Frey Freyday – Rejection

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

rejection -[rəˈjekSH(ə)n] –NOUN the dismissing or refusing of a proposal, idea,

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We all learn lessons in life. Some stick, some don’t. I have always learned more from rejection and failure than from acceptance and success. Henry Rollins

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The biggest hurdle is rejection. Any business you start, be ready for it. The difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is the successful people do all the things the unsuccessful people don’t want to do. When 10 doors are slammed in your face, go to door number 11 enthusiastically, with a smile on your face. John Paul DeJoria

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I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat. Sylvester Stallone
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Most fears of rejection rest on the desire for approval from other people. Don’t base your self-esteem on their opinions. Harvey Mackay
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 WORD TO LIVE BY:
Rejection – a necessary thing that we all go through, it’s how you frame it that matters.

Some of us may think rejection is this thing that happens all the time, so what happens is that so many people guide their life based on this fear that they’re going to be rejected, so they don’t take action and don’t start new things or chase their dreams because they’re worried about what other people are going to think. It may be love, sports, business, education, whatever….

They’re going to be rejected and deemed unworthy, unlovable or not adequate in some way or another and you think, that’s so sad, because rejection, the actual form of rejection that shapes people’s identity and hurts them, happens so rarely. If you don’t believe it then that’s an internal fear, not the reality of the universe.

According to Brendon Burchard, there is some real, basic data. Brendon has traveled around the globe, well over most of the globe now, and here’s what he found out over and over again.

He always do this little simple activity where he says, ‘if you’ve ever been rejected in a way where it hurt, it actually hurt and formed and shaped your identity in a way, it was a significant hurt that you felt and it changed how you felt about yourself and what you might want to accomplish in the world. If you’ve ever felt that before would you raise your hand?’ Everyone raises their hand.

Then Brendon says, ‘if you’ve ever been rejected by, let’s say, three people, who really rejected you in that way that you were shot down, hurt and it changed who you are and what you wanted to accomplish in life. How many times has that ever happened with three people?’.. A bunch of people raise their hands again and he starts escalating that number from three, to five to seven, to ten, fifteen, twenty. and thirty.

Here’s what’s amazing. Brendon states that he has done this all over the world with audiences with thousands of people in them and here’s the average across all those audiences, all around the world, it doesn’t matter the culture. The average number is about seven.

So anywhere between five and seven, meaning, people say between five and seven people hurt their feelings enough with a real rejection, not one of those, “Well I’m sorry I can’t go out with you I’m washing my hair” stuff. I mean someone who really criticized you and rejected you in a way that it hurt. The average person says five to seven people rejected them like that.

There are some people who have more than that. I’m saying the average is five to seven and yet so many people when this is asked, how many of you are so scared of rejection that almost everyone raises their hand.

It’s like wait a second, we’re scared of something that barely ever happens?

 

If you think about it, we get rejected all the time – from when we were a baby. Rejection is a necessary way of learning, improving, making our approach better. Too often we get scared of the simple idea that we may get rejected and overlook the benefits of the experience, what we’ll learn from the rejection, the efforts, the new relationships, the new steps we’re taking, etc. – and we often lose sight that we may not get rejected at all and we may succeed. It is worth the risk.

 

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

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You can read more at www.onewebstrategy.com

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BONUS  :

TED Talks to help you shake off rejection

Everyone faces rejection, sometimes on repeat. These speakers experienced a barrage of ‘no’s, but were able to push past the disappointment and keep on going. May their resilience inspire you.

https://www.ted.com/playlists/234/talks_to_help_you_shake_off_re

Frey Freyday – Anxiety

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

ANXIETY – Anxiety is an emotion characterized by an unpleasant state of inner turmoil, often accompanied by nervous behaviour

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Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength. Charles Spurgeon
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If you don’t think your anxiety, depression, sadness and stress impact your physical health, think again. All of these emotions trigger chemical reactions in your body, which can lead to inflammation and a weakened immune system. Learn how to cope, sweet friend. There will always be dark days. Kris Carr
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The truth is that there is no actual stress or anxiety in the world; it’s your thoughts that create these false beliefs. You can’t package stress, touch it, or see it. There are only people engaged in stressful thinking. Wayne Dyer
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People tend to dwell more on negative things than on good things. So the mind then becomes obsessed with negative things, with judgments, guilt and anxiety produced by thoughts about the future and so on. Eckhart Tolle
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Nothing in the affairs of men is worthy of great anxiety. Plato
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WORD TO LIVE BY:

 

Anxiety– something that distracts us from life and living, something that keeps us from being happy, doing our best, enjoying the moment. Often, not always, our anxiety is very much able to be controlled.

 

Anxiety is a big subject. I was getting a little anxious about writing this. We all suffer from some sort of anxiety. It may be little things around the house, issues with the kids, concerns about a relationship, often finances, careers, health. We have anxiety about our world, our culture, our politics.

 

Some of us probably focus on the negative a little more than others in some situations vs others because of our life experiences, perspectives, and circumstances.

 

As a country, the US has more than its fair share of anxiety. If you think about it, we have some of the highest standards of living, if not the highest standards of living, in the whole world. Like some countries, for the most part in American, we don’t have to worry about where our next meal is coming from, we have a safe home, we have access to healthcare in many cases, and we generally can meet all of our basic needs as a human being.

 

In some third-world countries, families share small tin shacks with dirt floors and a bag of beans and rice means the world to them. Getting sick is a big concern and a simple illness can lead to worse things. Safety and security is often a big concern. Out world looks pretty good next to that.

 

So if we have a better society, in general, why are we so anxious? Does the constant news media help? Probably not. Does the envy, jealousy, comparing ourselves to others on social media help? (We often see the perfect versions of our friends and relatives on social media- all the good photos and we may think, ‘what’s wrong with my life?’)

 

American citizens are prescribed and use A LOT of anxiety medication. Sometimes these help. Sometimes they cause other side effects like dizziness, headaches, nausea and vomiting. Other sides effects include thoughts of suicide, confusion, aggression, hallucinations, sleep problems, severe drowsiness and other issues – none of which will help you feel less anxious, I’m guessing. One side effect of an anxiety medication actually stated, “may cause anxiety or depression.”

 

In a recent article, (msn.com by Lindsay Holmes 8/30/18) Stephen Colbert spoke about anxiety in his life. He stated, “Nobody ever asked me what was wrong! It went on for months. I would go to the show, and I would curl up in a ball on the couch backstage and I would wait to hear my cue lines. Then I would uncurl and go onstage and I’d feel fine,” he said. “Which occurred to me at the time: Like, ‘Oh, you feel fine when you’re out here.’ And then as soon as I got offstage, I’d just crumble into a ball again. Nobody ever asked me what was wrong! It went on for months.”

 

Colbert said back then he took medication for his anxiety for a few days, which he said helped. But he ultimately decided that treatment plan wasn’t right for him. “I realized that the gears were still smoking. I just couldn’t hear them anymore,” he said. “But I could feel them, I could feel the gearbox heating up and smoke pouring out of me.”

 

An estimated 40 million American adults, or 18 percent of the adult population, are affected by anxiety each year. In addition to panic and excessive stress, it can cause headaches, stomach issues, rapid breathing, heart palpitations and more. But the good news is that anxiety is highly treatable: Therapy, medication, coping techniques or a combination of methods can help people manage anxiety and live well.

 

So what can we do? What do people do to cope with and/or overcome anxiety? The Internet is full of possible solutions. It could include changes in diet, reducing caffeine, taking Vitamin B, exercising, meditation, mindfulness, analyzing your thoughts, talking about anxiety, therapy, changing your inner thoughts/questions, and many other items.

 

For me, I find writing it down helps, writing out a solution or solutions. It is nice to know that one has options. I rarely enjoy going to the fitness center to exercise –sometimes I really dislike going – but afterwards I am always happy, and it really helps with any stress or anxiety I have, big or small stuff.

 

I read Eckhart Tolle years ago, and to paraphrase him, he basically stated that we often focus on negative things in the past that already happened or negative things that might happen in the future. In either case we really can’t change it right now, so it’s kind of a waste of time. We’re getting anxious for no reason. Tolle says we can feel better by just being in the moment, being present in the now. For a long time I thought this was silly – a simplification of our problems. One day, I started trying it. If I felt anxious about something I tried to catch myself, not be judgmental about it, but just redirect my thoughts into the present moment. I would focus on my breathing, the lighting, the air currents, the sounds – whatever was around me. You can’t focus on simple things like that AND focus on your worries at the same time. Sure, sometimes the problem was still there but I was able to approach it with less anxiety, in a calmer, relaxed state where I could perform better.

 

I read the above Wayne Dyer quote years ago and again, I felt that it was an esoteric sort of shrugging off of anxiety and I didn’t give it much weight. Then I was on vacation one week and returned to find that an ‘issue’ had been brewing at work. Had I been at work I would have been stressed about it, anxious and worried – even though there was nothing that I could do about it in any way. Instead, I was on vacation and didn’t know it was going on….so I wasn’t worried. In both cases I could not control the outcome or affect it in any way. So why be anxious? Easier said than done, sure, but true.

 

Someone also told me once that anxiety goes away a little when we have faith in a higher power, faith in ourselves, and faith in others….faith that things are going to work out.

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

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You can read more at www.onewebstrategy.com

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BONUS  :   9 Ways to Get Rid of Anxiety in 5 Minutes or Less By Melanie Curtin

Whether you experience is of mild or extreme anxiety, there are steps you can take immediately to calm down and self-soothe. Here are a few of the best:

1. Stand up straight

According to Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., psychologist and author of Freeing Yourself from Anxiety, “When we are anxious, we protect our upper body — where our heart and lungs are located — by hunching over.”

For immediate relief from anxiety, stand up, pull your shoulders back, plant your feet evenly and widely apart, and open your chest. Then breathe deeply. This posture, combined with deep breathing, helps your body remember that it’s not in danger right now, and that it is in control (not helpless). If you can’t stand up (i.e. you’re in your car), just pull your shoulders back and open up your chest. The most important thing is to stop hunching and breathe deeply.

 

2. Play the 5-5-5 game

When you’re anxious, you’re often caught in a (negative) thought loop. Play this to get back into your body and stop anxiety fast:

Look around and name 5 things you can see.

List 5 sounds you can hear.

Move 5 parts of your body you can feel (i.e. rotate your ankle, wiggle your ears, nod your head up and down).

It might sound silly, but this works.

 

3. Sniff lavender oil

Lavender oil has a lot of healing properties. It promotes a feeling of calm and supports deep, restful sleep. It can even help with headaches.

To help reduce anxiety, keep a bottle of lavender oil at your desk (or in purse if you have one). Breathe it in and/or massage it into your temples when you need a boost of peace. Bonus points for combining the sniffing with deep, even breaths.

 

4. Watch a funny video

Yes, really. Watching a clip of your favorite comedian or blooper reel will help you stop feeling anxious fast. Why? Because you can’t laugh and stay anxious at the same time, physiologically. Your body relaxes after a bout of laughter in a way that gets rid of anxiety. Plus, according to the Mayo Clinic, laughter brings in oxygen-rich air, which stimulates your heart and lungs, and spikes your endorphins.

 

5. Go for a brisk walk

Exercise is a long-proven way to lower anxiety. In addition to boosting your level of feel-good neurotransmitters, a brisk walk clears your mind and gets you breathing more deeply again–and anxiety is intimately linked to shallow breathing.

Studies also show that people who exercise vigorously on a regular basis are 25 percent less likely to develop an anxiety disorder.

 

6. Accept your anxiety

This may sound counterintuitive, but Chansky says accepting your anxiety (instead of feeling ashamed or frustrated by it) will actually help you feel less anxious.

It doesn’t matter whether you inherited your anxiety from your family or your lifestyle, or both. It’s here now, and acknowledging that instead of fighting it frees you up to learn how to manage it. Accepting it doesn’t mean giving up, either. It means you stop spending energy berating yourself for being anxious and instead learn what works for you when it comes to self-soothing.

 

7. Listen to the most relaxing song in the world

This song was engineered specifically to calm your nervous system. It was found to reduce anxiety by up to 65 percent. Here is a loop of it playing on repeat.

 

8. Re-label what’s happening.

If you’re having a panic attack and your heart is racing, it’s easy to believe something like, “I’m going to die.” Instead of buying into this inaccurate thought, re-label it. Remind yourself: “This is a panic attack. I’ve had them before and they don’t actually kill me; they pass. This will also pass, and there’s nothing I need to do.”

In actuality, panic attacks are an activation of the body’s fight-or-flight response, which doesn’t kill you–it keeps you alive.

 

9. Do something

Do anything. Clear a few things off your desk. Walk over to the kitchenette and get yourself a glass of water. Walk outside and find a flower to smell–it doesn’t matter. Doing an action interrupts your thought pattern, which is often where anxiety starts.

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When it comes to stopping anxiety, self-soothing is actually a profound act of self-love.

Love on.

Published on: Aug 30, 2018

https://www.inc.com/melanie-curtin/9-ways-to-get-rid-of-anxiety-in-5-minutes-or-less.html

Frey Freyday – Stress

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

STRESS- [stres] -physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension

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If you don’t think your anxiety, depression, sadness and stress impact your physical health, think again. All of these emotions trigger chemical reactions in your body, which can lead to inflammation and a weakened immune system. Learn how to cope, sweet friend. There will always be dark days. Kris Carr
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Putting in slightly less effort in times of high stress doesn’t mean you don’t care about your job; it means you care about yourself more. Kelly O’Laughlin

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In times of great stress or adversity, it’s always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive. Lee Iacocca
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The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. William James
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Its not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it. Hans Selye
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Your mindset matters. It affects everything – from the business and investment decisions you make, to the way you raise your children, to your stress levels and overall well-being. Peter Diamandis

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Research shows you get multiple tasks done faster if you do them one at a time. It also decreases stress and raises happiness. Shawn Achor
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If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it. George Burns
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Word to Live By:

Stress – strain, tension – often perceived or self-imposed – about a situation or thought

For achievers, stress is the word for fear. Typically fear of failure, fear of not meeting expectations, fear of not completing the task.

Sometimes when people ‘get stressed’, they prefer not to think, they avoid the situation, even escape in some manner. However, it is at that time when they need to focus and think.

Many people, and myself included, sometimes let ‘life run them’. Sometimes we left life happen to us, instead of having a plan or strategy and going out there and making things happen and taking some control over what we can control. Being in control of your life and having realistic expectations about your day-to-day challenges are the keys to stress management.

Sometimes we also get stressed about things that we can’t change. We get stressed by the weather, for instance. It is something we all have to deal with but we can’t change – so really why bother?

Also, being prepared helps reduce stress. If you have to do something without practice or preparation, you’re stressed. If you prepare and practice, you’ll feel more comfortable, confident and have less stress. (All things that we already know but it’s good to remind ourselves, from time to time.)
I think that it is helpful to distinguish between stress and stimulation. Having deadlines, setting goals, and pushing yourself to perform at capacity are stimulating. Stress is when you’re anxious, upset, or frustrated, and these things dramatically reduce your ability to perform.
Letting go helps us to to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible and allows us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress.
Decades ago, most workers faced all sorts of stress – what I refer to as ‘real stress’ – physical labor, long hours, lack of safe conditions, more trying times. Today, many of us really don’t experience this same stress – we have time stresses, self-imposed stress, achiever’s stress, and more perceived stress. I think it is important to be aware of when you’re stress; be aware, accept it, and then ask what you can do to improve the situation or handle it differently.

Exercise, meditation, being aware and interrupting the stressful thoughts are easy ways to release stress. Next time you get stressed about something, catch yourself. It’s OK. Now interrupt that thought, take some deep breaths and think about something else.

To put things into perspective; think about something that you stressed about several years ago. Was it really that bad or important? Tony Robbins said something like, “Ten years from now you’ll laugh at whatever’s stressing you out today. So why not laugh now?”

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

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You can read more at www.onewebstrategy.com

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BONUS  : How to make stress your friend

 

Stress. It makes your heart pound, your breathing quicken and your forehead sweat. But while stress has been made into a public health enemy, new research suggests that stress may only be bad for you if you believe that to be the case. Psychologist Kelly McGonigal urges us to see stress as a positive, and introduces us to an unsung mechanism for stress reduction: reaching out to others.

https://www.ted.com/talks/kelly_mcgonigal_how_to_make_stress_your_friend

Frey Freyday – Top Ten Words

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

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Hello – I am breaking from the normal format and process for a moment. Sometimes we can benefit from reflection and a different perspective. Also, we all love those “Top Ten” lists that everyone seems to offer.

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This is a list of the Top Ten Words to Live By, in my opinion. I think in different situations, one can argue a different order here but in general, my list:

 

1. State of mind – No matter what, your state of mind is everything. Making decisions, taking actions, interacting with others, thinking by ourselves, happiness, life – our state of mind affects all things for better or worse. In the same moment, the state of mind can change everything.

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Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way, to choose one’s own state of mind.-Victor E. Frankl

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2. Decision – the decision to act, to think a certain way, to do or not do….making a decision can literally make an instant and huge impact. A decision can determine your destiny.

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“What I’ve come to realize is that the single most important decision in life is this: Are you committed to being happy, no matter what happens to you?” asks Tony Robbins. “To put this another way, will you commit to enjoying life not only when everything goes your way but also when everything goes against you, when injustice happens, when someone screws you over, when you lose something or someone you love, or when nobody seems to understand or appreciation you?”

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3. Action – Talk is cheap. Theroad to hell is paved with good  One action starts change. Consistent action builds habits, persistence and a pipeline of success. Massive action produces massive results. I believe that action is everything. Dumb or smart. Evil or well-meaning. Good ideas are all fine and good but without action, they are nothing.

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Infuse your life with action. Don’t wait for it to happen. Make it happen. Make your own future. Make your own hope. Make your own love. And whatever your beliefs, honor your creator, not by passively waiting for grace to come down from upon high, but by doing what you can to make grace happen… yourself, right now, right down here on Earth.-Bradley Whitford

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Action is the foundational key to all success.-Pablo Picasso

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4. Focus – In this world there is good stuff, empowering stuff, upsetting stuff, angry stuff – all sorts of stuff for us to focus on….and what we focus on often determines our state of mind, actions, decisions, etc.  ‘Where our focus goes, energy flows and things grow.’ You focus on negative stuff, it grows. You focus on happy or helpful things, likewise they will grow in your life. It isn’t saying the bad doesn’t exist, just focusing on the good makes life better.

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Accidents, coincidences, and serendipities are the disguises I use to sneak magic and miracles into your life without arousing suspicion that the game is rigged, the dragons are fake, and you’re about to hit the biggest “home run” of your life. Just keep focusing on what you want and move ahead. Now, please don’t ruin this for anyone – The Universe http://www.tut.com

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The key to success is to focus our conscious mind on things we desire not things we fear.-Brian Tracy

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5. Questions – Questions set our moods, our focus, our beliefs and our actions. We all ask ourselves questions each and every day, all day, whether we realize it or not. They say we have up to 60,000 thoughts running through our minds each day, and many of these are questions. Are they good questions? Are they useful? Do they empower us?

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Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone’s face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of my anger and resentment? Did I forgive? Did I love? These are the real questions. I must trust that the little bit of love that I sow now will bear many fruits, here in this world and the life to come.-Henri Nouwen

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Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers.-Voltaire

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6. Belief – Your beliefs are everything. Beliefs make up your personality, they create habits which lead to your lifestyle, your relationships, your career, etc. Beliefs can limit you or they can help you excel and grow. The meaning we assign to all sorts of things are related to beliefs.

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Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact. Belief creates the actual fact.-William James

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It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.-Muhammad Ali

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7. Faith – Have faith in yourself, in your gifts, have faith in others, have faith in our World. Have faith with your spirituality or religion. Have faith that things will work out, that you have all that you need inside you right now. Have faith that amazing things can happen. Sometimes we just have to let go and have faith.

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Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.-Martin Luther King, Jr.

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You’ll see it when you believe it.-Wayne Dyer

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8. Happiness/Joy – One of the best lessons I learned on my own, even though my parents often told me, is to just be happy. Don’t wait for it, don’t look for it, and don’t expect that when you buy/accomplish/get something that you’ll be happy then. Be happy now and always. If you’re happy and experience joy, your decisions, actions, and life will reflect it. People are drawn to happy people. Challenges will come into our life regardless, but if we have joy and happiness, the challenges are a little easier to deal with and recover from.

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The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts: therefore, guard accordingly, and take care that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable nature. –Marcus Aurelius

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Research has shown that the best way to be happy is to make each day happy.-Deepak Chopra

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9. Vocabulary – the words you consistently use to describe your life, emotions and sensations—immediately change how you think, feel and live. (if you want to change your life, Adjust your habitual vocabulary)

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Language shapes our behavior and each word we use is imbued with multitudes of personal meaning. The right words spoken in the right way can bring us love, money and respect, while the wrong words—or even the right words spoken in the wrong way—can lead to a country to war. We must carefully orchestrate our speech if we want to achieve our goals and bring our dreams to fruition.—Dr. Andrew Newberg, Words Can Change Your Brain

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10. Kindness –We are here to experience life together. Part of life is contributing back, compassion, love and kindness. How can we work with/play with/be with others in this world if there isn’t kindness. The Golden Rule or law of reciprocity is the principle of treating others as one would wish to be treated oneself. Multiple religions discuss this and atheists also often embrace it. Kindness is necessary for any role in life, for any moment in life. Kindness is the expression of mature ‘agape’ love.

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This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness. – Dalai Lama

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Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love. – Lao Tzu

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(BONUS- #11. WHY? Ask why you’re doing ‘it’, whatever ‘it’ is….. determine the why and the how will work out just fine….)

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Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

–

You can read more at www.onewebstrategy.com

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Frey Freyday -Control/Connection

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

Control – [kuh n-trohl] – to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate;

Connect – [kuh–nekt] – to associate mentally or emotionally

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou

The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you’re in control of your life. If you don’t, life controls you. Tony Robbins

I’m very happy with my life. I am what I am. I don’t worry about anything that I can’t control. That’s a really good lesson in life. Tom Watson

The world is so unpredictable. Things happen suddenly, unexpectedly. We want to feel we are in control of our own existence. In some ways we are, in some ways we’re not. We are ruled by the forces of chance and coincidence. Paul Auster

Communication – the human connection – is the key to personal and career success. Paul J. Meyer

The business of business is relationships; the business of life is human connection. Robin S. Sharma

Live-tweeting your bikini wax is not vulnerability. Nor is posting a blow-by-blow of your divorce . That’s an attempt to hot-wire connection. But you can’t cheat real connection. It’s built up slowly. It’s about trust and time. Brene Brown

People are so fearful about opening themselves up. All you want to do is to be able to connect with other people. When you connect with other people, you connect with something in yourself. It makes you feel happy. And yet it’s so scary – it makes people feel vulnerable and unsafe. Toni Collette

I think any new technology that helps connect and create social cohesion is great. But at the end of the day, you and I are analog creatures. We have to take ‘oohs and aahs’ and convert them to 0s and 1s and then convert them back to ‘oohs and aahs.’ Narratives that work in social networks are the exchange of stories that are told well. Peter Guber

A great attitude does much more than turn on the lights in our worlds; it seems to magically connect us to all sorts of serendipitous opportunities and people that were somehow absent before the change. Earl Nightingale

I like to control everything, and you cannot control everything. You have to at some point say, ‘I let go and I’m going to let the cards fall where they fall… For a control freak, it’s hard. Naomi Campbell

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WORDS TO LIVE BY:

CONTROL and CONNECT

We humans like to control things – our ego believes that we can and should control anything. When we are fearful or when we come from a place of scarcity, we like to control. Control gives us a false sense of security.

Connection is what humans are really about when we’re in our best state of mind. We connect to others, we connect to nature, we connect to our creative self. We can connect with work, happiness, grief, struggle, triumph and loss. For those that believe, we can be inspired and connected to God, the Universe or the Source. We connect better when we come from a place of certainty, calm, and abundance. (In this case abundance isn’t referring to monetary or materialistic abundance – here abundance means an abundance of love, creativity, family, friends, and the connection to all of these.)

Often parents take the role of controlling their children or their child’s life. At first, when they are you, this is often needed. But as they get older, all parties might do better if the parent tried to connect more with the child and control less. A worried parent will try to control their child or the situation, which can stifle the child, hamper the opportunity to grow, and even hinder the parent/child relationship. By taking time to connect with a child (at any age) instead of trying to control, more intimacy is built, more insight, trust, and understanding comes about.
Men and women both have male and female archetypes. For instance, when a father is nurturing to his child, he may be coming more from the female archetype, more from connection. When a mother tries to control the child or the child’s situation, she is coming more from the male archetype and less from connection.

Control in any relationship; parent/child, husband/wife, etc. typically leads to less intimacy and the relationship growth slows.One human shouldn’t and really can’t control another in a healthy relationship. There may be situations where a mother is being more controlling and she isn’t connecting enough. This is typically a male archetype which can also make her less attractive to the opposite sex. Her attempt to control can push others away. Likewise, a male without any control can have the same result. There has to be a balance of sorts for each sex, there has to be the appropriate amount of control and connection.
As I stated before, our egos give us a sense that we can control life. We rarely do. Planning certainly helps and planning can feed creativity and opportunity, but control cannot. Planning a life or a situation or planning together for a strong relationship is wise but ultimately after the planning is done, we must let go and have faith.

Similarly, planning and giving gentle guidance to a child is helpful and nurturing yet we also must trust in our child and trust in the world and we must let go. Knees will get skinned. Bones may even break. Hearts will break. Mistakes will happen. Yet our guidance along the way will kick in and the child will learn and succeed.

Similarly, in our own lives, we may skin our proverbial knees and make mistakes – and we should all realize by now that we really can’t control much. The ego is wrong. Judgement is wrong. Let’s let go of the fear and have faith. Let’s connect with our world, our loved ones and ourselves and let good things come our way.
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Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

To Conquer Fear, A Man Turns Rejection Into A Game

Updated December 30, 201510:46 AM ET Published December 30, 20159:11 AM ET

ALIX SPIEGEL-http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/12/30/460925465/to-conquer-fear-a-man-turns-rejection-into-a-game   NPR

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Daniel Horowitz for NPR

Editor’s note: This story first ran on Jan. 16, 2015, as part of NPR’s Invisibilia podcast. It’s about a man who decided he no longer wanted to be ruled by fear. Without realizing it, he used a standard tool of psychotherapy to help him stop dreading rejection.

And if you’ve been dreading a future without Invisibilia, fear not — we’re hard at work on Season Two! We can’t reveal what we’re working on right now, but rest assured that this season won’t include any snakes. Just a lion.

The evolution of Jason Comely, a freelance IT guy from Cambridge, Ontario, began one sad night several years ago.

“That Friday evening that I was in my one-bedroom apartment trying to be busy,” Comely says. “But really, I knew that I was avoiding things.”

See, nine months earlier, Jason’s wife had left him.

“She … found someone that was taller than I was — had more money than I had. … So, yeah.”

And since then, Jason had really withdrawn from life. He didn’t go out, and he avoided talking to people, especially women.

But that Friday, he realized that this approach was taking a toll.

“I had nowhere to go, and no one to hang out with,” Comely says. “And so I just broke down and started crying.” He realized that he was afraid. “I asked myself, afraid of what?

“I thought, I’m afraid of rejection.”

Which got him thinking about the Spetsnaz, an elite Russian military unit with a really intense training regime.

“You know, I heard of one situation where they were, like, locked in a room, a windowless room, with a very angry dog, and they’d only be armed with a spade, and only one person is going to get out — the dog or the Spetsnaz.”

And that gave him an idea. Maybe he could somehow use the rigorous approach of the Spetsnaz against his fear.

So if you’re a freelance IT guy, living in a one-bedroom apartment in Cambridge, Ontario, what is the modern equivalent of being trapped in a windowless room with a rabid dog and nothing to protect you but a single handheld spade?

“I had to get rejected at least once every single day by someone.”

Cards from the Rejection Therapy game.

Courtesy of Jason Comely

He started in the parking lot of his local grocery store. Went up to a total stranger and asked for a ride across town.

“And he looked at me, like, and just said, ‘I’m not going that way, buddy.’ And I was like, ‘Thank you!’

“It was like, ‘Got it! I got my rejection.’ ”

Jason had totally inverted the rules of life. He took rejection and made it something he wanted — so he would feel good when he got it.

“And it was sort of like walking on my hands or living on my hands or living underwater or something. It was just a different reality. The rules of life had changed.”

Without knowing it, Jason had used a standard tool of psychotherapy called exposure therapy. You force yourself to be exposed to exactly the thing you fear, and eventually you recognize that the thing you fear isn’t hurting you. You become desensitized. It’s used in treating phobias like fear of flying.

Jason kept on seeking out rejection. And as he did, he found that people were actually more receptive to him, and he was more receptive to people, too. “I was able to approach people, because what are you gonna do, reject me? Great!”

That was when Jason got another idea.

He wrote down all of his real-life rejection attempts, things like, “Ask for a ride from stranger, even if you don’t need one.” “Before purchasing something, ask for a discount.” “Ask a stranger for a breath mint.”

Cards from the Rejection Therapy game.

Courtesy of Jason Comely

He had them printed on a deck of cards and started selling them online.

Slowly, the Rejection Therapy game became kind of a small cult phenomenon, with people playing all over the world.

Jason has heard from a teacher in Colorado, a massage therapist in Budapest, a computer programmer in Japan, even a widowed Russian grandmother. She’s using rejection therapy to pick up men.

“That’s really cool — so, there’s an 80-year-old babushka playing Rejection Therapy,” he says.

So what has Jason learned from all this?

That most fears aren’t real in the way you think they are. They’re just a story you tell yourself, and you can choose to stop repeating it. Choose to stop listening.

“Don’t even bother trying to be cool,” Jason says. “Just get out there and get rejected, and sometimes it’s going to get dirty. But that’s OK, ’cause you’re going to feel great after, you’re going to feel like, ‘Wow. I disobeyed fear.’ ”

How to Comfort Your Inner Worry Wart

 BY TANCIE LEROUX from tut.com

SEPTEMBER 2, 2015

When my children were young, I’d tuck them in at night with kisses and a song. Every now and then their sweet little minds would be wrestling with a worry that was upsetting them.  Maybe someone was being mean; maybe they were nervous about an upcoming game; maybe they felt they’d disappointed their teacher.  Nothing too earth shattering but distressing to their little hearts.

I didn’t want them to go to bed with a troubled mind so I’d strike a bargain before they drifted off to sleep.  “You give me your worries for the night and I’ll take care of them for you.  If they get too big for me, I’ll hand them over to God.”

That seemed reasonable to them, so they’d place their troubles in my hand and float off to La La Land.

Wouldn’t you like to do that?

All of us spend too much time worrying about “what-ifs” and worst case scenarios that will probably never come true.  With the media informing us of every horrific global event and commercials alerting us to every “silent killer” lurking in our own bodies, the world can feel scary and unpredictable at times.

How do you stay calm when you’re worried about your money, your debt, your job, your health, your loved ones, your pets, your home, your country and a myriad of other fears and unforeseen events.  How do you stay at peace in a world you can’t control?

Being a title-holding worry wart, I’ve found 3 ways to manage troublesome thoughts.

1. Take Control of the Controllable.

Not all worry is useless.  It can serve you well when it drives you to take action and solve the problems at hand, but when you’re only fixated on the “what ifs” and worst-case scenarios, chronic worrying can leave you emotionally drained.

The first step is to evaluate your problem by asking whether it’s solvable:  Is it a real problem or an imaginary what-if?  Is the concern realistic?  Am I killing off healthy loved ones in my imagination for no apparent reason? How likely is this to happen?  Can I prepare for it or is it out of my control?

Next is to take any action that’s needed right away.  If you’re anxious about debt, call your creditors and set up a payment plan.  If you’re having pain in your leg, make a doctor’s appointment.  If you’re concerned about the cold weather, move to Southern California.  Focus on the things you can solve rather than the things and conditions that are out of your control.

Whatever’s left, kick it to the curb and focus on ice cream.

2. Make a “God Box”.

I read about The God Box in Tosha Silver’s book Outrageous Openness and I knew I needed one.  Some of us like having something to DO when our nerves need soothing.

Get yourself a dedicated box that feels good to you.  Place it somewhere in your home that’s sacred and personal.  When you have a worry, write it down on a piece of paper and place it in the box.

As you put it inside, call on God (or whatever your divine source is) and release your personal focus and attachment.  Surrender it to your higher power and allow it to use anything and any way it wants to solve your problem and meet your needs.

There’s no “your way or the highway” allowed.  The Universe is more clever and magical than you ever thought possible and always finds the perfect way.

3. Do a Good Deed.

Doing a good deed not only makes you feel warm and fuzzy, it replaces rampant negative energy with positive.

Give needed attention to a loved one, help a sick neighbor, give a compliment to the store clerk or offer a meal to a homeless person.  Any kind act works.  Use your instincts to be led to the right opportunities.

The added benefit is that when you engage in good deeds, your body releases Oxytocin which reduces stress and makes you feel better.  Kindness also triggers feel-good chemicals like dopamine and endorphins which increase your overall well-being.

When you worry, you’re putting too much focus on the future and not enough on the here and now.  Bringing your attention back to the present by controlling what you can, releasing what you can’t and changing your focus to others, lessens your anxiety and puts you in a place of gratitude.

As adults, we have busy and full lives which can give us lots to worry about, but we still have the opportunity to hand it all over to a much wiser and loving power when it feels too big.

When you go to bed tonight and lay your head gently on the pillow, let your “Divine Mother” hold your worries while you sleep and maybe, just maybe, she’ll sing you a lullaby as you drift off to La La Land.

Rest well and sweet dreams.

– See more at:

http://www.tut.com/article/details/156-how-to-comfort-your-inner-worry-wart/?articleId=156