or they can help you excel and grow. The meaning we assign to all sorts of things are related to beliefs. If you believe you’re smart, for instance, you will be more likely to act in a smart manner, make smart choices, and act according to that identity.
Bonus: Ted Talk – http://www.ted.com/talks/caroline_casey_looking_past_limits

Activist Caroline Casey tells the story of her extraordinary life, starting with a revelation (no spoilers). In a talk that challenges perceptions, Casey asks us all to move beyond the limits we may think we have.

3 Decisions That Will Change You

The 3 Decisions That Will Change Your Life

From entrepreneur.com Nov 19, 2014

Decision 1: Carefully choose what to focus on.
At every moment, millions of things compete for your attention. You can focus on things that are happening right here and now or on what you want to create in the future. Or you can focus on the past.

Where focus goes, energy flows. What you focus on and your pattern for doing so shapes your entire life.

Which area do you tend to focus on more: what you have or what’s missing from your life?

I’m sure you think about both sides of this coin. But if you examine your habitual thoughts, what do you tend to spend most of your time dwelling on?

Rather than focusing on what you don’t have and begrudging those who are better off than you financially, perhaps you should acknowledge that you have much to be grateful for and some of it has nothing to do with money. You can be grateful for your health, family, friends, opportunities and mind.

Developing a habit of appreciating what you have can create a new level of emotional well-being and wealth. But the real question is, do you take time to deeply feel grateful with your mind, body, heart and soul? That’s where the joy, happiness and fulfillment can be found.

Consider a second pattern of focus that affects the quality of your life: Do you tend to focus more on what you can control or what you can’t?

If you focus on what you can’t control, you’ll have more stress in life. You can influence many aspects of your life but you usually can’t control them.

When you adopt this pattern of focus, your brain has to make another decision:

—-

Decision 2: Figure out, What does this all mean?
Ultimately, how you feel about your life has nothing to do with the events in it or with your financial condition or what has (or hasn’t) happened to you. The quality of your life is controlled by the meaning you give these things.

Most of the time you may be unaware of the effect of your unconscious mind in assigning meaning to life’s events.

When something happens that disrupts your life (a car accident, a health issue, a job loss), do you tend to think that this is the end or the beginning?

If someone confronts you, is that person insulting you, coaching you or truly caring for you?

Does a devastating problem mean that God is punishing you or challenging you? Or is it possible that this problem is a gift from God?

Your life takes on whatever meaning you give it. With each meaning comes a unique feeling or emotion and the quality of your life involves where you live emotionally.

I always ask during my seminars, “How many of you know someone who is on antidepressants and still depressed?” Typically 85 percent to 90 percent of those assembled raise their hands.

How is this possible? The drugs should make people feel better. It’s true that antidepressants do come with labels warning that suicidal thoughts are a possible side effect.

But no matter how much a person drugs himself, if he constantly focuses on what he can’t control in life and what’s missing, he won’t find it hard to despair. If he adds to that a meaning like “life is not worth living,” that’s an emotional cocktail that no antidepressant can consistently overcome.

Yet if that same person can arrive at a new meaning, a reason to live or a belief that all this was meant to be, then he will be stronger than anything that ever happened to him.

When people shift their habitual focus and meanings, there’s no limit on what life can become. A change of focus and a shift in meaning can literally alter someone’s biochemistry in minutes.

So take control and always remember: Meaning equals emotion and emotion equals life. Choose consciously and wisely. Find an empowering meaning in any event, and wealth in its deepest sense will be yours today.

Once you create a meaning in your mind, it creates an emotion, and that emotion leads to a state for making your third decision:
——
Decision 3: What will you do?
The actions you take are powerfully shaped by the emotional state you’re in. If you’re angry, you’re going to behave quite differently than if you’re feeling playful or outrageous.

If you want to shape your actions, the fastest way is to change what you focus on and shift the meaning to be something more empowering.

Two people who are angry will behave differently. Some pull back. Others push through.

Some individuals express anger quietly. Others do so loudly or violently. Yet others suppress it only to look for a passive-aggressive opportunity to regain the upper hand or even exact revenge.

Where do these patterns come from? People tend to model their behavior on those they respect, enjoy and love.

The people who frustrated or angered you? You often reject their approaches.

Yet far too often you may find yourself falling back into patterns you witnessed over and over again in your youth and were displeased by.

It’s very useful for you to become aware of your patterns when you are frustrated, angry or sad or feel lonely. You can’t change your patterns if you’re not aware of them.

Now that you’re aware of the power of these three decisions, start looking for role models who are experiencing what you want out of life. I promise you that those who have passionate relationships have a totally different focus and arrive at totally different meanings for the challenges in relationships than people who are constantly bickering or fighting.

It’s not rocket science. If you become aware of the differences in how people approach these three decisions, you’ll have a pathway to help you create a permanent positive change in any area of life.

This piece was adapted from Tony Robbins’ new book, Money Master the Game: 7 Simple Steps to Financial Freedom.

%d bloggers like this: