Monthly Archives: July 2015

Diet soda

i love diet soda but I know that it isn’t a good thing

I just saw this on

-© Nicholas Liby/ flickr

On a recent unseasonably warm day in New York City, I, like many of my fellow cube farmers, headed outside to eat lunch in the sun. The park’s tables were packed with slender, natty finance dudes digging into take-away salads, turkey sandwiches, and tortilla-less burrito bowls from Chipotle. What amazed me were all the Diet Coke cans studding this giant sea of otherwise healthy tabletops.

A quick and extremely unscientific survey of these gents revealed that these guys, like you, already knew regular and diet soda are packed with artificial crap, are bad for teeth, and lead to obesity and diabetes (yes, even the sugar-free stuff). So, WTF?

Not surprisingly, most were downing it for the caffeine to counteract post-lunch food coma. But after digging deeper, I learned that what most guys were really avoiding was an afternoon coffee, fearing the extra caffeine found in a cup of joe would do more harm than good.

So these guys chose Diet Coke because they thought it was healthier. [ Cue palm-to-forehead slap. ]

It isn’t. Still .

Yes, a tall iced coffee from Starbucks can pack twice the jump juice as a can of Diet Coke, but it won’t keep you up at night or increase your risk of hypertension or ulcers. (A single Illy espresso has about the same caffeine as 12 ounces of Diet Coke, FYI.)

With coffee you not only get the feel-good focus buzz—a 2004 study in the Journal of Nutrition argues the black stuff is one of the largest sources of life-extending antioxidants on the planet.

Soda, on the other hand, may provide a burst but only ups your risk for bad things. In fact, just this month, a 28-year study of 43,000 men found those who drank soda had a much higher risk of stroke than those who sipped coffee.

So be a (healthier) man and skip the soda. You know better.


From Psychology Today Magazine………

Fulfillment at Any Age

    How to remain productive and healthy into your later years
    by Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D.

Giving thanks: The benefits of gratitude

      Why gratitude is good for your mental health

We all like being thanked. It’s a great feeling to have someone, especially someone who doesn’t stand to gain, tell us that we made a difference in their lives. In the past few weeks, I’ve had the good fortune of receiving some heartfelt thank you notes from students, pausing as they got ready to leave campus for the summer, or perhaps for good, to take a moment and let me know that something I said or did proved helpful to them. I’ve also had the good fortune of having favors done for me by people who went out of their way to help me solve a problem, fix something, or in fortunately only one case- return a lost cellphone. Being thanked and having reason to thank others are two sides of the same gratefulness coin. Both exemplify the positive in human behavior and provide us with a positive charge that boosts our emotional balance.

On the surface it seems like gratitude has everything to recommend it. There are a few gratitude traps, though. Some people feel uncomfortable about being thanked. They get truly embarrassed, dismissing the thanker by insisting that “it was nothing” (though clearly the thanker felt otherwise). There are also some uncomfortable aspects about thank-yous when it comes to thank-you presents that are overly generous or could be interpreted as bribes.

If you’re at the receiving end of a thank-you, you may feel unsure about how to reciprocate. Does a thank-you present require a thank-you note? What about thanking someone who’s helped you? Do you reward a person who returns a lost item with cash or just allow your relieved face to serve as its own reward? Then there’s the guilt factor: What if you let a few weeks slip by without sending a thank-you note for a birthday gift? Does it look worse to send a belated thank-you note or just to forget the whole thing and hope the gift-giver won’t notice? Thank-you notes inspire their own particular forms of angst, as was pointed out in one particularly insightful Social Q’s column of the New York Times (for the record: this column is a treasure trove of psychological insight on quirky behaviors).

It might be reassuring, then, to learn that the expression of thanks can be its own reward. Being the recipient of a favor can also make the favor-giver (if there is such a word) feel good too. Everyone benefits when thanks are freely given and just as freely acknowledged. 

There are always exceptional circumstances involving acts of extreme altruism. Heroes are known as the people who put the needs of others above our own. These cases put in bold relief the fact that a hero doesn’t expect thank-you notes or little gift baskets as acknowledgement of his or her sacrifice.

Many real-life heroes also do not expect thank-yous. Yet, when we benefit from the labors that others put out for our sake, we feel internally driven to and want to express our gratitude. And that’s a good thing, in more ways than one.

Psychologists Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough point out that gratitude is the “forgotten factor” in happiness research. They point out the benefits of expressing gratitude as ranging from better physical health to improved mental alertness. People who express gratitude also are more likely to offer emotional support to others.

Expressing gratitude in your daily life might even have a protective effect on staving off certain forms of psychological disorders. In a review article published this past March (see below), researchers found that habitually focusing on and appreciating the positive aspects of life is related to a generally higher level of psychological well-being and a lower risk of certain forms of psychopathology.

Now how can you apply these ideas to your own life? Here are some suggestions to boost your own, shall we say, GQ’s (“gratitude quotient”):

1. If someone thanks you, accept the thanks graciously. Let the person know you appreciate being thanked. That’s all you need to do. Really.

2. If you find that difficult, think about why gratitude makes you uncomfortable. Do you not feel worthy of being thanked? In my study of personal fulfillment in midlife, I identified a subgroup of people whose own fulfillment was hampered by their lack of faith in their own worth. Chronic feelings of inadequacy can make it difficult for people to benefit from any thanks that come their way.

3. Look for small things to be grateful for. Not all acts of kindness have a capital “K.” A driver who lets you ease into a busy highway deserves a wave just as much as someone who holds open a door when you’re loaded down with packages. A smile will boost your GQ and make both of you feel better.

4. Don’t fret about gratitude infractions. If you forget to send a thank you note don’t worry about it and certainly don’t use elapsed time as an excuse to avoid the task altogether. Send a quick email and then get to the real thing. If you’re a chronic forgetter, though, you might try to figure out why. By the same token, if someone forgets to thank you, don’t ruminate over it, thereby raising your BP if not your GQ.

5. Keep your thank you’s short, sweet, and easy to write. One reason people procrastinate about writing thank you’s is that they want them to be original and not seem hasty, insincere, or ill conceived. This doesn’t mean the thank you should be one that is short enough to tweet but if you don’t build it up in your mind as having to be a magnum opus you’ll be less inclined to put it off. Whatever you do, don’t make excuses or lie about having sent a thank you that you never did (for more on lying and excuse-making, check out my previous post).

I’ll close by saying thanks in advance to anyone who chooses to add their comments to the discussion or wishes to forward the blog link. It’s the least I can do!

Follow me on Twitter @swhitbo for daily updates on psychology, health, and aging. Feel free to join my Facebook group, “Fulfillment at Any Age,” to discuss today’s blog, or to ask further questions about this posting. 

Copyright Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D. 2010

How to Change Your Life: A User’s Guide

Here is a re-blog of a post by  Leo Babauta

How to Change Your Life: A User’s Guide

By Leo Babauta

Let’s start with a simple statement: what do you want to be? Are you hoping to someday be a writer, a musician, a designer, a programmer, a polyglot, a carpenter, a manga artist, an entrepreneur, or an expert at anything?
How do you get there? Do you write your intention on a piece of paper, and put it in a bottle and launch it to sea, hoping it will manifest? No. The universe isn’t going to make this happen. You are.
Do you set yourself a big goal to complete by the end of the year, or in three months? Sure, but that doesn’t get the job done. In fact, if you think back on most examples in your life, setting big long-term goals probably doesn’t work very often. How many times has this strategy been successful?
I’m going to lay down the law here, based on many, many experiments I’ve done in the last 7 years: Nothing will change unless you make a daily change.
I’ve tried weekly action steps, things that I do every other day, big bold monthly goals, lots of other permutations. None of them work except daily changes.
If you’re not willing to make it a daily change, you don’t really want to change your life in this way. You only like the idea of learning to draw/speak Japanese/play guitar/etc. You don’t really want to do it. So make a daily change. Let’s dig into how it’s done! How to Turn an Aspiration Into a Daily Change
Let’s name a few aspirations:

  • lose weight
  • write a book
  • stop procrastinating
  • fall in love
  • be happy
  • travel the world
  • drink more water
  • learn Spanish
  • save money
  • take more pictures
  • read more books

How do you turn those lofty ideas into daily changes? Think about what you could do every day that would make the change happen, or at least get you closer to the goal. Sometimes that’s not always easy, but let’s look at some ideas:

  • Lose weight – Start walking every day, for 10 minutes at first, then 15 after a week, then 20 … once you are walking for 30-40 minutes a day, make another change — drink water instead of soda.
  • Write a book – Write for 10 minutes a day.
  • Stop procrastinating – I can already hear the ironic (and original!) jokes about how people will deal with procrastination later. Anyway, a daily action: Set a “Most Important Task” each morning, then work on it for 10 minutes before opening your browser/mobile device.
  • Fall in love – Go somewhere each day and meet/social with new people. Or do daily things that make you a fascinating person.
  • Be happy – Do something each day to make the world better, to help people.
  • Travel the world – Save money (see next item). Or start selling your stuff, so you can carry your belongings on a backpack and start hitchhiking.
  • Save money – Start cutting out smaller expenses. Start cooking and eating at home. Sell your car and bike/walk/take the train. Start looking for a smaller home. Do free stuff instead of buying things.
  • Drink more water – Drink water when you wake up, then every time you take a break (once an hour).
  • Learn Spanish – Study Spanish sentences in Anki and listen to Pimsleur tapes 10 minutes a day.
  • Take more pictures – Take pictures at lunch (but please, not of your lunch) and post them to your blog.
  • Read more books – Read every morning and before you go to bed.

You get the idea. Not all of these are perfect ideas, but you could come up with something that works better for you. The point is, to change, you must do it daily. How to Implement Daily Changes
This method is fairly simple, and if you really implement it, nearly foolproof:

  1. One Change at a Time. You can break this rule, but don’t be surprised if you fail. Do one change for a month before considering a second. Only add another change if you were successful at the first.
  2. Start Small. OK, I’ve said this many times. No one ever does it, though. Start with 10 minutes or less. Five minutes is better if it’s a hard change. If you fail at that, drop it to 2 minutes.
  3. Do it at the same time each day. OK, not literally at the same minute, like at 6:00 a.m., but after the same trigger in your daily routine — after you drink your first cup of coffee in the morning, after you arrive at work, after you get home, after you brush your teeth, shower, eat breakfast, wake up, eat lunch, turn on your computer, first see your wife each day. Make it a routine.
  4. Make a huge commitment to someone. Or multiple people. Make sure it’s someone whose opinion you respect. For example, I made a commitment to a friend that I’d study PHP coding at least 10 minutes each day. I’ve made commitments to my wife, to other friends, to readers of this blog, to readers of a newspaper on Guam, to my kids, and more. I now have accountability.
  5. Be accountable. Taking my programming example… each day I have to update a Google spreadsheet each day showing how many minutes I programmed/studied each day, and he can (and does) check that shared spreadsheet. The tool you use doesn’t matter — you can post to Facebook or Twitter, email someone, mark it on a calendar, report in person. Just make sure you’re accountable each day, not each month. And make sure the person is checking. If they don’t check on you, you need to find a new accountability partner or group.
  6. Have consequences. The most important consequence for doing or not doing the daily habit is that if you don’t, the people will respect you less, and if you do, they’ll respect you more. If your accountability system isn’t set up this way, find another way to do it. You might need to change to whom you’re accountable to. And you must have consequences. I’ve promised to sing a Japanese song in front of strangers if I failed. The consequences can also be positive — a big reward each week if you don’t miss a day, for example. Make the consequences bigger if you miss two straight days, and huge if you miss three.
  7. Enjoy the change. If you don’t do this, you might as well find another change to make. If the daily action feels tedious and chore-like, then you are doing it wrong. Find a way to enjoy it, or you won’t stick to it long. Or find some other change you enjoy more.

That’s it. Seven pretty simple steps, and you’ve got a changed life. None of these steps is impossible — in fact, you can put them into action today.
What daily change will you make today?
‘A year from now you will wish you had started today.’ – Karen Lamb

[Ed. Note. Leo Babauta is the owner of, a website devoted to providing clear and concise wisdom on how to simplify your life. He’s also the author of, The Power of Less: The Fine Art of Limiting Yourself to the Essential, in Business and in Life.]

Frey Freyday – Leadership

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.-John Quincy Adams

The quality of a leader is reflected in the standards they set for themselves.-Ray Kroc

It is better to lead from behind and to put others in front, especially when you celebrate victory when nice things occur. You take the front line when there is danger. Then people will appreciate your leadership.-Nelson Mandela

Leadership is solving problems. The day soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you have stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help or concluded you do not care. Either case is a failure of leadership.-Colin Powell

A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.-Lao Tzu

Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other.-John F. Kennedy

Leadership is the capacity to translate vision into reality.-Warren Bennis

I suppose leadership at one time meant muscles; but today it means getting along with people.-Mahatma Gandhi

Effective leadership is not about making speeches or being liked; leadership is defined by results not attributes.-Peter Drucker

Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody expects of you. Never excuse yourself.-Henry Ward Beecher


Leadership – [lee-der-ship]  – the position or function of a leader, a person who guides or directs agroup

Leadership is by example. It is for the person in charge, the captain of the team and the manager, the boss. It is also for every one of us, the lowest rank, the common team member, the everyday person.

We need to set an example for our kids, our friends, strangers, for our community. One small step, one act, one thing that we do can influence or inspire others. We need to believe in what we’re doing, take action and move ahead like a leader each day, even if no one is looking.

Being a leader can be lonely, hard, and a lot of work. Sometimes being a leader will result in anger, fear and other negative feelings from others because we may be going into new ground, we may be influencing change. Bravery and courage are necessary.

  • Leaders can be loving, compassionate and still be strong.
  • A leader must be decisive. Make decisions quickly and make the tough decisions if they need to be made.
  • A leader must be resourceful. Most people see scarcity, lack, and negativity. You can always get the resources you need as a leader if you’re resourceful enough – and the truth is this: The ultimate resource is resourcefulness.
  • A leader must serve some higher purpose – they serve something more than themselves. When you serve a greater good you create a legacy of leadership that lasts beyond your lifetime.
  • Leaders must master influence. In order to influence people, leaders know what already influences them. They know who they are and who they are to others. As a result, they influence others to set a new standard for themselves that those people live by when they aren’t there.

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By”(WTLB).

Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally,sometimes accidentally.

……So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

BONUS-Ted Talk

We have all changed someone’s life — usually without even realizing it. In this funny talk, Drew Dudley calls on all of us to celebrate leadership as the everyday act of improving each other’s lives.

How to Say, “I’m Sorry.”

The Charged Life
Secrets to an energized, engaged, and fulfilling life from #1 New York Times bestselling author Brendon Burchard

How to Say, “I’m Sorry.”

Follow Brendon’s Blog!
Download the free audio podcast of this episode on iTunes.
— Full Transcript —
I believe that one of the great marks of personal power and spiritual power is the ability to apologize and to forgive.
Often those things are seen, for some weird odd reason, as ‘weak’ things. “Oh well, I don’t want to apologize to her because that will make me look weak.” Or, “I’m not going to forgive him because if I forgive him then that gives him the power.”
People have been thinking about apology and forgiveness in the wrong ways for so long—that’s why we have so many people who are pent up, angry, frustrated, and bitter around the world.
Do you have any bitter critter friends? You know, these people that are just bitter and angry all the time? They’re mad at other people, the injustices of the world, but then when they screw up they can’t even say, “I’m sorry.” Doesn’t that drive you nuts? It’s a lack of congruence, and I think the challenge is that so many people have never really been taught how to think about these things.
Should we apologize to people? Absolutely. If we do something that causes harm or hurts someone’s feelings, even if it wasn’t our intention, even if we think it wasn’t a big deal? Yes. Because guess what?
Apologizing has nothing to do with what we think is a big deal, no matter how smart we are about justifying why someone should not feel that way. “Well she shouldn’t feel that way, so I’m not going to apologize.” It doesn’t matter if you think she should feel that way, if she feels that way, she feels that way.
Because, whatever action you did, whether it deserved to cause that emotion, if she’s having that interaction and feeling, then we ought to say, “I’m really sorry that you’re having that experience, I didn’t intend for that, but I apologize. I want to let you know I want you to be happy. I want you to feel good. I want us to have a good relationship.”
It’s turning that apology into a direct intention, a direct statement that we want things to be better.
You say, “I’m not going to apologize because when I apologize then they really hold me to the ground.” Have you ever apologized to someone and they just won’t accept the apology? They just keep getting meaner and meaner and meaner to you, making you defend yourself, defend yourself, defend yourself?
Don’t play that game. Just say, “You know what, I don’t know what else to say. I’ve totally apologized. I have really nothing else to say about the matter other than I just feel bad. I feel bad that you feel bad. None of us wants to feel bad.”
Don’t let anyone drag you into their emotional drama either. Apologize with sincerity and strength, but do not allow yourself to be drawn into everyone else’s negative emotions. To allow yourself to apologize from a place of knowing you’re doing it with integrity, because you don’t want to cause harm or make anyone feel bad. To do that, but not allow yourself to give over your integrity, to allow someone now to brow beat you into submission, into beating you into a place where you’re emotionally and spiritually completely taxed, where you say I’m not going to apologize anymore.
See, when we apologize we don’t have to give away our power.
It’s coming from a place of real power that allows us to apologize, because when we’re coming from a place of real, raw, emotional and spiritual power, we can apologize because there’s no ego attached to it.
Whatever dance is going to happen after we apologize, we’re not going to be drawn into that dance of drama.
See, part of the reason we don’t want to apologize is because we fear it makes us look wrong, even if we wouldn’t say that or conceptualize that. We feel like, “If I apologize then that means I was wrong.”
What if it has nothing to do with whether or not you were wrong or right, deserved or justified? What if it’s so simple to apologize because it has nothing to do with your ego?
I’ll apologize all day long because me apologizing or pointing out any flaws that I have or any mistakes I’ve made does not diminish me as a person. It grows me as a person. It makes me stronger, more aware and more capable. I want to learn when I mess up, so when someone says you should apologize for that I say, “Okay, I apologize. “ There’s no hook to it for me. I don’t get angry about other people.
“Well, I don’t need to apologize to you, who do you think you are?” Nothing is served from that. I have no ego about these things and it’s so much easier to apologize, because it’s not about you. It’s not about protecting your own mental turf. It’s not about being right.
Most of the frustrations and the anger and bitterness we have to other people is because we feel that we have to be so right and we feel so powerful when we’re right.
It’s like, really?
Just be a spiritual person and be open and allow warmth and love to flow through to you, especially to the people you have hurt.
Let it go. Let go of that need to feel right or justified and your life really does transform. You can literally feel thousands of pounds of baggage releasing from your shoulders the moment you’re spiritually free enough to apologize whenever someone around you has been negatively impacted or took something negative and they felt bad.
Some people just are going to feel bad all the time, so they’ll be asking you for apologies all the time. Your job? Limit your exposure to that person.
You’re like, Brendon, “What if I marry that person.” Don’t blame me I didn’t marry them you married them!
I think you have to have a greater sense of connection with others to realize that if they’re continually offended and continually hurt, to sit them down and say,
“I sense that you were always continually hurt and there is always this thing: I can’t do anything right. So what dialogue would I have to have or what behavior change would I have to have or we have to have in this relationship so that you’re not always hurt? If you’re always going to be hurt, I’m always going to feel bad. And if I’m always going to feel bad and you’re always going to feel bad, where could this relationship ever really go? Let’s have an intentional conversation about what kind of relationship do we really want? Do you and I both want to continue drowning in our drama or do we want to find out a new way we can live and interact together? If we can’t figure out a new way to live and interact together, in which we have true joy, openness, care and compassion and love and fun with each other, then we aren’t doing a good enough job together. Then we have to explore that too.”
And sometimes there are people who just aren’t at the same conscious plain you are—and you don’t say that from a place of ego, you just say it in recognition that they’re still on that plain of hurt and they aren’t ever going to release that plain of hurt.
Maybe you have to be honest with them and have a conversation, maybe they need true therapy. They need true help. Some people truly, cannot resolve their own internal dramas, as much as they try, and you are not a therapist… (maybe you are, I don’t know).
But your job isn’t to be a therapist to your loved ones. Your job is to facilitate that if they need to go get some help, then let them go get some help, and champion that. Don’t create a stigma around it. Let them get some help to resolve their internal dramas that are creating all this negative energy that’s constantly creating bitterness and feuds between the two of you.
That’s your job: “How can I guide this so there’s not as much hurt here.” If you do that well in your relationships you find it so much easier to apologize when you do something.
When someone feels bad around me, I immediately apologize, because I know apology has nothing to do with me. It has to do with their ability and their need to release their bitterness. They’re upset, and if all the need is a simple switch of an apology to release that upset-ness in their life, I want to let them switch that thing all day long.
It’s not about you. It’s about a need they have psychologically to release from something and the apology is the lever for that release.
I’m like, I’ll hand somebody a lever all day long it doesn’t bother me, because it has nothing to do with me. Does that make sense?
If your intentions are pure and your actions are done with true compassion and faith and love in other people, than you’ll find suddenly you don’t have to apologize that much, because your actions are pure and who you are is pure.
You’re doing good things for yourself, first and foremost to have integrity, and then for others, and because you do that, suddenly you don’t make as many mistakes. You don’t hurt people as often, and you just find yourself acting, not in noble ways, but in ways that are true to your real spirit, which is coming from a place of love and compassion anyway.
I think the second part of this in demonstrating real strength is also the ability on your side to forgive.
If someone says, “I’m sorry,” you’re like I get it.
You don’t have to say, “You’re not really sorry,” and until they bleed, you won’t forgive them. You know these people don’t you?
Forgiveness should be as simple as apology for you. Simple.
Forgiveness has nothing to do with you, just like apology might not have anything to do with you. It’s not about ego.
Forgiveness is not something mental that you need to construct in your head, it’s a spiritual discipline.
You know what, there are so many things going on at any given time that could be judged as wrong, as harsh, as terrible, as mean and as vindictive, and what we have to realize is that we could interpret everything that way, everything. If someone cuts you off in traffic you freak out and now you’re going to chase them down and run them off the road, and you won’t forgive them for five days, you’re mad about that guy who cut you off.
You know what you’re carrying? Bitterness and anger. Over a period of years that starts to wear on your face. It starts showing up in your body. It starts to slow you down in your progress in life, because you start thinking people are bad, so you divide yourself from other people. And, because you see other people are as bad then you don’t collaborate as much. You don’t ask for help. You don’t believe in the power of a team to accomplish something, and suddenly you find yourself alone, bitter and alone, because you didn’t have the spiritual wherewithal to forgive.
Forgiving is so simple. It literally is a decision. No justification or cause has to happen, and forgiving does not have to do anything with accepting the other person’s behavior, approving of it, justifying it, rationalizing it or understanding it.
Forgiveness is a personal power saying, I’m not going to be upset. You don’t even have to forgive them. You don’t even have to forgive their actions.. it has nothing to do with them.
Forgiveness has to do with a decision that you’re just going to forgive the weight that you’re carrying around about something that impacted you.
That’s the way to look at it.
It is a spiritual power in just dropping weight of negativity, of negative emotion and energy around you.
I can forgive so fast in my life, not because I’m so wow spiritual, it’s just because I’ve practiced it so many times. I’m constantly like,
“Wow, I’m kind of upset about that. Let me let that go, because it’s not going to serve my life. Let me let that go because if I don’t I can’t sleep tonight. Let me let that go because if I don’t I feel heavy and angry. Let me let that go because when I’m upset or bitter I don’t have a good vision for my future. Let me let that go, because if I carry it I’m going to walk that into my next relationship with someone I love, adore or care. Let me let that go, because nothing is served by being angry.”
Nothing is served by being bitter. Nothing is served in a relationship by Lording over something over someone else’s head. Nothing ever moves from that. There’s no positive movement that comes in a relationship that has been broken without first forgiveness. It has to happen and it has to happen in a place where it’s not about you. Do it just for your spirit.
Let go of the ego and just forgive somebody, not to approve of them, not to justify, not to rationalize. Like I said, just do it for your own mental and spiritual sanity, health and vibrancy. Just let it go. You need nothing more.
Make a decision today that whatever’s bothering you just let it go. Let that challenge of that relationship for now, just let it go and see how that feels. It will lighten the load and will allow you to soar again. It will give you spirit back. It will allow an openness in the life again that never can happen when you’re tugging at all this baggage on your shoulders that you chose to carry. Maybe they threw a piece of baggage at you and you caught it. You caught it and now you’re angry. You simply need to let it go.
I’m not going to carry your stuff anymore. I forgive the situation. I forgive you, only for my own mental sanity. That’s personal power.
That’s how you feel free in life again: From apologizing and allowing forgiveness into your life, you feel free again, and when you feel free again, now life is unbounded. It’s beautiful. The colors return to the sky. The whistle comes back to the work. Any metaphor you need to justify doing this, find it and let it go today.
Apologize when you need to.
Let it go every time, and suddenly you’ll find yourself fully charged.

how to say i’m sorry
the charged life
Motivational Video
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Jun 21st, 2014
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Paralyzed By Doubt? Here’s A Guide For The Worrier In Us All

Paralyzed By Doubt? Here’s A Guide For The Worrier In Us All

MAY 27, 201511:16 AM ET –MAANVI SINGH
Courtesy of Andrews McMeel Publishing

Courtesy of Andrews McMeel Publishing

Feeling anxious? A bit panicky? Fear not — cartoonist and self-proclaimed World Champion Overthinker Gemma Correll is here to help you laugh about it.

In A Worrier’s Guide to Life, Correll dishes out her dubious and droll advice on everything from health and hypochondria to attaboy stickers for grownups. (Sample: “I did the laundry.”)

She should know. Correll, a 30-year-old British illustrator based in Norfolk, England, has dealt with an anxiety disorder and depression throughout her life. Plus: “I’m the type of person who worries about lots of insignificant things,” she says.

Correll often tackles mental illness in her comics, including a detailed explanation of panic attacks and a sardonic take on those ubiquitous “Keep Calm” posters: “I can’t keep calm and carry on because I have an anxiety disorder.”

A Worrier’s Guide makes light of serious mental health issues as well as the everyday angst that affects us all. Our conversation has been edited for length and clarity.

When did you decide it was OK to get funny about anxiety?

I’m a freelance illustrator, and a few years ago I started drawing things for myself and posting online. I noticed that people reacted really well to the cartoons and comics that were about anxiety and worrying and everyday problems.

Courtesy of Andrews McMeel Publishing

Do you think your work resonates with people who have dealt with similar mental health issues?

Yeah, I think people are really glad to find somebody who’s had the same kind of experience. Anxiety and depression can make you feel quite isolated.

Your comics portray both diagnosable mental conditions and the types of worries that every young person feels. Like in the valentines: “You’ll Do” and “I Don’t Hate You” are some of my favorites.

One of my favorite illustrations is the noncommittal Valentine’s Day cards. It was one of the first comics that I did for myself and posted online, and it was the first time that I realized that people would find my work funny.

I didn’t want the book to be one-note. For people who don’t have an anxiety disorder, there are a couple of comics in the book that I hope will explain the condition to them a little bit more and help them understand.

Courtesy of Andrews McMeel Publishing

But I also have things about student debt and body image and all these everyday things — and I hope everyone finds it funny just on a general level.

Why joke about illnesses that can be very painful?

I always find that laughing helps put things in perspective.

But, you know, it wasn’t always easy to take that approach. When I was a teenager, dealing with anxiety felt very isolating. And the Internet wasn’t around so much, so I couldn’t just Google my symptoms like you can now.

I did always find solace in drawing, even though at the time I wasn’t necessarily drawing stuff about anxiety. Just making comics in any form helped me deal with my mental health problems.

How did you make the leap into darker themes?

I grew up reading comics like Snoopy — very lighthearted comics. But when I went to art school, I discovered people who were making more subversive comics. I got really into [Simpsons creator] Matt Groening, and Gary Larson, who did ‘The Far Side’, and [cartoonist] Lynda Barry.

I saw their work and realized that this was something I could do myself.

A lot of the comics in your book are about being a millennial. You’ve got the Sallie Mae Lil’ Graduate doll that comes with a fast-food restaurant uniform. Do you feel like young people now are more stressed out than they used to be?

I don’t know if we necessarily worry more. But we’ve got more to worry about, with things like debt and high unemployment and all the difficulty getting jobs. It’s natural for everyone to be anxious about these things.

For people who have issues with anxiety, the good thing is, we probably have better support systems these days. We have more access to information and better mental health systems in place.

Even if you’re not able to talk about your issues with a therapist, there are so many places you can go online, where you can find people who’re going through similar things as you. That’s something I really wish I’d had as a teenager.

Courtesy of Andrews McMeel Publishing

Frey Freyday – Laugh

(Frey Freyday is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life’s realities.-Dr. Seuss

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it!-Charlie Chaplin

I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it’s the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It’s probably the most important thing in a person.-Audrey Hepburn

Being a survivor doesn’t mean being strong – it’s telling people when you need a meal or a ride, company, whatever. It’s paying attention to heart wisdom, feelings, not living a role, but having a unique, authentic life, having something to contribute, finding time to love and laugh. All these things are qualities of survivors.-Bernie Siegel

Look up, laugh loud, talk big, keep the color in your cheek and the fire in your eye, adorn your person, maintain your health, your beauty and your animal spirits.-William Hazlitt

Ten years from now we’ll look back at this [challenge] and laugh, so why wait?!?! –Tony Robbins

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.-Lord Byron

Laugh at yourself, but don’t ever aim your doubt at yourself. Be bold. When you embark for strange places, don’t leave any of yourself safely on shore. Have the nerve to go into unexplored territory.-Alan Alda

It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either.-Wayne Dyer

And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh.-Friedrich Nietzsche

Word to Live By:

Laugh-[laf,lahf]  to express mirth, pleasure, derision, or nervousness with an audible,vocal expulsion of air from the lungs that can range from a loud burstof sound to a series of quiet chuckles and is usually accompanied bycharacteristic facial and bodily movements.

Laughter really may be the best medicine. It provides a vigorous workout to tighten your stomach and strengthen your heart, and regular laughing may boost your immune system.

Let’s face it, we all get down. We all get fearful, nervous, mad, whatever….but any state of mind that is not one of peace, calmness, happiness is probably based in some kind of fear or anger, although it may be a range of the emotions and intensity. We operate best when we are at peace, when we are confident, happy, etc. – not when we are fearful, nervous, angry. We need to make decisions in these states as well. Making decisions from a state of fear or anger is never good.

So when you’re angry, feeling jealous, sad, fearful – put your shoulders back, lift up your head, smile and go find something to laugh about. Turn on a dumb TV show if necessary.

When we miss someone, when we lose someone we feel sad. That’s normal and we do have to grieve. Go through the process, its healthy. When someone is sick or hurt, we feel for them and that means that we care and that we have compassion. However, remember that being sad isn’t going to help someone feel better, it isn’t going to benefit anyone. In fact being in a better state of mind will help you think better and come up with better options. You’ll feel better and you’ll be able to face challenges better.

Laughing makes us all look younger and healthier….. Think about people you admire, friends you like to be around, people you may want to emulate – they probably smile or laugh a fair amount, right? Do we like sad people? Do we want to be like an angry person? Who wants to be around someone who doesn’t laugh – or doesn’t make you laugh?

Laughter helps us connect with the child inside of all of us and we can connect with our true selves, connect with our creativity. Laughing at ourselves helps us take things in stride.

Here’s a ‘dumb TV show’ that I use to laugh no matter what (I’m not proud)

Bonus: Ted Talk about Laughter

Bonus-Bonus: Article from -Give Your Body a Boost — With Laughter

By R. Morgan Griffin

Feeling rundown? Try laughing more. Some researchers think laughter just might be the best medicine, helping you feel better and putting that spring back in your step.

“I believe that if people can get more laughter in their lives, they are a lot better off,” says Steve Wilson, MA, CSP, a psychologist and laugh therapist. “They might be healthier too.”

Yet researchers aren’t sure if it’s actually the act of laughing that makes people feel better. A good sense of humor, a positive attitude, and the support of friends and family might play a role, too.

“The definitive research into the potential health benefits of laughter just hasn’t been done yet,” says Robert R. Provine, professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County and author of Laughter: A Scientific Investigation.

Frey Freyday was actually born out of something I created called “Words To Live By”(WTLB).

Going forward, I will now not only share the quotes, as you may be used to receiving, but also a related (WTLB). In 1999, when we had our first daughter, I was contemplating how I would raise my new beautiful child, and I was thinking about how I can best educate her and my other children about values, morals, and other key thoughts about life. School offers education. Religion offers some values and morals. Parents offer most of it, sometimes intentionally,sometimes accidentally.

……So I created a (WTLB) book, like a dictionary, which lists things like honesty, love, persistence, etc. with a definition that I created, with my wife’s input. I then turned it into a workbook with one word per page and space below for notes. For years we would discuss with my two daughters and they would draw pictures and make notes in the blank space. I may share some of those images with you. As they got older, they were less inclined to draw and more open to quotes and references from adults, hence where Frey Freyday came from….

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