Category Archives: acceptance

The meaning you assign…..

We all have times or days when something happens and ‘boom’ we’re in a funk, in a bad mood, or in some way we feel like we lost ground, got hurt, was betrayed, etc. etc. etc…..right?

Maybe your sister got asked to go to your favorite concert and you didn’t …. on your birthday!

Maybe you didn’t get that job offer….

Maybe you have someone in your life sending you negativity – maybe even hate — your way.

All that can, and often does, make us feel bad. (Do you ever think about that saying “Feel Bad”?)

We feel bad because we assign certain meaning to it. In many ways we CHOOSE to let an event mean something to us, then we feel a certain way, according to how we’ve grown up, been conditiioned to do so.

Here’s an example:

A relative of mine had a big problem with another relative of mine and me. So, to “Show Us” that relative moved away, didn’t talk or communicate with us for 20 years. We tried to reach out to her a few times but eventually we went about our lives and enjoyed life. We didn’t know any better.

Recently I found out that this person who went away, did so to “punish us” and make us feel bad about something she thought we did (we didn’t). So for 20 years, she was sending us negative waves, so to speak, and intended for us to ‘feel bad’. However she didn’t communicate well enough, because we didn’t know that.

So for 20 years, we felt good, we didn’t know that she wanted us to feel bad. Had we known otherwise, we probably would have felt pretty bad, right?

But look at our daily lives and those few examples I gave at the start. We assign “bad feelings” to all or most of those. If we get rejected, we automatically tell our selves that is “Bad” and we should feel that way.

But what if we interpret it differently. What if we hold judgement until later? Did you ever have something happen that seemed ‘bad’ but turned out to be a great thing? Me too.

What if you said, “Whoa, I didn’t think that would happen, but let’s see how it plays out…”

For instance, you really want a job. Your friend thinks you’d be great for the job. You get a connection and you get a referral into an interview. All looks great. Then you get rejected. You’d probably feel “Bad”.

But what if, in time, that company was found out to be tied to another company doing unethical and illegal things. What if that company you wanted to work for shut down totally, all people lost their jobs and you would have lost your job?
That happened to me. I interviewed and interviewed for a cool job. I wanted it bad. I got rejected. I made myself feel so bad that I had to take off work from my real job for a day to recover. Then that  company closed it’s doors after it was linked to several accounting and ethics scandals. Everyone lost their job. I was glad that I wasn’t apart of it.

Missing a concert on your birthday? That could hurt, sure but what if you thought about it differently? What if you asked different questions? Assign different meaning?

…..maybe there are times that you can’t feel super happy, I understand. Maybe you won’t be jumping for joy but I bet that there are ways that you can find a different more empowering meaning. Try it, even just as an experiment.

Think about Victor Frankl’s book “Man’s Search For Meaning” – if you haven’t read it, please do.

I heard someone the other day say that not getting her child into a dance studio was ‘horrific’. I know this person well enough and luckily we have mutual respect that I was able to speak frankly. I pointed out that while it could be disappointing, using the word “horrific’ probably is just making it worse, plus it isn’t teaching your child the best things, in fact it is probably something worse that an alternative life lesson. I cited Frankl’s book and asked if he would think this situation was horrific. Luckily she recognized my point and found some humor in it and lightened up a bit. (I rarely speak up like this and I don’t pretend to know everything)

We all do it, just look for ways to make those “bad” moments better.

Avoid labeling things as good or bad. They’re just events. See what happens.

Avoid assigning meaning. Or if you must., assign something good “OK I got rejected from this one, I’m expecting something better to come along so the Universe/God/whatever is making me wait until that’s ready….” or something like that?

Thanks, take care….

http://www.onewebstrategy.com

Simple Stuff

SimpleStuff

(Simple Stuff is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

Being in the right place at the right time, isn’t something you can force. It just happens when you keep busy. Effortlessly.  Imagine that,      The Universe (www.tut.com)

“Everything that happens in your life— both what you’re thrilled with and what you’re challenged by— began with a decision. I believe that it’s in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped. The decisions that you’re making right now, every day, will shape how you feel today as well as who you’re going to become in the nineties and beyond.” —Anthony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within, p. 32-33

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. Buddha

“A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination.” – Nelson Mandela

“If someone isn’t what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea how other people should lead their lives but none about his or her own.” – The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

It’s not the dazzling voice that makes a singer. Or clever stories that make a writer. And it’s not piles of money that make a tycoon.
It’s having a dream and wanting to live it so greatly that one would rather move with it and “fail” than succeed in another realm.  Michael Dooley

20 Spiritual Lessons

I mentioned in another post that I am reading Deepak Chopra’s book “Twenty Spiritual Lessons for Creating the Life You Want”

It is about what Chopra calls “The Wizard” in all of us – another name for the Source, Universe, God, our Self, whatever we call that ‘magical’ strength, wisdom, and power inside of us all…….The Wizard is eternal, it is essentially our Spirit that is connected to all…..

I said that I’d pass along good lessons and ideas….

…here are a few more…

“The Return of the magical can only happen with the return of innocence…..

…The essence of the wizard is transformation.”

Think about when you were young – the dreams and things you thought of as a child…..

…you could get excited and super focused about “IT” and you could spend lots of time on it – and not even know how fast time flew by….

your thoughts, actions, intentions, feelings….they were pure, right? They seemed to be true to the real you.

There was an innocence about you  wasn’t there – you didn’t worry about all of the things that could go wrong – you didn’t worry about it at all, right? You just dreamed it! You just wanted to go make it happen.

As we get well into adult life, we forget and even try to abandon our child, our innocence. Often it gets away from us and we all lose touch.

We get into our everyday lives and worry and forget about living in the moment, about our dreams, our innocence.

But it only takes a moment to relax, live in the moment, look for things to enjoy, and look for something to celebrate.

Meditate, focus, relax, get centered, and remember what you love. Take time for you. Go into nature,

Take time to find the innocence, the magic inside…

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The top 10 things people claim to have taken for granted

elephant couple

A single item today – this from Michael Dooley of http://www.tut.com aka The Universe

The top 10 things people claim to have taken for granted, when they were alive:

10. How important they were to so many.
9. How easy life was when they stopped struggling.
8. That all of their prayers and thoughts were heard.
7. That there really were no coincidences.
6. How far ripples of their kindness actually spread.
5. What really was important: happiness, friends, love.
4. That any and all of their dreams could have come true.
3. How good looking and fun they always were.
2. How much guidance they received, whenever they asked for help.
1. That God was alive in everything, including themselves.

As expressed by the recently departed, fresh after their life-review on the big, BIG screen.

Ah-so,
The Universe

Keep swinging or Throw in the towel?

Did you ever have a day when you were just down, depressed, and discouraged? We all do to one extent or another…..

Maybe there were lots of things that happened during the day to make it so, maybe it was just the accumulation of things over time.

Not long ago, my wife and I were facing some tough financial times. She quit a job to start another business, we had some expenses that came up unexpectedly, and her business startup was delayed, the cost of startup ended up being three times our expectation due to one cost, and things were slowing down with cashflow there, and things were so tight!

For so long before that point, things had already been tight. I was not happy with my career, at that time, and I had other concerns about the future.

I was really concerned. I remember that it was a Friday, my wife and I would be alone for a change (our kids were on a trip) and we could relax. Instead of living in the moment, enjoying our time and relaxing, I allowed myself to get all freaked out about things and I ruined the day we had. I didn’t yell or scream or go bezerk but I was “out of it” and certainly not fun to be with…just kind of ‘zoned out’. I recall that I was exhausted from being stressed, I think I had an ulcer, and I was feeling ill. I was totally in a bad mood and unhappy. My wife did try to make the day better but it was a very rare time for me that I couldn’t recover.

Recently I was looking through some old things and this day came flashing from the past and was now fresh in my mind. I suddenly felt that desperation and bad feelings from long ago.

Did you ever have a time when you just wanted to give up?

You just wanted to throw in the towel and say, ‘take the house, my car, I’ll go live in the woods or something.’ For a moment I thought about just running away and working on a boat in Alaska or something. I remember feeling that desperation.

We do have a choice, we can give up, but why? What would you gain by giving up? You’d gain some guilt, embarrassment, lack of achievement, more unhappiness, and a bunch more negative feelings than you feel already….

  • If we can make it through those moments of desperation, that’s when we grow the most.
  • If we can change the meaning why things are happening to us, we can improve.
  • If we change the questions which we ask ourselves, change is again easier.

“Behind your greatest fear, lies your greatest gift.” –  The Universe, Mike Dooley, www.tut.com

If we focus on what it working in life, and what we can do to take action towards a goal today, that works much, much better than focusing on what we lack or what is wrong with life. THIS IS the primary reason we all get in a desperate state of mind form time to time. We’re desperate, sad, angry, bitter, whatever because we’re focusing on the wrong thing and asking the wrong questions

I’m not here to preach, we all do it,  I’m just offering thoughts from my own experience.

Focus on what works, focus on what you can do now towards what you want. Ask better questions. Take action and get some exercise.

Sure, the facts may still be the same but you’ll feel a lot different about them.

And when you’re in a better state of mind, the facts will begin to change for the better, slowly at first then faster and faster.

I wish you the best, keep swinging!

 

🙂

www.onewebstrategy.com

Words To Live By: Focus, part 2

(This is one of a part of a series of WORDS TO LIVE BY. This series grew out of a workbook I first made for my young daughters and discussed at the dinner table. These Words include values, good ideas, and Words to aspire to….and learn from….enjoy!)

focus-22 

Focus , Focus , Focus

Focus (cognitive process), selectively concentrating on one aspect of the environment while ignoring other things (Wikipedia)

I’ve written about and blogged about FOCUS before.

Yet it is still important for all of us to remember and practice!

Here are some quick yet key thoughts to ‘focus on’….

“Focus On What You Do Have — Not On What You Don’t Have” 
 Whenever we are trying to accomplish something, there will always be things that we don’t have. Maybe we don’t have enough time to pursue our dreams. Perhaps we don’t have the funding that we need. Maybe we don’t have the expertise or experience that we need to be successful. I am here to tell you that there are always answers that you can find to each of these issues. 

When we focus on what we don’t have, we fall into a negative spiral and we limit ourselves. If you’re not sure that you have everything to achieve your purpose, just ask your spouse, a friend, a relative, or a boyfriend or girlfriend. Before you know it, you’ll have a long list of assets that you can use to achieve your end goals. – Bob Stearns www.perpetualpotential.net 

Remember, it’s not the events of your life that determine how you feel and act but, rather, the meaning you create from your life’s experiences. Learning to ask empowering questions – especially in moments of crisis – is a critical skill that will ultimately shape the meanings you create, and therefore the quality of your life. It is what you focus on that matters. – Tony Robbins

Don’t  dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies  on moving forward toward finding the answer. -Denis  Waitley

That’s  been one of my mantras – focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than  complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But  it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move  mountains. –Steve  Jobs

Focus  90% of your time on solutions and only 10% of your time on  problems. -Anthony  J. D’Angelo

Live  life to the fullest, and focus on the positive. –Matt  Cameron

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My Story, Chapter 8

(This is a quick overview “MY STORY” of my life, mostly to highlight the victories, challenges, and roller coasters we all ride in life. I offer some lessons that I learned at some points, and hopefully my perspective and experiences can help at least one person. Plus, some of you have just simply asked to learn more about me…)

….in Chapter 7, I mentioned how I was finally focusing on the right things and doing well. That’s when I got a call out of the blue to try something new and different, and to leave the world of self-employment. It was a little risky, too, because I entered the world of banking and SBA lending for the first time and I knew nothing about it….

Before I jump into new info, I wanted to reflect on what I consider to be guidance by our inner Self, or the Source, or God or the Universe – whatever you want to call it. To me, it is much the same. I believe we’re connected, so if you’re true to your Self and in the right state of mind and heart, your Self should equal = God.

Anyhow, I find it interesting, now looking back, at the ways I have guided myself, or been guided, along the way in life. While I was in the moments, it wasn’t much fun and wasn’t “interesting”. It was just plain rough. Now looking back, I’m glad and sort of relieved things didn’t always work out like I hoped. I think that I was being led by my ego during many of those moments into a job I thought I wanted, a job that paid a lot or looked cool, or both. Luckily my Self led me another way.

I can think of a few times where I wanted a job, even Needed a job. I applied for a position and did everything right. Then I got to the interview and blew it or just didn’t get a position that I felt I was definitely qualified for…..while I was in the MBA program I made contacts that got me an interview with Arthur Andersen Consulting. At that time, Arthur Andersen was doing very well nationwide and locally. They were in the news in good ways often. I had 4 interviews with them and they seemed to all go well. I loved the culture, the age groups, the compensation packages, etc. I wanted the job!

I was scheduled for a 5th interview. I was pretty happy that things were moving along well. Then I heard Arthur Andersen’s name in the news again. It seemed this time Negative! They were identified closely with ENRON and some of the ‘creative accounting’ there. Soon all new hires were put on hold. Soon after that a few people started to leave the local Arthur Andersen office. Soon after that more things came out and things got worse for them.

I had worked for the federal government, as I mentioned, and in one case later in my life, I tried to go back into the government and get re-hired by the same agency. The economy was shaky and I thought the government would offer some security while I got back on my feet. I had applied and many people and old friends thought it would be a slam dunk hire. Then, I got a form letter that I was declined. I had accidentally filled out the form wrong in one spot, I erroneously put a wrong grade number for the application and they denied my application. Even after I called and explained I was told that they could not modify an application and I’d have to wait until next year. It really was depressing and disappointing. However, not long after, it was announced that this agency was going to close. 300 people, many of my friends, would now need to look for new jobs. Had I been accepted, I would have been there only a short time and then required to go out and look anew. It would have been worse.

I’ve had many other instances when I wanted to work for a company, been passed over in some way, and then found out that there was an issue, it closed, or the job was not a good one. In some way or another I was lucky and it seemed like someone was watching out for me. What appeared to be bad luck seemed like good luck.

More recently I considered a career move and was again denied. I took it to heart and felt pretty down for a while. Then I recalled these past experiences in my life…I’m still “too close” to see big picture so far but I tell myself that this too shall pass and that something better is coming, this opportunity wasn’t right for my path and some Intelligence is helping me…..

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…I think that it helps to have a Vision where or what you want. Have a clear idea, picture, thought, feelings – where you want to go, how you want it to be, and why. Don’t worry about the How. You need to stay focused on that vision – what you can do today, how you can take action – and avoid focusing on what doesn’t work, avoid focusing on the negative. Setting goals is great. Having faith in yourself and faith in others, and faith in the world helps a lot. Giving, being open-minded, being happy, and being persistent are other lessons that I’d have to pass along too…..

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…..to jump back into my Chapter 8 timeline and get back to the story – I was going to start telling you about how I was hired to a large bank for the first time and how well things went for some time……had I not had the previous denials, challenges and even failures, I would not have had this new job at the bank. Those doors that were closed may or may not have been good for me, we will never know, but certainly when I started this new job at the bank, I was very happy to be there……to be continued.

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