Monthly Archives: May 2012

WORDS TO LIVE BY: Acceptance

I wanted to start sharing some experiences and thoughts that I think many or all of us had – I have started sharing them with friends and people I meet in person and they seem to resonate. Most of us know or already understand this but we all need reminded. I am going to call this ‘series’ WORDS TO LIVE BY.

WORDS TO LIVE BY is actually a workbook I created for my daughters many years ago. I went into the dictionary and elsewhere and picked out words that I wanted them to know such as honesty, persistence, happiness, etc. etc. Each page has a word, a definition that my wife and I tweaked, and space below where they took notes and drew pictures. We often sat around the dining room table and did a word a week or so. We have gotten away from that and this reminds me to get back to it. What I found was that it was just as helpful to me, if not more, as it was for them.

Today’s (and the first) Word to Live By is Acceptance.

I was talking with a friend struggling with a situation and frankly he was fighting it. He’s in a jamb and it seemes like there are limited options. It reminded me of vivid memories of a time that I left a ‘safe’ job and started working for a small business. The owner brought me in and was excited by my addition and the new potential. Essentially I was to be a junior partner of sorts. Lots of expectations and things were said at the begining. We were all excited and started working hard.

(WATCH THE VIDEO HERE TOO http://youtu.be/oo_-4NDPync)

Then things changed. Those promises that were made suddenly were changed or simply left unfulfilled. The atmosphere became hostile and contentious. Payments weren’t made on time, he changed some of the rules. He was not the person I thought he was. I was not in a strong position in many ways and I had very little leverage. I felt personally hurt, I was angry, I felt victimized.

I had to continue to work for him because I needed the money for my family and I. I began sending out resumes and networking for Plan B. I spent most or all of my time thinking about either how he wronged me and what if I lost the job, how would I pay for my mortgage, what was the safest job that I could take so that I could provide for my family and avoid financial ruin. Yet I didn’t want to get into some other bad job. I often felt sick. My head and thoughts were constantly either worrying or trying to solve the problem. I was in the past or future, never the present. My heart and emotions were all negative. I was so tense and stressed. It was one of the worst times in my life. I was embarrassed.

Then one day I simply said that was enough. I was missing the present moments with my wife and daughters. I was making me sick. I simply had toaccept where I was and the situation that I was in. Right away I felt a little better. I didn’t solve my problems overnight but I was able to accept my situation and then many of the bad emotions left. Even the contentiousness between us went away to a large degree. I didn’t give up and I didn’t surrender, I accepted the situation, took responsibility for it, took action and moved ahead. Things did improve. I became less picky and concerned about the future. The opportunity that came to me was something I did not nor probably could not have ever considered. It was a surprise. It felt like the opportunity actually ‘started’ or came about around the same time I ‘accepted’ things. Overall I’m not a big “acceptance kind of guy”. I rarely talk about it. But it did help and is necessary. I was swimming against the current and just kept draining my energy and spirit. Acceptance took me with the current so I could finally get moving.

Deepak Chopra talked about Acceptance in his book “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success.” He says that Acceptance is a key item – necessary for what he calls the “Law of Least Effort”. Acceptance, to Chopra, means simply that you make a commitment “today I will accept people, situations, circumstances, and events as they occur.” Furthermore he says the we should know that “this moment is as it should be” and that it is a culmination of all the experiences and moments you had in the past. This moment is as it is because the entire universe is as it is. When you struggle against this moment, you’re actually struggling against the entire universe. Instead, you can make the decision that today you will not struggle against the whole universe by struggling against this moment. It is ok for you to wish or want things to be different in the future but you must first accept things as they are now.

Furthermore Chopra says, which I found to be a great reminder, when you feel frustrated or upset by a person or situation, remember that you are not reacting to the person or the situation, but to your feelings about the person or situation. These are YOUR feelings, and your feelings are not someone else’s fault.

I’ll leave you with a quote from a recent Mike Dooley tut.com post:

In a slightly different world, if dogs believed in “soul mates” when it came to choosing their owners… can you imagine how lonesome most would be?

Oh, there’s definitely room for “picky,” but there’s also room for “surprise me.”

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Quick Quote

“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours. ”

 -Dr. Wayne Dyer (born 1940); author, speaker

 

 

Share yours….

Why Women Have More Trouble With iPhones

A video Why Women Have More Trouble With iPhones

http://video.cnbc.com/gallery/?video=3000093107

 

From CNBC

What Memorial Day means to me.

Hello all. I appreciate some of the comments, regardless what you think about my stuff. Feedback is good.

Memorial Day…we rememember those who fought for us and took care of us.

Those on the battle field, on the seas, in the air, giving their lives.

Those in the kitchen and behind the desks or on the shovels and hammers, giving their hearts.

This weekend I’ve been so lucky to be at a few good friends’ houses and just to be there as myself. I golfed with a great buddy. We met new friends. Friends mean so much and I’m very grateful for our friends. I’ve had some challenges recently with work and been preoccupied but my encounters with my friends this weekend have reminded me what it is to let go, have faith, enjoy life. Some of them inspired me to do things on my own and do my own thing. They all reminded me how nice it is to be giving and hospitable.

I am so lucky and grateful for all of my close friends and the new ones.

I think without some of the friends and without their hospitality this weekend I think I might have had a tough weekend. I was able to relax, have fun, have a few drinks and enjoy things, thanks

Thanks to those new ‘friends’ reading this, maybe we can be friends someday.

Let’s remember all those loved ones in our lives that made it possible. Thanks

1000 Awesome Things

Here is a great TED TALK that I wanted to pass along!

1000 Awesome Things

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/neil_pasricha_the_3_a_s_of_awesome.html

TED Talks Neil Pasricha’s blog 1000 Awesome Things savors life’s simple pleasures, from free refills to clean sheets. In this heartfelt talk from TEDxToronto, he reveals the 3 secrets (all starting with A) to leading a life that’s truly awesome.

The Bright Spots Strategy, Tony Robbins, Stuttering no more!

This is a Tony Robbins video and commentary from  Robbins-Madanes

I just think the commentary, at least, is some really good ‘stuff’ that many of us can use? What do you think?

Click here to go to their site and the video

THE BELOW IS FROM Robbins-Madanes Training’s Website

STEP 1: WHAT IS ALREADY PERFECT?


When you’re looking to help someone, it’s important to keep an eye out for moments where the person you’re trying to help… is already perfect. Most of the time, Rechaud’s stutter was paralyzing. He could get stuck in the middle of a sentence and stay stuck for 15-20 seconds. Terrible! But when Tony informed Rechaud that he was not doing to eliminate his stuttering, Rechaud responded “Yeah, sign me up for that right now.” And he said it perfectly. What does this mean? It means that even though Rechaud has been a lifelong stutterer, there are times where he speaks perfectly, with fluency, with expression, and with humor. There are moments in his speech where everything is perfect, and nothing needs to be improved. Rechaud didn’t notice it, but Tony did. We call these moments of perfection “Bright Spots” (thanks to authors Chip and Dan Heath for this great term from their book Switch). Bright Spots are happening all of the time, sometimes for just a few seconds, but we tend to overlook them. Is there a part of your life, a skill set, a habit, a belief, a relationship, where you know it’s going to work? You don’t have to worry or second-guess. Where you have faith, where you know that when you need it to happen, it will be there? That’s a bright spot, an outstanding result, a moment or a place or situation where you’re seeing the perfect result taking place, even if it’s very small or short-lived.

STEP 2: WHERE ARE YOUR BRIGHT SPOTS?


We tend to overlook Bright Spots, take them for granted, and focus more on our difficulties and problems, when we should be doing the opposite. You have to find your Bright Spots! Why? Because when something is working well, when in some area of your life you’re getting a perfect result, you’ll find you’re doing something special there, something that’s really working well. When you find something that’s working very well, what do you do? Do MORE of it! Do more of what works, get more of the result you want.

When Rechaud was saying “Yeah, sign me up for that right now,” he was in a Bright Spot: optimistic, congruent, connected, looking forward… and not stuttering at all. If he spoke like this all of the time, would he be paralyzed by stuttering? Nope. He’d be free. At that moment, Tony saw the Bright Spot. He saw that despite his lifelong limitation, whatever its causes might be, whatever his neurological situation etc., Rechaud’s speech impediment was ALSO a behavioral pattern. When Rechaud gets outside of that behavioral pattern, he can speak perfectly. The objective now: to get Rechaud outside of his pattern.

By the way, what are your Bright Spots? What are the things that come naturally to you? What are the areas of your life where you’re getting great results? Are there moments that you’re take for granted where you actually experiencing substantial confidence? What would happen if you doubled the bright spots in your life? Tripled them?

STEP 3: FIND THE KEY DECISION

Rechaud introduced himself by saying he had stuttered “as long as I can remember.” What have you done ever since you can remember? What are your limiting patterns? We all have them. Some limiting patterns are “sometimes” patterns (e.g. “Sometimes I wake up cranky”). Some of them are rare: (e.g. “I never get mad, except when…”) Some patterns are so prevalent in our lives, we feel they never go away (“I’m just not a very loveable person”).

So how did those patterns get there? Past decisions. Makes sense, right? Our lives are the products of our decisions. Now, among all of the thousands of decisions we make every week, there are some decisions which are much more powerful. We call these Key Decisions. Key decisions are the decisions we make which have a global, pervasive impact in our lives because they influence all of our future decisions. For instance: imagine a little eight year old girl who decides, one day, that people are not to be trusted. Will that affect all of her future decisions? All of her future relationships? Of course: a Key Decision like that will affect every single human relationship in her life from that point on. In fact, if she should ever find herself wanting to trust someone, what’s going to be the biggest barrier to trusting? The key decision she made as an eight year old. That’s a Key Decision. If you have a limiting pattern, you can bet there was a Key Decision that installed it in your life. Find the Key Decision, you can change that resulting pattern forever.

Tony guessed that if Rechaud has stuttered since childhood, odds are that his pattern originated with a Key Decision. Tony asked Rechaud for his earliest memory. Rechaud remembered being two years old and watching Rocky and Bullwinkle while his parents were arguing. He was worried that his father would beat his mother. Remembering this, Rechaud recognized his reason for stuttering: to distract his parents from their troubles.

STEP 4: UPDATE YOUR REASONS

If you want to be effective in any area of your life, you need to update your reasons for doing what you do. The reasons you did something in your teen years is going be different than your reasons for doing what you do in your thirties, right? We evolve.

We do the same with our key decisions. Many of your key decisions are based on the past: old decisions, old reasons, having to do with situations that no longer exist. Did you make a key decision about yourself, or about others, or about the world… as a child? Guess what? That child doesn’t exist anymore. So if you want to live NOW, you need to update your reasons.

Rechaud already had his reasons: to reclaim his career for the sake of his family. Now that he understood his key decision, it was time to break out of that pattern and create a new pattern for his speech and his life. He needed to get out of that pattern created for a reason that no longer exist, and create a new pattern based on what he needed now.

STEP 5: ACCESS YOUR POWER

Behind your limiting pattern, there is YOU. You are a force of nature. You have the power to break out of any pattern or sticking point and move forward boldly towards the future you deserve. To get past your limiting pattern, access the power and fullness of you.

Tony guided Rechaud through a Strategic Archetype Process (taught in our training) of accessing his Warrior, the archetypal part of himself that is not afraid to do combat with his own limitations, the part of himself that insists on self-expression, freedom, and victory, and is not afraid to exert himself to do so. Tony asked Rechaud to make the sound of the warrior, and for Rechaud, the sound of the warrior was a primal scream. For everyone it is different. For some the sound of the warrior is the word “love.” For some it is a song. What does your Warrior sound like?

STEP 6: BREAK THROUGH!


Rechaud found a way to break through his stuttering pattern, and as you see, confronted his biggest fear (and the biggest fear of 90% of the human race), which is public speaking. Did you see just a little change in Rechaud’s ability to articulate and express himself? Do you think he might have gotten past his limiting pattern? :-)

Now: is Rechaud “permanently cured?” Will he never have challenges? Will he nevermore experience moments of blockage or stuttering? Of course not. He will have challenges, as all of us will. When you earn progress, you have to continue to earn it. Everybody trips, everybody has vulnerabilities, everybody has bad days now and then. The point is: this is no longer a pattern that limits Rechaud, pushing him down, and controlling the story of his life. Rechaud now knows that stuttering is not “him.” It is a pattern that used to have a function in his life, that he has outgrown, and that he now how to circumvent in order to pursue his life goals.

How about you? Is there a pattern that has dominated your life? How could you break out of it and experience life on the other side… just like Rechaud? Let us know and leave a comment below!

Warmly,

Mark Peysha
CEO & CoFounder
Robbins-Madanes Training

Lifestyle Design, Life’s Choices, Goals….

I’m on a list from earlytorise.com and I often like their postings/messages. Good stuff from Early to Rise’s Craig Ballantyne !!

This is an example right from Early To Rise’s email – a great message and one that at least I identify with, I hope it helps you too. The bottom of the message is from another contributor and website called JasonLeister.com

FROM earlytorise.com  – May 17, 2012……….

“Get Started Early

I was lucky. Early in my teenage years I knew what I wanted my life to look like, and I went about designing it from that day. If you didn’t get started early on lifestyle design, the best you can do is start now. Today, Jason Leister shows you how.

Craig Ballantyne

You can’t change your genetics, but you can change your attitude, your persistence, your environment, the people you listen to and hang around with, and the things you do. You can change, so if you want to, just get started.

 


Lifestyle Design With Six Kids

By Jason Leister
When I first read Tim Ferriss’ book, The 4-Hour Workweek, I was pretty sucked in. Who wouldn’t want to work for only 4 hours a week?

As it turns out, I wouldn’t.

I derive a lot of meaning and pleasure from working hard. For me, creating something and sharing it with others makes me feel good. It is what I like to do.

But that’s just me. And that’s the point.

Designing your life means designing your life. Comments, questions and criticisms from others, while helpful, are largely irrelevant. The only thing that matters is how you want your life to go.

First, Step Inside Your Own Faraday Cage

In 1836, an English scientist, Michael Faraday, designed a unique device able to shield its contents from electromagnetic radiation. The device was aptly named, a Faraday Cage. Objects inside the cage were effectively cut-off from outside energetic interference, which proved very helpful in certain experiments.

If designing your life is an important priority for you, then the first step is to make sure that your goals, priorities and ideals for that life are in fact yours.

I started out life playing defense. That means I spent most of my time living up to other’s expectations of me.

Living like that doesn’t leave a lot of room for “lifestyle design” because frankly, you outsource that function to someone else… to everyone else actually.

Given my history, one of my (many) weaknesses is that I sometimes fall back into “dealing with what life dishes me” instead of actively creating my future.

This is irresponsible.

I know that sounds weak, but it’s the truth. I reveal things like this in public forums because it provides instant accountability for me. By telling a few hundred thousand people, I’m inspired to become a better version of myself.

Weird, but it works for me.

If you’re going to go to the trouble of designing your life the way you want it, then make sure you are clear about what you actually want.

This means cutting yourself off from the influence of what others might think about your decisions.

You have squash your need to “keep up with the Joneses” or anyone else, for that matter.

Why?

Well, the biggest reason is that there’s a good chance…

The Joneses Are Idiots

The average person just isn’t interested in living life at the level of excellence you probably are. So to look to them for anything (except for a good reminder of what not to do) is not helpful.

And so we go in search of people who do exhibit various levels of mastery in their lives. And that’s when things can get even worse.

It’s easy to look around at the lives of others and just accept that what they want for their life has anything to do with what you should want for yours.

It’s easy to be enamored by someone’s dedication to an ideal and think that you should exhibit that kind of dedication.

It’s easy to be impressed by the material wealth of someone and think you should have that too.

This is living life from the outside in, if you ask me. And I think that is a mistake.

How to Stand as a Giant Among Men

I’m of the firm belief that the only really responsible way to live life is to have the guts to live it exactly as you want.

Don’t want to make a million dollars? That’s your choice.

Don’t want to work 80 hours a week to be “successful?” Again, it’s up to you.

Want to wake up and spend 6 hours a day playing with your children while they’re young enough to still want to be seen with you? Go ahead.

To the average person, living your life with such blatant “disregard” for others might be interpreted as an extreme example of selfishness.

But to the average person, talking about the weather and what they had for dinner last night is interesting.

To me, having the guts and the clarity to live life as you see fit makes you a giant among men… or among women as the case may be.

The point is that your unique value as a human being deserves a unique expression in the world. And to do that, you need to live with a blatant disregard for the thoughts and opinions of others if you’re going to be a good steward of your gifts.

Are There Limits to This Lifestyle Design Thing?

As I sit here writing this, my five children (with a sixth expected any day) are milling around my house. One just woke up, another is pushing a stroller, and still another is outside watching the guy pulling weeds on our property.

This is how I want to live my life. I sit here and think, write and sell things. As the years go by, my vision for exactly how that’s supposed to look for me improves. My clarity improves. My focus improves too.

On certain days, the fact that some people think I’m nuts gets to me. But on my best days, I simply don’t care.

The hardest thing about “lifestyle design” isn’t actually the doing of it. It’s the pre-work that comes before the doing that can be challenging.

To get the right design for you, you have to be honest with yourself and respect yourself. What you want is valid. Period.

Understand that your decisions are your decisions.

Understand that your path is your path.

And know that your purpose is to spend your days walking that path as you see fit, no matter where it takes you.

That, to me, is a life well lived.

[Ed. Note: Jason Leister is an internet entrepreneur, direct response copywriter and editor of “The Client Letter,“ the daily e-letter from ClientsSuck.net, where he helps independent professionals create success. You can contact him via his website at JasonLeister.com.]

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