Monthly Archives: July 2013

This is a very good blog….

This is a very good blog from author Noah St. John www.noahstjohn.com

Your life is a reflection of your thoughts – what I call the thought-seeds you plant and give energy to.

More precisely, your life is a reflection of the unconscious assumptions you make about life and your relationship to it.

For example, if you grew up in an environment where there wasn’t much money, you would probably assume that making money is hard, and that’s just the way it is.

And because you made this assumptionunconsciously, you probably wouldn’t even realize that you’re holding on to it in the first place.

If you could find a mechanism that could record the thought-seeds you’re planting on the inside and play them back to you on the outside, it might sound something like this…

  • Why am I so broke?
  • Why don’t I have enough money?
  • How come I’m not more successful?
  • How come I can never get ahead?
  • Why do other people have so much more money than I do?

Well, a mechanism does exist that records and reflects your subconscious thought-seeds.

That mechanism is called your life!

So here you are, unknowingly asking yourself these negative questions, which lead to disempowering assumptions, which lead to you not believing you can reach your goals.

What do you think the answers would be to the negative questions in the example I just gave you?

The answers would be things showing up in your life that reflect the disempowering questions you’ve been unconsciously asking.

For example, if you’ve been unknowingly asking, Why am I so unhappy?…

The answers will show up as you being unhappy, no matter how many good things happen to you.

If you’ve been unconsciously asking, Why don’t I have enough money?…

The answers will show up as your lack of money, no matter how hard or how long you work.

And if you’ve been unwittingly asking, Why can’t I lose weight?…

The answer will show up as your not being able to lose weight, no matter how many diet and exercise programs you try.

I call these dassumptions—a portmanteau of disempowering and assumptions.

When you carry around these dassumptions,your life becomes a reflection of them.

That’s why all of the goal-setting in the world won’t work when this is the case—because you simply don’t believe that you can reach your goals in the first place.

Take Action Challenge:

Stop assuming you can’t. Start assuming you can.

Books to Read, FYI

Here are some good, interesting books, non-fiction, in no order

The End of the Suburbs – how for the first time since the 1950’s, there is a trend for Americans to be moving from the suburbs to the city.

Switch – Psychologists have discovered that our minds are ruled by two different systems—the rational mind and the emotional mind—that compete for control.

Power of Habit -Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business

Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us

Flip: How to Turn Everything You Know on Its Head–and Succeed Beyond Your Wildest Imaginings

The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success: A Practical Guide to the Fulfillment of Your Dreams

How to Blame People

This is a good article and video….we all know people that blame others, right? But sometimes there are situations where others do impact our lives and while we are responsible for our own lives, they deserve some blame….but what is the right way to handle that? Here is one perspective….Jim

Do you know somebody who suffers from excessive blaming of others? Of course you do. The person gets a list of resentments about things that were done to them… and then that list tends to grow out of control.

Here’s the thing. When you blame and resent people for the past, you’re giving them responsibility over important parts of your life. Now they’re responsible, not you. You give them that responsibility, even though they may have screwed up! Doesn’t make sense, right?

On the other hand, some people in our lives – colleagues, friends, parents, family members – DID play an important part in our life story, right? They did have an effect on us, and in some cases they did hurt us.

So how do you deal with that disparity? In this video, Tony will show you a strategy called “Conscious Blaming.” This strategy gives you a win-win: you get to blame others for things that happened to you BUT in a way that won’t hurt you. Mieke was able to unlock and release a whole set of resentments and self-limitations, and live an expanded life.

Here’s the video. Feel free to share it with a friend!

NOTICE: Next week we will be opening Robbins-Madanes Training for enrollment, where you’ll learn how to use the same skills you see Tony using to create accelerated, profound change in yourself and others. We will be offering a set of live trainings as well – keep your eyes on your email for details.

Warmly,

Mark Peysha
CEO and Cofounder
Robbins-Madanes Training

2013 RobbinsMadanesTraining.com

Simple Stuff – Mistakes

(Simple Stuff  is simply a bunch of inspirational, motivational and other quotes meant to make you think, reflect, smile, even laugh a bit. Hopefully helpful, useful stuff….)

What if every shortcoming, slip, or bobble you noticed in another person was choreographed by divine intelligence to be delivered at exactly the right time, as a cleverly veiled invitation for you to wonder, ask, and think about how you might increase your own awesomeness? – Yeah, that’s how I roll – The Universe (www.tut.com)

Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them. – Bruce Lee

There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting. -Buddha

If you’re not making mistakes, then you’re not doing anything. I’m positive that a doer makes mistakes. -John Wooden

Mistakes are the portals of discovery. – James Joyce

Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts. -Jim Morrison

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‘Did you sleep good?’ I said ‘No, I made a few mistakes.’ -Steven Wright

http://www.onewebstrategy.com

Change anybody… by finding their strengths

This is a video from Tony Robbins….

Change anybody… by finding their strengths

Have you noticed that when Tony helps someone – the person often starts off tense, frustrated, and scared… and ends up radiant and strong? He’s using the strategy of locating and harnessing the person’s strengths.
We all have certain things we do that we do well, and that come naturally to us. Statistically speaking, you’re neurologically wired to do certain things better than 90% of the population. Some people are natural learners. Others are motivators. Others are organizers. Whatever your strength is, you can do that better than anyone else you know.
When you embrace and harness your strength, everything changes, because your strength starts taking its proper place in the world – where it can shine. Here’s a video where Tony helped a brilliant and likeable young man named Rechaud to overcome a lifelong weakness and to plunge headlong into his strengths. You must see this today. 

See Tony helping Rechaud (7 minutes)

My Story, Chapter 9

(This is a quick overview “MY STORY” of my life, mostly to highlight the victories, challenges, and roller coasters we all ride in life. I offer some lessons that I learned at some points, and hopefully my perspective and experiences can help at least one person. Plus, some of you have just simply asked to learn more about me…)

I confess that I’ve been struggling with offering you deeper, better blog posts lately. I feel like I may have phoned some in or been a little more superficial. I have been dealing with a relative in distress and I am considering a big change in my life now also. I wish to return to telling you better, deeper, more meaningful things….

In the last chapter, I was going to start telling you about how I was hired to a large bank for the first time and how well things went for some time……had I not had the previous denials, challenges and even failures, I would not have had this new job at the bank. Those doors that were closed may or may not have been good for me, we will never know, but certainly when I started this new job at the bank, I was very happy to be there……

Here I was, a guy that had been in the kitchen industry, with some experience in federal intelligence analysis and also the datacom business, was now a lender and banker. I loved it. They needed someone with good communications to come in and make things better internally while reaching out externally.

I would go from branch to branch talking to other colleagues and educating them on my programs. Then I’d either get referrals internally, or I would generate deals myself. There was such a variety, which I loved. One day I was working with a pediatrician, then a manufacturer of septic tanks, then a high tech firm, then a franchise, then a convenience store, etc. etc. I kept doing well and they gave me an additional territory. I would travel to that area, out of state, once a month. I loved it!

Soon I started earning lots more money. Life was good. I was able to send my daughters to a great private school. That school not only offered good stuff for them, my wife and I made great, great friends there. I continued to do well and decided to pursue my life long dream of real estate investing.

So, after asking a client of mine, who had done well in real estate, I took a real estate investment course, per his suggestion. I learned a lot. It was good. Like any other business or thing in life, I learned that having a system of some sort is important.

Whether you are marketing, selling, operating a franchise, flying a plane, perfecting a sport, or investing in real estate, you need to watch and learn what others do, copy it, and make a system – then follow it!

So I learned a system, got all the spreadsheets, etc. etc. I went on a search for my first property. First, I had ‘paralysis of analysis’. I would overanalyze a property and just never do it. FInally I came across two properties.

You see, at that time I had excellent credit. I was making lots of money. Our expenses were pretty low, and the banks were lending money like crazy. Everyone was buying investment properties. It was a crazy time and we all wanted to get into it…….so I came across these two properties. There was potential and I was very excited. I could already see the profit after I flipped them and I even started to spend it one a guy’s weekend with friends.

You see, I let the hysteria and my emotions get the best of me. I abandoned the system, the education, the real estate investment course. I just went ahead and invested without much if any analysis. First Mistake. I figured that I had enough money if things didn’t work out exactly as planned, and the economy was going great, how could I lose?

One property was located on a long street in a good, middle class area where I grew up. I knew the area well. Within two blocks there was only one other house for sale, and it had foundation issues. Yet houses elsewhere in the neighborhood were selling like crazy. So I decided that I wanted to do all of the work and remodeling myself. Second Mistake. While I enjoyed it and learned much, doing it myself was not part of the system. It also took much longer to do. Had I hired professionals, I could have flipped the house in about 1 month. Instead it took me over two months to do it all.

When I finished the remodeling and put the home up for sale, many, many houses on the street were for sale. Everyone was trying to cash in on the timing. THen the real estate market began to change and fell. My home sat vacant for 15 months. I sold it for a loss. Too big of a loss. It hurt.

The other home was going to be a rental. Again an area I knew, but I didn’t analyze the home well at all. I found some tenants but didn’t use a property manager because I wanted to save money. She was a medical professional, he was a craftsman, so I thought they’d be good tenants. They were not. Finally after over a year, I was able to get them out of the house (because I was too soft on them) they owed me thousands of dollars in rent.

They had changed the locks so I had to get the locks replaced. When I finally got in the house I found all the carpet ruined, they stopped paying the gas bill so the heat was off and pipes were frozen, the basement was trashed, the bathtub had leaked many times into the kitchen below, and all sorts of repairs were needed. Unrelated, the siding was an old wooden siding that had been painted many times and was now falling off. Neighbors had been complaining and the borough wrote me a nasty letter, and I couldn’t blame them.

So I had to get new siding, $2000 worth of new pipes, $2000 in carpet, ceiling repairs, toilet and shower repairs, and paint the whole inside. What a mess, time and money lost.

I finally finished that and had lost months of rent. I noticed that my wife had been asking to move over more and more funds each month for bills. Frankly, we didn’t talk about bills much at all then.

Finally I sat down and asked her what or why she needed the money. She had run up a few very large credit card bills. I was surprised because I had been earning a lot then too. But we both got into a lifestyle and we were expecting more to come. At first I got very mad at her until I realized that I had run up almost the same amount on my credit cards for the investment properties. I was trying to rationalize that it was an investment, but really they were big losses for us. (Later we set up a way to communicate about bills and finances. We still communicate that way years later – and I recommend it. We never knew what the other was doing, and we didn’t discuss savings or expenses. Now we do. You must do this in a relationship!)

We had dug ourselves into a big hole even though I was earning big bucks.

I set out to find a property manager. I did and she found good tenants. I got paid on time.

Meanwhile I got another job offer – with a signing bonus! It was great. I moved to another bank and started working. I got to work from home! Even better. Things started well.

Suddenly they changed their credit underwriting due to the housing changes and economy. Things weren’t so easy anymore. When I moved banks, the other bank refused to provide me with my quarterly bonus. We were expecting that extra money, a lot of it, to come our way. It did not.

Then about a year into the relationship, my property manager stopped sending rental checks. It took me a while but finally after many calls, she responded and apologized. She promised to send out checks for the past due rent (she had been collecting from the tenant) ASAP. She never did and I never heard from her again. I had called, texted, faxed, emailed, and tried to contact her many ways. I got an attorney. To this day I still don’t know why she stopped sending checks and didn’t call back.

I found another property manager and things went better.

But, my employer, the new bank, had been playing big in the sub-prime mortgage arena in a different division. Me and my group had nothing to do with it, but the bank’s other group had made big bets – these bets were now being called and there were big losses.

Underwriting got tougher. This meant less deals approved, this meant less income for me. It was frustrating because I had a great set of referral sources, I worked hard, and I really tried. But the bank was restricting what I could do.

This was an important lesson – that others can limit you if you let them, or let you feel limited….because I couldn’t get deals approved I took it personally – but it wasn’t my shortcoming, it was a change in the bank’s policy. I began to feel bad about myself and I became really hard on myself. We now had a poor debt to income ratio, we were personally leveraged and maxed out on credit cards, and I had to work hard to just keep our heads above water. I was hard on myself because income and sales were falling – but it wasn’t my fault -the bank was pulling back.

I started asking poor questions and started talking to myself in a way that was not helpful or productive. I often would ask things like, “What else can go wrong?” and “Can things get worse?” I actually often said them jokingly – but I said them often and found myself pondering the questions. I believe now, looking back, that this repetitious nature of poor and disempowering questions later caused things to get worse. The bad economy and recession wasn’t my fault, but my attitude, position and situation was my fault. I made poor choices then too.

……then the big events started to happen in 2008 – Lehman Brothers failed, AIG was in trouble, and the whole Bailout discussions started……and guess what, things did get worse for me…….

(to be continued)

The meaning you assign…..

We all have times or days when something happens and ‘boom’ we’re in a funk, in a bad mood, or in some way we feel like we lost ground, got hurt, was betrayed, etc. etc. etc…..right?

Maybe your sister got asked to go to your favorite concert and you didn’t …. on your birthday!

Maybe you didn’t get that job offer….

Maybe you have someone in your life sending you negativity – maybe even hate — your way.

All that can, and often does, make us feel bad. (Do you ever think about that saying “Feel Bad”?)

We feel bad because we assign certain meaning to it. In many ways we CHOOSE to let an event mean something to us, then we feel a certain way, according to how we’ve grown up, been conditiioned to do so.

Here’s an example:

A relative of mine had a big problem with another relative of mine and me. So, to “Show Us” that relative moved away, didn’t talk or communicate with us for 20 years. We tried to reach out to her a few times but eventually we went about our lives and enjoyed life. We didn’t know any better.

Recently I found out that this person who went away, did so to “punish us” and make us feel bad about something she thought we did (we didn’t). So for 20 years, she was sending us negative waves, so to speak, and intended for us to ‘feel bad’. However she didn’t communicate well enough, because we didn’t know that.

So for 20 years, we felt good, we didn’t know that she wanted us to feel bad. Had we known otherwise, we probably would have felt pretty bad, right?

But look at our daily lives and those few examples I gave at the start. We assign “bad feelings” to all or most of those. If we get rejected, we automatically tell our selves that is “Bad” and we should feel that way.

But what if we interpret it differently. What if we hold judgement until later? Did you ever have something happen that seemed ‘bad’ but turned out to be a great thing? Me too.

What if you said, “Whoa, I didn’t think that would happen, but let’s see how it plays out…”

For instance, you really want a job. Your friend thinks you’d be great for the job. You get a connection and you get a referral into an interview. All looks great. Then you get rejected. You’d probably feel “Bad”.

But what if, in time, that company was found out to be tied to another company doing unethical and illegal things. What if that company you wanted to work for shut down totally, all people lost their jobs and you would have lost your job?
That happened to me. I interviewed and interviewed for a cool job. I wanted it bad. I got rejected. I made myself feel so bad that I had to take off work from my real job for a day to recover. Then that  company closed it’s doors after it was linked to several accounting and ethics scandals. Everyone lost their job. I was glad that I wasn’t apart of it.

Missing a concert on your birthday? That could hurt, sure but what if you thought about it differently? What if you asked different questions? Assign different meaning?

…..maybe there are times that you can’t feel super happy, I understand. Maybe you won’t be jumping for joy but I bet that there are ways that you can find a different more empowering meaning. Try it, even just as an experiment.

Think about Victor Frankl’s book “Man’s Search For Meaning” – if you haven’t read it, please do.

I heard someone the other day say that not getting her child into a dance studio was ‘horrific’. I know this person well enough and luckily we have mutual respect that I was able to speak frankly. I pointed out that while it could be disappointing, using the word “horrific’ probably is just making it worse, plus it isn’t teaching your child the best things, in fact it is probably something worse that an alternative life lesson. I cited Frankl’s book and asked if he would think this situation was horrific. Luckily she recognized my point and found some humor in it and lightened up a bit. (I rarely speak up like this and I don’t pretend to know everything)

We all do it, just look for ways to make those “bad” moments better.

Avoid labeling things as good or bad. They’re just events. See what happens.

Avoid assigning meaning. Or if you must., assign something good “OK I got rejected from this one, I’m expecting something better to come along so the Universe/God/whatever is making me wait until that’s ready….” or something like that?

Thanks, take care….

http://www.onewebstrategy.com

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