Frey Freyday – Let Go

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

LET GO / DETACHMENT – the action or process of detaching; separation (emotionally, physically)

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The essence of the Way is detachment. – Bodhidharma

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He who would be serene and pure needs but one thing, detachment.  –Meister Eckhart

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In order to acquire anything in the physical universe, you have to relinquish you attachment to it. Deepak Chopra

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It doesn’t take a lot of strength to hang on. It takes a lot of strength to let go. J. C. Watts –

To be consistently effective, you must put a certain distance between yourself and what happens to you on the golf course. This is not indifference, it’s detachment.  -Sam Snead

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When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao Tzu

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I cannot own anything. It is a valuable thought to keep in mind as you struggle to improve your financial picture, worry about investments, and plan how to acquire more and more. It is a universal principle which you are part of. You must release everything when you truly awaken. Are you letting your life go by in frustration and worry over not having enough? If so, relax and remember that you only get what you have for a short period of time. When you awaken you will see the folly of being attached to anything. Wayne Dyer

WORD TO LIVE BY:

Let Go – to mentally, emotionally, even psychically detaching oneself from an outcome, result, worry, concern, anger, pain, hurt, goal, challenge, etc.

I’ve written about having faith in others, in yourself, in a Higher Power, etc. before. I’ve talked about letting go in similar ways related to our desires and intentions, and even a little about letting go in relationships and with the loss of a loved ones. I’ve discussed detachment a bit too.

I must be honest, these are some of the harder things for me. In particular, I had difficulty for quite a while with letting go – or what some call the law of detachment.

We’ve had challenges and uncertainty in life and in the world/health/economy. We often consider that uncertainty is always bad.

But it is important to realize that there are good things related to uncertainty. With uncertainty there is a break or freedom from what has happened – from the past. The past does not equal the future. We have the opportunity to escape our own past habits, conditioning, from what we now know. It is an opportunity.

 If we are willing to step into the unknown, to have faith, and to detach ourselves from the outcome, we surrender ourselves to our own creative subconscious, to other people’s love and support, and to the creative powers that exist in this universe.

This doesn’t mean that you give up the intention or the desire, but you give up the attachment to the result.

That’s sometimes a little esoteric for me and difficult for me to do. I do know that it can also be very powerful.

I think about times in the past when I felt that I ‘needed’ a chunk of money to pay something. There are times when I needed a few hundred, other times when I needed tens of thousands of dollars for something.

Maybe for you it was a relationship that you wanted. Or maybe you wanted a new client, more sales, a new car, a house, that gadget, whatever.

We focus on it and we think about it and really just hang on it, right? We have a burning desire, we make a strategy and we really, really want it.

This is typically attachment. Typically this is not helpful. It can be based on insecurity, fear, scarcity. We think that we don’t have it, that it is separate from us and that we have a void and we want it to fill the void.  If you think about creation and abundance, those things are opposites. It can also show a lack of faith in ourselves and Creation.

Abundance, Creation, wealth, can fulfill every need. But are these things that we are chasing, really a need? Are they really necessary?

When we ‘chase things’ we create anxiety, tension, stress, don’t we?

As Deepak Chopra says, “Attachment comes from poverty consciousness, because attachment is always to symbols. Detachment is synonymous with wealth consciousness, because with detachment there is freedom to create. Only from detached involvement can one have joy and laughter.”

(When Chopra speaks of symbols, he means the materialistic, physical things that we desire in life; cars, money, homes, clothes, etc. Often these things can leave us feeling hollow.)

Attachment leads us more towards a world of helplessness, hopelessness, desperation and seriousness, doesn’t it? Think of those times when you felt that you needed something ASAP. You probably worried more, thought about the problem, thought about something related to it from the past or future and you weren’t in the present moment. You probably weren’t as creative or joyful, right?

So How do we DETACH?:  Essentially let go or hand over things to your Creator/God/Higher Power. Let go of all the persons, places and things which you would like to see changed but which you cannot change on your own. 

Realize and take responsibility for your own actions and accept that there is only one person you can change and that is yourself. Let go of the “need” to fix, change, rescue or heal other persons, places and things.

Real detachment means inner strength, and the ability to function calmly and with full inner control under all circumstances. A detached person is not harassed and hurried, and can do everything with concentration and attention, thus insuring a successful outcome of his actions.

There is wisdom in uncertainty. There is freedom and creativity in uncertainty, detachment.

When we are attached to something, we are in some way trying to control things. Controlling such is this is typically because we’re afraid. Our fear and our ego leads us to believe that somehow if we control things, everything will be OK. Instead, letting go will open us up to other possibilities.

We all seek security in one way or another. Again, I cite Chopra’s example when we might  desire money and expect security from it. “When I have X million dollares, then I’ll be secure.” But it never happens.

“Seeking security in this manner can lead us to chase it for a lifetime without ever finding it.” Deepak Chopra. http://www.chopra.com/laws/detachment

It is also true that we all can sometimes get attached to “Our Story” – our past, our challenges, our history. This story of our life can limit us greatly if we get emotional and/or attached to it. Instead, we can have a healthy detachment to our past. This allows us to more easily identify the lessons and the benefit that comes from the experience.

Are you stuck in life because you are living out of a story you told yourself long ago? Are you reliving the same story over and over, placing your attention on the story rather than where you want to go? We all do it.

 Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

You can read more at www.onewebstrategy.com

• BONUS:

Here are SOME EXCELLENT POINTS ABOUT DETACHMENT

They discuss things more in terms of relationships, but it is still relevant. http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/

What is detachment? Detachment is the: * Ability to allow people, places or things the freedom to be themselves. * Holding back from the need to rescue, save or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional or irrational. * Giving another person “the space” to be herself. * Disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people. * Willingness to accept that you cannot change or control a person, place or thing. * Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life. * Establishing of emotional boundaries between you and those people you have become overly enmeshed or dependent with in order that all of you might be able to develop your own sense of autonomy and independence. * Process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering. * Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing or controlling. * Placing of all things in life into a healthy, rational perspective and recognizing that there is a need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life. * Ability to exercise emotional self-protection and prevention so as not to experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on beyond a reasonable and rational point. * Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them. * Ability to allow people to be who they “really are” rather than who you “want them to be.” * Ability to avoid being hurt, abused, taken advantage of by people who in the past have been overly dependent or enmeshed with you.

What are the negative effects not detaching? If you are unable to detach from people, places or things, then you: * Will have people, places or things which become over-dependent on you. * Run the risk of being manipulated to do things for people, at places or with things which you do not really want to do. * Can become an obsessive “fix it” who needs to fix everything you perceive to be imperfect. * Run the risk of performing tasks because of the intimidation you experience from people, places or things. * Will most probably become powerless in the face of the demands of the people, places or things whom you have given the power to control you. * Will be blind to the reality that the people, places or things which control you are the uncontrollables and unchangeables you need to let go of if you are to become a fully healthy, coping individual. * Will be easily influenced by the perception of helplessness which these people, places or things project. * Might become caught up with your idealistic need to make everything perfect for people, places or things important to you even if it means your own life becomes unhealthy. * Run the risk of becoming out of control of yourself and experience greater low self-esteem as a result. * Will most probably put off making a decision and following through on it, if you rationally recognize your relationship with a person, place or thing is unhealthy and the only recourse left is to get out of the relationship. * Will be so driven by guilt and emotional dependence that the sickness in the relationship will worsen. * Run the risk of losing your autonomy and independence and derive your value or worth solely from the unhealthy relationship you continue in with the unhealthy person, place or thing.

Frey Freyday – leader series-Abraham Maslow

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

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This ‘leader-series’ is a sub-set of Frey Freydays – celebrities, influencers, icons and other people that are well-known that, although not perfect, have led an inspirational life in some way or have made some contribution to society, etc. and people from which we can learn. In no order and certainly the list is un-ending.

-ABRAHAM MASLOW

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. Abraham Maslow  –

What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself. Abraham Maslow  –

The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness. Abraham Maslow  –

What a man can be, he must be. This need we call self-actualization. Abraham Maslow  –

Marriage is a school itself. Also, having children. Becoming a father changed my whole life. It taught me as if by revelation. Abraham Maslow

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Classic economic theory, based as it is on an inadequate theory of human motivation, could be revolutionized by accepting the reality of higher human needs, including the impulse to self actualization and the love for the highest values. Abraham Maslow  –

The story of the human race is the story of men and women selling themselves short. Abraham Maslow  –

If you plan on being anything less than you are capable of being, you will probably be unhappy all the days of your life. Abraham Maslow  –

The fact is that people are good, Give people affection and security, and they will give affection and be secure in their feelings and their behavior. Abraham Maslow —

WORDS TO LIVE BY:

“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”

Abraham Maslow was an American psychologist who was best known for creating Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (see below), a theory of psychological health predicated on fulfilling innate human needs.

In short, he believed that every person has a strong desire to realize their full potential, to reach a level of “self-actualization”. The main point of that new movement was to emphasize the positive potential of human beings.

Maslow was concerned with questions such as, “Why don’t more people self-actualize if their basic needs are met? How can we humanistically understand the problem of evil?”

For me personally, when I was in college, I always had an interest in psychology. One of my favorite college professors introduced me to Maslow during class.

When I read and learned about Maslow, I just felt like I suddenly understood all of our thinking a little more. I could identify the theories in myself and others. I agreed with so many of the thoughts, quotes and theories put forth.

It also gave me hope, I am an optimist and I feel that I can make life better. Maslow suggests that we all can, if we find the needs, develop and self-actualize. It resonated with me; progress is good, living in the moment is good, we all have much more potential than we often realize, we should strive to be self-aware, people are mostly good, and so on…..

…Maslow’s philosophies are about goodness, responsibility, hope, being alive, potential…

• I appreciate Maslow’s point of view that, “To be mentally healthy, individuals must take personal responsibility for their actions…”
• I wish more people remembered his point; “Each person, simply by being, is inherently worthy.”
• He also stressed, “to attain personal growth and understanding..”. While I don’t think that this may be everything in life, it is certainly important to me.So many of these concepts are still being discussed today, even though Maslow passed away suddenly of a heart attack in 1970.Human needs as identified by Maslow: (in order of the most basic to the higher levels)
• I thought Maslow offers simple yet meaningful ideas that are applicable to anyone. They, like so many pieces of wisdom, his thoughts are relatively easy to understand, and worth being reminded about from time to time.

I also found a connection with Maslow’s concept known as Peak experiences, which as he stated, profound moments of love, understanding, happiness, or clarity, etc. It is in these moments where we feel more alive, happy, at peace, connected, etc. I remember the morning of one of my college psychology classes; I walked outside in the woods on a beautiful spring morning. I looked suddenly to the left and a deer was a few feet away chewing on something, just staring at me. We both stayed in the moment for a long time. I felt at peace, happy, connected, calm and strong. Later, sitting in class, the professor explained what a peak experience was, and I knew that I had a peak experience that very morning.

So many of these concepts are still being discussed today, even though Maslow passed away suddenly of a heart attack in 1970.

I thought Maslow offers simple yet meaningful ideas that are applicable to anyone. They, like so many pieces of wisdom, his thoughts are relatively easy to understand, and worth being reminded about from time to time.

Human needs as identified by Maslow: (in order of the most basic to the higher levels)

•  “Basic needs or Physiological needs” of a human being: food, water, sleep, sex, homeostasis, and excretion.
• “Safety Needs: Security, Order, and Stability”. Items important to the physical survival of the person. After we humans have basic nutrition, shelter and safety, we can accomplish more.
• Next level of need is “Love and Belonging”, when we take care of ourselves physically, we can share ourselves with others.
• The fourth level is achieved when individuals feel comfortable with what they have accomplished. Often referred to as the “Esteem” level, it talks about the need to be competent and recognized, such as through status and level of success.
• Next is the “Cognitive” level, where individuals intellectually stimulate themselves and explore.
• After that is the “Aesthetic” level, which is the need for harmony, order and beauty.
• At the highest level, Maslow stated, “Need for Self-actualization” occurs when we reach a state of peace, connection and understanding when we approach or reach a level where we’re engaged in achieving their full potential.