How to Deal with Disappointment

Good stuff from author Brendon Burchard

From: http://brendonburchard.tumblr.com/post/81790784579/how-to-deal-with-disappointment

 

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I’m always asked by people, Brendon, how do you deal with disappointment?

I always wonder why they’re asking that. I’m like; do they think I’m disappointed a lot? I mean, have I failed so much in my life so publicly that it’s obvious that I must be disappointed with something? Maybe they just see my face and they must say, when he looks in the mirror he must be quite disappointed in the morning. I never really know why they ask that, I think it’s kind of a funny thing.

I think disappointment, that it’s unfortunate that so many people actually even think about it or struggle with it at all. I think when you reach another level of, sort of, the conscious plane, that you start to realize, that all disappointment is make believe.

There is nothing to be disappointed about, that everything that turned out today is as it should be by the universes edict.

When you learn to allow and accept reality as it is today, based on where you are and what has happened, it’s not a bad thing, and there’s nothing wrong or negative to feel about it.

Some people, here’s how they want to deal with it though. They’re going to tell you all the time, I know how to handle your disappointments. You know what you need to do? You need to set lower expectations. Your expectations young woman are too high for yourself. So, when you don’t do well you should feel disappointed and naturally you would feel disappointed, because you need to lower your standards. I’m like what? No!

Everything that has made humanity great was setting high standards and having high visions for ourselves. There is nothing wrong with expecting a lot of ourselves.

You should expect a lot of yourselves. I expect a lot from you. I expect a lot from myself. If we didn’t expect a lot from ourselves, we would all be outside humping furniture somewhere. We would be in jail, all of us would be doing blow and being crazy all the time, but that’s not life.

There’s nothing respectful or intelligent about that at all. Yes, have high standards. Yes, have high ideals. Absolutely, have high visions and big dreams for yourself. Go for the gold, why not? There’s nothing wrong with that.

But understand that it’s not going to be perfect or ever have any sense of perfection along the way.

To know that it’s going to be a sloppy, big ugly mess. To anticipate the struggle. To anticipate the hardship. To anticipate the learning, allows you to decouple from the negative emotions associated with “disappointment”.

If I know whatever I’m going to put out there is not exactly perfectly, cool. If I know whatever I put out there is going to be part of my learning journey. I’m going to study it. I’m going to be attentive to it. I know it’s never going to be my best yet. Perfect doesn’t happen ever!

We can always be perfecting things, but we’ll never reach perfection.

Knowing that now, if you realize you’ll never reach perfection, than you should never feel disappointment. Makes sense right?

There’s nothing in me that says it has to be perfect. It says I’m going to do my best. I’m going to put it out there. I’m going to iterate. I’m going to innovate. I’m going to get better and better and better and better and better, and along that learning journey things will be good. And I’ll accept that, you know what, as I do them and do my best that the universe will reward me as it should.

I think disappointment is just something that’s self-invented in your own mind. I feel bad for myself. Well, you know, I bet you feel bad about yourself in a million different ways. So, does that have to win today? Does it have to stop your progress?

There are a million reasons to be pessimistic, upset, angry, frustrated or regretful about life. Do any of those five things serve you in any way at all? No!

To realize that disappointment is a disservice to yourself, that’s what it is. It has nothing to do with your progress in life. It has nothing to do. Can we be dissatisfied? Sure, but why?

I’m satisfied with the day. I’m satisfied with this video. This shirt is ugly as hell, I’m satisfied with it, here I am talking to you and everything is fine. Everything is working out just great.

You have to allow the universe to be what it is. You have to allow yourself to feel satisfaction. That’s called being present. If I can be satisfied in accepting of this moment I can be present in it.

If I’m dissatisfied all the time, wondering around dissatisfied, disappointed, disrupted and upset, what’s going to happen for me? What’s my life going to be like?

You have to look at these emotions and these things and ask if they’re in any way negative and if they’re in any way recurring, that your consciousness, your ability to direct your own will can say, you know what; I’m going to decide today not to let that win.

I’m going to decide today to stop pouring so much energy into this belief that these things are disappointing and instead, I’m going to focus on, what have I learned here.

I’m going to be excited about the learning.

I’m never disappointed because I’m too damn excited about the mastery being gained. Makes sense right?

How weird is that? People are like, aren’t you disappointed? With what? I’m learning a lot. Are you disappointed that launch didn’t turn out well or you didn’t sell a million copies on the first thing? I’m like no, I did my best. Let’s see how it goes. Let’s learn and get better next time.

Having a learning mindset prevents you from being disappointed.

So, what did you learn today?

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