Are you a victim? Can you improve with just a choice?

It is easier to see others’s faults, isn’t it?

Just the other day I saw someone that was letting himself feel like a victim. For a moment I sat and judged him and shook my head….but then I realized I too do similar things…we all do….

From everything that I understood, it was all in his head. He felt like a victim, his vocabulary was that of a victim, and his focus, and results supported it.

BUT….Then again, don’t we all let ourselves feel like a victim from time to time?

We all feel like the weather, the traffic, the boss, the lottery, something or someone is taking advantage of us or we’re the victim in some way from time to time, right? Even those people who are winners in life seem to have one or two things, even minor things, where we allow this to happen.

Many times we get mad, or sometimes depressed, about the situation we’re in …. we get caught in a loop and get caught with a victim mentality, at least about one subject or item. Many times we might have a hard time admitting our faults, our ego might get in the way, or we feel sorry for ourselves-we take pity upon ourselves.

….but just like that one guy the other night can change, you and I can go from being a victim to not being a victim anymore – by just making a choice.

  • We can choose to be in control, to take responsibility, to be accountable for our actions, and in one move, we’re no longer a victim. We can make a choice not to be the victim.

Often times when we’re in the victim mode, we feel out of control, maybe oppressed, and we feel negative emotions.

Feeling like a victim is also about how we interpret events, how we view our options, and whether or not we are proactive or reactive, whether we have a plan, attack life or let life attack us. In any part of life we can choose how something will affect us.

–Don’t get me wrong either – I am not making light of serious events – like someone that was a victim of a crime or a victim in a serious accident or affected by an illness. These can be formidable challenges.

The choice, the attitude, the action to go from victim to non-victim is almost the same as a serious injury or crime as it might be for an everyday type of situation. Look at how people might either rebound from a crime or accident while others languish and take years, if not decades, to recover from a very similar event.

Soldiers in war often have very similar injuries or experience the same trauma in a battle but some recover faster. Why? Many times it can be attributed to how they face the challenge, whether or not they believe it can be overcome, if they feel that it can make them stronger, whether or not they feel that they can learn from it. Maybe they feel that they survived because they have something to give back to the world. Maybe they’re grateful for the experience, the wisdom, or maybe just grateful for being alive.

Others might feel that they have a destiny, that they can share their experiences to help others. In a moment one person chose something different.

I once heard two men from the same battle in Vietnam speak. It is a fact that the battle was long, many died, many were injured, these two were some of the few that made it without a serious injury. The first man saw many around him killed, many others injured. He came away from it bitter; he felt humans were killers, he saw life as being a bloody fight, that he couldn’t trust many people, he saw others being victimized and felt like a victim. It was pretty clear that he had not moved on from that battle decades later. The other man also saw the same death and injuries. But instead of being bitter, he was so grateful for being alive, for having a second chance. He felt like he had a mission – to live life, to build a family, to contribute, to give back, to be happy with the time he had left, to remember those that passed, and to forgive and move on….it wasn’t easy for either certainly but the second made a choice to overcome it, it was a proactive thought with a vision. He admitted that he made mistakes and didn’t always knew the best way but he kept moving ahead and tried. The first man essentially was reactive, he let life happen to him and he felt helpless. He didn’t try to get better.

On a smaller level, regarding far less serious challenges we might all face – think of someone in your life, at work, at school….who is constantly challenged and victimized by things that you consistently just work through.

Good for you for working through these things. Are there any other things where you might feel like a victim?

You have the power and strength and grace to overcome. Many with less have overcome far worse.

Choose to overcome your situation now. Look at things in your life. Awareness is the first step.

Congrats on all the things you’ve overcome and getting where you are today….


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