(This is one of a part of a series of WORDS TO LIVE BY. This series grew out of a workbook I first made for my young daughters and discussed at the dinner table. These Words include values, good ideas, and Words to aspire to….and learn from….enjoy!)
Earlier last year, about 12-14 months ago, I noticed that I was focusing on, and generally talking to myself (self-talk) in a less than empowering way. You know, I was asking poor questions – “what’s wrong with me?” “Why can’t I do that?” etc. Or I would say “He makes me mad” “that bothers me” , “that’s just a bad situation”.
Many wise people, coaches, etc. encourage us all to improve our questions and we’ll improve our perspective. So, for the past couple of months, I have been really trying to focus on my self-talk, my focus, my thoughts, my feelings, etc. Trying to be good in all respects – not ask, think of, focus on what isn’t working.
I also asked a friend and former coach, who I respect, etc. I used to work with him (he was my coach). I still visit his website.
One of the great things that I learned from him, and I still refer to is Dave’s WWG…..
It stands for:
What do you Want?
What is Working for you?
What are you Grateful for?
Simple thoughts that have really helped me.
Furthermore, I personally asked Dave for his thoughts. You see, my whole family is compassionate and wanting to help. A good thing. But sometimes our thoughts about it are NOT empowering.
Here’s what I mean….my late mother, my sisters and I still say “I feel bad for”…. people and animals. In other words, when we see an animal struggling, we might say; “I feel bad for that puppy”, or if there is a child struggling or a friend facing a challenge, we’ll say, ” I feel bad for him.”
Like I said, I am looking at all words, however seemingly small. When we say “I feel bad” we are essentially programming or telling ourselves to ‘feel bad’. Sure, it is nice that we have compassion and care for another person or animal, that’s all good, but when we say “I feel bad for…” we’re not helping that person/animal and we’re encouraging ourself to ‘feel bad. So I asked my friend Dave about it.
Maybe you don’t say “I feel bad for….” like we do. But I bet that you say or ask something else that is not empowering to yourself? Think about it. What things do you say or ask yourself that could be improved or changed?
Here are Dave’s thoughts, paraphrased. I thought they were meaningful and helpful enough to share with you.
I suggest taking words like bad, good, negative, positive out of your self talk by simply stating what it is without labeling it. For example: you may feel emotional inside where your energy is low in a situation, ask yourself if that feeling is serving you and if it is, ok…if not, choose to change to another feeling state by using WWG.
In your example when you say “I feel bad”, you can change it to “I have empathy/compassion for that person/animal” and if you want to do something for the person/animal then do, maybe sending them love or supporting them in some way, (or say a prayer?).
When you simply feel “bad” for something is that really doing anything for you or them? Yet If you have empathy/compassion and want to do something (even if it’s sending love or compassion from your heart) that offers something for that person/animal to help Empower them to move forward…use your feelings to help in some way instead of simply feeling “bad” which usually ties to guilt and is a mind and time waster.
Hope that helps you out 🙂 – From Dave Blomsterberg –
Also, suggestion for the book: “Untethered Soul” by Michael Singer
It’s amazing how he looks at our thoughts simply being a thought and not tied to us and how to be an observer of our thoughts in order for our ego’s to stay out if our way…a must read! You can also go into Oprah’s OWN network on line to see if you can find episode where she interviewed Michael for some more insight from him.