Category Archives: forgiveness

Frey Freyday – Forgive

 (Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

Forgive – [fer-giv] – to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.-Mahatma Gandhi

Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone’s face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of my anger and resentment? Did I forgive? Did I love? These are the real questions. I must trust that the little bit of love that I sow now will bear many fruits, here in this world and the life to come.-Henri Nouwen

We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.-Martin Luther King, Jr.

You can’t forgive without loving. And I don’t mean sentimentality. I don’t mean mush. I mean having enough courage to stand up and say, ‘I forgive. I’m finished with it.’-Maya Angelou

Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move on.-Les Brown

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. Mark Twain

WORD TO LIVE BY

Forgive – to forgive and grant peace to someone else, which will also bring peace to you

Forgiveness is necessary, it is a must. It is the right thing to do, for you and the person that you are forgiving. You, the person that is carrying a grudge, cannot move on or progress on that part of your life until you forgive. I advise that, as soon as possible and with sincerity, stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense and forgive them now.

Carrying around a grudge or anger is like carrying around a poison or toxin inside you. It burns you up and eats you alive. The more intense the emotion, the more damage that it can be done.

Example: I knew a relative that held a grudge against two others for 20 years. She didn’t talk to them and felt angry about something all of that time. The two never knew it, they didn’t know she was mad at all. So who lost here? The two who allegedly did something ‘bad’ never carried the guilt or remorse and just plain didn’t know. The other person carried around that anger, that weight, and that negative emotion for 20 years. She thought about it often and couldn’t move on. Had she forgiven them years ago, she could have moved on and probably enjoyed that large part of her life much more.

Want to live a long, happy life? Forgive the unforgivable. It really is the kindest thing you can do for yourself. Your enemy may not deserve to be forgiven for all the pain and sadness and suffering purposefully inflicted on your life, but you deserve to be free of this evil. As Ann Landers often said, “hate is like an acid. It damages the vessel in which it is stored, and destroys the vessel on which it is poured.”

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB).

Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also

a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would

raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other

children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education.

Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally,

sometimes accidentally….

…………….So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

To be removed from this mailing, just reply REMOVE

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BONUS

A great blog about forgiveness, apologizing, bitterness from Brendon Burchard

Nothing is served by being bitter. Nothing is served in a relationship by lording over someone else for a mistake or hurtful act. Nothing ever moves from that. There’s no positive movement in a broken relationship without first forgiveness. Forgive, not to approve of others bad behavior, but to unleash your soul from the hurt and bitterness. Let go of the ego and just forgive somebody, not to justify, not to rationalize, not to approve….just do it for your own mental and spiritual sanity, health and vibrancy. Just let it go. You need nothing more.

From the video AND blog post on how to say sorry: http://tmblr.co/ZTb1Dv1JKfK8o

https://www.facebook.com/brendonburchardfan

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The transcript of the blog:

I believe that one of the great marks of personal power and spiritual power is the ability to apologize and to forgive.

Often those things are seen, for some weird odd reason, as ‘weak’ things. “Oh well, I don’t want to apologize to her because that will make me look weak.” Or, “I’m not going to forgive him because if I forgive him then that gives him the power.”

People have been thinking about apology and forgiveness in the wrong ways for so long—that’s why we have so many people who are pent up, angry, frustrated, and bitter around the world.

Do you have any bitter critter friends? You know, these people that are just bitter and angry all the time? They’re mad at other people, the injustices of the world, but then when they screw up they can’t even say, “I’m sorry.” Doesn’t that drive you nuts? It’s a lack of congruence, and I think the challenge is that so many people have never really been taught how to think about these things.

Should we apologize to people? Absolutely. If we do something that causes harm or hurts someone’s feelings, even if it wasn’t our intention, even if we think it wasn’t a big deal? Yes. Because guess what?

Apologizing has nothing to do with what we think is a big deal, no matter how smart we are about justifying why someone should not feel that way. “Well she shouldn’t feel that way, so I’m not going to apologize.” It doesn’t matter if you think she should feel that way, if she feels that way, she feels that way.

Because, whatever action you did, whether it deserved to cause that emotion, if she’s having that interaction and feeling, then we ought to say, “I’m really sorry that you’re having that experience, I didn’t intend for that, but I apologize. I want to let you know I want you to be happy. I want you to feel good. I want us to have a good relationship.”

It’s turning that apology into a direct intention, a direct statement that we want things to be better.

You say, “I’m not going to apologize because when I apologize then they really hold me to the ground.” Have you ever apologized to someone and they just won’t accept the apology? They just keep getting meaner and meaner and meaner to you, making you defend yourself, defend yourself, defend yourself?

Don’t play that game. Just say, “You know what, I don’t know what else to say. I’ve totally apologized. I have really nothing else to say about the matter other than I just feel bad. I feel bad that you feel bad. None of us wants to feel bad.”

Don’t let anyone drag you into their emotional drama either. Apologize with sincerity and strength, but do not allow yourself to be drawn into everyone else’s negative emotions. To allow yourself to apologize from a place of knowing you’re doing it with integrity, because you don’t want to cause harm or make anyone feel bad. To do that, but not allow yourself to give over your integrity, to allow someone now to brow beat you into submission, into beating you into a place where you’re emotionally and spiritually completely taxed, where you say I’m not going to apologize anymore.

See, when we apologize we don’t have to give away our power.

It’s coming from a place of real power that allows us to apologize, because when we’re coming from a place of real, raw, emotional and spiritual power, we can apologize because there’s no ego attached to it.

Whatever dance is going to happen after we apologize, we’re not going to be drawn into that dance of drama.

See, part of the reason we don’t want to apologize is because we fear it makes us look wrong, even if we wouldn’t say that or conceptualize that. We feel like, “If I apologize then that means I was wrong.”

What if it has nothing to do with whether or not you were wrong or right, deserved or justified? What if it’s so simple to apologize because it has nothing to do with your ego?

I’ll apologize all day long because me apologizing or pointing out any flaws that I have or any mistakes I’ve made does not diminish me as a person. It grows me as a person. It makes me stronger, more aware and more capable. I want to learn when I mess up, so when someone says you should apologize for that I say, “Okay, I apologize. “ There’s no hook to it for me. I don’t get angry about other people.

“Well, I don’t need to apologize to you, who do you think you are?” Nothing is served from that. I have no ego about these things and it’s so much easier to apologize, because it’s not about you. It’s not about protecting your own mental turf. It’s not about being right.

Most of the frustrations and the anger and bitterness we have to other people is because we feel that we have to be so right and we feel so powerful when we’re right.

It’s like, really?

Just be a spiritual person and be open and allow warmth and love to flow through to you, especially to the people you have hurt.

Let it go. Let go of that need to feel right or justified and your life really does transform. You can literally feel thousands of pounds of baggage releasing from your shoulders the moment you’re spiritually free enough to apologize whenever someone around you has been negatively impacted or took something negative and they felt bad.

Some people just are going to feel bad all the time, so they’ll be asking you for apologies all the time. Your job? Limit your exposure to that person.

You’re like, Brendon, “What if I marry that person.” Don’t blame me I didn’t marry them you married them!

I think you have to have a greater sense of connection with others to realize that if they’re continually offended and continually hurt, to sit them down and say,

“I sense that you were always continually hurt and there is always this thing: I can’t do anything right. So what dialogue would I have to have or what behavior change would I have to have or we have to have in this relationship so that you’re not always hurt? If you’re always going to be hurt, I’m always going to feel bad. And if I’m always going to feel bad and you’re always going to feel bad, where could this relationship ever really go? Let’s have an intentional conversation about what kind of relationship do we really want? Do you and I both want to continue drowning in our drama or do we want to find out a new way we can live and interact together? If we can’t figure out a new way to live and interact together, in which we have true joy, openness, care and compassion and love and fun with each other, then we aren’t doing a good enough job together. Then we have to explore that too.”

And sometimes there are people who just aren’t at the same conscious plain you are—and you don’t say that from a place of ego, you just say it in recognition that they’re still on that plain of hurt and they aren’t ever going to release that plain of hurt.

Maybe you have to be honest with them and have a conversation, maybe they need true therapy. They need true help. Some people truly, cannot resolve their own internal dramas, as much as they try, and you are not a therapist… (maybe you are, I don’t know).

But your job isn’t to be a therapist to your loved ones. Your job is to facilitate that if they need to go get some help, then let them go get some help, and champion that. Don’t create a stigma around it. Let them get some help to resolve their internal dramas that are creating all this negative energy that’s constantly creating bitterness and feuds between the two of you.

That’s your job: “How can I guide this so there’s not as much hurt here.” If you do that well in your relationships you find it so much easier to apologize when you do something.

When someone feels bad around me, I immediately apologize, because I know apology has nothing to do with me. It has to do with their ability and their need to release their bitterness. They’re upset, and if all the need is a simple switch of an apology to release that upset-ness in their life, I want to let them switch that thing all day long.

It’s not about you. It’s about a need they have psychologically to release from something and the apology is the lever for that release.

I’m like, I’ll hand somebody a lever all day long it doesn’t bother me, because it has nothing to do with me. Does that make sense?

If your intentions are pure and your actions are done with true compassion and faith and love in other people, than you’ll find suddenly you don’t have to apologize that much, because your actions are pure and who you are is pure.

You’re doing good things for yourself, first and foremost to have integrity, and then for others, and because you do that, suddenly you don’t make as many mistakes. You don’t hurt people as often, and you just find yourself acting, not in noble ways, but in ways that are true to your real spirit, which is coming from a place of love and compassion anyway.

I think the second part of this in demonstrating real strength is also the ability on your side to forgive.

If someone says, “I’m sorry,” you’re like I get it.

You don’t have to say, “You’re not really sorry,” and until they bleed, you won’t forgive them. You know these people don’t you?

Forgiveness should be as simple as apology for you. Simple.

Forgiveness has nothing to do with you, just like apology might not have anything to do with you. It’s not about ego.

Forgiveness is not something mental that you need to construct in your head, it’s a spiritual discipline.

You know what, there are so many things going on at any given time that could be judged as wrong, as harsh, as terrible, as mean and as vindictive, and what we have to realize is that we could interpret everything that way, everything. If someone cuts you off in traffic you freak out and now you’re going to chase them down and run them off the road, and you won’t forgive them for five days, you’re mad about that guy who cut you off.

You know what you’re carrying? Bitterness and anger. Over a period of years that starts to wear on your face. It starts showing up in your body. It starts to slow you down in your progress in life, because you start thinking people are bad, so you divide yourself from other people. And, because you see other people are as bad then you don’t collaborate as much. You don’t ask for help. You don’t believe in the power of a team to accomplish something, and suddenly you find yourself alone, bitter and alone, because you didn’t have the spiritual wherewithal to forgive.

Forgiving is so simple. It literally is a decision. No justification or cause has to happen, and forgiving does not have to do anything with accepting the other person’s behavior, approving of it, justifying it, rationalizing it or understanding it.

Forgiveness is a personal power saying, I’m not going to be upset. You don’t even have to forgive them. You don’t even have to forgive their actions.. it has nothing to do with them.

Forgiveness has to do with a decision that you’re just going to forgive the weight that you’re carrying around about something that impacted you.

That’s the way to look at it.

It is a spiritual power in just dropping weight of negativity, of negative emotion and energy around you.

I can forgive so fast in my life, not because I’m so wow spiritual, it’s just because I’ve practiced it so many times. I’m constantly like,

“Wow, I’m kind of upset about that. Let me let that go, because it’s not going to serve my life. Let me let that go because if I don’t I can’t sleep tonight. Let me let that go because if I don’t I feel heavy and angry. Let me let that go because when I’m upset or bitter I don’t have a good vision for my future. Let me let that go, because if I carry it I’m going to walk that into my next relationship with someone I love, adore or care. Let me let that go, because nothing is served by being angry.”

Nothing is served by being bitter. Nothing is served in a relationship by Lording over something over someone else’s head. Nothing ever moves from that. There’s no positive movement that comes in a relationship that has been broken without first forgiveness. It has to happen and it has to happen in a place where it’s not about you. Do it just for your spirit.

Let go of the ego and just forgive somebody, not to approve of them, not to justify, not to rationalize. Like I said, just do it for your own mental and spiritual sanity, health and vibrancy. Just let it go. You need nothing more.

Make a decision today that whatever’s bothering you just let it go. Let that challenge of that relationship for now, just let it go and see how that feels. It will lighten the load and will allow you to soar again. It will give you spirit back. It will allow an openness in the life again that never can happen when you’re tugging at all this baggage on your shoulders that you chose to carry. Maybe they threw a piece of baggage at you and you caught it. You caught it and now you’re angry. You simply need to let it go.

I’m not going to carry your stuff anymore. I forgive the situation. I forgive you, only for my own mental sanity. That’s personal power.

That’s how you feel free in life again: From apologizing and allowing forgiveness into your life, you feel free again, and when you feel free again, now life is unbounded. It’s beautiful. The colors return to the sky. The whistle comes back to the work. Any metaphor you need to justify doing this, find it and let it go today.

Apologize when you need to.

Let it go every time, and suddenly you’ll find yourself fully charged.

 

Frey Freyday – Forgive

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.-Mahatma Gandhi

Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone’s face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of my anger and resentment? Did I forgive? Did I love? These are the real questions. I must trust that the little bit of love that I sow now will bear many fruits, here in this world and the life to come.-Henri Nouwen

We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.-Martin Luther King, Jr.

You can’t forgive without loving. And I don’t mean sentimentality. I don’t mean mush. I mean having enough courage to stand up and say, ‘I forgive. I’m finished with it.’-Maya Angelou

Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move on.-Les Brown

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. Mark Twain

WORD TO LIVE BY

Forgive – [fer-giv] – to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.

 

Forgiveness is necessary, it is a must. It is the right thing to do, for you and the person that you are forgiving. You, the person that is carrying a grudge, cannot move on or progress on that part of your life until you forgive. I advise that, as soon as possible and with sincerity, stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense and forgive them now.

Carrying around a grudge or anger is like carrying around a poison or toxin inside you. It burns you up and eats you alive. The more intense the emotion, the more damage that it can be done.

Example: I knew a relative that held a grudge against two others for 20 years. She didn’t talk to them and felt angry about something all of that time. The two never knew it, they didn’t know she was mad at all. So who lost here? The two who allegedly did something ‘bad’ never carried the guilt or remorse and just plain didn’t know. The other person carried around that anger, that weight, and that negative emotion for 20 years. She thought about it often and couldn’t move on. Had she forgiven them years ago, she could have moved on and probably enjoyed that large part of her life much more.

Want to live a long, happy life? Forgive the unforgivable. It really is the kindest thing you can do for yourself. Your enemy may not deserve to be forgiven for all the pain and sadness and suffering purposefully inflicted on your life, but you deserve to be free of this evil. As Ann Landers often said, “hate is like an acid. It damages the vessel in which it is stored, and destroys the vessel on which it is poured.”

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB).

Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also

a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would

raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other

children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education.

Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally,

sometimes accidentally….

…………….So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

– To be removed from this mailing, just reply REMOVE

 

Staying In Your Own Business

Staying In Your Own Business
–by Byron Katie (May 19, 2014)

I can find only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours, and God’s. For me, the word God means “reality.” Reality is God, because it rules. Anything that’s out of my control, your control, and
everyone else’s control — I call that God’s business.

Much of our stress comes from mentally living out of our own business. When I think, “You need to get a job, I want you to be happy, you should be on time, you need to take better care of yourself,” I am in your business. When I’m worried about earthquakes, floods, war, or when I will die, I am in God’s business. If I am mentally in your business or in God’s business, the effect is separation.

I noticed this early in 1986. When I mentally went into my mother’s business, for example, with a thought like “My mother should understand me,” I immediately experienced a feeling of loneliness. And I realized that every time in my life that I had felt hurt or lonely, I had been in someone else’s business.

If you are living your life and I am mentally living your life, who is here living mine? We’re both over there. Being mentally in your business keeps me from being present in my own. I am separate from myself, wondering why my life doesn’t work.To think that I know what’s best for anyone else is to be out of my business. Even in the name of love, it is pure arrogance, and the result is tension, anxiety, and fear. Do I know what’s right for me? That is my only business. Let me work with that before I try to solve your problems for you. If you understand the three kinds of business enough to stay in your own business, it could free your life in a way that you can’t even imagine.

The next time you’re feeling stress or discomfort, ask yourself whose business you’re in mentally, and you may burst out laughing! That question can bring you back to yourself. And you may come to see that you’ve never really been present, that you’ve been mentally living in other people’s business all your life. Just to notice that you’re in someone else’s business can bring you back to your own wonderful self. And if you practice it for a while, you may come to see that you don’t have any business either and that your life runs perfectly well on its own.

–Byron Katie

– See more at: http://www.awakin.org/read/view.php?tid=997#sthash.VUgeP7mz.dpuf

The top 10 things people claim to have taken for granted

elephant couple

A single item today – this from Michael Dooley of http://www.tut.com aka The Universe

The top 10 things people claim to have taken for granted, when they were alive:

10. How important they were to so many.
9. How easy life was when they stopped struggling.
8. That all of their prayers and thoughts were heard.
7. That there really were no coincidences.
6. How far ripples of their kindness actually spread.
5. What really was important: happiness, friends, love.
4. That any and all of their dreams could have come true.
3. How good looking and fun they always were.
2. How much guidance they received, whenever they asked for help.
1. That God was alive in everything, including themselves.

As expressed by the recently departed, fresh after their life-review on the big, BIG screen.

Ah-so,
The Universe

Simple Stuff

SimpleStuff

(Simple Stuff are a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

As far as I can tell, Jim, worrying about anything at all is a pretty good indicator that one has begun thinking that their joy and prosperity will somehow hinge on pending physical events, other people, or angry green Martians. Can you imagine?!  Phone home,  The Universe (Mike Dooley)

.

  • Quick Relationship Tip: Remember: you are repeatedly training your nervous systems (and your partner’s nervous system) about how you feel about each other, no matter what you do. If you keep looking at each other in stress, you will start to associate each other with stress. If you look and act with each other in anger you will associate each other with anger. So be playful, loving and forgiving with each other – then you will associate love and happiness with the relationship 🙂 – Tony Robbins

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6 questions successful, high-performing individuals ask themselves. http://youtu.be/02Bzjj1eeeo Summary:
1. Presence: What level am I in this moment in terms of my emotional and physical vibrancy and presence?
2. Psychology: Am I living my truth – am I being who I know I can be and interacting with others as my best self?
3. Physiology: Am I rested, fit and hydrated?
4. Productivity: What is my mission today – what must I accomplish today to progress my life?
5. Persuasion: Am I demonstrating bold enthusiasm when I seek to influence others?
6. Purpose: How can I serve greatly?

From Brendon Burchard

.

“A man arrested for shooting at the White House says he was upset over U.S. marijuana laws. Man, if only there was some way to mellow that guy out.” — Stephen Colbert

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Everyone is lucky, few are prepared.– Michael Dooley

.

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” ~ John Quincy Adams

🙂

My Story, Chapter 2

…continued….

….so my dad had a heart attack and was in the hospital…..I woke the next day and went to the hospital. My mother was actually there alone as they had taken my father to a hospital in Pittsburgh by helicopter. He was going to have open heart surgery.

We drove to Pittsburgh together. My mother was a strong woman. She never showed weakness. In this case she again was in control. I saw no tears, no shaking, no signs of fragility. She was in control and leading the way. We covered things about my dad’s business, the home, who to call, relatives to contact and that sort of thing. We acted like a team. We had a common goal and we were passionate about it.

My dramatic, self-centered nature from the day before had vanished, it seemed.

My sisters came to the hospital and my father went for surgery. I was still pretty confused and in shock. I recall getting all the information from the doctors and surgeons about the procedure but in that state I all just seemed to pass through me, I must have been glazed over. He was getting a multiple bypass, his heart was badly damaged. I remember someone saying he should have died with all that damage – that he should be dead now…., I remember then thinking that that person should have thought before they spoke.

After hours of waiting, pacing, visiting the cafeteria, walks around the block, my father came up from surgery. We went into his room as a family – my mother, my sisters and I. My dad was laying flat on the bed no pillow, no blanket or sheet. His arms were spread out wide with tubes in them and there were plastic ‘boards’ taped on his arms keeping them stiff. His bare chest had a very large bandage right down the center where they did open heart surgery. He had tubes down his throat and was still on a breathing machine. It was shocking. I wasn’t prepared for it.

Amazingly, he woke up. Of course he couldn’t speak and for some reason his eyes were tired and he couldn’t keep them open. But he wanted to communicate with us. I remember that he took our hands and tried to spell something in our palms; ala Helen Keller. My sisters and mother couldn’t get what he was saying. He moved to my hand and I felt his clammy cold hand, different from his standard warm grip. He spelled some words and I seemed to get them right away! A breakthrough. He said somethings that I don’t now recall. Then I remember him saying it was not pleasant to breath with the machine. Then he joked that he was full of hot air. He always had a good sense of humor.

He was moving his feet and toes a lot and my mom told him to relax. I think he spelled back that someone told him to move his feet and legs to keep the circulation going.

At one point it got quiet. We were all standing around the bed looking at my dad. It was such a wonderful moment. I think we all held hands for a quiet long moment. For many years my oldest sister had been living in Florida, my other sister was going through a divorce, I was away at college….we were now together with one mission,…..more importantly we were together. I’m not sure what everyone else was thinking but that moment was one I won’t ever forget. We were a family, a single unit. I’m not sure how long it lasted but it was magical.

The next weeks were spent at the hospital with challenges, progress and set backs. My mother basically lived at the hospital. My one sister moved home from Florida to help. I was driving a little over an hour to the hospital and home, trying to keep things going. We had support from many friends and some relatives.

I questioned myself. I was thrust into the role of taking care of the home, a fairly big one; all the property; the family business, and all that sort of thing. Suddenly I had to get up much earlier to meet the delivery guys, I had to deliver things and coordinate logistics. I had to place orders for kitchens and products. All this with about a day’s experience.

I recall when my dad came home. It was a nice day outside, shining sun, birds chirping, a pleasant breeze blowing….. However the recovery wasn’t over. He was still tired and couldn’t do much. My mother was on him to behave and first showed some signs of stress. My sister was now living at home and trying to put in her two cents. She was a nurse, had lived alone for many years, and she had her way to do things. My mother was strong willed and had her way. They bumped heads. Neither was right or wrong, just different from one another.

My sister thought I was just a kid (I basically was) and often treated me like that. Yet I had to do all the things a man had to do.

I was making progress and I knew it. But I still had to deal with my recently sloppy academic record. I remember trying to call the Dean’s office at the college. My intention was to stop or ‘catch’ my report card before it got home. I spoke to the Dean herself telling her my dad had a heart attack, that my grades were not good, and the report card could upset him more. Looking back, it sounded like a typical scam, I suppose, but I was truly worried. I even enlisted another professor to plead my case. No luck. The report card came home.

My parents really didn’t get upset, they were just disappointed, which actually hurt more. They didn’t say much. I recall my dad sitting there quietly – he wasn’t really a quiet guy – then asking me if I was serious about school and if I thought I should stay on campus next year – or even attend next year. I emphatically said I was serious and that next year would be different.

With that said, I signed up for a summer accounting class – a class that I had just got a “D” in – I was going to retake it. I didn’t have to retake it, I was told by my professor, but I chose to do so.

So I’d work the business, do things around the house to keep things running, then I’d go to class, return and work on the business more. One day I came home from the summer class and my mother came right out in the driveway and said simply and rather abruptly, “The water isn’t working, you need to go up on the hill and fix it.”

We had a pretty cool system for water. There was a large hill by our house and this very powerful spring ran a high volume of water all year long. It provided great tasting, safe water for our home. The overflow went to our pond and was a nice thing. For some reason it stopped working.

Again not knowing what I was doing, I climbed the hill in the mud and poison ivy. I dug and dug. I searched for the problems. I recall thinking that my mother was so mean not even saying hello to me. She just came up and said she wanted something. How dare she?

Then something jumped into my mind. I recalled doing the same thing to my parents. I recall being abrupt and selfish with my parents. Except it wasn’t about water or some basic needs, I wanted something dumb and silly that I can’t even remember what it was now. I remember doing this multiple times and then thinking how my parents must have felt.

The next day my dad’s friend Don joined me on the hill and despite our best efforts, we couldn’t figure out the problem. More days went past and the consensus was that the spring “moved” as it does sometimes and the spring was no longer viable as the primary source. So we had to drill a well.

We got the well guys out there to our house. My dad had a minor set back so he was definitely not able to interact so my mother and I worked with the well drillers…. and they tried to take advantage of my mother by not fulfilling their promises to do certain things and fill in the ditch, complete the job, and generally did a half-baked job. I had to stand up to them a few times and it was a first for me standing up for the family. I didn’t like it yet it felt good to ‘defend’ my family and get our money’s worth – and hold them to their Word.

That summer brought lots of challenges in the way of the family business…….

—–

During this an other challenges in my life, I learning key lessons. One was the WORDS TO LIVE BY: Keep Moving. Sometimes when you’re in a storm of sorts – or it seems like it is – just keep moving. To me at this age and this time, my dad’s health, the responsibilities of the business and being the ‘man of the family’, and other challenges seemed overwhelming. Sometimes I let myself become overwhelmed. I even thought of escaping, withdrawing and just going to live at the beach or something and letting my family pick up the pieces. But when I took a breath, relaxed a bit, smiled and just kept moving ahead looking for solutions, things weren’t that bad. All of a sudden people gave me good feedback, good things started to happen, and more than anything, I got through it. Looking back, it wasn’t all that bad. Just keep moving, have faith in yourself, in others, in God/the Universe/the Source or whatever you believe. Sitting still whining and feeling sorry for yourself won’t help! Ask for help then take action, any action! Mistakes are OK – in fact mistakes will help you learn and be a better person.

….continued in the next chapter…….

5 Common Words That Create Failure

5 Common Words That Create Failure

http://www.inc.com/geoffrey-james/5-common-words-that-create-failure.html?nav=next

Your level of success is predetermined by the words you use every day. Avoid these five “failure” words.

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The words that people use every day determine whether they will achieve failure or success. There are five words that, in my observation, frequently show up in the conversation of losers, much more so than in that of winners. Here they are:

1. Luck

Although it’s true that unforeseen events can affect outcomes, it was not luck that made the difference. It was the events. Luck had nothing to do with it.

Believing in luck focuses your thoughts on an imaginary construct that neither you nor anybody else can change or affect.

What’s worse, luck is an excuse that explains away failure (“It was just bad luck”) and devalues your successes (“It was just good luck”).

2. Enemy

It’s true that you have competitors, and that sometimes, for you to win, they have to lose (and vice versa). Even so, there are no enemies in business.

Enemies are opponents in warfare, when people are killing one another. Business is about making things better, not killing people.

The moment you demonize competitors by calling them enemies, you close off your business options. Today’s competitors are often tomorrow’s partners.

3. Rejection

Wouldn’t it be nice if people always said yes to your ideas? Well, sometimes people aren’t going to like your ideas, or even you personally, for that matter.

You can pathologize such events by thinking of them as rejection, or you can understand that what really happened was that the other person’s desires didn’t match yours.

Rather than using a word that automatically makes you miserable, concentrate on changing your approach or approaching somebody else.

4. Hate

I cringe every time I hear somebody use this word in casual conversation. At work, it’s usually something like: “I hate my boss” or “I hate my job.”

Hate is a sick word, and it creates sickness in your body. Every time you use that word, you might as well be sticking a cancer cell in your body. Seriously.

I’m not saying that you’ve got to be sweetness and lovey-dovey about everything, but why pollute your brain by actually hating anything or anybody?

5. But

I’m sure you know somebody who can’t say anything about any idea, plan, or activity without crutching the sentence with the word but.

It’s always something like “Hey, that’s a great idea, but…” or “I agree that we need to take action, but…” It’s discouraging, and it kills momentum.

There’s a substitute for but that actually creates momentum: the word and. Try it next time a but is about to emerge from your mouth.

Tomorrow, I’ll give you the words that, in my observation, signal that a person is a winner rather than a loser. So stay tuned.

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Geoffrey James writes the Sales Source column on Inc.com, the world’s most visited sales-oriented blog. His newly published book is Business to Business Selling: Power Words and Strategies From the World’s Top Sales Experts. @Sales_Source

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