Frey Freyday – Understand

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

un·der·stand -[ˌəndərˈstand]-VERB-perceive the intended meaning of (words, a language, or speaker): be sympathetically or knowledgeably aware of the character or nature of:

Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better. Albert Einstein –

One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood. Lucius Annaeus Seneca –

True wisdom comes to each of us when we realize how little we understand about life, ourselves, and the world around us. Socrates –

Listen with the intent to understand, not the intent to reply. Stephen Covey –

There are big problems that change the world. If we are working together, that will make us understand each other, appreciate each other, help each other. Jack Ma

When you really know somebody you can’t hate them. Or maybe it’s just that you can’t really know them until you stop hating them. Orson Scott Card, –

Seeing things from a different point of view can help us understand why other people act the way they do. We too often judge people without having all the facts. Sean Covey –

Culture makes people understand each other better. And if they understand each other better in their soul, it is easier to overcome the economic and political barriers. But first they have to understand that their neighbour is, in the end, just like them, with the same problems, the same questions. Paulo Coelho –

WORDS TO LIVE BY:

 UNDERSTAND – to really listen, process, respect and consider something.

For all of time, humans have had conflict with each other, and in some ways, with themselves. Today, it does seem like the world has more conflict but I believe things are generally for the better – but our perception is that there is more conflict due to the huge variety and sheer volume of news media, social media available instantly and the 24/7 news cycle.

However, there is definitely division in our country. In some ways there has always been, I suppose; black/white, rich/poor, Republican/Democrat, us/them – sometimes the emotions get the best of us rather than the facts. BOTH sides are guilty of it.

I think that we all probably could benefit from trying to understand each other a little more.

I was talking about this to a friend and he thought that understanding someone else was giving the advantage away to the other person. In other words, he essentially said (and I paraphrase), “Understanding someone else is nice and altruistic but how does that help me?” Understanding someone else better will definitely help us – in a relationship, in negotiations, in business, in education, in politics, in medicine….so many things.

See, if we’re trying to negotiate something, if we better understand the other person, we can see what makes them tick and I believe we can better get what is important to both parties then.

If we better understand the other side, we can better communicate. Isn’t basically everything about communication? Politics, business, education, medicine, relationships? To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different and by better understanding each other we can communicate better, we can connect better, we can build better relationships, gain access, convince others, relay our message, and overall ‘be heard.’

Often I think of the concept, ‘position paper’. A position paper is an essay that presents an opinion about an issue , typically that of the author or another specified entity; such as a political party. Position papers are published in academia, in politics, in law and other domains. Often someone will prepare a position paper for the other side’s point of view. To do this, the author has to understand their adversary. A position paper prepares the attorney/politician/student/whomever better because they know the other viewpoints.

So many times we only see our point of view. Maybe it is with our politics, our kids, our spouse, or in the checkout line in the supermarket. Understanding takes effort. Understanding requires that we take a breath, calm down and think about things for a moment – it isn’t our visceral, knee-jerk reaction.

Sometimes we get so mad and hateful with each other – this is a clear sign that we don’t understand the other side or the other person. This is the easy way. It is often based in fear, if we look deep and if we’re honest about it. Understanding is a little harder but once we understand a person or point of view, the world opens up.

I recently read a great article; it spoke of two men; one was an African-American that was angry with white men. He was prejudice, angry, and in many ways hated white people. He decided to go ‘undercover’ on social media and he joined (under a fake name as a white man) a few white supremacist groups online. Over time, he communicated with white supremacists. He began to understand them. He no longer saw them as monsters. He saw that much of it came from fear, from one-sided thinking (much like his own). The other story spoke about a former white-supremacist; for generations, his family was part of the KKK and even a group similar to the skin-heads. For many years he was angry, he spoke out against African-Americans and really all non-whites. Then he met a man that started to speak with him differently. He helped him understand the other side. He realized that he never even thought about the other side. He realized that he never knew how much “they” were like his own family and friends.

Basically we all want a better life for ourselves, our family and when we feel threatened, some of us shut down and react in a certain way. Many people are lonely, scared, self-absorbed, emotional – we are wired that way from evolution – but to grow and improve we need to act like an evolved person rather than a simple human. An open-mind and open-heart is a step up that we all can benefit from….

In order to understand people you don’t just need to put yourself in their shoes but you need to feel the emotions they experience…. Ex. OK you’re angry; so is the other guy, we know why you’re angry; let’s think why he is…..

We can’t help ourselves without understanding us either. We need to be aware of our own strengths and weaknesses, our biases, be aware of our priorities and we need to assess our progress in life. Sometimes we have anger and hate for others because of misunderstandings that we have with ourselves. We tend to underestimate this.

Parting thoughts:

If I could be you and you could be me for just one hour If we could finda way to get inside each others mind If you could see you through my eyes instead of your ego I believe you’d be surprised to see that you’d been blind Walk a mile in why shoes, walk a mile in my shoes Yeah, before you abuse, criticize and accuse, walk a mile in my shoes

(see full lyrics below)

From; “Walk a mile in my shoes” Songwriters: JOE SOUTH © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, THE BICYCLE MUSIC COMPANY

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By” (WTLB). Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally.

So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

You can read more at www.onewebstrategy.com

BONUS : LYRICS FROM THE SONG “Walk a Mile in my Shoes”

If I could be you and you could be me for just one hour If we could find a way to get inside each others mind If you could see you through my eyes instead of your ego I believe you’d be surprised to see that you’d been blind Walk a mile in why shoes, walk a mile in my shoes Yeah, before you abuse, criticize and accuse, walk a mile in my shoes

Well, your whole world around you is just a reflection And the law of common says you’re gonna reap just what you sow

[spoken:] Yes, you will

So unless you’ve lived a life of total perfection Mm-mm, you’d better be careful of evey stone that you should throw

[spoken] Yeah, yeah

Yet we spend the day throwin’ stones at one another ‘Cause I don’t think or wear my hair the same way you do Well, I may be common people but I’m your brother And when you strike out and try to hurt me it’s a-hurtin’ you

[spoken] Lord, have mercy

Walk a mile in my shoes, walk a mile in my shoes Yeah, before you abuse, criticize and accuse, walk a mile in my shoes

There are people on reservations and out in the ghettos And brother, there, but for the grace of God, go you and I

[spoken] Yeah, yeah

If I only had the wings of little angels don’tcha you know I’d fly To the top of the mountain andthen I’d cry?

[spoken] Yeah

Walk a mile in my shoes, walk a mile in my shoes Oh, before you abuse, crticize and accuse, walk a mile in my shoes

[spoken] Yeah

Walk a mile in my shoes, walk a mile in my shoes Hey, before you abuse, criticize and accuse, walk a mile in my shoes.

Songwriters: JOE SOUTH © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, THE BICYCLE MUSIC COMPANY

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