Frey Freyday – Let Go

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

LET GO / DETACHMENT – the action or process of detaching; separation (emotionally, physically)

–

The essence of the Way is detachment. – Bodhidharma

–

He who would be serene and pure needs but one thing, detachment.  –Meister Eckhart

–

In order to acquire anything in the physical universe, you have to relinquish you attachment to it. Deepak Chopra

–

It doesn’t take a lot of strength to hang on. It takes a lot of strength to let go. J. C. Watts –

To be consistently effective, you must put a certain distance between yourself and what happens to you on the golf course. This is not indifference, it’s detachment.  -Sam Snead

–

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao Tzu

–

I cannot own anything. It is a valuable thought to keep in mind as you struggle to improve your financial picture, worry about investments, and plan how to acquire more and more. It is a universal principle which you are part of. You must release everything when you truly awaken. Are you letting your life go by in frustration and worry over not having enough? If so, relax and remember that you only get what you have for a short period of time. When you awaken you will see the folly of being attached to anything. Wayne Dyer

WORD TO LIVE BY:

Let Go – to mentally, emotionally, even psychically detaching oneself from an outcome, result, worry, concern, anger, pain, hurt, goal, challenge, etc.

I’ve written about having faith in others, in yourself, in a Higher Power, etc. before. I’ve talked about letting go in similar ways related to our desires and intentions, and even a little about letting go in relationships and with the loss of a loved ones. I’ve discussed detachment a bit too.

I must be honest, these are some of the harder things for me. In particular, I had difficulty for quite a while with letting go – or what some call the law of detachment.

We’ve had challenges and uncertainty in life and in the world/health/economy. We often consider that uncertainty is always bad.

But it is important to realize that there are good things related to uncertainty. With uncertainty there is a break or freedom from what has happened – from the past. The past does not equal the future. We have the opportunity to escape our own past habits, conditioning, from what we now know. It is an opportunity.

 If we are willing to step into the unknown, to have faith, and to detach ourselves from the outcome, we surrender ourselves to our own creative subconscious, to other people’s love and support, and to the creative powers that exist in this universe.

This doesn’t mean that you give up the intention or the desire, but you give up the attachment to the result.

That’s sometimes a little esoteric for me and difficult for me to do. I do know that it can also be very powerful.

I think about times in the past when I felt that I ‘needed’ a chunk of money to pay something. There are times when I needed a few hundred, other times when I needed tens of thousands of dollars for something.

Maybe for you it was a relationship that you wanted. Or maybe you wanted a new client, more sales, a new car, a house, that gadget, whatever.

We focus on it and we think about it and really just hang on it, right? We have a burning desire, we make a strategy and we really, really want it.

This is typically attachment. Typically this is not helpful. It can be based on insecurity, fear, scarcity. We think that we don’t have it, that it is separate from us and that we have a void and we want it to fill the void.  If you think about creation and abundance, those things are opposites. It can also show a lack of faith in ourselves and Creation.

Abundance, Creation, wealth, can fulfill every need. But are these things that we are chasing, really a need? Are they really necessary?

When we ‘chase things’ we create anxiety, tension, stress, don’t we?

As Deepak Chopra says, “Attachment comes from poverty consciousness, because attachment is always to symbols. Detachment is synonymous with wealth consciousness, because with detachment there is freedom to create. Only from detached involvement can one have joy and laughter.”

(When Chopra speaks of symbols, he means the materialistic, physical things that we desire in life; cars, money, homes, clothes, etc. Often these things can leave us feeling hollow.)

Attachment leads us more towards a world of helplessness, hopelessness, desperation and seriousness, doesn’t it? Think of those times when you felt that you needed something ASAP. You probably worried more, thought about the problem, thought about something related to it from the past or future and you weren’t in the present moment. You probably weren’t as creative or joyful, right?

So How do we DETACH?:  Essentially let go or hand over things to your Creator/God/Higher Power. Let go of all the persons, places and things which you would like to see changed but which you cannot change on your own. 

Realize and take responsibility for your own actions and accept that there is only one person you can change and that is yourself. Let go of the “need” to fix, change, rescue or heal other persons, places and things.

Real detachment means inner strength, and the ability to function calmly and with full inner control under all circumstances. A detached person is not harassed and hurried, and can do everything with concentration and attention, thus insuring a successful outcome of his actions.

There is wisdom in uncertainty. There is freedom and creativity in uncertainty, detachment.

When we are attached to something, we are in some way trying to control things. Controlling such is this is typically because we’re afraid. Our fear and our ego leads us to believe that somehow if we control things, everything will be OK. Instead, letting go will open us up to other possibilities.

We all seek security in one way or another. Again, I cite Chopra’s example when we might  desire money and expect security from it. “When I have X million dollares, then I’ll be secure.” But it never happens.

“Seeking security in this manner can lead us to chase it for a lifetime without ever finding it.” Deepak Chopra. http://www.chopra.com/laws/detachment

It is also true that we all can sometimes get attached to “Our Story” – our past, our challenges, our history. This story of our life can limit us greatly if we get emotional and/or attached to it. Instead, we can have a healthy detachment to our past. This allows us to more easily identify the lessons and the benefit that comes from the experience.

Are you stuck in life because you are living out of a story you told yourself long ago? Are you reliving the same story over and over, placing your attention on the story rather than where you want to go? We all do it.

 Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

You can read more at www.onewebstrategy.com

• BONUS:

Here are SOME EXCELLENT POINTS ABOUT DETACHMENT

They discuss things more in terms of relationships, but it is still relevant. http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/

What is detachment? Detachment is the: * Ability to allow people, places or things the freedom to be themselves. * Holding back from the need to rescue, save or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional or irrational. * Giving another person “the space” to be herself. * Disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people. * Willingness to accept that you cannot change or control a person, place or thing. * Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life. * Establishing of emotional boundaries between you and those people you have become overly enmeshed or dependent with in order that all of you might be able to develop your own sense of autonomy and independence. * Process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering. * Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing or controlling. * Placing of all things in life into a healthy, rational perspective and recognizing that there is a need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life. * Ability to exercise emotional self-protection and prevention so as not to experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on beyond a reasonable and rational point. * Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them. * Ability to allow people to be who they “really are” rather than who you “want them to be.” * Ability to avoid being hurt, abused, taken advantage of by people who in the past have been overly dependent or enmeshed with you.

What are the negative effects not detaching? If you are unable to detach from people, places or things, then you: * Will have people, places or things which become over-dependent on you. * Run the risk of being manipulated to do things for people, at places or with things which you do not really want to do. * Can become an obsessive “fix it” who needs to fix everything you perceive to be imperfect. * Run the risk of performing tasks because of the intimidation you experience from people, places or things. * Will most probably become powerless in the face of the demands of the people, places or things whom you have given the power to control you. * Will be blind to the reality that the people, places or things which control you are the uncontrollables and unchangeables you need to let go of if you are to become a fully healthy, coping individual. * Will be easily influenced by the perception of helplessness which these people, places or things project. * Might become caught up with your idealistic need to make everything perfect for people, places or things important to you even if it means your own life becomes unhealthy. * Run the risk of becoming out of control of yourself and experience greater low self-esteem as a result. * Will most probably put off making a decision and following through on it, if you rationally recognize your relationship with a person, place or thing is unhealthy and the only recourse left is to get out of the relationship. * Will be so driven by guilt and emotional dependence that the sickness in the relationship will worsen. * Run the risk of losing your autonomy and independence and derive your value or worth solely from the unhealthy relationship you continue in with the unhealthy person, place or thing.

Frey Freyday- Ego

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff..)

–

The minute you start compromising for the sake of massaging somebody’s ego, that’s it, game over.-Gordon Ramsay

–
To walk around with an ego is a bad thing. To have confidence in yourself is a great thing.-Fred Durst

–
We must go beyond the constant clamor of ego, beyond the tools of logic and reason, to the still, calm place within us: the realm of the soul.-Deepak Chopra

–
Ego stops you from getting things done and getting people to work with you. That’s why I firmly believe that ego and success are not compatible.-Harvey Mackay

–

Our egos are often the invisible wall to getting things done with less effort. –Jim Frey

–

Let go of the ego’s need to be right. When you’re in the middle of an argument, ask yourself: Do I want to be right or to be happy? –Wayne Dyer

–
Nations have their ego, just like individuals.-James Joyce

–
Because of its phantom nature, and despite elaborate defense mechanisms, the ego is very vulnerable and insecure, and it sees itself as constantly under threat. This, by the way, is the case even if the ego is outwardly very confident.-Eckhart Tolle

 

20 Spiritual Lessons

I mentioned in another post that I am reading Deepak Chopra’s book “Twenty Spiritual Lessons for Creating the Life You Want”

It is about what Chopra calls “The Wizard” in all of us – another name for the Source, Universe, God, our Self, whatever we call that ‘magical’ strength, wisdom, and power inside of us all…….The Wizard is eternal, it is essentially our Spirit that is connected to all…..

I said that I’d pass along good lessons and ideas….

…here are a few more…

“The Return of the magical can only happen with the return of innocence…..

…The essence of the wizard is transformation.”

Think about when you were young – the dreams and things you thought of as a child…..

…you could get excited and super focused about “IT” and you could spend lots of time on it – and not even know how fast time flew by….

your thoughts, actions, intentions, feelings….they were pure, right? They seemed to be true to the real you.

There was an innocence about you  wasn’t there – you didn’t worry about all of the things that could go wrong – you didn’t worry about it at all, right? You just dreamed it! You just wanted to go make it happen.

As we get well into adult life, we forget and even try to abandon our child, our innocence. Often it gets away from us and we all lose touch.

We get into our everyday lives and worry and forget about living in the moment, about our dreams, our innocence.

But it only takes a moment to relax, live in the moment, look for things to enjoy, and look for something to celebrate.

Meditate, focus, relax, get centered, and remember what you love. Take time for you. Go into nature,

Take time to find the innocence, the magic inside…

.

.

Wizard Within – follow up

I am reading a book by Deepak Chopra called “Twenty Spiritual Lessons for Creating the Life You Want”

It is quite good.

It is something that I have written about on occasion and sometimes try to put into practice in my own life, but often do not.

The Wizard can represent a number of things or beings – it could be our own Spirit, the Universe, the Source, God, the Universal Intelligence, the Higher Self….or whatever you might refer to the power, love, force, and spirit that runs through us all. The Wizard is a metaphor….

HERE ARE SOME KEY THOUGHTS FROM THE BOOK THAT I THOUGHT WERE WORTHY OF NOTE….

“when the doors of perception are cleansed, you will begin to see the unseen world – the wizard’s world. – …purification (cleansing) consists of getting rid of the toxins in your life : toxic emotions, toxic thoughts, toxic relationships….”

“The wizard lives in a state of knowingness. This knowlingness orchestrates its own fulfillment. The field of awareness organizes itself around our intentions. Knowledge and intentions are forces. What you intend changes the field in your favor. Intentions compressed into words enfold magical power. The wizard does not try to solve the mystery of life. He is here to live it.”

“The wizard is the teacher of alchemy. Alchemy is transformation. Through alchemy you can begin the quest for perfection. You are the world. When you transform yourself, the world you live in will also be transformed….”

“TIme and the timeless are not opposites. Because it embraces everything, the timeless has no opposite. At the level of the ego, we struggle to solve our problems. Spirit sees that struggle is the problem. The wizard is aware of the battle between ego and spirit, but he realizes that both are immortal and cannot die. Every aspect of yourself is immortal, even the parts you judge most harshly.”

“Seekers are never lost, because spirit is always beckoning to them. Seekers are offered clues all the time from the world of spirit. Ordinary people call these clues coincidences. To a wizard there are no coincedences. Every event exists to expose another layer of the soul. Spirit wants to meet you. To accept its invitaiton you must be undefended. When you seek, begin in your heart…..”

“The reality you experience is a mirror image of your expectations. If you project the same images every day your reality will be the same every day. When attention is perfect, it creates order and clarify out of chaos and confusion.”

“The uncertainty you feel inside is the doorway to wisdom. Insecurity will always be with the quester – he continues to stumble but never falls….Human order is made of rules. The wizard’s order has no rules. …it flows with the nature of life.”

….wishing you some magic and wizardry in your life….

.

🙂

The Wizard Within….

I am reading a book by Deepak Chopra called “Twenty Spiritual Lessons for Creating the Life You Want”

It is quite good.

It is something that I have written about on occasion and sometimes try to put into practice in my own life, but often do not.

The Wizard can represent a number of things or beings – it could be our own Spirit, the Universe, the Source, God, the Universal Intelligence, the Higher Self….or whatever you might refer to the power, love, force, and spirit that runs through us all. The Wizard is a metaphor….

The Wizard is that force or spirit that we all have, the true self that never really changes, the person that remains the same as we grow, as we face challenges, as we worry about materialistic things – the Wizard knows what is really important, the Wizard helps us stay on the course when we’re worried, concerned, or chasing the “Joneses”.

The Wizard is that voice inside that helps you make a decision, that helps you stay on track, and that provides you a foundation of strength, serenity, and guidance. The Wizard in us sees the real world, the real person in others – not the beautiful or ugly skins and bones, but the spirit inside.

• There are some great lessons in this book; some new and fresh, some are things we all probably already know but are definitely good to be reminded of…..
• Spend time pondering not what you see but why you see it.
• The Wizard exists in all of us. This wizard sees and knows everything.
• The Wizard is beyond opposites of light and dark, good and evil, pleasure and pain.
• Everything the wizard sees has its roots in the unseen world.
• Nature reflects the moods of the wizard.
• The body and mind may sleep but the wizard is always awake.

For someone like me who has a difficulty making time for meditation, I found the quote “Without silence, there is no room for the wizard.” very helpful and meaningful…”without silence ther cannot be any real appreciation of life, which is as delicate in its inner fabrics as a closed rosebud.”

…also, Wizards don’t live in fear…when asked “How do you manage this peace of mind?”, the Wizard says, “Look within where there is only peace.”

Lastly, Chopra writes this….”The mind may succeed in making you intelligent, but it is poorly equipped to make you happy, fulfilled, at peace with yourself.”….”the Wizard is inside you and only wants one thing: to be born.”

…..I’ll share more good thoughts from the book as I come across them….

Best wishes for some magic from your inner Wizard today…

..

🙂

Words To Live By: Purpose

(This is one of a part of a series of WORDS TO LIVE BY. This series grew out of a workbook I first made for my young daughters and discussed at the dinner table. These Words include values, good ideas, and Words to aspire to….and learn from….enjoy!)

Everyone has a purpose in life. We all have some sort of unique or special gift(s). Some are obvious (Olympic athletes), others are not.

When we use the gift or talent and serve others with it, we can really find happiness and enjoyment in our lives…..but how do we do that?

“Dharma” is a Sanskrit word meaning ‘purpose’ or ‘purpose in life’. It has been interpreted to say that ‘we have taken on a physical form to fulfill this purpose’.

Deepak Chopra says in the book “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success” that you and I have unique talents and a unique way of expressing them. In other words, Chopra says that there is something that you can do better than anyone else in the whole world. He also says that there are unique needs out in the world. When you can match the need with your talent, he says “that is the spark that creates affluence….Expressing your talents to fulfill needs creates unlimited wealth and abundance.”

Being busy does not always mean real work. The object of all work is production or accomplishment and to either of these ends there must be forethought, system, planning, intelligence, and honest purpose, as well as perspiration. Seeming to do is not doing.  – Thomas A. Edison

He suggests that we tell our children that they are here for a reason. They are here for a purpose. They have a divine gift inside them. Tell them this over and over. Whatever religion or spirituality you follow, this is compatible. Encourage and remind your kids to be focused on what they are here to give.

Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.  – Dalai Lama

Chopra says that there are three components:

1. Each of us is here to discover our Self – and that we’re spiritual beings having occasional human experiences.
2. To Express our unique talents. When you experience or express the talent, you may find it to be a revelatory experience. Time, energy, all seem to fade away.
3. Service to humanity – to serve your fellow human beings – ask “How can I help? How can I help those that I come into contect with?” He says that this is the real way abundance is achieved.

I have not yet read the book “Purpose Driven Life”. I am told that it addresses the most basic question everyone faces in life is Why am I here? What is my purpose? Self-help books suggest that people should look within, at their own desires and dreams, but author Rick Warren says the starting place must be with God and his eternal purposes for each life. Real meaning and significance comes from understanding and fulfilling God’s purposes for putting us on earth. I have it on my list to read soon.

Warren says that these are God’s five purposes for each of us:

• We were planned for God’s pleasure
  • so your first purpose is to offer real worship.
• We were formed for God’s family
  • so your second purpose is to enjoy real fellowship.
• We were created to become like Christ,
  • so your third purpose is to learn real discipleship.
• We were shaped for serving God
  • so your fourth purpose is to practice real ministry.
• We were made for a mission
  • so your fifth purpose is to live out real evangelism.

Actions to do – Answer two questions – “If money was no concern and you had all the time and money in the world, what would you do?” AND “How am I best suited to serve humanity?”

All successful people men and women are big dreamers. They imagine what their future could be, ideal in every respect, and then they work every day toward their distant vision, that goal or purpose. Brian Tracy

What do you think?

Letting Go, Detachment, Faith

I’ve written about having faith in others, in yourself, in a Higher Power, etc. before. I’ve talked about letting go in similar ways related to our desires and intentions, and even a little about letting go in relationships and with the loss of a loved ones. I’ve discussed detachment a bit too.

I must be honest, these are some of the harder things for me. In particular, I had difficulty for quite a while with letting go of a desire – or what some call the law of detachment.

The essence of the Way is detachment. – Bodhidharma

 

Like many of you reading this, I’ve had challenges and uncertainty in my life and in today’s economy. We often consider that uncertainty is always bad.

 

But it is important to realize that there are good things related to uncertainty. With uncertainty there is a break or freedom from what has happened – from the past. The past does not equal the future. We have the opportunity to escape our own past habits, conditioning, from what we now know. It is an opportunity.

 

He who would be serene and pure needs but one thing, detachment.  –Meister Eckhart

 

If we are willing to step into the unknown, to have faith, and to detach ourselves from the outcome, we surrender ourselves to our own creative subconscious, to other people’s love and support, and to the creative powers that exist in this universe.

Deepak Chopra says, in relation to the Law of Detachment, “in order to acquire anything in the physical universe, you have to relinquish you attachment to it.”

This doesn’t mean that you give up the intention or the desire, but you give up the attachment to the result.

That’s sometimes a little esoteric for me and difficult for me to do. I do know that it can also be very powerful.

I think about times in the past when I felt that I ‘needed’ a chunk of money to pay something. There are times when I needed a few hundred, other times when I needed tens of thousands of dollars for something.

Maybe for you it was a relationship that you wanted. Or maybe you wanted a new client, more sales, a new car, a house, that gadget, whatever.

We focus on it and we think about it and really just hang on it, right? We have a burning desire, we make a strategy and we really, really want it.

This is typically attachment. Typically this is not helpful. It can be based on insecurity, fear, scarcity. We think that we don’t have it, that it is separate from us and that we have a void and we want it to fill the void.  If you think about creation and abundance, those things are opposites. It can also show a lack of faith in ourselves and Creation.

Abundance, Creation, wealth, can fulfill every need. But are these things that we are chasing, really a need? Are they really necessary?

When we ‘chase things’ we create anxiety, tension, stress, don’t we? As Chopra says, “Attachment comes from poverty consciousness, because attachment is always to symbols. Detachment is synonymous with wealth consciousness, because with detachment there is freedom to create. Only from detached involvement can one have joy and laughter.”

When Chopra speaks of symbols, he means the materialistic, physical things that we desire in life; cars, money, homes, clothes, etc. Often these things can leave us feeling hollow.

Attachment leads us more towards a world of helplessness, hopelessness, desparation and seriousness, doesn’t it? Think of those times when you felt that you needed something ASAP. You probably worried more, thought about the problem, thought about something related to it from the past or future and you weren’t in the present moment. You probably weren’t as creative or joyful, right?

So How do we DETACH?:  Essentially let go or hand over things to your Creator/God/Higher Power. Let go of all the persons, places and things which you would like to see changed but which you cannot change on your own. 

Realize and take responsibility for your own actions and accept that there is only one person you can change and that is yourself. Let go of the “need” to fix, change, rescue or heal other persons, places and things.

Real detachment means inner strength, and the ability to function calmly and with full inner control under all circumstances. A detached person is not harassed and hurried, and can do everything with concentration and attention, thus insuring a successful outcome of his actions.

There is wisdom in uncertainty. There is freedom and creativity in uncertainty, detachment.

To be consistently effective, you must put a certain distance between yourself and what happens to you on the golf course. This is not indifference, it’s detachment.  -Sam SneadWhen we are attached to something, we are in some way trying to control things. Controlling such is this is typically because we’re afraid. Our fear and our ego leads us to believe that somehow if we control things, everything will be OK. Instead, letting go will open us up to other possibilities.

We all seek security in one way or another. Again, I cite Chopra’s example when we might  desire money and expect security from it. “When I have X million dollares, then I’ll be secure.” But it never happens.

“Seeking security in this manner can lead us to chase it for a lifetime without ever finding it.” Deepak Chopra. http://www.chopra.com/laws/detachment

Let’s talk more about uncertainty. Here you step into the unknown. This world is wide open. It is yet to be defined. It is the drop in the water of life that starts the ripples, that start the waves. All things are now possible. You will also experience excitement, adventure, mystery, magic, celebration, exhilaration.

It is ok not to have a complete, firm idea what you’re doing in the future. If you get too specific, to rigid, you can shut out the possibilities that may be available to you.

You can still have a goal but when you consider uncertainty, your goal could change or other possibilities and opportunities can come up. It isn’t about forcing an idea or solution. It is more about being open to what comes along and being alert and prepared in the present moment.

As they say, good luck is opportunity and being prepared.

Softly and kindly remind yourself, “I cannot own anything.””It is a valuable thought to keep in mind as you struggle to improve your financial picture, worry about investments, and plan how to acquire more and more. It is a universal principle which you are part of. You must release everything when you truly awaken. Are you letting your life go by in frustration and worry over not having enough? If so, relax and remember that you only get what you have for a short period of time. When you awaken you will see the folly of being attached to anything. ~Wayne Dyer”

It is also true that we all can sometimes get attached to “Our Story” – our past, our challenges, our history. This story of our life can limit us greatly if we get emotional and/or attached to it. Instead, we can have a healthy detachment to our past. This allows us to more easily identify the lessons and the benefit that comes from the experience.

Are you stuck in life because you are living out of a story you told yourself long ago? Are you reliving the same story over and over, placing your attention on the story rather than where you want to go? We all do it.

LIVESTRONG.COM HAS SOME EXCELLENT POINTS ABOUT DETACHMENT

They discuss things more in terms of relationships, but it is still relevant. http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/

What is detachment?
Detachment is the:
* Ability to allow people, places or things the freedom to be themselves.
* Holding back from the need to rescue, save or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional or irrational.
* Giving another person “the space” to be herself.
* Disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people.
* Willingness to accept that you cannot change or control a person, place or thing.
* Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life.
* Establishing of emotional boundaries between you and those people you have become overly enmeshed or dependent with in order that all of you might be able to develop your own sense of autonomy and independence.
* Process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering.
* Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing or controlling.
* Placing of all things in life into a healthy, rational perspective and recognizing that there is a need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life.
* Ability to exercise emotional self-protection and prevention so as not to experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on beyond a reasonable and rational point.
* Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them.
* Ability to allow people to be who they “really are” rather than who you “want them to be.”
* Ability to avoid being hurt, abused, taken advantage of by people who in the past have been overly dependent or enmeshed with you.

What are the negative effects not detaching?
If you are unable to detach from people, places or things, then you:
* Will have people, places or things which become over-dependent on you.
* Run the risk of being manipulated to do things for people, at places or with things which you do not really want to do.
* Can become an obsessive “fix it” who needs to fix everything you perceive to be imperfect.
* Run the risk of performing tasks because of the intimidation you experience from people, places or things.
* Will most probably become powerless in the face of the demands of the people, places or things whom you have given the power to control you.
* Will be blind to the reality that the people, places or things which control you are the uncontrollables and unchangeables you need to let go of if you are to become a fully healthy, coping individual.
* Will be easily influenced by the perception of helplessness which these people, places or things project.
* Might become caught up with your idealistic need to make everything perfect for people, places or things important to you even if it means your own life becomes unhealthy.
* Run the risk of becoming out of control of yourself and experience greater low self-esteem as a result.
* Will most probably put off making a decision and following through on it, if you rationally recognize your relationship with a person, place or thing is unhealthy and the only recourse left is to get out of the relationship.
* Will be so driven by guilt and emotional dependence that the sickness in the relationship will worsen.
* Run the risk of losing your autonomy and independence and derive your value or worth solely from the unhealthy relationship you continue in with the unhealthy person, place or thing.

Words To Live By: Desire/Intention

(This is one of a part of a series of WORDS TO LIVE BY. This series grew out of a workbook I first made for my young daughters and discussed at the dinner table. These Words include values, good ideas, and Words to aspire to….and learn from….enjoy!)

I initially was going to write about ‘desire’ by itself. I’ve read and heard about how we really need to desire our goals and use that desire or passion to motivate us, etc. More recently I’ve read about intention and how that relates to our potential. Finally, I recently read something from Deepak Chopra that discusses Intention and Desire simulteanously and felt that it was best to use them together here.

In Deepak Chopra’s “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success”, he discusses the 5th law of Intention and Desire. Basically he discusses that there is a field of energy, information around us all the time and that intention and desire influence this field – and that the field is essentially pure consciousness and potentiality, as he puts it.

On a material level, Chopra says that we are made up of the same things as the universe, as the trees, as each other – hydrogen, carbon, etc. etc. We are the same as these things except that the difference is that we have our own energy, life, desire and intentions.  We are aware of our consciousness, our energy, our information, etc.

We experience all things through our physical body yet we are not simply just physical. We are able to consciously change the informational content that gives rise to our physical bodies. Chopra says, “You can consciously change the energy and infomational content of your own quantum mechanical body, and therefore influence the energy and informational content of your extended body – your environment, your world – and cause things to manifest in it.”

As we’ve heard from other great minds, Chopra reminds us “Whatever you put your attention on will grow stronger in your life…..Intention, on the other hand, triggers transformation of energy and information. Intention organizes its own fulfillment.”

OK, so we might have already known that, right? It is good to be reminded. So now what? If we are connected with everything else in the world, in the universe and our intention influences things in some way or another, now what?

Chopra says, “You can put the cosmic computer with its infinite organizing power to work for you. You can go…..and introduce an intention, and just by introducing the intention, you activate the field of infinite correlation.”

So in other words, desire, intention, whatever you want to call it, creates a foundation for ‘effortless, spontaneous, flow’.

“Intention is the real power behind desire.” Deepak Chopra

More importantly, and sometimes what is much harder, we need to practice detachment. In my mind at least, this seems like a contradiction.

Let me say it this way, similar to what Chopra says – we can desire something, we can put forth the intention for it – which is what most people do. But most people stay attached to “IT”. We need to be detached from “IT”.

Intention with detachment is what you need to seek. You intend for something to happen in the future but you need to let go and be in the present, be aware in the moment, and be centered on the now.

As Chopra says, “As long as your attention is in the present, then your intent for the future will manifest, because the future is created in the present.”

How do we do that?

Meditate. Center yourself, get silent, connect. Release your intentions and desires.

For instance, Chopra puts it this way, “If you want a successful career, go into the gap (meditate) with that intention, and the intention will already be there as a faint flicker in your awareness. Releasing your intentions and desires….will plant them in the fertile ground of pure potentiality….you do not want to dig up the seeds of your desires to see if they are growing, ….you simply want to release them.”

Releasing attachment was a hard thing to understand for me personally. Thinking about my intentions and desires as seeds, planting them as releasing attachment helped. No one digs up seeds to see how they grow. You plant them, maybe water them but you have faith that they are growing. You can do little things to help the growth sometimes but ultimately you need to let go.

I’ve heard various thoughts on self-referral and discussing your intentions and desires, but Chopra says to keep our intentions to ourselves, unless someone else shares the exact same desires that you have and are closely bonded with you.

Here are some action steps:

1. Make a list of your desires. Carry the list with you all the time. Look at it before meditating, before going to sleep, and when you wake up.
2. Release the list of desires and intentions. Surrender them to the Universe, Source, God, to creation. Let go and trust that the details are being handled.
3. Remind yourself to be in the moment, live in the present. Refuse to allow challenges and obstacles to slow you down, to discourage you, or to diminish the quality of your attention on the present moment. Enjoy the moment, accept it, be happy in the moment.

“Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.”

Mary Anne Radmacher

Dr. Wayne Dyer, Mike Dooley, and many others say the same things in different ways. Wayne Dyer suggests that we have a mantra of sorts to remind us of things and our intentions before bed. He states that our last thoughts before sleep can linger for up to four hours in our subconscious. Dyers suggests that we create a reminder to review what you intend to manifest for your life. Create what he calls, “I ams” – I am love, I am writing, I attract only those who are in alignment…..etc.

Our intention creates our reality. -Dr. Wayne Dyer

Dyer also points out that other philosophers and psychologists agree; “One of Dr. Maslow’s most significant attributes of living a self-actualized life is self-trust. When you trust yourself to decide your destiny, you don’t allow externals to discourage or influence you. You have faith, and faith is attained through complete trust and confidence in the power of the one universal mind, which you are inextricably a part of. It is the God-realized you that placed the thoughts and feelings that represent your destiny into your mind and body.”

The definition of intention has changed for me, at least since I was younger. Intention was generally viewed as a “pit-bull kind of determination” pushing us to succeed at all costs by never giving up. It was mostly about an attitude that combines hard work with a drive toward something. However, intention is viewed very differently by Dr. Chopra, Mike Dooley, Dr. Dyer and others. Intention is considered or viewed as a force in the universe that allows the act of creation to take place. Intention is not as something you do—but as an energy you’re a part of…..

Here’s a quick fun quote to depart with…

You are what you think … geez, that’s frightening. -Lily Tomlin

Simple Stuff 10

(SIMPLE STUFF is a short bit of ideas, quotes, phrases, and ‘stuff’ to help you stay focused, stay loose, ask better questions, and laugh a bit.)

 

Deepak Chopra joins Rainn Wilson in his van to talk about life’s big questions including happiness, creativity, and dark matters. Plus: How do you define happiness? Leave us a comment below!

Words To Live By: Visualization -Part 1

While visualization isn’t a value like some of the Words to Live By, such as “honesty”, I still know that it is a key Word to use in daily life.

(you can listen to a podcast here)

For a long time I wanted to visualize more often and struggled with it. I was always concerned I wasn’t doing it right and probably even held off because I thought I would ‘do it wrong’. Then I read one simple passage about it in a book and realized that any visualization is helpful. So I now try to do it often in different ways.

First of all, let’s all realize and agree about an example of ‘bad’ visualization: Worry. When you worry, you typically picture – or visualize – something going wrong, right? Well, guess what, you’re reinforcing that image in your mind. You are physically creating the chemical and biological connections that could make that negative thing more likely. I read once that “worrying in like praying for bad things to happen”. I think that society has taught us – especially my mother’s generation and many mothers in our country – that if you don’t worry, you don’t care. I know so many women that feel that worrying is a necessity if you have a family. Some feel that if you don’t worry, you aren’t as good of a mother. I say all that is wrong.

Visualizing is a form of praying, I believe. When we pray for someone that is sick or in need of help in some way, we want them to get better or find themselves in a better situation. We often pray for help and guidance in our own lives.

Visualization is very important. Regardless if you believe in the Law of Attraction, the Secret, or anything spiritual, there is so much scientific support for it. I think that schools should teach it. If you talk with any coach or athlete at a good college program, in the Olympics, or a professional athlete, they all use visualization. Arnold Palmer, Michael Jordan, entire teams of players. Olympic Swimmer Michael Phelps was taught by his coach to “play the tape” each night and morning. That meant to play the mental tape, like a video, of him swimming and winning.

• Michael Jordan: used visualization to become arguably the greatest basketball player in history.

• Jack Nicklaus has won a record 18 professional majors and is considered the best golfer in history. He has described how he used visualization extensively to help him prepare and win at golf.

• Tiger Woods was taught how to use visualization and imagery when he was a boy by his father, Earl. Tiger visualizes exactly where he wants the golf ball to go. Tiger Woods uses visualization to become one of the best, if not the best, golfer in the world today.

• Arnold Schwarzenegger, five time Mr. Universe, four-time Mr. Olympia has not only used visualization for athletic success but also credits it for his success as a movie star:”When I was very young I visualized myself being and having what it was I wanted. Mentally I never had any doubts about it.”

• Jim Carrey When Carrey was just starting out in Hollywood, he was completely broke and out of work. He decided to write himself a check for ten million dollars and dated it for Thanksgiving 1995. On the bottom he wrote “for services rendered”.  He would then carry the check around in his wallet and look at it everyday. Six months before Thanksgiving of 1995, he was paid ten million dollars for his work on a film. It wasn’t long before he became of the highest paid actors in Hollywood -earning twenty million per movie

So many great business people use imagery and visualization. They use it for business meetings, presentations, specific events and also for the big picture strategies.

Many people believe that we can attract things with our thoughts. You may believe that we are connected to God, the Universe, to the Source. Many people believe that thought is energy, especially a concentrated thought laden with emotional energy. Perhaps thoughts change the balance of energy around us, and bring changes to the environment in accordance with them.Visualization initiates or triggers the Law of Attraction, many say.

Others provide a different explanation why visualization brings results. It may come as a surprise to most, but the theory of “Maya” – Illusion, which comes from the eastern philosophies, provides the explanation. According to the Indian philosophy “Advaita- Vedanta”, which is called “Nonduality” in the West, the world is not real, but only an illusion, created by our thoughts.

Since most people think and repeat the same or similar thoughts often, focusing their mind and thoughts on their current environment, they create and recreate the same sort of events or circumstances. This process preserves the same “world” and status quo. It is like watching the same film over and over again, but we can change the film by changing our thoughts and visualize different circumstances and life, and in this way create a different “reality”. For us, it is a reality, though in fact it is just a dream we call “reality”.

According to vanderbuilt.edu, visualization, also called mental imagery is defined as
experience that resembles perceptual experience, but which occurs in the absence of the appropriate stimuli for the relevant perception  (plato.stanford.edu/entries/mental-imagery/).  Whenever we imagine ourselves performing an action in the absence of physical practice, we are said to be using imagery.  While most discussions of imagery focus on the visual mode, there exists other modes of experience such as auditory and kinesthetic that are just as important. 
One important thing I found in this study and others is that “There is no correct way to practice mental imagery.”

From Psychology Today’s FLOURISH by by Angie LeVan  http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/flourish/200912/seeing-is-believing-the-power-visualization

A study looking at brain patterns in weightlifters found that the patterns activated when a weightlifter lifted hundreds of pounds were similarly activated when they only imagined lifting.  In some cases, research has revealed that mental practices are almost effective as true physical practice, and that doing both is more effective than either alone. For instance, in his study on everyday people, Guang Yue, an exercise psychologist from Cleveland Clinic Foundation in Ohio, compared “people who went to the gym with people who carried out virtual workouts in their heads”. He found that a 30% muscle increase in the group who went to the gym. However, the group of participants who conducted mental exercises of the weight training increased muscle strength by almost half as much (13.5%). This average remained for 3 months following the mental training.

Begin by establishing a highly specific goal. Imagine the future; you have already achieved your goal. Hold a metal ‘picture’ of it as if it were occurring to you right at that moment. Imagine the scene in as much detail as possible. Engage as many of the five senses as you can in your visualization. Who are you with? Which emotions are you feeling right now? What are you wearing? Is there a smell in the air? What do you hear? What is your environment? Sit with a straight spine when you do this. Practice at night or in the morning (just before/after sleep). Eliminate any doubts, if they come to you. Repeat this practice often. Combine with meditation or an affirmation (e.g. “I am courageous; I am strong”, or to borrow from Ali, “I am the greatest!”).

Scientifically, there is ample evidence that visualization can significantly enhance physical skill development and increase performance in many sports. There is even evidence that visualization of weight training can lead to significant gains in muscle mass and strength!

Neurologically, visualization invokes many of the same areas of the brain involved in the actual physical manifestation of the skill. Because of this, there are tremendous neural connections that are strengthened during visualization that are transferable to the physical domain.

Visualization helps with motivation and inspiration. Put simply, when you imagine something you then remind yourself of how good it will feel to achieve your dreams, and you become more so motivated to strive for them. This motivation allows you to take the steps needed to fulfill your dreams – and feel like fun along the way.

Visualization burns the mental picture, images, feelings and emotions into your subconscious mind – a very powerful tool. Once your subconscious mind latches onto an idea, it begins to work without you. It creates the belief. Your subconscious can effortlessly lead you to your goals, if it has a belief. Beliefs rule our lives. One day we couldn’t do something, the next day we could. One day we believed that we could not, the next day we believed that we could. Visualization helps us believe sooner, and helps us believe when we probably would never do so.

Here is a reminder from Focus – The Path to Perfect Execution

“The Power of Visualization will only work when your inner self is totally confident that you can faultlessly deliver what you have learned. The only way to make this possible is when you physically repeat the action over and over again – be it presenting to a customer, writing a document, driving a golf ball down the fairway or executing a slick cross court volley. Practicing over and over will also convince your inner being that you can do it. It gives the power to the mind to play the video of perfect execution picking up pieces from the hard work it saw you do while you were building and rehearsing the skill.”

And, another thought from Visualization is Power .. but are you willing to use it?

“When done with sincerity, the human nervous and muscular systems prepare themselves by firing precisely in a similar manner to what they do when the ‘physical action’ actually happens. Medical tests were conducted on Olympic athletes where they were asked to run races in their minds by visualizing themselves doing so. While they sat absolutely stationary, it was incredible that the same nerve cells and muscular tissues fired up that would have if they were actually running the race!”

1. Keep is simple at first then graduate to more complex imagery.
2. Make your images very clear, elaborate, and kinesthetically true
3. Prep your mental work out with real external images through videos
4. Follow it up with your own real physical practice
5. Visualize as often as you can to reinforce your new brain connections
6. Go the distance! Visualize yourself doing what’s just out of your physical reach and then watch it manifest on the field – mentally and physically!
7. The most important, in my opinion, attach and use emotions when you visualize! The more positive, strong emotions you have attached to an image or mental picture the better! This is a must!

You can see that there is a lot of info on visualization. Therefore I will follow it up with a part 2 soon. Above I’m leaving you with some quick thoughts on how to visualize. Just do it. Spend 5 minutes twice a day. If you can, write it down and them imagine it. If not, just take a moment, get in the right state of mind and visualize.

More to come soon. If you like this, please hit “LIKE” ?