Category Archives: confidence

Frey Freyday – Certainty

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

cer·tain·ty-[ˈsərtntē]-NOUN-firm conviction that something is the case:

The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning. Uncertainty is the very condition to impel man to unfold his powers.-Erich Fromm

The demand for certainty is one which is natural to man, but is nevertheless an intellectual vice.-Bertrand Russell

One must verify or expel his doubts, and convert them into the certainty of Yes or No.-Thomas Carlyle

Although our intellect always longs for clarity and certainty, our nature often finds uncertainty fascinating.-Carl von Clausewitz

In order to accomplish anything, we need a sense of certainty. Our references help us to build this important emotional state. However, if we have no experience in doing something, how can we be certain about it? Realize you’re not limited to your actual experience: your imagination has unlimited references to support you. – Tony Robbins

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There is no certainty; there is only adventure.-Roberto Assagioli

Certainty is the mother of quiet and repose, and uncertainty the cause of variance and contentions.-Edward Coke

You should have certainty in what you do. ‘Faith’ and ‘trust’ are words that put the power in the hands of an outside force that we are meant to rely on – whether it is God or a person or the universe. Certainty puts the power back in our hands.-Yehuda Berg

If you develop the absolute sense of certainty that powerful beliefs provide, then you can get yourself to accomplish virtually anything, including those things that other people are certain are impossible.-William Lyon Phelps

Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything. It’s certainty.-Stephen Colbert

WORD TO LIVE BY:

Certainty. Do you recall the last time that you were certain about something….and you knew it was right, and you were right? Maybe it was at work, maybe it was with your family or a relationship – for different people it is different – it may have come from your head, or maybe your heart…..but you felt Certain.

When you meet someone that has ‘certainty’, you can tell right? Often the person that is most certain is most influential in the situation. Certainty is much like confidence. It comes across in someone’s way of acting, their attitude and words.

Think about a situation where you felt certain. Picture it in your mind. How did you feel? Feel now how you were when you were certain. Stand up. Go ahead and stand up…….feel certain. ….really certain. There is a calmness, coolness about it perhaps? You feel confident. You probably feel relaxed – although energized too. What is your posture and physiology like?

Stand as if you were certain! Are your shoulders sagging or are you standing tall? How is your breathing?

Now stand as if you are Absolutely Certain! How would you stand? Breathe? What is your posture, your physiology? What is your appearance? How are you talking? How are you holding your head?

Certainty is achieved from our posture, physiology, and attitude.- your state of mind, your state of your body. You own the situation, right? You own the moment.

Tony Robbins has a list of what he calls the SIX HUMAN NEEDS. Certainty/Comfort, Variety, Significance, Connection/Love, Growth, and Contribution.

Tony discusses Certainty this way – We all want comfort, right? And much of this comfort comes from certainty. Of course there is no ABSOLUTE certainty, but we want certainty the car will start, the water will flow from the tap when we turn it on and the currency we use will hold its value. We search for certainty in other parts of our life. At one time there appeared to be certainty in some industries and jobs.

Sometimes I find certainty in other ways…..I don’t know who told me once but they told me ‘Nothing in life is permanent, no problem is permanent, it is passing; your Soul is permanent. You are permanent.  Nothing is so inescapable that you can’t move on….”

Knowing that ‘this too shall pass’ helps me ‘shake off’ something bad and I feel a little relieved, calmer, and more certain. Look at the big picture. Look at other – other people have recovered from this and worse. I also think about the good things in my life. I focus on what is working and I feel more certain. I look back in my life and recall how I overcame other challenges, I look at my successes, I look at my loved ones and support network. We are not alone. I personally believe in a Creator that is benevolent. I don’t pretend to understand or label but I believe in something.

We all have this power, this source, this strength inside of each of us. We’ve all felt it from time to time in our lives. It often feels like the ‘real person’, the person at the core of ourselves. When we access this part of us, we operate from a foundation of certainty, don’t we? But it does take a moment for each of us to access it  – being calm, focused, even meditation….. but the point is that YOU can access the certainty inside. You can reach in and grab it – you don’t have to look outside.

Extraordinary people bring certainty into uncertain environments. Whether it be in sports, business, or even being a great parent, in times of uncertainty people are drawn to those who’ve somehow found a way to find an internal certainty that can guide them. That certainty is not that you have all the answers, but rather that there’s certainty inside you that, together with your loved ones, you can find the answer and move forward.

Lastly, having a Vision in mind is also key. If you have that END IN MIND – the dream, the vision of what you want, if you spend time visualizing it and really feeling it – feeling as if it is already happening NOW, then you will be able to access certainty. If you know where you’re going and you know that you’re not going to give up until you get there, then it’s OK when you encounter big and little challenges in life. You’re certain that you’ll reach the end and you’re certain things are working out. The path may be not as you expected but no path it.

Focus on asking the right questions to yourself and focus on what you say to yourself. Are your words and self-talk building up or breaking down certainty in you?

Like you, I’ve had successes and also been in tough jambs. There were times when I thought my life was over financially and I was embarrassed, stressed, whatever. But as I look back, in the big picture, that was just part of the journey. Those things passed. Other things will pass, I am certain of it! My real friends are still around. That ‘real Jim’ is still inside me. Struggles bring strength. Strength brings certainty.

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

frey_freydays

BONUS

TED Talk-Why we do what we do

https://www.ted.com/talks/tony_robbins_asks_why_we_do_what_we_do

Frey Freyday – Courage

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.-Steve Jobs

– I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.-Nelson Mandela

– Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.-Winston Churchill

– He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.-Muhammad Ali

– You will never do anything in this world without courage. It is the greatest quality of the mind next to honor.-Aristotle

– You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.-Eleanor Roosevelt

– Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.-John F. Kennedy

– Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.-W. Clement Stone

– Don’t Make Assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.-Miguel Angel Ruiz

– One isn’t necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.-Maya Angelou

WORD TO LIVE BY:

Courage – [kur-ij, kuhr-] – the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.
I know people that say ‘I’m scared, therefore I have no courage.’ Everyone gets scared. It takes courage to move ahead and face the things we’re scared of….

I believe that, while knowledge and education are necessary, action takers rule the world. Action requires courage, of course. We’re all scared of failing, of rejection, of the unknown, of things outside our comfort level.

One thing that I believe some people do incorrectly is believe that they need “a bunch of courage” and to bet the farm. I think it is just as or more important to have courage to take small steps, incremental improvements each day. What can you do today to move ahead towards your goal or dream. Those little things need courage too.

Sometimes courage is required in a single moment. Like the movie We Bought a Zoo says, ‘all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage’. You can do it. Go for it. Live.

Remember, too, that the word ‘encourage’ means inspiring or supporting others with courage. Courage inspires others. Courage is contagious.

This post is dedicated to those people, those loved ones and those service men and women, that are now passed away but have inspired courage or have shown courage in their lives.

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB).

Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also

a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would

raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other

children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education.

Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally,

sometimes accidentally.

……So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

– –

Bonus – From the Ted Radio Hour on npr.org – several links to great TED Talks about Courage

http://www.npr.org/programs/ted-radio-hour/368757408/courage?showDate=2014-12-12

Rejected! 5 Lessons

We all get rejected in different parts of our lives, and I find that many people just plain don’t take action because they fear that they will be rejected (they don’t even try).

Either way, here is a very good video and blog link about Rejection, persistence, and strategies for life.

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FROM Brendon Burchard’s blog

http://brendonburchard.tumblr.com/post/102898496063/rejected-5-lessons-from-getting-dumped-by-my-publisher

Summary:

Brendon’s latest New York Times bestselling book, The Motivation Manifesto, was at first rejected by Simon & Schuster. He had a near-million-dollar deal with them, but when he turned his book in they said it was unpublishable. Brendon was stunned. Basically, they said they didn’t like it, and threatened to cancel the contract and demand their money back if he didn’t change the voice and add more stories.

Change your art to meet the desires of people who are uninformed about your expertise and passion?

Or fight for your voice and give the money back?

Brendon chose to fight for his vision. He agreed to give the money back and then released the book via a distribution deal with Hay House. The book immediately debuted as a bestseller on the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, USA Today, Amazon, and Barnes and Noble bestseller lists.

This is his story and 5 lessons learned fighting for his voice and dreams.

Brendon says, “Never let someone tell you that you or your dreams are impossible, improbable, or not ‘good enough’ for their liking, especially when they have no experience or knowledge of your true heart and powers.”

In this video he shares these 5 lessons:

  1. Have vision for your life and art. And stick to it through your doubts and fears, through all the petty judgements and social oppressions.
  2. Believe in your ability to figure things out. With enough time, effort, and discipline you will learn and grow and achieve.
  3. Have fun chasing your dreams – no matter what. Bring joy to each experience and realize the journey is something to be cherished and grateful for.
  4. Be patient but always persistent. Go easy on yourself but hard each day toward your dreams.
  5. Respect and love others also playing this same game of life. Everyone is struggling to express themselves and achieve their dreams – so give them the same respect, patience, appreciation and love you desire for yourself.

 

Choose How You Want to Feel

By Kare Anderson
Emmy-Winner | TEDx | Connective Behavior | Speaker | Columnist | Author | Strategist
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Breandan and Emma, the couple up the hill from me in Sausalito have been married 54 years, they proudly told me last year. They walked, hand-in-hand past my home each morning, usually laughing, smiling and pointing out things to each other along the way.

Originally from Ireland, they listened, in bed, to BBC News at dawn so they usually had a tidbit of news to share with me if they happened to pass my home when I was finishing my lame attempt at morning exercises in the back yard.

When Emma died suddenly, Breandan stopped walking. He stayed inside their home and ignored my knock on their door. Several times. Later, when he started walking again, he told me his son, a motivational speaker on leadership, suggested that he start saying positive self-affirmations every morning “to lift his mood.”

He retorted, “My mood doesn’t need lifting! It’s right where it’s supposed to be.” So his well-intentioned son then mailed him a card pack with cheery faces on one side and, on the other, a series of upbeat daily affirmations. The card pack was entitled ”Yes, I Can!” to which Breandan hotly responded (to me, but not his son, I gather) “No I won’t!”

Write Yourself Through Your Journey to a Better Emotional Place

That gift inspired Breandan to get out of the old chair he sat in most days, with a morose look on his face, and take action, but not in the way his son intended. He wrote his own collection of “realistic affirmations.” I figured that the sentiments reflected his way of responding to grief, his stubborn resistance to being told to feel better and his core attitude about living life as it happens. Some were darkly funny. Yet his basic resilience started to shine through as he finished writing his sayings by the end of the year. “Not every cloud has a silver lining so start liking the clouds.”

I thought of Breandan when I read that Norman Vincent Peale may have been wrong, at least for some people, when he advocated saying positive self-affirmations to lift one’s mood. That’s a startling revelation for many of us Americans who have been bombarded with self-help messages based on the belief that positive affirmations are entirely beneficial.

“Repeating positive self-statements may benefit certain people, such as those with high self-esteem, but backfire for the very people who need them the most,” concludes social psychology professor Dr. Joanne Wood. Even those with high self-esteem felt only slightly better after repeating a positive self-statement.

The news gets worse for those with a low self-image Wood and her colleagues found:

• People with high self-esteem are more likely than those with low self-esteem to try to improve their moods when they are sad, as well as to savor their moods when they are happy.

• Those with low self-esteem sometimes even try to dampen their happiness, and engaging with others on Facebook seems to reinforce that reaction.

Don’t Fight Those Feelings. Instead, Notice Them, Then Choose What to Feel

Like obsessing more about the elephant in the room after being told to ignore it, being told to repeat “get happy” sayings, when sad, can make us feel even more sad. As Ed Yong concluded, “Statements that contradict a person’s self-image, no matter how rallying in intention, are likely to boomerang.“ “Don’t believe everything you think. “Thoughts are just that – thoughts,” wrote Pocket Peace author Allan Lokos.

Instead, of trying to change your feelings (as cognitive therapy attempts to do) change how you choose to view your thoughts. That approach calls on us to be mindfully observing what we are thinking and feeling from a calm pool, so to speak, without getting repeatedly sucked into the downward swirl of them. As Thich Nhat Hanh wrote, “Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.”

Practicing this way we can notice what we are feeling in the moment without immediately reacting, thus becoming better at choosing how we want to act. This approach is called ACT:Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. To reinforce that practice, “think of yourself as a kind friend,” suggests Duke University psychology professor Mark Leary. That bolsters yourself-compassion and thus your happiness. “One is a great deal less anxious if one feels perfectly free to be anxious, and the same may be said of guilt,” Alan Watts wrote.

Breandan, by the way, has begun writing his memoir, describing some of the adventures he shared with Emma, the people they met and the joy of living with her “through thick and thin.” His writing enables him to take the ACT approach, to observing and accept his sadness at his wife’s passing and to choose to focus, instead, on the many of the happy times they enjoyed together. He showed me the quote he chose for the first page:

“In the end, just three things matter:

How well we have lived

How well we have loved

How well we have learned to let go” ~ Jack Kornfield

As Byron Katie would say, he is “loving what is.” See more ideas at my Quotable and Connected column at Forbes.

https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140716144633-7216756-choose-how-you-want-to-feel?_mSplash=1%5C&published=t

Frey Freyday – Moments

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff..)

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.-Buddha

Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.-Omar Khayyam

Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible – it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could.-Barbara de Angelis

It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped. Decide today who you will become, what you will give and how you will live. -Tony Robbins

In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.-Theodore Roosevelt

There is no end to education. It is not that you read a book, pass an examination, and finish with education. The whole of life, from the moment you are born to the moment you die, is a process of learning.-Jiddu Krishnamurti

Always Do Your Best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.-Miguel Angel Ruiz

Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. This is your moment. Own it.-Oprah Winfrey

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.-Anne Frank

Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.-Gilda Radner

If you aren’t in the moment, you are either looking forward to uncertainty, or back to pain and regret.-Jim Carrey

When you take a flower in your hand and really look at it, it’s your world for the moment. I want to give that world to someone else. Most people in the city rush around so, they have no time to look at a flower. I want them to see it whether they want to or not.-Georgia O’Keeffe

A question to ask yourself each moment that really lights fires, gongs bells, and summons resources is “What little, mortal, baby steps can I take today that will demonstrate expectancy, prepare for my dream’s manifestation, and above all, place me within reach of life’s magic?” –Please, ask this question and then take those steps, and I promise you’ll go down in history as a giant among your kind. It’s never too late, –    The Universe (www.tut.com) Mike Dooley

I do not want to foresee the future. I am concerned with taking care of the present. God has given me no control over the moment following.-Mahatma Gandhi

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.-Robert Frost

How to Reprogram Your Mind

A great video worth sharing….

FROM Brendon Burchard – and the High Performance Academy

“The first thing you have to do in order to improve your mind is to take total control of your attention and notice: Where are my thoughts right now? Are they positive or negative? Are they helping me feel alive, engaged, and grateful in this moment? Am I present with my current experience or trapped in the past? Are my thoughts supporting me or are they automatically coming up negative and self-protective in ways that are not advancing my life? Just to be aware, to be conscious of what’s going on in your body, in your sense of feeling and emotion now, this is the stuff of becoming mature, connected, and happy.”

JillSunnyOct12

From “How to Reprogram Your Mind”:

CLICK HERE

http://tmblr.co/ZTb1Dv1Kd3jTo

How do you spend your time

From: Brendon Burchard – Live. Love. Matter.
Thu ·
Most people are not apathetic fools—they are engaged and intelligent beyond measure. It’s just that they spend a shocking amount of time studying foolish things, and so they have gained great intelligence in the inconsequential. They know dozens of batting averages, celebrity baby names, and trivial anecdotes from the latest news alert. They know more about television characters than their coworkers; more about the freeway traffic ahead than their financial future; more about the new tech toy than what’s truly missing from their lives.

This of course, does not describe everyone. Yet we have the average American watching four hours of television per day. This amounts to around 13 years of his or her lifetime. Yes, that’s 13 years 24/7 in front of the boob tube. Those years slip by episode-to-episode, and often feel like rest and entertainment. But all research shows they amount to very little joy or meaning in one’s day or life.

The cost is immense: had those 13 years been used for vital and productive endeavor, they would amass to nearly $1,000,000 more in wages and over $2,000,000 in investment opportunity. Let’s not forget how those 13 years could have been used to deepen friendships, travel, create more art, learn languages, develop world-class expertise, contribute, enjoy love, or live life as a human rather than a gape-mouthed consumer of waste.

While television isn’t stealing everyone’s four hours, most of us now suffer from a sort of recurring “browser blackout” or “app amnesia,” losing hours of time each day on our computer or mobile devices without any recollection of what we saw or accomplished. Distraction reigns.

And so the outcome is we have tremendously engaged and intelligent people often tragically consuming and learning meaningless things. We are busy, but at what? We are smart, but at what? We are engaged, but with what?

Not everyone is so lost, but this might help explain the melancholy one feels in our society. For what could be worse than for smart, engaging people to finish their lifetimes without much to show for it but the ability to win a pop culture trivia contest?

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